creepy guy at the gym

marydee72

There is a fellow at the gym who I am sure is harmless, but he seems to be there to socialize more than to workout. He chats everytime he sees me and now he has started to touch my arm or my back.

I don't mind saying hello and being friendly, but when my workout is being interrupted by an extended conversation, I find it extremely annoying.

And please, don't touch me if you don't know me.....I mean, really.

Anyone else have/had similar issues? Any suggestions? I keep my eyes down, I am focused on what I am doing. I don't look to catch his, or anyone else's eye.

I actually left the gym one day because I didn't want to have to talk to him.

sisierra

I'd say be blunt and straight forward with him. Tell him that while its a pleasure talking to him, but you are at the gym to work out, not to make new friends. Sometimes you just have to be rude to make people get the message

DaveC29

Damn! You are on to me again?!

I always have my headphones on when working out alone... music turned up, everyone else tuned out and ignore the creepers!

ccmandel

Creepy indeed ! I'd say something...so long as people are around....this is NOT ok.

"cc"

lil_pulp

You could try wearing headphones (even if you're not listening to anything)....maybe he'd get the message that you're not interested in flirting. Just a thought...

mallory3411

Seems a bit creepy.

Do you have an MP3 player to listen to? Maybe wearing headphones would discourage him from talking to you.

Can you go at a different time? If you can switch up the times you go and not go the same time each day maybe you won't run into him.

If it is too much it might be a good idea to let the gym know. You can leave the manager a note with the information and what he looks like/time he was there if you don't want them to know who mentioned it.

marydee72

Oh I wear headphones......music up full tilt.
he just taps me on the shoulder.

ugh

grannygethealthy1111

Make yourself VERY clear ... tell him to keep his frigging hands off you. Say it loud and clear and he will get the message.

myogibbs

Damn! You are on to me again?!

I always have my headphones on when working out alone... music turned up, everyone else tuned out and ignore the creepers!

I was gonna say this. I have my headphones on b/c I am very focused on my workout...plus, it keeps me from talking(& having to listen) to others...especially when I don't want to socalize...

StarvingDiva

When you see him coming wave and put in your earphones and turn up the music really loud so you drown out his mumblings.

After reading, you should definitely speak up, I'd just say, it's really nice to meet you but you are trying to focus on your workout and talking is distracting to you, can you chat with him later on and just make sure you aren't around later on. HAHA!

myogibbs

Oh I wear headphones......music up full tilt.
he just taps me on the shoulder.

ugh

Ugh....can you ask a staff member at the gym to talk to him about interrupting others' work outs? If not, you are just gonna have to be firm with him and tell him that you are there to work out not to socialize....

rjmwx81

Drop a weight on his foot. Act like it was an accident because he startled you. That ought to take care of it.

StarvingDiva

Drop a weight on his foot. Act like it was an accident because he startled you. That ought to take care of it.

THIS ^^^^

Hraggle

Of course, any woman that's in public is considered public property and any man can just walk up and touch her.

I think I'd make it clear how he's making you feel. He may just be innocent, and might get offended, but if he's decent then he can respect your personal boundaries. There are enough deterrents from working out, you don't need any kind of additions to that arm-length list.

I don't think that you should come down too hard on him, he may think you're interested in him simply because you're talking to him.

ashley67203

Does he do it to other people or just you? If he spreads the "love" around I'd report him to management. They won't want him around scaring away the paying customers. They could give him a warning and he wouldn't know who made the complaint. He sounds like some kind of perv trolling for gym ladies.

If he just does it to you and can't take a clear hint to go away I'd be rude and just ignore him, grade school style. He's making things uncomfortable for you so you might as well return the favor.

Athena98501

There is a fellow at the gym who I am sure is harmless, but he seems to be there to socialize more than to workout. He chats everytime he sees me and now he has started to touch my arm or my back.

I don't mind saying hello and being friendly, but when my workout is being interrupted by an extended conversation, I find it extremely annoying.

And please, don't touch me if you don't know me.....I mean, really.

Anyone else have/had similar issues? Any suggestions? I keep my eyes down, I am focused on what I am doing. I don't look to catch his, or anyone else's eye.

I actually left the gym one day because I didn't want to have to talk to him.

I don't think I'd be so quick to assume he's harmless. Too many women dismiss their instinctive leanings for fear of appearing rude. It sounds to me like you feel that way for good reason. He's dismissing what he reads in your body language, and invading your personal space. I would tell him "No offense, but I'm not here to socialize." He might walk away calling you a b*tch under his breath, but you're entitled to your space, and to stand up for yourself.

