What's the point?

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  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
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    Many people start to improve their looks when they are preparing to leave someone or when they are having an affair. So for X number of years you were one way now you are eating different things, doing different things, looking better, dressing sexy, probably feeling more confident, and possibly having an increased libido (also a possible sign of cheating).

    So Hubby goes to work says to his buddies, geeze my wife is acting strange she is eating different things, doing different things, looking better, dressing sexy, probably feeling more confident, and possibly having an increased libido and one buddy says she is going to leave you, and the next says she's cheating on you.

    Just reassure hubby that all is ok, just like you would want to be reassured if he was eating different things, doing different things, looking better, dressing sexy, probably feeling more confident, and possibly having an increased libido all of a sudden.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    It can be scary if your SO starts acting different. It's on you to be reassuring, so some extra love, and make sure he understands that you are not doing this just to lose weight, but there are health reasons. Also, let him know that it makes you feel good to, and you feel a little sexier in your body, and when you are with him.

    When I was married, my wife at the time, went through where she started looking really good. I didn't show any jealousy, but I was feeling it. She was great and just talked me through it and all that. It did help. She was extra attentive to me during that time, which helped a lot.

    Turn the tables, and you might feel the same way.

    ^^ This. Pour out all your love on him.
  • njmp
    njmp Posts: 277 Member
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    It's NOT for nothing. Looks like you have come a long way! I can't imagine having all my hard work end up in accusations, but like so many have said already, hubby needs reassurance that you are feeling and looking sexier for yourself and for him, not other men. But you need to have a sit down and hash this out ASAP. Get off the forums and force a conversation if you have to, make him tell you where this is coming from. Hopefully it will be cathartic for you both.
    Good luck and PLEASE keep going!
  • prov31jd
    prov31jd Posts: 153 Member
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    He is most definitely my King, i have told him time and time again...if you read my profile you will see i married him twice, 15 yrs apart, cos i never got over the man.
    My weight loss partly was to help our relationship, for me to become more confident with him.

    This might be the key right here. You two divorced once -- he might be thinking it could happen again. If you are not giving him any reason to be jealous, then clearly it is not fair how he's accusing you / suspecting you.

    However, this is your husband, and as you even stated, your King. So it's really not a question of what's "fair" -- you need to do the right thing no matter how he's behaving. My advice to you is to continue being healthy, and to be mindful of every word and action you have towards him. He NEEDS your respect, admiration, and love. Maybe he's not feeling worthy suddenly because you've "improved" so much, and he has not? It is in your own best interests to encourage him, and give him NO foundation for his accusations.

    Marriage is such a blessing if you can always look for ways to out-serve and out-love each other. You do it first, and he will not be able to help but respond to your devotion to him. (IMHO, anyhow!)

    I'll be praying for you to have special wisdom in this matter. It is very important! God Bless!
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
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    The only difference in my actions is that im buying sexier clothes to wear for him (in the house if you know what i mean) and im happier...he has said himself im smiling all the time.

    And this is a bad thing?? Sounds like he should be happy! And happy for you!
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
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    You need to carry on for your own health. A lot of men do that when they see their woman is looking better. My brother did it to my sister in law. But that didn't stop her. She kept going and is still losing. It's for her own health and happiness. DO IT FOR YOU! If he's being like that then he's setting you back and you might have to have a talk with him about your feelings. Good luck!
  • stephl81
    stephl81 Posts: 122 Member
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    My boyfriend seems to think I go have sex with other dudes on my lunch break when Im really at the gym. He'll say that I have an "odor" later on that night. :embarassed: Im like its just sweat from exercising! Ive tried getting him to go with me, but he wont.
  • tabinmaine
    tabinmaine Posts: 965 Member
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    I adore my husband, to me he is the sexiest man ever. He has always made me feel like the sexiest woman alive, whatever my weight, and at times ive been big.
    But this time, me losing weight is having the wrong affect, im more confident which he seems to love (in the bedroom) but day to day, me out and about he doesnt.....other than stay indoors, what do i do ? :frown:
    Stay in, get fat again and im unhappy but hes happy? Or carry on with my weight loss, feel happier and more confident and possibly lose my husband?

    you need to say what you said above ^^ to him.... he needs to hear these words
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
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    Darling... the worse thing you have done in your journey is to do it for him and not 100% for yourself... Look him in the eye and tell him - "Yes I am having an affair, with myself -- I am trying to become a better me, love me for ME and in turn I can share myself with you"...

