kinda confused

tbresina

:huh: Ok, hoping someone will respond in a positive manner but I really want to know. Do people who have their diary open want you to comment honestly on them? I see a lot of really poor diets, some with extremely low cals, 1 small meal and 1 huge meal, no veggies, no fruits, high cals etc ........then I see the comments from their "friends" that say things like wtg, great job, nice logging etc and think "did you even take a look at their diet?". Then it seems they take offense if you say anything in regards to their diet. Isn't that what they have it open for? For some constructive criticism or praise when you have had a really good day? I am so confused about this and its made me kinda shy away from commenting because I am not the type to lie and say wtg if it is a crappy day filled with high fat and no veggies! I have my diet closed for now because I am not ready for the comments, at least im honest. So basically what some of these people want is a wtg even if they ate like crap?

JesterMFP

People have their diaries open for different reasons. For some, it is to be held accountable by their friends. I usually have mine open (to friends) only because I know some people like to look at other people's diaries for ideas. I'm not looking for any criticism, praise or suggestions. I know what works for me. My diet is far from perfect, but I'm well aware of how to change it. I'm also not bothered about getting praise for it if it looks good. I rarely "complete" the diary, and I switched off the feature where it announces on your newsfeed that you've completed it.

Like you, I'm reluctant to sprinkle random praise on people for their diaries, especially when they're clearly undereating. I'm sure a lot of people don't read the content of the diaries. I see people saying "wtg" and "great job" to people whose diaries are set to private. For all they know, that person could be eating 100 cals a day!

On the other hand though, most people on here are trying to find ways of eating that are sustainable. For some people, that includes junk food. If someone has a diary that looks to you like it's full of crap - it still might be a huge improvement on what they were eating previously. There are also people who are struggling with eating disorders - undereating or overeating. They probably know that they could be eating better, but aren't able to do so at this point in time. A lot of people calorie cycle too, so it might look like they're undereating some days, and overeating other days, but it's actually part of their overall plan. I've seen people tell other people off for not eating breakfast, when really, eating breakfast is not essential for healthy weight loss, and it's down to personal choice. 1 small meal and 1 huge meal might not be your choice of diet, but there's not really anything wrong with that, if calorie and macro goals are being met. So, there are are a lot of reasons that a diary might look bad to the outside observer, but that person may not need or want criticism.

So, I personally hardly ever comment on diaries. I see some people who are severely undereating, but I don't think it's really any of my business to comment on that, unless they are specifically asking for encouragement. If you want to comment on diaries, you could always ask the person if they're looking for any constructive criticism, and go from there. Don't feel obliged to give them praise though if you feel like you're lying!

Kirkajuice

I don't have mine open for people to tell me good job, I have it open so that people can see what I eat. I was 185lbs and lost weight without depriving myself of food I like. I feel like most people see dieting as something hideous that they have to endure to lose weight and I want to demonstrate that it's not so bad. And as I've lowered my weight, my diet has actually got quite a bit better without me trying.

Currently that's a moot point since I've had jaw surgery and it takes me forever to eat right now, but I'm hoping to have a little more solid food today than yesterday.

I see the "well done" from friends as more of a "well done, you've logged for the day and you're below your calorie allowance" unless they make a specific reference to what has been eaten.

saraht131

I see a lot of diaries where people eat less than 1000 cals a day, and diaries where people go over their calorie goals all the time or people who don't exercise.

My diary is open, but I don't eat perfectly at all. I have chocolate and bread and biscuits but I always stay within my calories. I welcome criticism though! But I bet whatever anyone would say, I already think myself.

tbresina

Thanks, I guess I was confused with open diaries. I assumed the only reason someone would open them would be so others could see them and offer words of encouragement, constructive criticism and suggestions. I will refrain from commenting on them in the future. It does seem that some only want a simple "wtg" . I told myself when I joined that I was going to try to be as supportive as possible to my "friends" and not just throw out the generic sayings eveyone else does but to truly engage with my new "friends". Now I see that comments aren't really wanted.

Kirkajuice

Thanks, I guess I was confused with open diaries. I assumed the only reason someone would open them would be so others could see them and offer words of encouragement, constructive criticism and suggestions. I will refrain from commenting on them in the future. It does seem that some only want a simple "wtg" . I told myself when I joined that I was going to try to be as supportive as possible to my "friends" and not just throw out the generic sayings eveyone else does but to truly engage with my new "friends". Now I see that comments aren't really wanted.

No no, I am happy for comments on what I eat, that's not what I meant. I don't want comments like "You're eating crap, no wonder you're fat" (Something a non friend list person messaged me), but something like "I see you're eating X a lot lately, maybe it would help if you ate it less" would be helpful to me. Comments are helpful!

delmc1

i leave mine open for 2 reasons
1 accountability ,if i think people are checking it keeps me more focused ,i have my good days and my bad .but since opening my diary i find more good than bad
2 help ,since starting mfp i have put up a couple of post regarding diet and got some helpful advice .id rather some one looked at my page and gave advice /criticism .instead of wtg

laynunugawa

I totally understand what you mean, its the reason why I don't comment on other people's diary. However, I keep mine open because I like any feed back I can get from others: the good, the bad, the ugly. I'm a big girl, I can take it LOL (figuratively speaking).

tbresina

I totally understand what you mean, its the reason why I don't comment on other people's diary. However, I keep mine open because I like any feed back I can get from others: the good, the bad, the ugly. I'm a big girl, I can take it LOL (figuratively speaking).

This is what I mean......I think I still better keep my mouth shut ha ha!

MissMollieD

I keep my dairy open and look at others, not to get a pat on the back or constructive criticism but to say "hey, this is what I eat (as in Calories and Macronutrients) and this is how I eat it (like the good fuel sources along with the occasional bad - it has to be realistic)."

I get bored with snacks or breakfast options and I look at other people's diary's to see what they are choosing, not to criticize, but to get ideas.

Meaganandcheese

I keep mine open for the personal sense of acountiblity. Sometimes I wonder if people really look at it. At the same time, I really only want feedback if I ask for it. What I consider to be a good day might look like a disaster to someone else (and vice versa) and it stinks to have your bubble burst when you think you're doing well.

I like open diaries to get ideas for meals and snacks, but I don't really offer commentary unless it's requested. I might occasionally ask someone why they eat very little, but I do so carefully. At the end of the day, I am not an expert on WL or I wouldn't be here in the first place.

tbresina

I keep mine open for the personal sense of acountiblity. Sometimes I wonder if people really look at it. At the same time, I really only want feedback if I ask for it. What I consider to be a good day might look like a disaster to someone else (and vice versa) and it stinks to have your bubble burst when you think you're doing well.

I like open diaries to get ideas for meals and snacks, but I don't really offer commentary unless it's requested. I might occasionally ask someone why they eat very little, but I do so carefully. At the end of the day, I am not an expert on WL or I wouldn't be here in the first place.

I came to this site because I thought it promoted healthy lifestyles and I guess I was floored to learn how many people have eating dissorders on here. I guess I was foolish to think that but I am naive sometimes. Shouldn't people want to know if eating 2 candy bars and a cheeseburger is not going to help them be healthier or thinner? Im not expert but this is common sense!

Meaganandcheese

I used to have an eating disorder, so I can empathize that getting comments is not always helpful. Honestly, if I see that consistently with someone (obvious super restriction vs a lack of understanding about eating net calories), then I de-friend ... more for my own mental sake.

I also know that some days call for cheeseburgers and candy, so I try to reserve judgement.