How can I get my Hubby on board?

cwatson1214

I've tried everything to try to get my Hubby on board with me to lose weight, eat better and exercise...he just won't budge. I tried talking to him...forbidding him to bring junk food into the house... being patient and hoping he would join in...trying to guilt him into it (not proud of that one). He just won't do it. He's always "too tired" to exercise and likes to eat crap food.

Any ideas that would really motivate him?

This worked for mine! LOL

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390

Love it, way to go

EvilPink

My DH complains about his weight and keeps saying, "I have to do something" but then never does. His job has a friggin awesome gym right on site. He could so easily hit it up after work. Even 30 minutes would be good but he won't do it. I want to join the YMCA, mainly because of their pool - I love to swim. I say, join with me. Then he says no because it's silly to pay for a membership when he can use his work gym for free. AGH!

Then, if he ever does get a bit of motivation to do it, he always wants to go with meal programs like NutriSystem. Which, OK, they've helped a lot of people but they don't teach you how to eat and make the lifestyle changes you need. Plus, he already is on meds for high blood pressure, the last thing he needs is a sodium packed diet from prepackaged meal plans. We did NS a few years ago and I lost 35 lbs and he about 45 but it came right back on as soon as we quit. I'm tired of the "diets." It's about changing life and making it better for yourself; losing the weight is an added bonus but any time he talks about losing weight it always revolves around ordering some program meals. And then he never actually does that either.

Or, he'll go to make something "healthy" for dinner like a chicken breast and some steamed veggies but he cooks the chicken in oil, adds butter to the veggies, etc. Sometimes it's just impossible. But, it all comes down to it has to be HIS decision. HE has to ready for it. As much as we'd love for them to have the motivation in the power of 2 or as much as we'd love to see them do it for health, longevity, and all the other reasons - we simply can't make them. Occasionally I can get him to come with me on a walk or go for the random swim here and there and I take the small wins when I can get them and try to make the most of that time by encouraging him but, you simply can't force someone to do something they really don't have the heart for.

earthquick

He must want it for himself. It took me a long time to get to the point of changing my eating habits and choosing a healthier lifestyle and maybe he is "not there yet". I have been talking to my husband about it more and he seems open to the idea for eating healthier, exercise more etc. What does seem to make him "ponder it" is when I say "I want you to grow old with me and I don't want to be there alone because you didn't do something simple as eating just a bit healthier and exerice". Maybe some baby steps... like water instead of soda, less beer. Guys are different than women I guess

DGK12

I think this is like anything else. Quitting smoking, whatever, it has to be THEIR idea! they have to be able to produce the drive for this goal. I suggest you keep doing what you're doing, and maybe it'll click for him one day.

Hellbent_Heidi

Unfortunately, you can't...plain and simple.

All you can do is continue to do what you're doing for yourself and hope when he sees your success, he decides to join you in the journey. Don't fix him an extra meal if he doesn't want the healthy things you make, but you can't ram your lifestyle changes down his throat if he's not mentally prepared to make his own changes.

One thing you can do is to gently remind him that when he's too tired to exercise, its because he's eating junk food and exercise helps you to feel more energetic in the long run...

bethgames

bjohs - I cant wait to try this with my husband. He still has a nice body, but since his MS has taken away his ability to do any walking or running, his muscles have decreased and his tummy has increased. He could stand to lose 30lbs. :huh: He has terrible habits that 40 years of the 'perfect' body has allowed him to get away with. Age and disease are now working against him. However, there is always diet and the 'perfect' motivator to help him maintain that sexiness as long as humanly possible. :smooched: Can't wait to see if this motivates him. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

hamiltonba

bjohs - won't work for mine

CyberEd312

Well speaking from the male side of the equation, I can tell you after a decade of shunning everyone in my family and turning to food for my comfort and getting to 560 lbs. and on the verge of death, there was Absolutely Nothing my wife or family could have said to me to get me to change my mind until I decided it was time and I am fortunate that I finally had the aha moment b4 my untimely death.. The thing is he has to want this for himself and the very best thing you can do is lead by example. The biggest thing that I noticed was my family moving on without me... When I seen everyone living there lives and I was the one sitting alone in the living room at thanksgiving in 08 and again at christmas that was the beginning of my wake up call... My family never stopped loving me but had resided to the fact I was going to kill myself with food and there was nothing they could do but love me from a far... It didn't take me long after that to see what was going on.... Oh they tried for the better half of a decade with interventions and what not but that just pissed me off everytime they came at me with "you need to lose weight" etc , etc...... It had the opposite effect until I was ready to face those demons... Now that I am on the other side I see some of those same family members heading down that same road I was traveling and as much as it KILLS ME to see this after they watched what I went through the last 3 years to regain control of my life, I know deep down there is nothing I can do but "Lead by Example" and hope they see the benefits of what I have done before it is to late for them.... Best of Luck....

