How do you handle the shame/embarrassment?

cmurray234

So maybe I'm alone in this, I don't really know. For years and years I've been bogged down with the humiliation and embarrassment of being overweight. Of not having clothes fit properly, of not looking the right way, of the bullying that accompanies being fat when you're a teenager.

But this is the first time that it hit me...how in the world did I eat so much that I ballooned up to 260 pounds? How many calories must I have consumed in a day for it to get that bad? 1500 calories a day is PLENTY of food. I eat delicious things and I'm not hungry.

I'm not one to be depressed, but this is really getting to me. I'm so ashamed and humiliated and I've spent a couple of days feeling terrible.

So if you've ever felt this way, what did you do to shake the feeling of inadequacy? The last thing I want is my own pessimism ruining what I have going here.

For the record, I've lost 34 pounds so far.

Papillon22

When I feel like that, I remind myself that my weight does not have to define who I am (which is still difficult sometimes because I grew feeling worthless). That's changing though, as I focus more on getting stronger than on the numbers on the scale.

Also, I can't change the past, but I certainly have the power and ability to change the present and the future for myself. And it's a simple as taking it one meal/exercise routine at a time.

You can do this. I'm sure you've had these feelings before, and you know they come and go in waves. It's just a matter of holding on to our work here until the storm passes.

Gerry_Lane

It is difficult to walk in your shoes, but it sounds like you are in emotional pain. I can believe that you may isolate yourself because you do not like how you appear on the outside.
I am not a behaviorist, but I hope you are not ashamed...that implies that you are behaving in a maner that is unacceptable or morally wrong. You are probably doing many things correct, and not seeing the immediate reward, but I think losing 34 pounds is wonderful.

Dr Gerry Lane

Tzippy7

I can totally relate to this. Its hard for me to wrap my head around how much I gained the past 2 years. Honestly Im still not really sure how it happened. I wish I had been logging my activities and food during that process so I could know for sure.

ZombieSlayer

Recite.
Repeat.

jefflturn

Yep I can relate. For me it finally came when the media started talking about banning overweight people from flying, which I do a lot of by the way. Also when they said overweight people are the reason insurance is so high. I knew then that the last 12 years of being overweight was enough. Try this: Make a list of all the reasons you dislike being overweight and also a list of the things you can do once you lose weight. When you feel yourself losing motivation review the "dislike" list. When you feel depressed review the "things you can do" list. It helps me and I hope you find it helpful. Good luck

msstuard

I think the first thing to remember is your no different than everyone else in the world. We all do it to some extent, some catch it sooner than others and stop. I hit 300 myself. high stress and not a very happy time. other catch it sooner and try to change there life style. You do what you need to. Get your life under control and the rest will follow, (being happy is the most important thing). Good Luck and Best Wishes.

ArtemisMoon

I have always struggled with being easily embarrassed/mortified over stuff very easily. For the most part, unless it is something really severe, like obvious, sudden, public humiliation severe (which is super rare at worst), things don't get to me very much any more. The biggest reason is that if it is a circumstance that would have once really upset me, I reason it out. Can I really do anything about it at this point by suffering over it needlessly? Probably not. Making myself miserable over it is pointless and doesn't help the situation. Does anyone else really care as much as I do? 99.999% of the time, probably not. And does it really matter if someone else DOES care? Nope. What does it matter if it changes someone else's opinion of me? If someone is that shallow, I don't need them anyway. Take whatever situation you are ashamed of, examine it critically, learn from it so it will never happen again and at the same time leave you a better person for your experience, and move on. Forgive yourself.

I also have to remind myself that my imagination is often much worse than the actual reality. Imagination can distort very easily, so what you imagine how others see and think of you probably isn't close to reality.

myjourney2

34 lbs is a fantastic start!!! Do not worry about other people out in the world. They are probably too busy worrying about themselves to notice you.

If you havent done it already - get yourself into an exercise regime. You will feel so much better after each workout. And it will get you that much closer to your goal since you will be burning calories.

jodycoady

Hey I hope I'm not going to sound annoying (to some) but do you pray? I find it helps for me

msstuard

I like that :-)

bethmillerwilson

I sometimes feel this way too. I allow myself to think about it for a few minutes and feel the emotions and then I try to turn my mind towards the positive again. I recently have taken to thinking " I must find a way to love myself enough, to love myself more than my fears and my negative feelings."

It's really time for it to be about getting healthy, breaking away from old habits and moving towards the beautiful person you are inside. You deserve to treat yourself better and now that you know better, you can do better.

Awesome job on the loss thus far. I hope to be able to achieve that as well, but it is a ways off for me.

