Opinions Please-would you say anything?

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Replies

  • kaylea6
    kaylea6 Posts: 2
    It depends on what your motivation is; are you just curious or do you want to help her? If you are simply curious, then it isn't your place, but if you really would like to help her out, then first become a friend. Get to know her and be an example to her too, but be real about it - don't be a fake 'friend' just to ease your curiousness.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Everyone is saying "butt out" and "mind your own business," but there was a girl who went to the gym at my college that we'd all talk about because she was so painfully thin, but no one said anything because no one really knew her, and eventually she collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital and dropped out of school.
    That's very sad but do you really think you could have cured her by saying "hey you're too skinny"?
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    Don't say anything. She maybe had gastric bypass surgery but that's her business.
  • m16shane
    m16shane Posts: 393 Member
    I have top agree with some as they said if its just out of curiosity than mind your own business, but if you really care I say without a shadow of a doubt I would say something, in a caring and honest way. I know if it was me going through something and someone asked if I was okay out of caring, I might not like at first but I would respect them. No matter the situation!
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,571 Member
    First of all, thanks for all the responses. And as I expected they are across the board since I'm so conflicted too. It's truly not curiosity-it is concern. I certainly know her well enough that I could say something in a caring way and I like the idea of asking her if she's hit her goal weight yet and talking about maintenance.

    I hate that people are talking about her behind her back and honestly, but for her sister (who is an odd duck) I'm not sure that she has any close friends-sad but true. She's a hard person to get to know. I seriously hope she is O.K. but would feel awful if something happened and I hadn't said anything.

    I have some travel materials I borrowed from her (see, I do know her, we're just not close friends) so maybe I can take them by her house and talk to her then.

    Thanks for the advice.
  • liftingheavy
    liftingheavy Posts: 551 Member
    I would not comment unless she specifically asks you how you think she looks these days.
  • pljaeger627
    pljaeger627 Posts: 1
    I don't think I could NOT say something. But I'd keep it low-key, like "How are you doing? Are you okay?" If you get a brush-off, so be it. Or she might confide in you. (Are you prepared to be confided-in?) If she wants to know why you asked you can say she looks like she lost a lot of weight quickly and you hope she hasn't been ill or anything. If she denies there's anything wrong just tell her you're glad to hear that.

    I can't believe how many people would say nothing. I'd rather risk offending someone than just turning my back.
  • mpf1
    mpf1 Posts: 1,437 Member
    How about congratulating her on giving up the drinking and tell her that you've also been pursuing a healthier life style yourself. It opens up the door for her to ask about what this means to you and learn some things, but also let's her just get a little support for the amazing thing she did accomplish for her health.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,976 Member
    Say nothing. It's not your place.
    This. As much as you'd like to, they may have to find out for themselves to really understand.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • sweetpea129
    sweetpea129 Posts: 755 Member
    No, not your place. I'm sure she has a mirror and knows what she looks like. (I dont mean that in a snarky way, i seriously mean it. She has to see what everyone else sees.)
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,571 Member
    No, not your place. I'm sure she has a mirror and knows what she looks like. (I dont mean that in a snarky way, i seriously mean it. She has to see what everyone else sees.)

    Actually, I'm not sure about that one. I still see the fat girl in the mirror except every once in a while at the gym I'll catch myself off guard.
  • AmyLyn1983
    AmyLyn1983 Posts: 100
    I think you should bring it up. Several years ago, I went through a very stressful time in my life and went from 135lbs to around 105lbs in a matter of 2 or 3 months. Yeah, totally unhealthy and I realize that now. I had no idea how sick I looked until yrs later, looking back at pictures of myself from that time. I wondered why no one brought it up to me that I looked so horrible. I didn't know it at the time. I sorta wish someone would have sat me down and said "Look, I don't know what's going on, but you look unhealthy". I'm just speaking from personal experience though, I'm sure others would do differently.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
    A lot of the world's troubles could be eased if more people engaged a concern they had instead of saying "It's not my responsibility/business". It's obviously troubling you enough to bring it here. So if you are genuinly concerned, talk to her about it. If she's offended, you'll at least know she's not wanting help and not getting it. At that point her being offended is the least of her problems.
    First of all, thanks for all the responses. And as I expected they are across the board since I'm so conflicted too. It's truly not curiosity-it is concern. I certainly know her well enough that I could say something in a caring way and I like the idea of asking her if she's hit her goal weight yet and talking about maintenance.

    I hate that people are talking about her behind her back and honestly, but for her sister (who is an odd duck) I'm not sure that she has any close friends-sad but true. She's a hard person to get to know. I seriously hope she is O.K. but would feel awful if something happened and I hadn't said anything.

    I have some travel materials I borrowed from her (see, I do know her, we're just not close friends) so maybe I can take them by her house and talk to her then.

    Thanks for the advice.
  • nomayo
    nomayo Posts: 228
    I wouldn't say anything, just because she is not a close friend of mine.
  • 2strapscool
    2strapscool Posts: 23
    I wouldnt say anything for 1. she actually might be sick. for 2. she might have gotten a gastric bypass. I used to work at DMV. some people after results were AMAZING, others, not so much.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    I hate that people are talking about her behind her back

    It's awful how people are talking behind her back. :indifferent:

    They should knock it off, because it isn't nice. :indifferent:
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    This just happened to me the other day at work...cept I was the one that supposedly was sick!! Instead of that person coming up to me to share their concerns or ask me themselves...they asked a coworker about me...and that coworker asked me about it!!! If they were TRULY concerned...they would have asked me themselves...and if they were just being noisey then they needed to keep their thoughts to themselves!

    that being said...I think I would have actually preferred that the person had come straight to me to ask me themselves if I was ok.
  • DBRobinson13
    DBRobinson13 Posts: 40 Member
    I would start by praying for her. Praying that God would put someone in her path, and that if it's you, God make that clear, so there's no doubt of your role. I will pray for her, and you!

    When I have encountered people who have lost a lot of weight I acknowledge the weight loss, and follow it up by saying, I hope you haven't been ill. That led to an interesting discussion with a woman recovering from cancer who I hadn't seen in a while. You never know...

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