Opinions Please-would you say anything?

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2

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  • GymAnJuice
    GymAnJuice Posts: 512 Member
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    i lost a lot of weight about 5 years ago, i was asked if i had cancer, told i looked like i had cancer and asked if i was ill. believe me it's extremely offensive and did i try to put on weight to please everyone or listen to them - hell no! i felt amazing and believed i looked it - still do in fact. trust me she will already of heard whatever your thinking by others less sensitive than yourself. be friendly and by all means ask if she's ok, just as you would if she looked it, all you can do is be there for her if she needs it :flowerforyou:
    p.s. i did put all the weight back on but not on purpose :blushing:
  • m16shane
    m16shane Posts: 393 Member
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    I know most will disagree with me but truthfully I would say something. If you talk to her at all I would bring it up. I would do it when you two were alone and just be honest and caring. If she gets mad than she gets mad. If its an illness or something than ask if you can help, or something like that. The truth is if she does have a really bad ED and something bad happens to her I would rather know I said something and lost a "friend" than did nothing and they lost their life.
  • SuffolkSally
    SuffolkSally Posts: 964 Member
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    I would leave well alone. If she used to drink heavily and has stopped, her weight loss might actually have a physical cause - like liver disease. Whether it's physical or psychological, some one she doesn't know very well drawing attention to it will probably go down like a lead balloon. Have a chat to a mutual friend who knows her better if it's on your mind, but I'd leave it at that.
  • dani_1977
    dani_1977 Posts: 557 Member
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    I wouldn't say anything ...... just because you dont want to offend anyone.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    What? Of course not! What are you trying to accomplish? Do you think she doesn't have a mirror? That you'll say something and she'll think, "Oh, thank you, I will immediately go and gain 20 pounds!"
  • LauraSmyth28
    LauraSmyth28 Posts: 399 Member
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    Absolutely not. I'm sure if you think she looks sick then other people she's close to do too, and it would be more their place to say it than yours.
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
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    My simple response: no.
  • pfarley68
    pfarley68 Posts: 83 Member
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    She may have had gastric bypass surgery. I have watched several friends and people I know, have the surgery and lose so much weight that they don't look good anymore. Eventually they gain some back but for awhile they look like hell, older and thin hair etc.
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
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    She may be really sick but not wanting to share that yet. If you get the chance just be supportive. Maybe it will come out.
    This...And it's really none of your business....
  • trybabytry
    trybabytry Posts: 181
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    Everyone is saying "butt out" and "mind your own business," but there was a girl who went to the gym at my college that we'd all talk about because she was so painfully thin, but no one said anything because no one really knew her, and eventually she collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital and dropped out of school.

    Extreme situation, I know, but oftentimes eating disorders are fed (no pun intended) by the fact that it's uncomfortable and people avoid talking about it, or (in the case of the girl above) they go to a place where no one knows them and so on one feels it's "their place."

    If you have mutual friends, talk to them first -- maybe find out if anyone seems aware of this, and if anyone has said anything to her. If her close friends know, well, then there's nothing you can do but leave them to it. Maybe you'll learn it's a disease and she's getting treatment, or maybe there's another reason, etc.

    But if no one has said anything? If no one seems to be addressing it? Yeah. Maybe you should say something. In the kindest, most supportive way possible, of course.

    The worst thing that can happen is that both of you will be extremely embarrassed -- and there are far worse things than mutual embarrassment.
  • kaylea6
    kaylea6 Posts: 2
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    It depends on what your motivation is; are you just curious or do you want to help her? If you are simply curious, then it isn't your place, but if you really would like to help her out, then first become a friend. Get to know her and be an example to her too, but be real about it - don't be a fake 'friend' just to ease your curiousness.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Everyone is saying "butt out" and "mind your own business," but there was a girl who went to the gym at my college that we'd all talk about because she was so painfully thin, but no one said anything because no one really knew her, and eventually she collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital and dropped out of school.
    That's very sad but do you really think you could have cured her by saying "hey you're too skinny"?
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    Don't say anything. She maybe had gastric bypass surgery but that's her business.
  • m16shane
    m16shane Posts: 393 Member
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    I have top agree with some as they said if its just out of curiosity than mind your own business, but if you really care I say without a shadow of a doubt I would say something, in a caring and honest way. I know if it was me going through something and someone asked if I was okay out of caring, I might not like at first but I would respect them. No matter the situation!
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,427 Member
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    First of all, thanks for all the responses. And as I expected they are across the board since I'm so conflicted too. It's truly not curiosity-it is concern. I certainly know her well enough that I could say something in a caring way and I like the idea of asking her if she's hit her goal weight yet and talking about maintenance.

    I hate that people are talking about her behind her back and honestly, but for her sister (who is an odd duck) I'm not sure that she has any close friends-sad but true. She's a hard person to get to know. I seriously hope she is O.K. but would feel awful if something happened and I hadn't said anything.

    I have some travel materials I borrowed from her (see, I do know her, we're just not close friends) so maybe I can take them by her house and talk to her then.

    Thanks for the advice.
  • liftingheavy
    liftingheavy Posts: 551 Member
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    I would not comment unless she specifically asks you how you think she looks these days.
  • pljaeger627
    pljaeger627 Posts: 1
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    I don't think I could NOT say something. But I'd keep it low-key, like "How are you doing? Are you okay?" If you get a brush-off, so be it. Or she might confide in you. (Are you prepared to be confided-in?) If she wants to know why you asked you can say she looks like she lost a lot of weight quickly and you hope she hasn't been ill or anything. If she denies there's anything wrong just tell her you're glad to hear that.

    I can't believe how many people would say nothing. I'd rather risk offending someone than just turning my back.
  • mpf1
    mpf1 Posts: 1,437 Member
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    How about congratulating her on giving up the drinking and tell her that you've also been pursuing a healthier life style yourself. It opens up the door for her to ask about what this means to you and learn some things, but also let's her just get a little support for the amazing thing she did accomplish for her health.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,709 Member
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    Say nothing. It's not your place.
    This. As much as you'd like to, they may have to find out for themselves to really understand.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • sweetpea129
    sweetpea129 Posts: 755 Member
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    No, not your place. I'm sure she has a mirror and knows what she looks like. (I dont mean that in a snarky way, i seriously mean it. She has to see what everyone else sees.)

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