Helping girls with self esteem

curvykim78

I don't think I have a great self esteem...I probably have a distorted self body image as well. I want to work on these, but it is soooo hard sometimes. I don't want my daughters (12 & 13) to have a negative self image either. I don't belittle or say negative things to or about them, but I feel them about ME. I don't want them to be afraid of their weight or not feel pretty. I want them to feel beautiful and be healthy. It's so hard to help them and be positive about it, when they see what I do or struggle with in a day. I try not to make them aware of how I feel about myself or how I hate my weight as it is awful to me...I don't want them to hurt the way I hurt. How can I fix it?

cinsuccess

I struggled with self-esteem problems most of my life. The only thing that helped me overcome it was a very good therapist. She helped me figure out where all that negative self-talk started so I could reverse the damage. I still have days when I see the flaws and problems, but they are much less often than the days when I feel proud of myself.

You need to figure out where that stuff started, when did you start feeling bad about yourself and why. None of us is born with low self-esteem. That is definitely something we learn... the good news is that anything learned can be changed and we can learn a better way!

leslisa

That's a hard one because I don't know from where the lack of self-esteem is coming. What I can suggest are a couple of "standards" the psychiatrist recommended for me.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are awesome (or pretty or thin or whatever). I felt like a total moron, so embarrased, doing this but it does help.

Keep your thoughts in a diary. But don't read previous days entries. Stick with the day you are on. That's right, write what you want and then throw that sucker away. It's important because the therapist explained we can work through things better sometimes when we are putting our thoughts on paper. You might also feel like you are giving away your low self-esteem. You don't read them because then that gives you back all that low self-esteem (if that makes any sense).

Do some stuff for you. Just for you. It's important your daughters see that a real, healthy woman values herself enough to take the time to do things for herself. Then do things for and with your daughters, totally non-judgemental stuff.

And for the daughters, try not to give backhanded compliments. You know the kind. You are really pretty but... You are really smarter but you could be more smart if... It's too bad you didn't ... You would be or look so much better if you just... (fill in the blank). My mom did this all the time I was growing up and it tromps the bejesus out of your self-esteem. And to clarify, I'm not saying to let them do whatever they want or to never give advice. I'm saying if you give a compliment or advice keep in mind how you are saying it and what you are saying.

Best of luck to you!!

:flowerforyou: