Traumatic events

SuffolkSally

Has anyone else experienced the suicide of a close family member?

I've had two in 5 years, and after the most recent it's taken me nearly two years to wake up and realise that I need to look after myself.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who's been through it, and how you've dealt with it (or not, of course).

Posting under this subject only because MFP blocked it when I used the term suicide in the title!

gpstrucker

Yep. My dad when I was ten. PTSD , he was freshly back from Viet Nam (back less than a year). It was a long time ago so not sure about "dealing with it". At that age I think you can get over traumatic events much more easily than as an adult. Even then I think I was much like now, get over it and move on. Or maybe I'm that way now because it, I don't know.

Sorry for your losses.

SuffolkSally

My Dad has PTSD - from an awful plane crash in WW2. He's still about though, and 88 this year. I'm so sorry about your Dad - do you remember much about him?

I lost my 15 year old neice in 2006, and then her father, my brother (we were intensely close like twins can be) went the same way in 2010. My other brother died of bowel cancer the same year. Talk about a wake up call.. it's that or give up and die, for me.

gpstrucker

My Dad has PTSD - from an awful plane crash in WW2. He's still about though, and 88 this year. I'm so sorry about your Dad - do you remember much about him?

I lost my 15 year old neice in 2006, and then her father, my brother (we were intensely close like twins can be) went the same way in 2010. My other brother died of bowel cancer the same year. Talk about a wake up call.. it's that or give up and die, for me.

Thanks. Sure I remember some about him. Like I said, I was young.

Give up and die isn't an option.

Swopkin

I lost my father almost two years ago. He was very sick, but since no euthanasia was possible he decided to kill himself. My mother, my brothers and I knew nothing of his plans and on the first day of university, I received the news that my dad had deceased. Even though I can't really blame my weight loss on his death, I do know that I had never gained so much if I hadn't suffered through that much emotional stress.
It's rough, but time softens the pain and recently I've discovered that I need to live more and take care of myself and my body. I want to go back to my weight before losing him and feel healthy again. I am sure you can achieve the same goal.

annew1952

No I haven't but we have depression in our family including myself.. I worry about one of our sons in Florida. He is capable of it and my husband and I worry very much. He is going through a very difficult time emotionally physically and in his marriage.
Hope you have not gone through this. If you have I am so sorry.

mogletdeluxe

I'm so, so sorry to hear of your loss.

I lost Dad to suicide when I was 14; completely out of the blue. No note, no indication, no nothing. I've learned to live with it (I never will 'get over it', if you see what I mean) and am sad that, this birthday, he'll have been physically out of my life for as long as he was physically in it.

Please don't hesitate to drop me a line if you want a chat or anything similar; sometimes it helps when someone understands. People obviously mean well, but I think until you know what it's like to lose a loved one to something so unique as suicide it's hard to comprehend.

xxx

jagar07

never to suicide, but I do understand the give up and die mentality. I lost my son a year ago and went through some major depression. The idea of not going on went through my mind several times. The only reason I didn't was because of my fear of God. I know I will see my son again one day, but I don't think I have that guarantee if I took my life into my own hands. I want you to know that God is really the only one who can bring healing during such a terrible time. I am praying for you and I hope you find peace in all of this (HUGS):flowerforyou:

leomom72

my brother in law, before he was technically my in law..i hardly knew him because he was so withdrawn, and kept to himself, but it hit me hard, because as much death as i experienced in my life, it was never that way

datenshi

Not to suicide but a few deaths of friends while I was younger.

One friend when I was 8 passed from lukemia

My best friend when I was 18 as the result of a car collision

A close friend who I was best friends with in childhood when I was 21 from Cystic Fibrosis

4 people I was friends with in high school although didn't really keep in touch with afterwards have passed.

With my best friend when I was 18 there was (and to some degree still is) tons of guilt about what I could have done differently that might have changed things since I was supposed to be there that day but didn't end up going. I imagine that kind of feeling is similar to how some people feel when someone they know and love takes their own life.