AthenaErr

I ate stuff. So shoot me......Next!

smae1980

It sounds like you're embarrassed about the person you used to be, but you're not that person anymore. Just try to remember that everything that happens to us or what we do in this life teaches us something. Whether an experience or time in our lives was negative or positive, we should be able to take something positive away from it. You now know you want to make better choices and be a healthier person, but you had to experience some negativity to get there. I'm glad you are on your way to becoming healthier, just try not to let the way things used to be get you down.

Claire594

I can so relate to this. If 3500 calories is a 1lb of fat and I had to be eating that on top of my tdee I must have been just constantly shoveling food into my face.

Then I think about now that I measure every little thing, I realise I was not eating 'normal' portions. My old pasta portion for 1 meal would now feed me at least 3 times now.

I've tried to lose weight all my adult life with varying degrees of success however temporary. This time something has just clicked and I've lost 41lbs since Jan. I haven't changed a lot of the types of food I used to eat, just my portion size.

Something has obviously clicked with you too. I would try not to dwell on the past and look to your incredibly bright future where you can and are achieving your weightloss goals.

cmurray234

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm generally not a needy person, but it helps to hear "Hey, you can do it."

PayShi

Someone once told me that looking in the past may distort what is going on in the present. I think this may be true but not all of the time.
Firstly, congratulations on your success!!! Keep it up!
What I'd like to say is the past is the past. While it's good to look back at what you've done wrong to make sure you're not continuing to do it. What you really need to look at is the here and now. And based on you're accomplishments you've been doing so well and are doing the right things.
Don't let the past bog you down. That is the old you. While you're having to fix NOW what you've done in the past it's not important. You've already overcome so much. This shows great self-control and determination.
I can so relate however with being bogged down by my eating habits. That's why I'm so thankful I've found the motivation I've needed to quit accepting my health problems and everything else that comes with being obese (not being able to do things I want to, not being able to feel beautiful, etc.) While I'm ashamed of how I've let myself go ALL of my life (literally... last time I saw a picture of me skinny was 4) it's about what I'm doing NOW and TODAY. And I've lost 3 lbs in 8 days. I've learned how to make this fun, and how to be a nerd while doing it(making excel sheets and etc lol.)
So, sorry for being a rambler. But this is how I'm currently handling the shame/embarrassment. I've got a LONG way to go. But I've learned if I take this day by day I can SO do this while still being happy. While my body is still very obese, my mental attitude has been transformed. And now, I finally understand what most of those weight loss books I read meant by, "Without the right determination this probably won't work."

lustergirl

I feel the original poster's pain. I am the heaviest I have ever been and feel so uncomfortable. I can't believe I have got this big. I just started this new way of food counting and it is going great for me though- down 7 lbs.

pandafoo

It's really wonderful that you've lost over 30 pounds so far - that is a reflection of your commitment to yourself and better health. I can empathize with what you're going thru. I've battled my weight for over 20 years, and altho I'd lost 25 lbs last year, I've regained all of it back and then some. Part of it was due to life stressors such as my mom passing away, but still, as I got larger, I felt more ashamed, and that led to more eating. It got to the point where my already low confidence became a lot worse. I felt so disgusted with myself. It was a vicious cycle of emotional eating, and an unhealthy way to deal with my shame.

Recently I made a commitment to deal with the emotional and spiritual reasons underlying my weight struggles. I realized that for me, food was a way to fill the emptiness inside and give me comfort. I realized that I have distorted views about my beauty being tied to my weight. So I've started a program that helps me understand how to have healthy perspectives toward food and myself, and it's been great so far.

I can only begin to imagine the emotional pain that you may be feeling now, and I hope you turn to great friends or resources that can give you the support and counsel that you need. I also think if you get at the root of why you've gained weight, it will make a tremendous difference. Cutting calories and exercising more only gets at the symptoms of weight gain, but not the underlying causes. In the meantime, enjoy the progress you've made so far. Look forward and have hope, and over time you'll be able to leave your shame and embarrassment behind, and instead live with confidence and joy. Also, feel free to friend me if you'd like!

cmurray234

Recite.
Repeat.

That is fantastic. That's a simply a great reminder that even when it overwhelms me, no single characteristic defines me.


And to whoever asked - yes, I pray. I like to think that's how I got to THIS point.

Enigmatica

You should be proud of yourself for taking control! Also, read this: http://www.realage.com/diet-weight-loss/fat-talk-is-bad-for-weight-loss

cpiton

I am 5'2.5 and I used to weigh 207+lbs. I say + because I got so depressed at one point that I stopped weighing in. 207 was the highest number I ever saw on my scale. I couldn't walk downstairs in my own house without my heart beating out of my chest. I literally could not walk around one block without enduring terrible leg cramps and taking my asthma inhaler. I would watch the skinny lady down the block walk circles around me and it would depress me so much I almost quit walking altogether.
ALMOST...but I didn't.
I am now 151lbs (my goal is a muscled 128). Yet, sometimes I am still that other woman. I still feel this shame come over me. How did I let that happen? Why did I let it go on for so long? What if it happens AGAIN? What did people think of me for allowing that to happen?
Then I remember how far I have come, how many lessons I've learned along the way. I know more now. I've educated myself. I've worked hard to get to this point. I've EARNED this and I DESERVE every good thing that comes with it.

