Divorce

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nray3119
nray3119 Posts: 100 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I am new to being divorced. Anyone have any tips?
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  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
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    sorry, no tips

    but CONGRATULATIONS! :flowerforyou:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,088 Member
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    Yes. Good job on losing 200 lbs :tongue:
  • britaut2
    britaut2 Posts: 19
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    I would say be true to yourself. Do not beat yourself up about "I should have". My marriage failed, but I did not fail. I have my daughter, who is a blessing to me. I did get something positive out of my marriage. I know its hard, but do take time for yourself. It can be just a relaxing bath or listening to music. Best of Luck.:flowerforyou:
  • susannahcooks
    susannahcooks Posts: 294 Member
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    Have fun doing all the things you fantasized you would do if you were divorced while married. For me: hog the remote and watch really girlie **** on tv nonstop. Sleep in the center of the bed with ALL the covers. Toilet seat down, all the time. Pedicures again - my money, my business. Sleep in on Saturdays and hire someone else to clean the house.

    In reality: (1) Build your retirement as quickly as possible. For me the *kitten* got half of mine - which wasn't enough to begin with. Once I paid off the lawyers, I started putting every remaining cent towards retirement. Somebody has to take care of your hoard of cats when you die (kidding.)
    (2) Get your credit checked and look at EVERYTHING you and your ex-spouse have in common. Make sure things that are now the other's responsibility are OFF your credit - even if the divorce decree says it's the other's responsibilty - LENDERS DONT CARE. Its still yours - you can file the ex in contempt of court (the decree) and they can go to jail, but the debts are still your responsibility. Monitor that **** like its your life. Your future ability to do anything is dependent.
    (3) Remember what was fun about you before you met your ex. Do that alot. Get together with your friends (but don't bash or whine - let that be a fun zone that doesn't suck the joy out of the occasion for everyone). Go do stuff. Get out. All those friends that are just casual acquaitenances? Start planning lunches, dinners, movie dates, nights out, etc. Your social circle probably got all ****ed up - time to rebuild it.
    (4) Dont' call your ex, any friends that are now exclusively his/her domain, and none of your in-laws unless its CRITICAL (like if you have tax or medical **** that needs dealt with). Leave it alone. Everybody needs to heal - not just you and your ex. Those that matter will reach out and you'll get some closure with them later once the dust settles.

    I think that does it.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    I see by your photo you have kids...the only advice I can really give being a child of divorce and being split up from my son's dad: make sure your kids understand how much both you and your ex love them. They might be too young to understand everything, but as long as they know that nothing is their fault and that their parents are both there for them, they'll do ok.

    Obviously, I don't know the situation of your divorce, but I can only assume it was the best decision for your family, and your kids will be better off in the long run. Just focus on being the best independent you that you can, and the best mom you can be. Good luck with everything!
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    I'm going through a separation as well, and the most important thing I can tell you is the following:

    Don't let ANYONE take the good that you have in you. No matter what happens, how hard things get or how ugly, be true to yourself and remain professional and civil at all times! It's difficult, trust me, but you will come out of this a better and stronger person for having taken the high road.

    Much love girl :)
  • budhandy
    budhandy Posts: 305 Member
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    If you have any kids involed that should be the only reason to contact him, and then it should only be about the kids---but if your on good terms then thats your choice. For the most part i say enjoy it. It can get sucky, lonely, so I hope you have a good support system (freinds, family, so on) but if not there are great support groups out there.
  • nray3119
    nray3119 Posts: 100 Member
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    Thank you so much! I tell my boys all the time how much I love them. He is kind of hit or miss on coming to see them so I make sure they know I love them more than anything in the world and their Dad does too. The first few times I told them when he was coming and after he bailed a few times, now I just let it be a surprise so they are not let down.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    Go get some strange.
  • susannahcooks
    susannahcooks Posts: 294 Member
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    Go get some strange.

    ^^This. But it's also okay not to be ready til you're ready :)
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    now I just let it be a surprise so they are not let down.

    This is very kind of you.

    So many people play games and use their kids to hurt their ex. My husband's ex would tell the kids he was supposed to come for a visit, even when he wasn't. He would not know about the "visit" at all, but she would let them think he had disappointed them, when in fact she invented the whole thing. YUCK.

    It sounds like you're doing all you can to soften the kids' experience of this, and that's awesome.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    Breathe.

    My divorce will be finalized in two weeks from today, and although I am really glad to no longer be in that toxic environment, it's tough.

    Take some time to figure yourself out.

    Get support.

    And... breathe.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    My parents divorced when I was 10. My mother never bad mouthed my dad, ever. No matter what he did or didn't do, we never heard her say something bad about him. We're grown now and respect her so much for that.
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
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    I filed for divorce when my son was 4 months old and my daughter had just turned 2 yrs old. It was the hardest but best decision I made. He is a great father and is always in their lives. He chooses to pick them up every weekend not just every other weekend like the court ordered. Right after split, I focused only on myself and my kids. It took some time getting used to not depending on my ex but he has always been there for our kids. Our kids are now 12 yrs and 13 yrs old. We have an understanding and both agree on whats best for kids. We back and support each other. The important thing is to let your kids know that even though your not together, your still on the same team when it comes to discipline, punishment, or achievements.

    what i suggest is hold no hostility towards each other. Be civil for the kids. I wish nothing but the best of luck to you on this journey. Be strong and hold your head high.
  • stevewynjones
    stevewynjones Posts: 1,143 Member
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    Someone tell me it gets easier? Please....
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    Someone tell me it gets easier? Please....
    It will. With time.
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
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    Someone tell me it gets easier? Please....

    it does get easier. trust me.
  • susannahcooks
    susannahcooks Posts: 294 Member
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    Someone tell me it gets easier? Please....
    It most assuredly does. And it gets better.
  • nray3119
    nray3119 Posts: 100 Member
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    We will be ok :flowerforyou:
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
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    Go after what you really want in life. After all, you are divorced for a reason...

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