    Don't let him control you by his insecurities, all you can do is show him that just because you are loving yourself more doesn't mean you love him less...
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
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    he needs to get over it ! if he really loves you hed be happy for you and enjoying it with you!!!
  • garyobesedeleted
    garyobesedeleted Posts: 117 Member
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    jeremy kyle says that if he suspects u of cheating, then hes probably cheating...
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    Sounds like he needs a cookie..............lol.

    Some guys need more reassurance than others - if he feels insecure about your relationship due to your losing weight, then you need to tell him that all is well, that you're doing this to make life better, and that you love him above all else.

    I'm curious about what broke you guys up before? Could there be a "history is repeating itself" thing going on? Is he unsure because of the past?
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    Sounds to me like he's wondering why you're making this change all of a sudden and it's making him wonder if you're doing it for another man. A lot of time married couples get comfortable together and put on a few pounds. All of a sudden you decided to do something about it and he doesn't understand that you're doing it to feel better about yourself and not for another man. Be patient with him, but explain your reasoning. It's probably a scary thing for him.
  • soontobesam
    soontobesam Posts: 714 Member
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    That is exactly what it is! He sees that you look better and he is jealous! He feels like if you look better there is a big chance another man can find you attractive. Do this transformation for you! Love yourself and keep moving forward don't go back! Try to do more things with him like work out together or go for walks together. Sometimes our better halves feel left out and need a little more attention. :wink:

    This. I love this.
  • soontobesam
    soontobesam Posts: 714 Member
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    Darling... the worse thing you have done in your journey is to do it for him and not 100% for yourself... Look him in the eye and tell him - "Yes I am having an affair, with myself -- I am trying to become a better me, love me for ME and in turn I can share myself with you"...

    Don't let him control you by his insecurities, all you can do is show him that just because you are loving yourself more doesn't mean you love him less...

    AND THIS!!
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    What is the point in all this hard work? Ive always been a fairly insecure person and part of my motivation to lose weight was to gain more confidence in myself, to look sexier for my husband, who until today has been extremely supportive.
    Today he decides to say he thinks im having an affair !!!! NO WAY :noway:
    He says im acting differently :frown:
    I believe he has become insecure and jealous himself....he hasnt ever shown a jealous bone in his body the whole time ive known him !!! But now, it seems he is. I cant do right for doing wrong..i dont see the point in carrying on with this diet or 'way of life' :cry:

    You need to do all this for you, not for somebody else, because if you do that and they change attitudes, you end up with the negative thoughts that you are having right now. If, however, you had been doing this for yourself and nobody else, no matter how their attitudes changes, yours will remain the same, as will your perseverance to reach your goals.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    jeremy kyle says that if he suspects u of cheating, then hes probably cheating...

    Ahh yes, Jeremy Kyle....... pmsl
  • mommy7
    mommy7 Posts: 153
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    Most of the time, partners who accuse the other of cheating are often the ones cheating. Accusing their partner is their way of justifying their actions/behavior. I've been around these circles for a long time and this is normal behavior.

    Course, when a spouse suddenly starts taking care of themselves or takes better care and has some behavioral changes, that is often a red flag, too.
  • traceyjayne64
    traceyjayne64 Posts: 262
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    I AM NOT CHEATING.......he on the other hand........i dont know
  • traceyjayne64
    traceyjayne64 Posts: 262
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    My husband goes to a lap dancing pub every week or so and i hoped that maybe i could persuade him not to.....i really hate him going, its a huge problem for me....but he WONT give it up nomatter what ........

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