comments from parents?

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sekaie
sekaie Posts: 23 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey guys, I'm wondering if anyone has this same problem as I do? I'm doing really well with my weight loss and weigh about 128lbs/ 58.9kg, and I've just recently become able to see my abs. But today after my workout at the gym I got home and my dad casually remarked 'you have a really big stomach', even though I know it's almost flat. It's really upset me and ruined my day, and it's quickly unmotivated me, to the point of tears. The thing is, my dad is very overweight, and my friends think I'm quite slim, and I'm very healthy. I told him this, and he replied 'yeah, but a girl should never have a stomach that big'.

I'm' wondering, is there any way for me to get behind these comments?

thanks
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Replies

  • Tuffjourney
    Tuffjourney Posts: 971
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    I am so sorry, a father should never effing say sh$t like that. It was rude, and just plain mean. :grumble: :angry:
  • cyclerjenn
    cyclerjenn Posts: 835 Member
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    I'm so sorry for the remark your father said and don't let it get to you. People will make some of the worst comments since they can not do it themselves. Just remember you are doing this for you and the reasons why it is important to you and ignore what everyone else is saying.
  • takingnameskickingbutt
    takingnameskickingbutt Posts: 232 Member
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    My parents say the same thing. It's so funny I was going to ask about overly-critical parents today!
  • editnonnalynn
    editnonnalynn Posts: 495 Member
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    Some people, especially men of a certain age, think ladies should look like Marlyn Monroe. If you're strong, GREAT! If you're healthy, GREAT! Don't be discoraged, just wear long shirts around Daddy! :laugh: And don't cry, that won't help. Ask yourself what you want, what your plan is and what's next. Then do it! You inspire me. Some day I'm gonna see MY abs!!!!!!! THANX
  • myohana4
    myohana4 Posts: 205 Member
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    This makes me sad. As a mom, I am very careful about what I say to my daughters about body image. We always talk about healthy choices. In today's world, we have very unrealistic expectations of what our bodies should look like.

    So, I am here to tell you that you are an amazing person! I am so proud of you for trying your hardest to be the best person that you can be. I find it inspiring that you are not giving up! That you posted on this board for people that will support you so that you can accomplish your goal speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are.

    Keep it up!
  • WhatDoesLisa
    WhatDoesLisa Posts: 214
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    He is just projecting! I think it is kind of sad. Instead of getting upset maybe you should realize that he probably feels trapped by his weight and doesn't know what to do. It is just a projection of his own self-worth which is pretty much at zero.
  • christenwypy
    christenwypy Posts: 335 Member
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    My dad, both my parents really, had that kind of power over me for a long time. I am 36 and a parent now myself and what I started doing is I do not tell them much. If I am trying to write or get a job or lose weight, I usually keep it to myself so they do not discourage me. Also, as I ahve gotten older I no longer see them as parents as much as I see them as people. They are flawed, damaged, hurt people just like I am. They do not know more than I do anymore. In a lot of cases they know less. My life is mine now. They cannot dictate how it will go. They do not decide who I am.

    Now from a parent's perspective, I am not perfect. I feel gulity a lot. Sometimes I say things I should not say to my children. I say things like "You are lazy." or "You are never organized." I am labeling them and hurting them possibly for life when I do this. And when I look at myself in the mirror I see the truth. I am only saying to them WHAT I THINK ABOUT MYSELF.

    When we put others down we are seeing in them what we refuse to see in ourselves. Your dad is insecure about his own weight and he is reflecting that onto you. What he says means nothing. It does not change the fact that you are thin, unless you let it.

    I am sorry you are going through this. Try as much as you can to detach from his words. Try to know they are meaningless and it takes nothing away from all that you have done, all your successes.
  • twelbies
    twelbies Posts: 31
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    I am sorry my parents did that same **** to me when I lived at home. My mom insisted we all go on a diet when I was 11....I weighed 100 pounds was 5'2. The comments were endless and hard to take which is why I moved out when I was 17.
    It is heartbreaking to hear such negative things from people who should be most supportive.
    My only advise is to stay strong and try your best to ignore it.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    Think of it this way, you're 128 lbs. So unless you're like 4' tall, you're thin. Your father is clearly trying to put you down because you're working your butt off to better yourself, and he's doing nothing for himself.
  • Wonderwoman2677
    Wonderwoman2677 Posts: 434 Member
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    I grew up being called "Dummy" and being told I was fat (which I now know was not true). Older generations and other people in general often have different ideas about what you should look like, do, say or how you live.

