should i cancel my date tonight?

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Emmea2729
Emmea2729 Posts: 100 Member
in Motivation and Support
right.
So 2 months ago i broke up from a 4 and a half year relationship. theres complicated stuff going on with my best mate too (male).
I keep getting upset over my ex, missing him etc, and telling him and my best mate about this date has caused arguments and fall outs.
Should i cancel it?
Its only to the cinema, i do like him. but im not sure how i would react if he made a move...

Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Why are you talking to your ex about a date? Unless you're trying to work things out with the ex, stop it. Move on.

    Don't cancel the date. Even if it doesn't lead to a second, it's a good first step and you sound like you need to take it.
  • Emmea2729
    Emmea2729 Posts: 100 Member
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    i want to keep on good terms with my ex. we both do.
    the thought of losing him completely is horrible
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    i want to keep on good terms with my ex. we both do.
    the thought of losing him completely is horrible

    It's okay to want to be friends with your ex someday, but directly after a breakup, you both need space. It isn't realistic to think that you'll just be able to go back to a "normal" friendship - in my humble opinion, it might be best to distance yourself from your ex for awhile until you feel that you can separate your emotions for him.
  • Libby81
    Libby81 Posts: 734 Member
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    I say go for your date. Who knows it might even show you that actually you don't still have the kind of feelings for your ex you feel you do right now. Someone else's company will be good for you. What's the worst that can happen? If he makes a move and you don't want it then politely decline
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    i want to keep on good terms with my ex. we both do.
    the thought of losing him completely is horrible

    If staying on good terms means giving up your life, it's not worth it.

    I agree with the above post that you need space right now. Revisit the friendship later.
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    man... the next guy, the guy that wants to take you out on that date, your gonna burn him.

    I am speaking from experience, I dated a girl who had an ex as a friend, 3 years later and she ups and leaves because she was the type to listen to other people and not to what is best for her. I know I am very fallable, but nothing burns more than to invest time into someone and just like that they can up and go. (yes, they got back together)

    you obviously still have strong feelings for your "ex" and this new guy, innocent guy, is going to get his heart broken if you don't fully move on.

    lucky for me, my new girl, that I been with for 4 years now, (who is the first person I dated a year after my ex who left) we are expecting our first child together in about a week.

    Im not saying your a bad person, but your intentions will burn the new guy...
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    I look at it this way.......a date is just that....a date.....it's not a commitment, it's not an automatic personal investment into a relationship because right now there is no relationship......you are two people meeting up for the first time, you're not expecting a ring on your finger based on one night....it's one evening to find out whether or not the two of you have anything in common. I think you should go....because otherwise you'll never really move forward with your life, and are going to be wasting your time holding the candle for your ex....who is your ex for a reason....not that he's a bad person, just that the two of you didn't work.....and probably aren't going to. Honestly, living in fear is going to get you nowhere....fear of losing your ex, fear of whether this new guy might actually like you enough to "make a move"......who cares? Besides that, and I hate to sound old and/or condescending about it (because I'm not, this is what I'd say to any of my single friends near your age---I have a few of them), but you're 21 and in the dating scene, so be 21 and stop taking this crap so seriously. :flowerforyou:
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    YOU GO!!!! MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
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    Sounds like you are still hung up on the ex. I say go on the date, if he's a nice guy 1) he won't make a move on the first date and 2) maybe you'll see it's time to move on and help get over the ex.

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