Just need an ear.

Lisseth03

first of all, you're gorgeous!
second of all, hang in there, it will get better, and at least you are looking to support.

I used to self harm through all of highschool and even afterwards, I don't know how or when it stopped, but it just sort of did.
I've found that working out really does help with depression (at least it helps me).
I don't really know what to tell you, but if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here!
sending you a friend request.

soon2bhotmom

I dont understand cutting but I just wanted to say youre beautiful and have so much to look forward to. Life is so different after high school, its like a fresh start in life but more on your terms. You can do anything you want...go to school, persue your dreams, work hard....I promise its worth it. Your family loves you and want to help you...dont shut them out. Best of luck to you, hun.

Joneisha07

First off let me say that it is totally normal and human to feel the way you feel. Lots of us go through this at one point in our lives. Here is what helped me. Exercise. Meditation and finally i got medication (for the debilitating anxiety I was experiencing)
It sounds like you are experiencing a bout of depression, and I am in no way saying you need medication, but its ok to talk to someone and find out if whatever it is you are going through is clinical.

I am so proud of you for speaking up because there are tons of people who feel the same way you do.
This was not something that just "went away" for me. I really had to practice. That being said, when we practice feeling the same way day after day w become really good at doing it. When we practice feeling another way... we can become good at that too.

There is life beyond the way you feel now.Hang in there girl!

camila_scl

It sounds to me like depression, I struggled with depression when I was like 16 years old, and I was a cutter too. Now, almost 8 years later, I deeply regret that, I have scars in my arms that had never erased and it looks horrible.

From my personal experience, I seriosly recommend you to go to a shrink, if you do have depression the doctor will give you meds, and really, take them. I was so unhappy for so long, waiting for it to go away by itself, and after taking the meds that the shrink gave me, within 2 months, I felt like myself again! the old me that was happy and enjoying activities again and stuff, and I just regret waiting for so long to asked for help, I waited almost a year, and I could have come back to the normal me much earlier!! I wasted too much time.

Really, seek professional help and give it a try. And for the love of God, don't cut yourself anymore, for the moment at least, find another escape, I would love to come back in time and never done that, to have arms without ugly scars, or just avoid the questions when somebody sees them, I don't have issues talking about it, but it is quite annoying, you know, explaining it.

Hope you take my advice, seek help with a professional. A psycologist or a shrink.

jillian769

You look like such a cute girl! Being a teenager is tough and the emotions that go with it can be so crazy and confusing. I have struggled with anxiety and low grade depression for years, and for me talking to a therapist and being on an antidepressant has helped me. I have a son that will be 18 next month and he is also graduating, and as a mom I know I would really want to know that he was suffering and not feeling himself. I really think you should tell your mother...she would probably be able to get you help and steer you in the right direction. It sounds like you really have a lot of insight into your behavior and want to get help, so that alone is great news! Life is always going to have ups and downs but things do change and they usually get better! Please let us know how you are. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you.

kdeaux1959

I'm 18 years old. I'm graduating in a week. Things are moving very quickly and changing a lot... more than I thought was possible. I'm okay with all of that, that isn't the issue.. I need to speak up, and I need a little support. I hope this is okay to say.

I've been a self harming for seven months. I hate myself. I am the world's ugliest, stupidest, most moronic fool and I can't stand to live in my body. I'm not fishing for compliments, I just really want to disappear. I've felt like this for the past year and a half, and waiting for it to let up isn't really very effective. I spoke to a counselor at my high school, who kind of just waved it off and told me I'd be fine if I just smiled more. I want to be happy, I want to be glad I'm alive and feel good about life. What happened to me? This isn't me.

I came to this site in January when I decided I'd rather run than cut, and I wanted to change my outlook; I got so sick of hating myself. It worked for a little while... the distraction was nice. But I feel like I'm losing it. I'm so sorry to rant to all of you and whine about my stupid teenage problems, but I'm begging for support. This community is so helpful and uplifting, I just want to be a part of it. I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, it wasn't my intention to be offensive.