    So what?

    You know you are doing the right thing! Emotionally it might help to tell him to stop making comments...either way. You don't need his compliments or his insults for you to keep going. You're not doing it for him. If he doesn't stop... try to be around him less... it doesn't sound like he's supportive anyway. There is no law that requires you to be around people that hurt you...even family.
  • scott091501
    scott091501 Posts: 1,260 Member
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    My Mom used to say stuff like "You're just not built to be thin." I know she didn't mean anything by it but it was very demotivating
  • SRH7
    SRH7 Posts: 2,037 Member
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    When I was 18 and getting ready for my A-level prom at college my mum handed me a nasty pair of big control pants to wear under my prom dress - she said my stomach looked too big. I was 126lbs (5'8'') and stick thin. I cried my eyes out and it ruined my night.

    Now, 20 years on, I weigh over 180lbs and really do need to lose weight but have been focusing on getting fit, which has had little effect on the scales but helped me trim pounds and feel great.

    And my mum's comment the last time she saw me? "You really could do with joining WeightWatchers". As soon as she left I cried my eyes out.

    When I'm feeling low I really focus on how my mum has never told me I'm pretty, look nice etc. But when I'm being grown-up about it I just have to accept that there are some battles I will never win with her.

    She's pushed me hard to achieve in all areas of my life, all my life, so it's no wonder she puts my appearance up there alongside how I am doing in my education, career, relationships etc. It's a flaw she has and, at 70, she's not going to change and there's nothing I can do about it.

    It's also made me certain that if I ever have children of my own, I will tell them every day how wonderful they are!
  • steph124ny
    steph124ny Posts: 238 Member
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    He is just projecting! I think it is kind of sad. Instead of getting upset maybe you should realize that he probably feels trapped by his weight and doesn't know what to do. It is just a projection of his own self-worth which is pretty much at zero.


    This.
  • Klamber26
    Klamber26 Posts: 212
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    You don't think maybe he was just joking. You know, sarcasm?
  • takingnameskickingbutt
    takingnameskickingbutt Posts: 232 Member
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    No matter how thin I have gotten or will get, my mother thinks I need to be thinner. At one point I am 5'11 and weighed 108 pounds and she still thought I could lose weight.

    The worst is that she always says stuff that I find super demoralizing "But you have such a pretty face" or "Should you really be eating that".

    I'm almost 29, but it still really hurts.
  • ahulse23
    ahulse23 Posts: 22 Member
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    My ex-MIL once told me that "We criticize in others what we don't like in ourselves." I didn't believe her at the time but as I've grown older see how true that is. If someone says something rude or discouraging I always think of that quote and it no longer bothers me. (It also helps when I'm thinking negative thoughts about someone else.)
  • jdsmom0104
    jdsmom0104 Posts: 236
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    some ppl envy others' accomplishments. with him beign overweight, he may feel powerless :mad: but that doesn't give him the right to respond that way. that may be his way of expressing himself bc he doesn't know how to reach out for help. it hurts when our loved ones dont support us, but all the more hurtful when they try to sabotage us. good luck with that, ur doing great! :drinker:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    Tell him, "So do you."

    And don't let it get to you. You know what and who you are.
  • phillieschic
    phillieschic Posts: 615
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    Flush it. Then just keep doing what you do...


    I recently told my grandmother that I lost 20 pounds and that I was feeling really good about myself. Here's her response:

    "Yeah, well, I guess that's good...although there's plenty of you left to go..."


    Um, really? :noway:
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
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    my dad always said stuff like that to me. I weighed 107 at 24 yrs old and he always had some remark to make about my weight. Even now, he still does. it bothers me but i just blow it off.

    Now i do have a 13 yr old daughter who is 5'1" and weighs 138 lbs. I never critic her weight, nor have i ever put her on a diet. I cook healthy for the whole family. I just tell her my concern to motivate her to eat healthy and exercise is because of diabetes, it runs in my family and her fathers side of the family. I tell her she is beautiful, and she's a very confident girl. I just want her to take care of herself so when she gets my age, she wont have health problems.

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