What's the point?

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Replies

  • garyobesedeleted
    garyobesedeleted Posts: 117 Member
    jeremy kyle says that if he suspects u of cheating, then hes probably cheating...
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Sounds like he needs a cookie..............lol.

    Some guys need more reassurance than others - if he feels insecure about your relationship due to your losing weight, then you need to tell him that all is well, that you're doing this to make life better, and that you love him above all else.

    I'm curious about what broke you guys up before? Could there be a "history is repeating itself" thing going on? Is he unsure because of the past?
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
    Sounds to me like he's wondering why you're making this change all of a sudden and it's making him wonder if you're doing it for another man. A lot of time married couples get comfortable together and put on a few pounds. All of a sudden you decided to do something about it and he doesn't understand that you're doing it to feel better about yourself and not for another man. Be patient with him, but explain your reasoning. It's probably a scary thing for him.
  • soontobesam
    soontobesam Posts: 714 Member
    That is exactly what it is! He sees that you look better and he is jealous! He feels like if you look better there is a big chance another man can find you attractive. Do this transformation for you! Love yourself and keep moving forward don't go back! Try to do more things with him like work out together or go for walks together. Sometimes our better halves feel left out and need a little more attention. :wink:

    This. I love this.
  • soontobesam
    soontobesam Posts: 714 Member
    Darling... the worse thing you have done in your journey is to do it for him and not 100% for yourself... Look him in the eye and tell him - "Yes I am having an affair, with myself -- I am trying to become a better me, love me for ME and in turn I can share myself with you"...

    Don't let him control you by his insecurities, all you can do is show him that just because you are loving yourself more doesn't mean you love him less...

    AND THIS!!
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member
    What is the point in all this hard work? Ive always been a fairly insecure person and part of my motivation to lose weight was to gain more confidence in myself, to look sexier for my husband, who until today has been extremely supportive.
    Today he decides to say he thinks im having an affair !!!! NO WAY :noway:
    He says im acting differently :frown:
    I believe he has become insecure and jealous himself....he hasnt ever shown a jealous bone in his body the whole time ive known him !!! But now, it seems he is. I cant do right for doing wrong..i dont see the point in carrying on with this diet or 'way of life' :cry:

    You need to do all this for you, not for somebody else, because if you do that and they change attitudes, you end up with the negative thoughts that you are having right now. If, however, you had been doing this for yourself and nobody else, no matter how their attitudes changes, yours will remain the same, as will your perseverance to reach your goals.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member
    jeremy kyle says that if he suspects u of cheating, then hes probably cheating...

    Ahh yes, Jeremy Kyle....... pmsl
  • mommy7
    mommy7 Posts: 153
    Most of the time, partners who accuse the other of cheating are often the ones cheating. Accusing their partner is their way of justifying their actions/behavior. I've been around these circles for a long time and this is normal behavior.

    Course, when a spouse suddenly starts taking care of themselves or takes better care and has some behavioral changes, that is often a red flag, too.
  • traceyjayne64
    traceyjayne64 Posts: 262
    I AM NOT CHEATING.......he on the other hand........i dont know
  • traceyjayne64
    traceyjayne64 Posts: 262
    My husband goes to a lap dancing pub every week or so and i hoped that maybe i could persuade him not to.....i really hate him going, its a huge problem for me....but he WONT give it up nomatter what ........
  • kmuree
    kmuree Posts: 283 Member
    My husband goes to a lap dancing pub every week or so and i hoped that maybe i could persuade him not to.....i really hate him going, its a huge problem for me....but he WONT give it up nomatter what ........

    This right here is a load of BS. :mad:

    If he's not willing to do something to greatly help your relationship and connection, why do you bother lingering so much on doing all of this work for him? Do it for yourself, girl. Marriage is a beautiful thing but it only works when two people work at it. It sounds to me like you're doing your part, while he's blowing money on strippers and accusing you of being unfaithful. Something isn't right there. You deserve the BEST and he owes you more than he is giving you.

    Talk to him and tell him exactly what you've said to us. That he's amazing, in bed and out, that you love him, so on, but tell him you need to do it for you. So that you feel better doing the little things, so that your clothes are more comfy or whatever it is that is YOUR motivation. If he has insecurity issues, maybe seek counseling?

    If he isn't willing to take your needs and wants into account, he isn't doing his part as your life partner.

    You look fabulous. Don't you dare let go of that happiness to please a man, or anyone else for that matter. You've divorced once. I think it's beautiful that you found love in each other again, but (knock on wood!) if it happens again, you'll be a healthier, more beautiful, happier you if it does and you keep up the good work.

    You owe this to yourself.
    Support him, love him, reassure him, but remember that YOU matter too! :heart:
  • SirBen81
    SirBen81 Posts: 396 Member
    My husband goes to a lap dancing pub every week or so ...

    uh...WHAT? That's messed up. Did he do this before you were married?
  • traceyjayne64
    traceyjayne64 Posts: 262
    i didnt know he did....hes done it for a while so he says without me knowing :cry:
  • SirBen81
    SirBen81 Posts: 396 Member
    Well I suppose that's a matter MFP forums won't offer many solutions for, if it even is a matter at all, i dont know. Regardless, great work losing weight! Celebrate what you got
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