You are a bright young woman with a great future. But you need to get beyond this. You tried to talk to your counselor and they blew it off? That is wild but I won't speak to that at this point. You NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY AND THE SOONER THE BETTER... Talk to your doctor, a counselor, a parent... somebody you trust... If they don't take you seriously... talk to somebody else until they do take you seriously. This behavior is very dangerous and damaging. You have too much going for you in life to let this cut you short. You can get through it but you need some help with it. We are limited by distance to help you the way you need it... (No, I am NOT BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION saying that you are inferior mentally... Some VERY INTELLIGENT and brilliant people go through this sort of thing and they get through it.. but they get somebody who is knowledgeable in how to help them through it... Please, see somebody today, in the morning... as soon as you can. Be brave. Your life will be better for it....

sarar_smiles

Hun, I don't know what I can offer that everyone else hasn't except to say that I love you with every single bone in my body and my whole heart. This may come off as creepy (which isn't my intention, I promise! ) but it's important for you to know that if some random person over the internet loves you and cares about you and knows you're gorgeous and wonderful, then surely YOU should know that you are, too! I understand the desire to self-harm -- I used to be there. But it gets so much better when you talk to people. Your mom, a friend, a counselor. It doesn't matter, just talk. I don't know if you're a Christian, but something that helped me was knowing that every inch of my body was made with love and care, and who was I to disrespect such craftsmanship?! XD Regardless, know that you are beautiful, and I wish you the best.

_Bob_

I didn't go through with it. Things aren't really improving and it hurts and it's hard and I'm too scared to speak up. I'm doing the best I can. I'm sorry to be so whiny.

Good idea, I'm a high school guidance counselor and smiling more wont cut it, I've had a lot of cutters this year and I've got all of them into counseling and I check in on them often. they all seem to be doing a lot better. one of them has even used this site to draw strength and has used it to take control of their health be cause that helps a lot. but counseling can definatly be a good thing if it is effective. good luck

lind3400

I can't offer any words of advice unfortunately because I haven't solved my problems yet...but I am doing the same things to myself
I hate myself because I'm 23 and everyone I know is getting married, buying houses and living fantastic lives....and I live with my sister in an apartment my parents pay for...
I feel like an epic loser and I don't know why I feel this way about myself but you're not alone

The reason I say this to you is because I was the same. Focusing so much on what others had that I didnt and getting depressed over it. A friend pointed out that I was wasting time agonising over what I didnt have and not appreciating what I did have. I felt so sad that I was taking what I DID have for granted. Friends, family, a roof over my head, food in my tummy, a job.......so much to be grateful for

You're right I should appreciate the things I do have and I know I have a fantastic family and support and I'm so grateful for them....but I dont have many friends anymore because they've moved on with their lives and care more about their bfs than me...

but my biggest problem though is my lack of self confidence and my avoidence of relationships because of it....and I am afraid I'll end up alone....

AuddAlise

This is not just some stupid high school problem. This is soething grown men and women deal with. First I want to say go you for even admitting it. You want help. You need to find a real counselor who won't dismiss your valid feelings. I hope you find the right fit for you. You are worth it, you may not know it or feel it now but one day you'll find out how great you truly are.

vade43113

First off, don't say sorry... sorry means I will take the backlash/responsibility/ it is my fault response... for it. You can save your sorry... It is good that you spoke, or typed, it.

You have so much before you, and you seem like a smart, and lovely lady. Seeking help, proves it. It was the Councillor. who was the fool. And don't think this as being weak... speaking about a weakness, is much more braver than most think

Different people respond different ways, but how I deal with stress, especially the kind it sounds you have.
1) Be decisive,... I make a list of everything I don't like, that I have been having issues with... and at the end of everyone write "IT IS OVER" And believe it is truth,
2) religion, I grew up in the church and even though I have moved. I always know I have a few places to go to seek help... Also, even if it is an invisible force, in my mind alone, I always have someone who listens to me. I also find solos(sp? meaning comfort) in the bible, more towards the new testaments .
3) Friendships, Friends... good friends are worth more than gold, and the best psychologist . Yes this counts Family too, if you are in good standing with them, and trust them.

I know how it is to hate yourself, and so my prayers go with you lovely lady. You are worth so much, and I pray and hope these pains and sorrows flow from you like a leaves in the fall.