RoanneRed

To start with I'd simply say 'you'll have to excuse me but I need to keep moving with my workout' then put the headphones back in. The touching is a challenge and you may just have to tell him outright that you're not comfortable with it.

ironanimal

A short, sharp and succinct "I'm busy." tends to clear up most of these problems. It may seem rude, but that is the only way to get through to some people.

thelandofwin

This happened to me today, but it was a first conversation and no touching. I was finishing up on the treadmill when I was approached. I also had headphones and music blasting, so that doesn't stop everyone. If I am not interested, I will keep my answers very short, don't ask follow up questions, smile, finish the conversation on a strong point, put your headphones back in and walk off.

momma_a

If it were me, I'd eat some food that makes me really gassy & then fart on him.

KC4800

Make yourself VERY clear ... tell him to keep his frigging hands off you. Say it loud and clear and he will get the message.

This. Be blunt. Some people are clueless. You pay for the gym, your time is valuable.

amandammmq

Ugh, how unpleasant! In this situation, I wouldn't worry too much about being polite and nice - he is violating your personal space and making you really uncomfortable. You don't want him as a friend, I assume.

Keep this in mind, and be really firm - practice what you're going to say ahead of time, and don't be afraid to be a "jerk"... after all, he is already not being respectful of you!

If it were me, I'd start by saying that it's been nice chatting, but I was getting back to my workout. If he kept chatting, I'd be more firm, telling him that I come to the gym to rock out, work out hard, and unwind after a hard day at work. If that didn't work, I'd probably say, "Listen. I have asked you in as polite a way as possible to let me work out in peace. Please. Leave. Me. Alone." If that didn't work, I'd tell him he was making me really uncomfortable, violating my personal space, and really creeping me out. And then I'd talk to personnel at the gym. If he touched me again, I'd tell him to please stop touching me without my permission, as it was violating my personal space.

In situations where I know I am going to have a confrontation, I practice what I'm going to say ahead of time, and remind myself that I need to be strong, stick up for MYSELF and not worry about whether or not this is going to hurt their feelings.

Let us know what happens!

_SpeshK_

Damn! You are on to me again?!

I always have my headphones on when working out alone... music turned up, everyone else tuned out and ignore the creepers!

I think this is the best advice if you don't want to be blunt with him. BUT, since now he has already spoken to you and thinks he is able to come up to you no matter what, you may have to do what the first poster said and just be straight up. You're there to workout, not to socialize.

EpiGaiaRepens

This just makes me love my gym more. My gym is awesome! NO creepers at ALL!

If I were in your shoes, I would just set a boundary. The guy might be a creep, or he might think you are into him, or he might just be clueless that it's not cool to touch you. I think it is best to just say nicely that you don't like him touching you and that you really want to focus on your work out when you are at the gym.

deniseselah

and whatever you decide to say, don't smile while you're saying it, and don't use the word "sorry." something like "I don't talk much at the gym" ... "I don't like people coming up and touching me" ... and if he's still being weird it's time to get the staff involved. best of luck to you.

BosLady1

I would report him at the gym, and then don't act any different towards him if you are at all worried he may become aggressive / weird.
EDIT: my behavior = Passive aggressive? Maybe, but it's what I would do.

Can't stand creepers, or people who invade my personal space when I don't know them. :grumble:

jmach002

this happens to me sometimes too....i tend to do a few things....one i make it a point to say how sweaty and stinky i am (they tend to keep their distance once that is said) or i do a polite head nod and keep my headphones on and focus on my Kindle. or pretend to be way too out of breath to talk. I freakin cant stand it when people i dont know touch me i lose it! fight or flight and i tend to lean toward fight (i dont actually hit anyone but i get visably tense)

TheAncientMariner

Just tell him to stop. All of these other passive aggressive methods will only send mixed signals, and you don't want to do that. You want to make it clear that his continued methods of tangible and intangible communication are not wanted.

ShantiDey

The fact that he creeps you out is reason enough to take a firm line with him. He's either a) clueless that you are totally not okay with his coming on to you / touching you without an invitation, or worse, b) he's a predator and he's reading your downcast eyes, shying away and refusal to stand up for what you want as potential victim behavior.

I side with the posters here who encourage you to speak up. Look him straight in the eyes, stand up straight, and tell him that you do not wish to be touched. There are over 7 billion people in the world. If you have to run the risk of hurting a grown man's feelings in order to protect yourself, there are still over 6,999,999,999 other folks you haven't hurt. Protect yourself and move on. It's not your job to sacrifice your own safety and peace of mind because this guy is either a) clueless or b) a predator.

And please, on behalf of all other women out there, please file a note with your gym's management. If he's harmless, no harm done. If there are other complaints, it gives the management a segue to start the necessary actions to get him out of there before he hurts someone.

builtforlife

Just tell him, I'm working out bro, I'm trying to get a workout in do you mind?"

Karalopolous

Sneeze and or cough on him.