Love & Relationships

Amorelove
Amorelove Posts: 9
in Chit-Chat
This ? is for those of you who are married or in a committed
relationship. Is it at all possible to love or be in love with more
than one person? Let's say you're happily married & you meet
someone, initially you're just friends but slowly you gain feelings
for this person. Does your love change for your spouse? Have any
of you experienced that?
«1

Replies

  • ProjectTae
    ProjectTae Posts: 434 Member
    I've never experienced this but I'd say if you're really in love with someone, you wouldn't fall in love with someone else, because even if there is no physical encounter this still is a form of cheating (and the worse form in my opinion)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I personally don't think you can be in love with one person and cheat or have feelings for another one. I think you CAN love one person and cheat or have feelings for another person. But I think there's a difference between in love and love. Not that I think I could do it, but I think it's possible.
  • LesliePierceRN
    LesliePierceRN Posts: 860 Member
    Many people confuse great chemistry with love.. and of course, the human heart is complex, there's no reason you can't have feelings for more than one person. Otherwise, no one would be able to love more than one child, etc.. but, there is a matter of integrity. You've made a promise to this person you are with.. are you so fickle as to break it just because you have (probably temporary and fleeting) 'feelings' for someone else? That is the true question.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
  • devonette
    devonette Posts: 263 Member
    I have not experienced it, but know people who have. If a person truly loves their spouse or significant other, the second they find the friendship with the other person changing to stronger feelings akin to love they need to step back, back off, nip it in the bud. This includes developing online flirtations, which I have seen destroy marriages.
  • Judanjos
    Judanjos Posts: 87
    johnny_depp_quotes_2.jpg
  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 999 Member
    oooooh interesting question
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    love-the-second-one-johnny-depp-quote-670x466.jpg
  • jacquelyn_erika
    jacquelyn_erika Posts: 524 Member
    I've never experienced this but I'd say if you're really in love with someone, you wouldn't fall in love with someone else, because even if there is no physical encounter this still is a form of cheating (and the worse form in my opinion)

    You hit the nail on the head.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    ^^ Haha, totally didn't see that someone else posted the same thing!
  • Judanjos
    Judanjos Posts: 87
    ^^ Haha, totally didn't see that someone else posted the same thing!

    :) And to think there were so many pics to go with that quote. You know what they say..great minds think alike lol ...however this kind of relationship situation totally sucks.
  • HarleyQuinn_12
    HarleyQuinn_12 Posts: 363 Member
    johnny_depp_quotes_2.jpg

    This is a truth.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    ^^ Haha, totally didn't see that someone else posted the same thing!

    :) And to think there were so many pics to go with that quote. You know what they say..great minds think alike lol ...however this kind of relationship situation totally sucks.

    I love that pic :love:

    And yes, it does suck. Been there, done that.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    ^^ Haha, totally didn't see that someone else posted the same thing!

    :) And to think there were so many pics to go with that quote. You know what they say..great minds think alike lol ...however this kind of relationship situation totally sucks.

    I love that pic :love:

    So what side have you been on? falling in love with two people, or being the 'first' one? just wondering.

    And yes, it does suck. Been there, done that.
  • iwantahealthierme13
    iwantahealthierme13 Posts: 337 Member
    It shouldn't be possible to love two people romantically at the same time.

    I'm not married but I was engaged at one point and I remember that in the two years I was with this man I never so much as looked at another guy with those kind of thoughts/feelings.

    I was completely and totally devoted to my then fiance, too bad he didn't deserve it! :P
  • timmymon
    timmymon Posts: 304 Member
    I am writing about love for a final exam in my philosophy of emotion class right now! This is a super interesting question and it makes me think about what exactly is going on when we say we love somebody. Clearly you can love more than one person at once (I can love my mother and brother at the same time as a girlfriend or spouse). I think the only problem people have with loving more than one person romantically is a moral one, why should romantic love be limited to one single person out of the six billion in this world? I find it hard to believe that loving somebody means you can't love anyone else.
  • Kristy_Elizabeth
    Kristy_Elizabeth Posts: 435
    I think you are probably missing something from the relationship you are in. If you were completely happy then your heart and head would be so engaged that you wouldn't give someone else a thought like that.

    Do you think you are missing a key ingredient in your first relationship. maybe like true commitment on his part, enough affection, or maybe physical attention, etc.?

    If I were you I would figure out what I was needing from my current relationship and see if I wanted to try to fix it. If I didn't want to, then I would end things cleanly with the one person before starting something new. If I wanted to preserve the current relationship, I would break off all contact with the crush and focus my energy into the guy I was committed to. Cheating hurts all parties involved so very deeply. Please don't go in that direction with it.
  • harpercutie
    harpercutie Posts: 118 Member
    it all comes down to the definition of love. many people tend to confuse "love" with "one love". do you believe in one true love or do you believe in multiple people you can be compatible with? i personally don't believe in one love because i know that i am compatible with many people out there. the next question you must ask yourself is if you believe in fate.

    theses topics are something i will never be able to wrap my head around. whatever you are feeling is not wrong. you are only human, and we has humans have to deal with these reallllly annoying things called emotions. they kind of are the root to all problems. but thats a whole other conversation. :)

    hang in there and thing out everything rationally -that's the only advice i can offer.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    ^^ Haha, totally didn't see that someone else posted the same thing!