I can't really say how I've dealt with it since I don't think I really have totally. Time has helped some but I tend to compartmentalize my life so that I don't have to consciously deal with it although it still has a subconscious effect.

Datenshi

MelissR75

My best friend committed suicide when we were 18. Im 36 now. Its still something I carry with me everyday! I look at me niece (his sister married my brother) and she looks so much like him..I think about what he is missing out on. A piece of my heart died when he did.

SuffolkSally

I'm so hugely pleased that so many people have responded! It's been rough for me but I always try to find the positives when I possibly can. Thank you so much - not everyone feels remotely able to even discuss it in safe place... Sending friend requests out.

CynthiaCollin

My mother committed suicide 10 years ago when I was 23. It hit me hard. It took time, but eventually I healed. Time does help the pain, but you never forget. But now when I think of my mom, I try to think about all the good times and all the wonderful things she brought to my life. I love life and because of her I am here on this planet.

arnoswife

My nephew did three years ago last month. IT was beyond hard to believe. He wasn't someone you would think would ever do that. He was 17 years old, had a daughter that was almost 1. He argued with his mom and girlfriend couple days prior. The day after Easter, his mom was trying to find him and his dad found him in the attic where he hung himself. I miss that boy so much, but I get to see his daughter sometimes and she is so much like him!

InnerFatGirl

I am so sorry for all your losses I have struggled with suicidal ideation in the past, so I know how it feels from the sufferers point of view, but I can't imagine the pain you all must feel. Big hugs xx

Aleciajones

In 2010 my mom was watching my then 5 and 3 yr old girls. When I got to h house to pick them up she was floating in the pool, they thought she had fallen asleep floating. It was 2 days in the icu before we removed support and let her go. It was listed as an accident but her alcohol was .30 and she had taken a combination of pain meds with it.
I have no idea why, yes she was an alcoholic but this was out of left field. I had talked to her two hours before to let her know we were going to be there soon so I can not accept that it was a total accident. In the call she sounded sober so I believe she thought it wouldn't happen until we left with the kids.
There is really no way to deal with it besides time. I still loose it sometimes. At first I drank...a scary amount at night while I tried to deal with the aftermath and sorting her life and moving all her things from her rental house (huge house and she lived alone.) I did not go talk to anyone because it's not why I am but I did call on friends at 3am sobbing.

For curios people she has a memorial page on Facebook called what would suzie do. It's something I did to keep myself busy as well.

heddylyn

My cousin in 1999 and then my uncle (his father) about a year and a half ago. It's tough and you're definitely not alone as you can see from this thread. My cousin's suicide led me on a path to understanding mental illness and fighting to end the stigma associated with it. I think we all grieve in our own way. I have really tried to be there for my Mom when she lost her brother (my uncle) because they were very close and she has a lot of "survivor guilt." A couple years ago I discovered this organization: http://www.afsp.org/ They have walks throughout the country to raise awareness for suicide prevention. It was pretty ironic that my Mom and I signed up for our first walk in September of 2010 and it fell on the anniversary of my uncle's death. We did the walk again this past September and we plan to make it an annual tradition to honor his and my cousin's memory and take some time to remember them for the wonderful people they were and not for the devastating illness they endured. It never gets easier but it does get different. I'm so sorry to hear about everyone's loss.

SuffolkSally

My brother and I were intensely close - and no matter how crap life was we always agreed to look for those positives...

I do thank you all so much - bereavement's bad, suicide's rather worse. and child suicide isperhaps the worst...

SuffolkSally

My cousin in 1999 and then my uncle (his father) about a year and a half ago. It's tough and you're definitely not alone as you can see from this thread. My cousin's suicide led me on a path to understanding mental illness and fighting to end the stigma associated with it. I think we all grieve in our own way. I have really tried to be there for my Mom when she lost her brother (my uncle) because they were very close and she has a lot of "survivor guilt." A couple years ago I discovered this organization: http://www.afsp.org/ They have walks throughout the country to raise awareness for suicide prevention. It was pretty ironic that my Mom and I signed up for our first walk in September of 2010 and it fell on the anniversary of my uncle's death. We did the walk again this past September and we plan to make it an annual tradition to honor his and my cousin's memory and take some time to remember them for the wonderful people they were and not for the devastating illness they endured. It never gets easier but it does get different. I'm so sorry to hear about everyone's loss.

