Passionate, possessive, "50 Shades" kind of love

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  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    Why does anyone have to be the leader? Haven't you ever heard of an equal partnership?

    Why does it have to be exactly equal? Plenty of people like leadership.

    The notion that *everyone* has to be exactly equal in a relationship is silly. Personally I think it's depolarizing and unsexy. Hey, if it's your thing, go for it, that's your choice. Based on the clamor for this book - it ain't most women's.

    People always have equal value and worth as humans. But I believe love is complementary, and not necessarily perfectly equal.
    I mean really, "benevolent dominance"? Ugh. Could you be any more patronizing?

    Oh, yes, I can be a *lot* more patronizing. I tone it down generally.

    Facebook feeds and forums across this country are full of bored housewives tittering about this book, and it's not because they find "equal partnerships" sexy and thrilling. Otherwise romance novels would be full of men doing dishes and sweetly asking for permission for sex. It's not what women want.

    I'm not so sure I would have used the word leadership...yikes, but good job putting yourself out there in front of this crowd.

    This book has MANY women fascinated, but I think it's the dominance in the bedroom that is causing the fascination, not in the relationship. Again, this is chick porn so it should be kept in the bedroom. A strong woman does not need to be "led" in a relationship; she prefers a partner. Partnership in a relationship is healthy. Many women want their tushes slapped in the bedroom, but not on the way to the kitchen to make sammiches!

    But I'm sure there are women who also like to slap some tushes in the bedroom, so it's all a matter of preference. I'm guessing because this series is such a huge hit with women, more tush slapping should be done by hubbies in the bedroom to make the world a better place. Just don't ask for a sammich afterwards.
  • boobee32
    boobee32 Posts: 450 Member
    It exists, but I wouldn't call it love and I wouldn't call it healthy. Usually it ends up in you not being allowed to leave the house alone or even glance for a split second in the direction of another man without getting berated for hours that you were "staring" at the guy and clearly want to have sex with him.

    Romance novels are fun, fluffy brain candy reads but there is nothing real about them.

    Oh YES...been there..done that. You pegged that just right.
    its not love though
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    Why does anyone have to be the leader? Haven't you ever heard of an equal partnership?

    Why does it have to be exactly equal? Plenty of people like leadership.

    The notion that *everyone* has to be exactly equal in a relationship is silly. Personally I think it's depolarizing and unsexy. Hey, if it's your thing, go for it, that's your choice. Based on the clamor for this book - it ain't most women's.

    People always have equal value and worth as humans. But I believe love is complementary, and not necessarily perfectly equal.
    I mean really, "benevolent dominance"? Ugh. Could you be any more patronizing?

    Oh, yes, I can be a *lot* more patronizing. I tone it down generally.

    Facebook feeds and forums across this country are full of bored housewives tittering about this book, and it's not because they find "equal partnerships" sexy and thrilling. Otherwise romance novels would be full of men doing dishes and sweetly asking for permission for sex. It's not what women want.

    I agree with you somewhat. I think all people take different "leadership" roles in their relationship. Although I am not sure that "leadership" is the right word, I prefer to think of it as - my husband is stronger in some areas of the relationship and I am stronger in others." But I agree that not everyone has to be equal- at least not in all areas and that people are equal in their worth as humans.

    I married my husband because he was strong in ways that other men weren't. He could say no to me and I would listen. He didn't let me run over him like a truck. I like that about him.

    As for the facebook comment, I just don't get why this is now been determined to be a book for "bored housewives." And you aren't the only one to reference it as that. The first time I heard of it, it was during an interview where they called it reading for upper east side moms. I read it specifically because I took offense to that. I am not a housewife as I work outside of the house, but I have been married a while and have kids etc.... and I am perturbed by the reputation of the book - as if housewives don't have sex, or don't look at or read porn, as if this book has changed sex lives. I think it's all crap. It's erotica. Any erotica could have the same effect. I don't even think it's well written. What is it with this book?
  • sfarrell1359
    sfarrell1359 Posts: 63 Member
    It exists, but I wouldn't call it love and I wouldn't call it healthy. Usually it ends up in you not being allowed to leave the house alone or even glance for a split second in the direction of another man without getting berated for hours that you were "staring" at the guy and clearly want to have sex with him.

    Romance novels are fun, fluffy brain candy reads but there is nothing real about them.

    This ^^^

    Christian is a Narcissist and the relationship (and many idealized, fictional relationships) is textbook for dealing with someone with that personality disorder. And the fact that this is driving a country of women to desire that type of manipulation, disregard for personal boundaries, and all else that goes with it is quite disturbing. The comment above is the REAL outcome of that type of a relationship. I really wish that type of love DID NOT exist.