AndiJoy812

First off, I am sending you a huge hug because that it was I would do if you were here with me. You're the same age as my daughter, and you've really hit me in my heart.
My daughter was also a cutter when she was 15/16. It was such a hard time for her - we had just moved, she didn't feel like fit in; she hadn't found anything that brought her joy; and she was angry. And she couldn't put her emotions into words...it was literally eating her up inside.
She finally reached out to us one night - and as hard as it was to hear, it opened up the door for her to get better. She just had to take that first step.
18 is a hard age. Society tells you that at 18 you should have life pretty much figured out - but sweetie, that is so far from the truth. At 18, you are just starting to figure out who you are as a person and what you stand for. This should be a time of self discovery, and for you to be a little bit selfish, if you want the truth. One chapter (school) is ending, and the next one is wide open. You will be making decisions that will really impact your future - and that is very scary! But here is a bit of wisdom that I learned...no matter what decisions that I made as a young adult - whether they were great or horrible - whether they were phenomenal successes or dismal failures - none of those decisions did anything but teach me life lessons that made me stronger, and made me the woman that I am today. And it's fine and perfectly OK to take your time to figure things out.
I am so thankful that my daughter opened up to me, and trusted me enough to tell me what was going on with her; and I am so proud of the young woman that she has become. We spend many late nights sitting on my bed talking about her hopes and fears, and some nights I just listen, and others I tell her what my experiences were.
Just from reading your posts, you seem to be a very articulate, insightful, caring, and generous young woman. Your picture shows a very beautiful young woman with very soulful eyes. Please, please, please take the first step and talk to an adult that you trust. If you are not ready to take that step with your Mom, talk to an Aunt, one of your Mom's close friends, a teacher that you respect, and let them know what is going on. I bet any one of them would even be willing to go with you and help you talk to your Mom. I know I would.
Sending you lots of love from Missouri.

Maystar80

I've been feeling the exact same way lately. Sometimes I think about hurting myself but the thought always gives me chills. Once during highschool while chopping carrots I started crying and chopping at my hand (it was a dull knife thankfully) and the experience scared the living daylights out of me and my mother. I'm 20 now and still get pretty depressed and disgusted with myself. Most of the time I'm pretty ok but every now and then I get more sensitive than usual and almost everything upsets me. I'm still trying to figure out how to get over it. Like I said, I'm feeling it now so it's hard to give advice. Just know that I and other people feel your pain in our own lives. The only advice I can think of giving is to think of the people you love and who are kind to you when you're really down. I try to do this. It might not make you happy, I usually stay sad because I miss them, but at least you're think of the people you live for.

jsenecal12

Please, whatever you do, however you cope... don't let it be through harming yourself. Read through all of the wonderful advice I've been given through this thread, dwell on their love and support and don't take it out on yourself. It's a scary addiction I'd never wish upon anyone. Take care and be safe and know you're loved.

vade43113

Please, whatever you do, however you cope... don't let it be through harming yourself. Read through all of the wonderful advice I've been given through this thread, dwell on their love and support and don't take it out on yourself. It's a scary addiction I'd never wish upon anyone. Take care and be safe and know you're loved.

You do the same, and know you are loved. *hugs*

PunkyRachel

*hugs* it does get better. For me it did, my childhood was horrible. I won't go into details, unless you want to know them. I may be 27 and happily married to my best friend now. I wasn't always so happy. I ate and ate when I was sad, getting up to a size 20 my junior year. I remember being depressed and hating myself I even tried to commit suicide twice, I failed obviously. The 1st time I was 13, I took 13 Tylenol pills and just got sick in the morning, and I let my mom just believe it was the flu. Then when I was 16 I slit my wrist, but when I saw the blood, I chickened out, and didn't cut deep enough. I talked to a councilor, that just told me to ditch my one friend, she's a bad influence on me. That just made me pissed off and even more angry.

What helped me the most during this time was writing. All my emotions and thoughts and feeling in a notebook. I was too scared of someone reading mine, so I burned every single page. I don't recommend this because I accidentally caught my bed on fire, doing so.

Please, I beg you DO NOT be a people pleaser! This was a big thing for me. I still struggle sometimes with it, but its not as severe. I'm able to tell people NO now, and I'm able to put my foot down, now when people use me as a doormat, where as before I couldn't, I just let them use me.

feel free to add me, and again *hugs*

BeautyFromPain

Sent you a FR,

I have death with depression, PTSD, anxiety, cutting and OCD from the ages of 13-19.
Last year after my most major attempt (2 packets of antidepressants) and 1 pack of sleeping tablets I almost succeeded.
My doctor suggested that I start exercising to help with the depression, ever since I started I've fallen in love and have been taken off all tablets, and no longer cut or smoke. When I feel really bad i go for a run or lift some weights and feel amazing.

I still have bouts of depression, PTSD, anxiety, but now it is manageable and I know what I can do to treat it.

*This may not work for everyone, this is just my story.*