Great that you have this! I don't know of anything similar in the UK?

SuffolkSally

My mother committed suicide 10 years ago when I was 23. It hit me hard. It took time, but eventually I healed. Time does help the pain, but you never forget. But now when I think of my mom, I try to think about all the good times and all the wonderful things she brought to my life. I love life and because of her I am here on this planet.
[/quote

Thank you for this thought. My neice Jo has suffered the death of her (always very difficult) sister when she herself had just turned 14 and her sister just had her 15th birthday. Then her father killed himself when she was 18, and although the's no shorrtage of money etc I am seriously concerned for her long term health

SuffolkSally

In 2010 my mom was watching my then 5 and 3 yr old girls. When I got to h house to pick them up she was floating in the pool, they thought she had fallen asleep floating. It was 2 days in the icu before we removed support and let her go. It was listed as an accident but her alcohol was .30 and she had taken a combination of pain meds with it.
I have no idea why, yes she was an alcoholic but this was out of left field. I had talked to her two hours before to let her know we were going to be there soon so I can not accept that it was a total accident. In the call she sounded sober so I believe she thought it wouldn't happen until we left with the kids.
There is really no way to deal with it besides time. I still loose it sometimes. At first I drank...a scary amount at night while I tried to deal with the aftermath and sorting her life and moving all her things from her rental house (huge house and she lived alone.) I did not go talk to anyone because it's not why I am but I did call on friends at 3am sobbing.

For curios people she has a memorial page on Facebook called what would suzie do. It's something I did to keep myself busy as well.

Oh lord - I'm so sorry. The kids were there???

SuffolkSally

never to suicide, but I do understand the give up and die mentality. I lost my son a year ago and went through some major depression. The idea of not going on went through my mind several times. The only reason I didn't was because of my fear of God. I know I will see my son again one day, but I don't think I have that guarantee if I took my life into my own hands. I want you to know that God is really the only one who can bring healing during such a terrible time. I am praying for you and I hope you find peace in all of this (HUGS):flowerforyou:

Loss is so damn hard... it's strange to some people to say such things about a brother, but he was by several million miles my far and away best friend, and I know he felt the same about me.

I'm afraid I don't believe in god - never have done - but thank you all the same x

Aleciajones

In 2010 my mom was watching my then 5 and 3 yr old girls. When I got to h house to pick them up she was floating in the pool, they thought she had fallen asleep floating. It was 2 days in the icu before we removed support and let her go. It was listed as an accident but her alcohol was .30 and she had taken a combination of pain meds with it.
I have no idea why, yes she was an alcoholic but this was out of left field. I had talked to her two hours before to let her know we were going to be there soon so I can not accept that it was a total accident. In the call she sounded sober so I believe she thought it wouldn't happen until we left with the kids.
There is really no way to deal with it besides time. I still loose it sometimes. At first I drank...a scary amount at night while I tried to deal with the aftermath and sorting her life and moving all her things from her rental house (huge house and she lived alone.) I did not go talk to anyone because it's not why I am but I did call on friends at 3am sobbing.

For curios people she has a memorial page on Facebook called what would suzie do. It's something I did to keep myself busy as well.

Oh lord - I'm so sorry. The kids were there???

Yes they had spent the night with her the evening before.

poopoomonkey1978

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost all the very close males every year in highschool. Grade 9 it was my fathers dad, (heart), grade 10 was his step father (cancer), grade 11 it was my mom's dad (heart) and three months after that it was my father (suicide). I actually lost a lot of weight after my father passed because I gave up eating and only ate 1 muffin in two months. Other then that I only had water. My mother didn't pay attention because while she was grieving for her father she was also grieving for her husband. I blamed myself a lot and thought that I should of known. Being that I was only 16 I thought a lot about giving up but realized that I had a plan that I had a purpose. I am now living as happy as I can be and teaching my daughter all about unconditional love like my father taught me.