    I agree, the fact that women are so in love with his character really bothers me. A friend at work asked me how I knew my husband was the one, and I answered, "you just know." She is expecting some big passionate, emotional pull to a guy to be that moment, like how Ana feels so drawn to Christian. I told her, "That's not realistic."
  • sfarrell1359
    sfarrell1359 Posts: 63 Member
    I also agree that it is not the most well written of books and do not understand the fascination. I cannot even finish the second book because I am so frustrated with the characters. I also agree that I think women may be intrigued by all the dominance in the bedroom but I don't think most would appreciate the control freak he is outside the bedroom.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Dude, it's soooo easy to get a drop dead gorgeous-well hung-billionaire-glider/helicopter/jet flying-possessive-love struck-orgasm every time-dark hooded eyes burning into your soul-type to marry you in three months time.

    Clearly there's something wrong with you all if you don't have that.
  • tialeanne
    tialeanne Posts: 186 Member
    I knew a girl once who had that possessive kind of love. She was a bank teller at a bank I went to every day for work. She didn't show up for a week and I kept asking where she was and no one would answer me. Then I go into the bank the following Monday and everyone is crying.

    He had kept her in the house without letting her leave or use the phone for that week and her dad called the police to go get her out. They did but as they were escorting her to her dad's car, he came out and shot her in the heart, she died instantly. The police then opened fire on him and shot him multiple times, killing him.

    Ah, possessive love.
  • TubbsMcGee
    TubbsMcGee Posts: 1,058 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sL5Ek0dqKUQ

    Gets me hot.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I knew a girl once who had that possessive kind of love. She was a bank teller at a bank I went to every day for work. She didn't show up for a week and I kept asking where she was and no one would answer me. Then I go into the bank the following Monday and everyone is crying.

    He had kept her in the house without letting her leave or use the phone for that week and her dad called the police to go get her out. They did but as they were escorting her to her dad's car, he came out and shot her in the heart, she died instantly. The police then opened fire on him and shot him multiple times, killing him.

    Ah, possessive love.

    I wonder how many bored housewives would read that book?

    Odus -- Now I have to go kill myself because clearly, I am not worthy. :-(
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member


    Odus -- Now I have to go kill myself because clearly, I am not worthy. :-(

    Sadly, I agree. You must. Shall we discuss the methods?

    :tongue:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member


    Odus -- Now I have to go kill myself because clearly, I am not worthy. :-(

    Sadly, I agree. You must. Shall we discuss the methods?

    :tongue:
    I'm always open to suggestions.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member


    I agree, the fact that women are so in love with his character really bothers me. A friend at work asked me how I knew my husband was the one, and I answered, "you just know." She is expecting some big passionate, emotional pull to a guy to be that moment, like how Ana feels so drawn to Christian. I told her, "That's not realistic."

    ^This!! I haven't read the books but I totally agree about women's expectations not being realistic. With my husband it was a gradual realization that he was the "the one" as I saw more and more in our relationship how compatible and healthy we were.

    Which brings me to my next point, I have had that "crazy, passionate, possessive" love and that is NOT healthy. It is emotionally draining and abusive. I prefer healthy, respectful and stable over that any day.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Sure it exists just ask women that are beaten or killed by thier SO.


    Seriously women we need to stop expecting men to act like the men in books written by women we really do

    Totally agree.

    I haven't read these books, but I did read the preface to one of them. Definitely not my "thing".

    If ya'll want something more close to actualy life read the Game of Thrones book series by George Martin. You can get a rough idea of how young girls were married off waaaaaaay back in the day and get an idea of how it was to be an actual piece of property.
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  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    It's the people who equate passion with love who can't sustain a relationship because they think the settled part means the love is gone when really it just means you've gotten comfortable with each other.

    This is how my ex was. He used to be absolutely crazy about me. He'd drive my friends nuts when I wasn't around because he'd only talk about me. But then all of a sudden his feelings changed and he was gone. We're talking within a week. I don't regret being in the relationship because it was so passionate and crazy, but it wasn't sustainable. I wanted to make it work, but he couldn't deal with a more low key relationship. I don't think he got that feelings ebb and flow.
  • lauradian
    lauradian Posts: 32
    Why does anyone have to be the leader? Haven't you ever heard of an equal partnership?

    Why does it have to be exactly equal? Plenty of people like leadership.

    The notion that *everyone* has to be exactly equal in a relationship is silly. Personally I think it's depolarizing and unsexy. Hey, if it's your thing, go for it, that's your choice. Based on the clamor for this book - it ain't most women's.

    People always have equal value and worth as humans. But I believe love is complementary, and not necessarily perfectly equal.
    I mean really, "benevolent dominance"? Ugh. Could you be any more patronizing?

    Oh, yes, I can be a *lot* more patronizing. I tone it down generally.

    Facebook feeds and forums across this country are full of bored housewives tittering about this book, and it's not because they find "equal partnerships" sexy and thrilling. Otherwise romance novels would be full of men doing dishes and sweetly asking for permission for sex. It's not what women want.

    I think this is what I meant to say... In a way... I do not think it is realistic for me to fall in love with a bazillionare hottie and get married in 3 months lol. I dont want that- but I DO want a man, someone willing to fight (not literally) for what they want, willing to stand up for what they believe in. I feel in a way with the times nowadays, men can be whimps that let women walk all over them... and I guess thats what I DONT want. But also to be our own people, and have my own identity.

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