bjohs

bjohs - I cant wait to try this with my husband. He still has a nice body, but since his MS has taken away his ability to do any walking or running, his muscles have decreased and his tummy has increased. He could stand to lose 30lbs. :huh: He has terrible habits that 40 years of the 'perfect' body has allowed him to get away with. Age and disease are now working against him. However, there is always diet and the 'perfect' motivator to help him maintain that sexiness as long as humanly possible. :smooched: Can't wait to see if this motivates him. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Haha! You'll have to let me know his answer.

bjohs

bjohs - won't work for mine

Bummer. But maybe my idea will help spark some creative ideas of your own?

bigdogc23

IDK the dynamics of your household but if you are the one that does the shopping then you don't have to stop him from eating junk food but DON'T bring it in the house at all.... There is only so much effort he will give to go out and get the junk food he THINKS he needs. Even if he plays like he is hard headed and goes out at first don't sweat it. eventually it will come to a time that he will be too busy or finaly give in and be too lazy to go out and get that junk food. Then he will get hungry and eat what you have placed in the cubbord.

If you really want to push him.... Go on strike. Stop givng him the booty. Use it as an incentiive. For every 5 pounds he loses he gets to get SOME.

I know that may sound cruel or shallow to some people but ladies use the VAJAYJAY control for much lesser reasons, why not use it to promote healthy wellness...

I have a feeling I'm about to get a lot of hate mail from some guys....

hamiltonba

bigdogc23 - he never wants it!! Heck - When he does want to - there is NO way that I am going to say no!!

MelWelch

That is perfect! I will keep it in my back pocket for the "right time"!

minnousche

After years of being treated for diabetes and cholesterol, my husband finally made the decision to start focusing on his health on his own. No amount of nagging/guilt-tripping from me or his doctors or even his mother could have made him change his ways. When our local YMCA moved two minutes down the street, though, he admitted that he really had no excuse to not at least try. At that point, it was like a switch flipped. He works out three mornings a week with a buddy, and their healthy competitive thing motivates him to work even harder. He's still on meds, but his A1C dropped from 12 to 7, and he's been told his diabetes is now considered controlled. He has also entered a Spartan Sprint this fall, so he's even more motivated to lose the gut.

His eating is still spotty - he's a meat-and-potatoes guy - but he has made improvements. At home, he's fine because I do the groceries and cooking. When he's not home, he goes out and doesn't always make the best choices. But I'm thrilled with all the progress he has made, and it's part of what motivated me to be more consistent about my own choices.

It's hard and frustrating, but focus on yourself and the positive changes you are making.

rachelmorgan77

It has to be their decision - I was the spouse that was slow to get on board. Just be patient, no guilt trips, no fighting, etc. If you cook, you can start changing the way he eats just be cooking healthier foods. Invite him to go with you for a walk, bike ride, etc. This is a journey we all have to do for ourselves, and we decide for ourself when to start it.

Wonderwoman2677

I really appreciate all the replies... I had come to the same conclusion... I just need to wait and hope and try to lead by example. He does most of the shopping and does not like the foods I cook. I try to use a lot of veggies and there are only a few he'll eat. I told him awhile ago that he was on his own if he didn't like what I was cooking and he said "ok", but he didn't mean it and now he feels unloved. We take turns cooking. I usually end up eating at least some of what he cooks, so then he feels hurt that I make foods he won't eat.

I'm not sure I could hold out long enough to use sex as a motivator But the post had me cracking up :laugh:

Wonderwoman2677

IDK the dynamics of your household but if you are the one that does the shopping then you don't have to stop him from eating junk food but DON'T bring it in the house at all.... There is only so much effort he will give to go out and get the junk food he THINKS he needs. Even if he plays like he is hard headed and goes out at first don't sweat it. eventually it will come to a time that he will be too busy or finaly give in and be too lazy to go out and get that junk food. Then he will get hungry and eat what you have placed in the cubbord.

If you really want to push him.... Go on strike. Stop givng him the booty. Use it as an incentiive. For every 5 pounds he loses he gets to get SOME.

I know that may sound cruel or shallow to some people but ladies use the VAJAYJAY control for much lesser reasons, why not use it to promote healthy wellness...

I have a feeling I'm about to get a lot of hate mail from some guys....

This made me laugh, but I would hate him for trying to pressure me like this...I couldn't do it to him.

Wonderwoman2677

This worked for mine! LOL

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390
[/quote]

bjohs...I love this idea... I'll see if it will work. With a 2yo and 4 older kids, we don't have much time together either. We could definitely use some motivation for that too!