    :) And to think there were so many pics to go with that quote. You know what they say..great minds think alike lol ...however this kind of relationship situation totally sucks.

    I love that pic :love:

    And yes, it does suck. Been there, done that.

    So what side have you been on? falling in love with two people, or being the 'first' one? just wondering.

    Falling in love while in a relationship...but I've always watched my mom be the "first" one. Both are hard places to be, IMO.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    This is interesting who knows really what love is?
  • ProjectTae
    ProjectTae Posts: 434 Member
    I am writing about love for a final exam in my philosophy of emotion class right now! This is a super interesting question and it makes me think about what exactly is going on when we say we love somebody. Clearly you can love more than one person at once (I can love my mother and brother at the same time as a girlfriend or spouse). I think the only problem people have with loving more than one person romantically is a moral one, why should romantic love be limited to one single person out of the six billion in this world? I find it hard to believe that loving somebody means you can't love anyone else.

    hmm interesting, I've never studied emotion, but I think loving someone and being in love with someone are two completely different things, the way a mother loves her child and the way she loves her husband are completely different, the love that I have for my father and the love I have for my boyfriend are completely different.
  • meljane1992
    meljane1992 Posts: 16
    Every Relationship has falls and just because you met someone else doesnt mean you dont love the person your with, you need to stay true to your partner and let it slide, you are only human like the rest of us and want things you cant have -my opinion..
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,304 Member
    Honestly, I think you would have to make the choice to be open to falling in love with someone else in order to do it. Life is choices and love does not "just happen". You can fall in love with as many people as you will allow yourself to.
  • bigswedeman
    bigswedeman Posts: 139 Member
    If people spent more time on tending to their own grass, instead of admiring the grass on the other side...

    Their own grass would be just as healthy.
  • sthrnchick
    sthrnchick Posts: 771
    I think many confuse lust for love... I think that you if are in love with someone...you can not possibly LOVE someone else...nor would want to...
  • Amorelove
    Amorelove Posts: 9
    I enjoyed the different view points. I asked this ? because
    I saw two people going through this situation. For some monogamy
    hurts like giving
    birth. For others it's the moral thing to do.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    I think many confuse lust for love... I think that you if are in love with someone...you can not possibly LOVE someone else...nor would want to...

    now we are talking!! Love is Ok, Lust is bad.... but are they really different?
  • Marper8521
    Marper8521 Posts: 158 Member
    I have never experienced this, but have seen it in action with some of my friends and it rarely works!!! I just wonder why are people so uptight about someone being in love with more than one person! Again, only in this country do we find so many life situations to place the scarlet letter upon!! Shame! To each his own and it's none of my business what they do as long as it does not infringe on my life!! Chill people.
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
    Love is not an object that you acquire in one solid way. Love is multi-layered and comes in different levels.
    You can love someone, but not trust them. My example of this is my own brother - i love him unconditionally, but could not trust him to simply pick me up from the station even if it was on his way home.
    You love everyone that is close to you. Family, friends... the difference between these levels comes down to one factor: being *in* love with someone.
    When you are *in* love with one person in this world, all other people in the world drift away. When you are *in* love with someone, no words, no actions - nothing on this earth can break that bond. Being *in* love with someone is basically letting your soul twine with one another to the point where you are no longer one person. Being *in* love with someone is from your spirit. The essence of who you are. No person on this earth can share that with more than one other person.
    So for you, I'd say you need to ask yourself a simple question: out of all the potential 'futures' you see yourself going down, is there any potential future that does not have your partner in it? Does it have another?
    If the answer is anything but an unequivocal "yes, they all have my partner in it!", you are not *in* love with them. You love them, want to share yourself with them, but it is unfair to keep them at bay when you're reserving your feelings for another. The sad truth at the crux of it is you believe that you at some level deserve more. You are keeping your options open.
    If you don't respect your partner, value your partner and appreciate your partner for who they are you simply do not deserve them.
  • ineptguru
    ineptguru Posts: 1
    There's a group of people who identify as polyamorous- that is, loving multiple people. It's not necessarily the same as polygamy. I have several friends who identify under various identities, so I know love certainly exists in many forms.

    The first questions to ask yourself, if you're in a relationship, would be:

    A) Is it love or lust?
    B) Is it an desire or a perceived obligation to stay with one partner keeping you from moving on to another?
    C) Is the relationship healthy?

    If you can answer those honestly and say that you still love your partner, then I'd say it's perfectly natural. Love is a multifaceted thing. You have to approach the situation based on your own emotions, not on the social mores. When you can honestly answer yourself, then you need to evaluate your situation and all involved.

    Basically, if you're in love with multiple people, you have to figure out whether you really want to be with both/all of them or if you want just one as a close friend. After all, love shouldn't hurt- it should enhance life. Be responsible about it and you'll be fine.

    The two most important things are respecting yourself and respecting your loved ones. No cheating, no skirting around, etc. You have to respect the desires of your partner- they have the right to decide whether or not they feel comfortable in such a situation. And you have to be comfortable with your own actions.

    TL;DR: Perfectly natural. Make sure you know yourself and be honest when assessing what it is what you're really asking. Don't do anything to hurt anyone, don't hurt yourself. Respect yourself, respect your loved ones. Do what makes you ALL happy.

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