They just don't understand...

JennaH

Hi everyone! I love reading all the great advice and encouragement posts from all of you. Now I need a bit of advice.
Over the last year and a half, I have lost about 80lbs, but I still have about 35 more to go to be at a healthy weight. My friends and family are very proud of me, but they don't seem to realize how difficult it is to lose these last pounds and how difficult it is for me to control my eating. I feel great when I just cut out everything that has too many calories for the benefit, like sugar, breads, cereals, creamy sauces, and most cheese. I don't have a very good ability to do bad food in moderation, but if I don't eat it, I don't really miss it. I eat a varied and balanced diet now, full of fruits and veggies and clean foods. But if I have even a tiny tiny tiny piece of something like chocolate cake or a cookie or a french fry, I have to have the whole thing.
Unfortunately, it seems that my friends and family always want to make every social interaction about food, like going out to dinner. And it's turning into a weekly thing or more. I want to say no, but then they get upset because I don't want to participate or I am not being social. It's so easy for all of them to stay fit and they don't understand how hard it is for me, or don't care. How do I handle this situation without seeming stuck up or finicky? I know lots of you have similar situations, so what did you do? Any advice is greatly appreciated. :flowerforyou:

HealthyKt78

Maybe you could invite them to dinner at your house. That way you control the food but its still a social event.

adopt4

I would either - control the place you eat, or control what is done - like you plan the event and it's NOT about food - or tell them. I would compare it to taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar.... that might open their eyes that this is NOT EASY and you need support and help.

slimmingmom

Why can't you just go out for coffee? And if it has to be a restaraunt you should go to applebees becuase they've got some healthier things to choose from with their weight watcher items. Another favorite of mine is quiznos if dining out is too spendy (which it always is for me :laugh: )...have a sammy and cup of soup. just don't get the sauce on the sammie, and if you don't have enough calories you can leave out the cheese too, though I think it's only about 20 calories worth on the sammie!

lessertess

First of all, I do understand what you are going through. Usually, if I just eat healthy and make good choices I have no problem sticking to my calorie goals. But, if I have one french fry, I want a whole order of them. And then I figure since I've cheated I might as well go for the gusto just keep on cheating. I've lost 85 pounds and still want to lose 30 and those last pounds have been holding on for a long time.

I'm an emotional eater and work and my personal life have been in crisis for about 4 months. I'm considering myself lucky to be just maintaining and not gaining. However, I've recently decided that it's time to put aside the excuses and get back to work on my goals. (two days in a row now :drinker: ) I did it before and I can do it again.

Here's the thing. You're going to be facing this for the rest of your life. In my opinion, deciding to never have a piece of birthday cake or an order of fries ever again is just not possible. It's also not desirable to avoid social situations where food is involved. Seriously, what's the plan for Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday parties, etc. You can't just become a hermit. You have to develop coping mechanisms. Before everything had become so stressful I had developed some. Here's what I did:

Plan ahead for social gatherings where food is involved. Eat less throughout the day and exercise an additional 30 to 60 minutes. Also, plan on eating a little less the day before and the day after, if necessary.

Find a partner. Ask someone who is a good friend or a supportive family member to act as your "food police" and give you a nudge if you start getting out of control. All it takes is for my friend to say "hey, do you know what you're doing?" and I generally stop long enough to think and stop eating.

Put together a standard strategy for going out to eat so that you can always find something on a menu that will allow you to stay within your goals. Don't be afraid to ask for special orders.

Practice. Plan a small treat into your plan everyday. When I was at my most successful, I would take a really high quality (and expensive) chocolate bar and break it into small bites and wrap them in foil. I was allowed one a day. Since I knew I could have another tomorrow, I never felt deprived and was able to settle for just that one bite.

Good luck to you. If it helps, I'm fighting the same battle right along with you.