You have lost 34 lbs! You EARNED that success and DESERVE every GOOD thing that comes with it. You are not that other person anymore. You have embarked on a new and exciting path. Every day will teach you something new about how strong you are. It only gets better, let me tell you.

And that skinny lady who walked circles around me? One day she stopped me on the street (I didn't even know her) and told me that I inspired her so much, that I was the reason she got out to walk every morning. Because she saw my dedication and admired ME. Isn't that awesome?

1Kristine1

Ive been overweight for most of my life and I have just learned that being overweight doesn't make me any less of a person. I try to stay positive and keep striving for my weight loss goals. I just gained about 5 lbs in Mexico, I knew it was going to happen. I was eating alot, but I just think about it as a minor set back. It may take a little longer for me to reach my goal but if I stick with my calorie goal I should be okay.

AFluffyNyamma

Mmm good question. I've been heavy all my life as well. It always hurt when I was younger because no one wanted to date me and I was bullied heavily. It kinda gives you an insight to how vicious people really can be. I'm lighter and people are nicer and guys want to date me. It's kind of infuriating at times because I'm generally the same me on the inside, why was a so outcasted and ridiculed my whole growing phase??

Well its something that the way I dealt with is was simply not going outside. Lol not good words to hear I'm sure. What I can say is put it behind you. The ridiculing is sad and wrong, and THEY are the ugly ones by doing what they do to hurt ya.

Try not to hold it inside and hold your head up high!

christenwypy

We have to stay in the NOW. You cannot go back, you cannot jump forward. The only thing you CAN do is the best you can right now. And all you could do THEN was the best you could do at that time. That was the best we could do. Now we can do better. Every single person who walks this earth has shame in their past. It might not be about food but they have something. Almost everyone has battled with an addiction or form of escapism. We are here to live and to learn and to overcome. And none of us is any better than any other.

I am PROUD of you, and everyone on here making an effort. We have become aware of our issues and have taken control of them. Some people are never able to do that.

Just keep on keeping on!

PayShi

Recite.
Repeat.

That is fantastic. That's a simply a great reminder that even when it overwhelms me, no single characteristic defines me.


And to whoever asked - yes, I pray. I like to think that's how I got to THIS point.

I'm so glad you've said that. I cannot believe I forgot to give God the credit he deserved. I prayed a long time for him to give me TRUE motivation. And he delivered! Keep praying!

jodycoady

Recite.
Repeat.

That is fantastic. That's a simply a great reminder that even when it overwhelms me, no single characteristic defines me.


And to whoever asked - yes, I pray. I like to think that's how I got to THIS point.

I'm so glad you've said that. I cannot believe I forgot to give God the credit he deserved. I prayed a long time for him to give me TRUE motivation. And he delivered! Keep praying!

It was me, so good to hear...and it's really does work...not just for weight loss - but the Big Guy wants you to be healthy too

skinnylion

Your past does not define you. Sure, we all ate some pretty bad food choices - but that's okay. You're choosing to make a better life for yourself now. The healthy, present version of you is what matters!

Elizabeth_C34

You have to forgive yourself. No other way around it.

There is absolutely nothing that you can do to change the past, but you sure are not going to repeat the same thing in the future.

Look forward, not back.

daisyhougan

"The only thing you CAN do is the best you can right now. And all you could do THEN was the best you could do at that time. That was the best we could do. Now we can do better."

I love this. And the part about saying "I have fat" instead of "I am fat."

I so often get mad at myself for having put on this amount of weight. I feel frustrated about having let it get to this point. But truly my weight is not me. The other truth is that I can't go back and change whathappened. Truthfully, I think I was doing the best I could at thattime. I am doing betternow because I can do better now. Can't go back and change the past, just move on from here.

Dimplybutt

We have to stay in the NOW. You cannot go back, you cannot jump forward. The only thing you CAN do is the best you can right now. And all you could do THEN was the best you could do at that time. That was the best we could do. Now we can do better. Every single person who walks this earth has shame in their past. It might not be about food but they have something. Almost everyone has battled with an addiction or form of escapism. We are here to live and to learn and to overcome. And none of us is any better than any other.

I am PROUD of you, and everyone on here making an effort. We have become aware of our issues and have taken control of them. Some people are never able to do that.

Just keep on keeping on!

Amen!