Mother's Day Gift For Your Step-Mom?

HURLEYX3RO

Ok I want as much imput as possible on this.

Here's my situation:

My mother and father divorced when I was 6 years old (I'm 23 now).

My mother had custody and raised me and I still stay with her.

My father re-married and didn't become a part of my life again til about 6 years ago.

I of course every year buy my mother a Mother's Day gift. (I even buy her a Father's Day gift since she played that role as well).

Would it be a crime if I didn't buy my Step-Mom anything? I mean she's never done anything for me and I see her and my father maybe twice a month.

Amy_Lynn74

I don't buy my step mom anything and she's been with my dad since I was in like 3rd grade.

_hi_hat3r_

I wouldn't buy her anything. She's not your mother. KUDOS to your mom for playing both roles in your life.

BAMFMeredith

Nah I think it totally depends on the relationship. Since you don't really have a relationship with her, I don't see any reason to get her a gift. I don't get my step-dad Father's day gifts since he's only been married to my mom in my adult life. It would be one thing if she'd been like an active parent in your life, but I wouldn't worry about it.

ETA: My son makes Father's day cards for my boyfriend (I also get a gift from my son to him, he's 5, can't really go get his own gifts yet lol) because he's more of a father than his bio dad is to him. He also sends a card to his bio dad. Every situation is different, but I don't think in your case you owe her a gift.

peggymenard

I am a step mom and mom both...I think you should remember her. A plant, flowers or a pretty scarf or just a card would be my suggestion.

va_va_voom

If your step-mom has not been an active parenting figure in your life, then I don't see the need for you to get her anything for Mother's Day.

Giving gifts (or even cards) out of obligation just seems forced. It doesn't sound like you have a very strong relationship with your dad or your step-mom. So, you could call her and wish her a happy Mother's day if you feel like you need/want to acknowledge it somehow. But, the call isn't even necessary if your relationship with her is a neutral one.

_Timmeh_

Do you get along with her?
A gift no, but a step mom mothers day card would be ok.

Dark_Roast

I am a stepmom and a Mom both, I don't expect anything from my stepson. My daughter already told me she was making me something from school, even though its supposed to be a 'secret', Lol.

HURLEYX3RO

Do you get along with her?
A gift no, but a step mom mothers day card would be ok.

Yeah I do get along with her.
When I visit, she is nice to me.
When I do visit 95% of my attention goes to my dad.
Although, neither one of them are ones that Id run to if I
had a problem, like I wouldn't confide in her or anything.

She's just there, doesn't really play any major role in my life.

Plus she has 3 kids of her own.

***EDIT*** Oh and I should also mention that they invited me to their "Mother's Day Barbeque"

Id rather spend my mother's day with my mother!
Even though my mom has told me I should go, I feel like they make it seem like Im obligated to go, and then if I do go and show up without a gift for her... how would that look on me?

HURLEYX3RO

BUMP

va_va_voom

Do you get along with her?
A gift no, but a step mom mothers day card would be ok.

Yeah I do get along with her.
When I visit, she is nice to me.
When I do visit 95% of my attention goes to my dad.
Although, neither one of them are ones that Id run to if I
had a problem, like I wouldn't confide in her or anything.

She's just there, doesn't really play any major role in my life.

Plus she has 3 kids of her own.

***EDIT*** Oh and I should also mention that they invited me to their "Mother's Day Barbeque"

Id rather spend my mother's day with my mother!
Even though my mom has told me I should go, I feel like they make it seem like Im obligated to go, and then if I do go and show up without a gift for her... how would that look on me?

They're making an effort - at least it sounds like it from what you shared. I'm not sure what they did/said that make you feel obligated to go, since we're only getting your side of things. But, if even your mom is encouraging you to go, then I think you should make an appearance at the very least. Spend the majority of the day with your mom, but show up to the BBQ for a bit and take a card. There is nothing in the etiquette rules anywhere that say you HAVE to get your stepmom a gift.

Again - if you're getting the gift b/c it feels like an obligation, then the effort will seem forced and that will become awkward. There are plenty of neutral Happy Mother's Day type cards to choose from, then you don't have to feel bad about showing up completely empty-handed, if it bothers you that much.

Ocarina

I never get anything for my step-dad. He's my not dad. Me and my husband reserve moolah for our blood related parents. I plan on making some things from scratch this year. Like homemade cards.

va_va_voom

My husband has a step-dad and a step-mom and we do cards/gifts for both of them. When I was a stepmom, my step kid's mom would buy me birthday or Christmas presents from the step kid (and her), but Mother's Day was reserved for her and I totally respected that.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to your question. Your situation and feelings about your family are unique to you. Do what you feel comfortable doing and don't feel bad about it or worry that it's not the "right" thing to do.

christine24t

I would just send a "thinking of you" type of card.

katcoleesp

I am a stepmother. My husband and his 2 grown children tell me I am more of a mother to them than their own mother. I think it depends on the relationship you share with her.
I would get a card for Mother's Day , it doesn't have to say "MOM" on it...and go to the BBQ briefly and you can always pick up a few flowers at your local WalMart cheap. Just because you acknowledge her ( she is your stepmother) doesn't mean it takes away from the bond/relationship you have with your own mother.
You never know, someday the stepmother could become a really nice friend to have in your life.

Best Wishes,
Kat

sleepytexan

Ok I want as much imput as possible on this.

Here's my situation:

My mother and father divorced when I was 6 years old (I'm 23 now).

My mother had custody and raised me and I still stay with her.

My father re-married and didn't become a part of my life again til about 6 years ago.

I of course every year buy my mother a Mother's Day gift. (I even buy her a Father's Day gift since she played that role as well).

Would it be a crime if I didn't buy my Step-Mom anything? I mean she's never done anything for me and I see her and my father maybe twice a month.

It's ok. She's not your mom.

ladybg81

I'm a step mom and mom and I never have expected anything from my step children. Does not bother me in the least.

ElizabethRoad

A card would be nice. A gift doesn't seem necessary given the situation.

But, your father came back into your life 6 years ago, has she been around all that time? What have you given her for previous Mother's Days? Because it might seem weird if you've been giving her gifts and then suddenly stop.

Stinkerbelle84

I am a step mom, and it would hurt my feelings greatly if my step-son did not involve me in his Mother's day plans. Our situation is a bit different (50/50 custody) and I have been in his life since he was a baby.

I have had two different step dad's over the years though, and I did not realize how important either of them were to me until I became one myself. I do not have children of my own. But, I do invest 100 percent of my time, love, devotion, energy, and money on my step-son. I love him no different that if he were my own. I don't expect anything grand from him, but I do like to be mentioned on that special day

Contrarian

If you are going to the BBQ, I'd take her a nice plant or something, just as a hostess gift.

cellokitty91

Just depends on the relationship, right?

I've had a step dad for 6 years now and I love him to death and couldn't forget about him on father's day. I don't think it has to be anything big. A card or hug or phone call is more than enough.