What do you think?

ironanimal

I wanted to get people's opinions on something; in a long term, commited relationship, do you believe your partner owes it to you to present themself in a way you find attractive, with regards to hair, clothing, makeup and fitness, or do you believe that is the sole decision of the individual in question and trying to influence them is somehow morally wrong?

RobynDCrossman

I don't think it's "morally wrong." However, if you start enforcing rules on your partner in terms of appearance - I think that relationship ought not continue for the sake of both people involved.
Your partner accepts you for your best and your worst. If my significant other appreciates when I look a certain way and makes it known that it's well liked, I'm more likely to continue that type of dress, etc. However, if my significant other tells me that I ought to keep up a certain appearance/demeanor for them to appreciate me, that's telling that the relationship is sour.
My personal experience and opinion.
Of course, this is why I've been engaged three times, too! ;P

LauraMacNCheese

Ain't no need to bait the hook...the fish is in the boat :laugh:

ETA: Seriously, yeah...there's needs to be some give & take. I mean, if I make an effort to look nice every day, I would hope my man does the same. Every now & then we all have those days where we say f**k it, I'm not getting out of my PJs & that's great. But the rest of the time, a little effort is appreciated on both sides I think :flowerforyou:

BeautyAndTheGeeks

I believe that all of those things should be done for yourself and if your partner no longer finds you attractive, that's their problem.
Do I make a little bit of an extra effort for my boyfriend? Yes, but I wouldn't go out of my way to change my appearance to fit in with what he likes. If he compliments something then I tend to wear it more often or do my hair that way more often or something, but that's because I like knowing I look good and compliments prove that.
I don't owe him anything in terms of appearance, if he chooses to be in a relationship with me then that's his choice. He knew what I looked like when we got together haha, it's not like he can just start enforcing rules or anything.

UponThisRock

There has to be some give and take on both sides

Il_DaniD_lI

I wanted to get people's opinions on something; in a long term, commited relationship, do you believe your partner owes it to you to present themself in a way you find attractive, with regards to hair, clothing, makeup and fitness, or do you believe that is the sole decision of the individual in question and trying to influence them is somehow morally wrong?

I think they owe it to themselves to take care of their appearance. I always let my boyfriend know when it's time for him to get a hair cut, if he has gained some weight or if his clothes are looking scruffy, which he doesn't mind too much, but I'm sure can be annoying. On the other hand he always bugs me about caring too much about my appearance.

ironanimal

Woah, easy ladies. No mention of rules

infamousmk

There has to be some give and take on both sides

RobynDCrossman

Woah, easy ladies. No mention of rules

LOL. Well, I had a rule guy - so I made an assumption.
Does my partner owe it to me? No.
Do I owe it to him? Nope!
Is it wonderful to have someone who makes their best effort for you? Always.

Rae6503

I'd like to address both points separately.

in a long term, commited relationship, do you believe your partner owes it to you to present themself in a way you find attractive, with regards to hair, clothing, makeup and fitness,

I'd say, yes, up to a point. I don't think you ALWAYS need to be decked out completely, but an effort should be mad to be presentable. I don't wear makeup at home but I generally shower and get dressed. I try to stay healthy for the most part but with having children there have been time periods where I was overweight.

or do you believe that is the sole decision of the individual in question and trying to influence them is somehow morally wrong?

I do think this kind of thing can be discussed very very VERY carefully among partners. I don't think it should ever be brought up in a way that would indicate that love or the relationship was contingent upon "up keep" (or however we want to label it). My husband and I have discussed how we both find it's important to make sure we are attractive to the other (and the sex is better when we are anyway).

Bentley2718

I don't think it's morally wrong to try to influence someone by complementing them and letting them know what you like, however, I don't think you should tell them what to do. It's nice to do things your partner likes, but you also have to take yourself into consideration. For example, my husband really prefers my hair down, so for special occasions (like our wedding), I have purposefully avoided "up-dos," and when we go out, I will wear it down. On the other hand, my hair is well past my waist, and can get in the way, so on a day-to-day basis, I often wear it up, and he doesn't complain. Similarly, if I ever wanted to cut my hair, he wouldn't tell me not to do it--after all, it's my head.

TK266

..do you believe your partner owes it to you to present themself in a way you find attractive, with regards to hair, clothing, makeup and fitness, ....

If it her trying to change you, just go along or life is going to become difficult.

if it is you trying to change her, then don't push it. but her is an "old" guy trick to bend her to you will. complement the outfit and style you like. when she does something you don't care for just use the line "oh that what you wearing, I am sure it is fine" or the ever classic "your right those do make you butt look big" easy peasy.


of course a guy dressed as a star wars character may not be the best person to take advice from. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

ironanimal

Thank you all