No support from friends?

KatieJB

Does anyone else get that issue when you tell your friends about your efforts and you get the 'oh but you don't need to loose weight' or the 'you're probably just really muscular' feedback? I love them to bits but I really do wonder of they're being polite or actually haven't noticed that I'm seriously overweight.

Tink_889

Hey,

Yes I get this as well and it can be really difficult to deal with. I think a lot of it comes down to not wanting to hurt our feelings but obviously we want to lose weight and lead a healthy lifestyle and it's difficult if we can't get that encouragement. It's even worse if they deliberately sabotage the weight loss attempt which sometimes happens to me!

I'm not sure what to suggest except to try and stay away from those who are really toxic to your weight loss. Or perhaps raise how important it is to you and that you want to be sensible about it?

Another option might be joining a class/group/gym where you will meet people with a similar aim.

xxx

mkj579

As great as it would be to have support from friends, I've found (mostly through listening to others' experiences) that, unless the friends are also trying to lose weight/diet/change exercise habits, they generally are not very supportive.

It may have to do with their own insecurities. Perhaps they feel they might benefit from exercising more as well, or making better diet choices, but are not currently trying to do so and therefore feel self-conscious when one of their friends has begun to make positive changes. When I made the decision to cut back substantially on alcohol, I noticed that my friends' responses ranged from "uh oh, you don't feel you need to lose weight, do you?!" to a marked decline in invitations to social events. Ugh. As if I was nuts (or a kill-joy) for wanting to limit my own alcohol intake.

Or perhaps they're the worrying kind who, whenever a friend mentions an interest in losing weight, immediately assumes that a poor body image may be the culprit.

Somehow, whatever the reason for lack of support among friends, it seems people who have decided to change their own diet/exercise/lifestyle habits are more successful in finding support from strangers (i.e. other members of sites like this) who have set similar goals and are making similar changes. I guess we can be thankful we have a large group of people with similar goals to whom we can relate!!

Long story short: best of luck to you, and try not to dwell on your friends' supportiveness -- or lack thereof -- in this context. If they are wonderful friends in every other facet of your life, be thankful for them there, and turn to other sources of support and motivation for your journey toward increased health and wellness.

LadyKatieBug

I get that sometimes when I mention about recovering from an eating disorder. I had been undereating and starving my body. I have improved a lot and changing my eating habits they tell me oh you don't have that or you never had one.

xHelloQuincyx

thats why i dont say anything. i only have ONE friend who has said anything like 'oh your getting so thin!' 'you need to stop losing weight!' but i choose to take that as a compliment, i DO have 20 lbs to go before im at a 'healthy' weight.

PaperThinLips

i get like no food support.
we go on walks all of the time but when i wanna eat healthy,
everyone just kinda stares O__O

CynGoddess

As great as it would be to have support from friends, I've found (mostly through listening to others' experiences) that, unless the friends are also trying to lose weight/diet/change exercise habits, they generally are not very supportive.

It may have to do with their own insecurities. Perhaps they feel they might benefit from exercising more as well, or making better diet choices, but are not currently trying to do so and therefore feel self-conscious when one of their friends has begun to make positive changes. When I made the decision to cut back substantially on alcohol, I noticed that my friends' responses ranged from "uh oh, you don't feel you need to lose weight, do you?!" to a marked decline in invitations to social events. Ugh. As if I was nuts (or a kill-joy) for wanting to limit my own alcohol intake.

Or perhaps they're the worrying kind who, whenever a friend mentions an interest in losing weight, immediately assumes that a poor body image may be the culprit.

Somehow, whatever the reason for lack of support among friends, it seems people who have decided to change their own diet/exercise/lifestyle habits are more successful in finding support from strangers (i.e. other members of sites like this) who have set similar goals and are making similar changes. I guess we can be thankful we have a large group of people with similar goals to whom we can relate!!

Long story short: best of luck to you, and try not to dwell on your friends' supportiveness -- or lack thereof -- in this context. If they are wonderful friends in every other facet of your life, be thankful for them there, and turn to other sources of support and motivation for your journey toward increased health and wellness.

This is exactly what I would have said.

stephaniekhani

I have one friend who is quite slim and then had a baby and gained a lot of weight (as you do). At her baby shower, she was complaining about her weight and made the comment "I probably weigh more than you now." I really hated that... I felt really singled out. I'm not a huge girl but still. Sometimes people just don't realise how stupid/mean they sound.

maiasmum

I get that from people all the time "you dont need to lose weight" or my absolute favourite is "you will never be a size 10 because you are big boned" grrrr i'm well on my way to prove to every1 that my chubbiness was a result of unhealthy eating and lifestyle and not being big boned ! Im a size 12 now so nearly there ! xxx

DeniseNichole76

Feel free to add me as a friend. Would love to support you & I could use all the support I can get, too.

Good job girls! Try not to let those negative comments get to you. Keep your eye on the prize. Get healthy and be PROUD of yourself.



Feel free to add me

badshocker

I get that from people all the time "you dont need to lose weight" or my absolute favourite is "you will never be a size 10 because you are big boned" grrrr i'm well on my way to prove to every1 that my chubbiness was a result of unhealthy eating and lifestyle and not being big boned ! Im a size 12 now so nearly there ! xxx

This!!!

Friends for whatever reason are not very supportive. Some of their views change when they see how great you look when you lost weight though.

KatieJB

Ahh it's great to know that this happens to everyone ^^ I think perhaps given that my friends are young and still have teenager metabolisms they're not used to thinking about what they eat. I mean, the skinniest of us has pancakes and muffins for lunch. I understand that I've got more muscle than most women but I guess at least if they ever have weight struggles I'll be able to help them?

buckeye86

thats why i dont say anything. i only have ONE friend who has said anything like 'oh your getting so thin!' 'you need to stop losing weight!' but i choose to take that as a compliment, i DO have 20 lbs to go before im at a 'healthy' weight.

I'm in the same boat lately. I use the comments to keep me going. I have a healthy BMI, but my body fat % is still higher than I'd like it to be. If they want to tell me I'm too skinny or try to get me to eat food way over my calories, that's not my problem. I'm way better at saying no and/or only eating what I can factor into my day. Everyone who knows me knows what I'm doing and how important it is to me (especially since I'm so close to my goal). So even if they don't help, I'm glad I've learned to self-motivate.

mkj579

Ahh it's great to know that this happens to everyone ^^ I think perhaps given that my friends are young and still have teenager metabolisms they're not used to thinking about what they eat. I mean, the skinniest of us has pancakes and muffins for lunch. I understand that I've got more muscle than most women but I guess at least if they ever have weight struggles I'll be able to help them?

Exactly. Good perspective! That's another valid reason that friends aren't always very supportive: they can't necessarily relate. Your experience will make you an even better friend (because you're able to empathize and offer support!) to friends down the road.