Is your Partner or spouse supportive?

momtobe06

Hi All,

I began my new summer fitness goals last week and expressed to my husband what I wanted to achieve and he said something like " who for? and why?"..... as if I am getting myself in shape for the sole purpose of finding another Man. I tell him that I am doing this for three people.. me,myself and I.... because I deserve to focus on myself for a change.


He is supportive and has said Good Job when he noticed me consistently working out, but then he will add a backhanded complient like.. " Oh great.. your working out again? ... not taking a break Huh?". I wonder what is behind all this. I hope to inspire him to make healthy changes.

any insight?

neverstray

Yes, my right hand is super excited about it's new body.

momtobe06

I bet...:embarassed:

MotorCityFemmeFatale

" Oh great.. your working out again?"

This one .... so unfortunately I don't have insight for you.

nannanorem

Sounds just like my husband! he even said to me the other day..."your just going to leave me anyways" when I asked him if it made him happy that i was trying to get into shape and if he has noticed any differences. He is insecure and depending on what has happened between you and your spouse, in the past, he may feel that way also.

Discoveri

My husband is supportive of me but I kinda wish he would do something for his own health. He is obese (like me) but doesn't have the desire to eat healthier or to work out at all. I try to make a healthy dinner and he will eat that and then instantly go scrounging in the kitchen for snacks. Moderation is not in his vocabulary right now. It is frustrating but I hope that I can set a good example and he will join me in his own time and when he is ready for the change.

runfatmanrun

My wife is supportive and has lost weight with me. She doesn't work out but is accepting of me prioritizing my workouts into our daily routine. We eat healthy together but she has admitted she doesn't eat as healthy sometimes when she eats with her brothers for her lunch. I don't badger her to be like me and she doesn't ask me to do less. Works for us.

mtaylor33557

My husband's great. He watches our son so I can catch Zumba a couple times a week, he eats whatever I cook, He tells me how great I look... he's fantastic.

He's not overweight himself, and I wasn't when we met, but he's never said a word. I'd say I was fat and he'd say I was beautiful, but he also sees how happy this makes me and he cheers me on.

Every time I see the scale move, I send him an email when I get to work.. and he'll generally reply, "That's great!" or "Happy for you!"

He even goes as far as to ask.. "How was Zumba?" or "What type of strength training did you do today?"



I guess I just hit the husband lotto.. but I knew that already

Meg_78

My husband is extremely supportive. I never had an over weight problem, but I was a underweight, smoking couch potato for as long as I'd know him (at least I cooked healthy though ). He is very much into fitness, we were pole opposites, so it was a shock for him when I finally got off my butt and said I was finally ready to change, I think he honestly thought "here we go again", but it has been 4 months of not smoking, 2 months of MFP, 6lbs gained and I have gone from a girl who absolutely hated exercise (never understood the point of it frankly) to heavy lifting 3 times a week (with him as my spotter) and just about to start the butt bible with complete and utter excitement. I think he is just as excited as I am to see the changes in my body, from weak and wimpy to progressively stronger, and getting baby muscles!, As the saying goes, "Skinny girls may look good in clothing, but fit girls look good naked"!

To say he is impressed would be an understatement, so yes he is very supportive!

As to your husbands statement, I guess it would depend on his tone, but unfortunately he does sound a little passive aggressive....I could be like that befor with my man, I suppose I was jealous of his interest and ability with fitness, so I would make small shizy remarks like that. That's my take at least.

momtobe06

you hit the nail on the head with the passive agressive stuff....

montana_girl

I am extremely lucky. My husband is very supportive. So much so that when I was struggling to get back on track he joined Weight Watchers so he could go to the meetings with me and understand the program a bit better. He was my "trainer" when I started running and ran with me three mornings a week until I was confident enough to run with a mutual friend or on my own.

He was very overweight before I met him, but he was one of those guys that decided to lose weight and did it by "eating less, moving more" and lost 60 pounds on his own, another 10-15 when he started running, and additional 15-20 with Weight Watchers.

As supportive as he is, he still doesn't get the whole "emotional eating" aspect. But I love him for all the support he has given me. Never pushy and never condescending. Praises me when I do well but knows enough to keep his mouth shut when I go off track (had to explain to him in the beginning that I know when I'm not doing well and him pointing it out only makes it worse!).

bjshields

My husband is supportive of me but I kinda wish he would do something for his own health. He is obese (like me) but doesn't have the desire to eat healthier or to work out at all. I try to make a healthy dinner and he will eat that and then instantly go scrounging in the kitchen for snacks. Moderation is not in his vocabulary right now. It is frustrating but I hope that I can set a good example and he will join me in his own time and when he is ready for the change.

I think I married your hubby's twin! :sad:

HMVOL7409

My husband is my biggest supporter. We hit a bit of a rough patch around the holidays and were trying to be more supportive of each other. At the NY he decided to eat cleaner to lean down with a buddy and I decided to join him since I'm the cook and shopper and it's easier as a team. Plus I had some unwanted weight. We never imagined we'd be where we are today. Our relationship is 1000 times healthier bc my stress is gone bc my workout time is my me time and I can let go of all the crap from school, work, whatever. He use to be my sounding board for going off you could say; poor guy. I make the time for it and he's so supportive bc I use to be resentful of his gym time bc I felt I never could do it with everything else going on. We do abs or box with each other at least every night and go to the gym frequently togethor. He constantly cheers me on, will send texts during my runs encouraging me and is always expressing to me how proud and I love hearing that from the one person that matters. I do the same for him. I'm a very lucky girl bc I know of I didn't have him pushing me sometimes; I may have given up on something's.

CMmrsfloyd

Mine was a little skeptical I think when I first started trying to lose weight - I'd talked about wanting to lose weight in the past and I think he thought this time was going to be like all the others, although he did not say anything negative he wasn't all 'yay go for it!' either. After I dropped some poundage and other people started noticing, he was happy for me. When I started working out again I think he was skeptical that it wouldn't last, but he seemed happy when it became apparent that it was a habit and not just a passing whim. I think he got a little confused/annoyed when he realized I was a bit addicted to it - "I NEED to workout tonight to earn my dinner!" etc. LOL Then he decided he needed to lose some weight and workout too, so now he's extra supportive and totally 'gets' those stages that I went through myself. He even got a BodyMedia armband so he could really track his calories everyday. Now we're making plans to do active things together instead of just sitting around watching movies all the time. :-)

NWdreaming

It sounds like there is a deeper issue than you working out and getting healthy. He doesn't sound very secure in the relationship if he says "who for" and other things like that. I've found that if my hubs and I are fighting about ANYTHING, the working out thing can be thrown into the mix. He is supportive but also wants attention, its that terrible word "balance". Can you involve him or workout when he isn't around/up/in the mix?


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Alliwan

Hubby loves my 'curves' aka rolls, so isnt as supportive as id like him to be. He is also insecure and things ill 'find someone better' when im thin.

Like i settled cause im fat...wrong!

karylee44

My husband is supportive of me but I kinda wish he would do something for his own health. He is obese (like me) but doesn't have the desire to eat healthier or to work out at all. I try to make a healthy dinner and he will eat that and then instantly go scrounging in the kitchen for snacks. Moderation is not in his vocabulary right now. It is frustrating but I hope that I can set a good example and he will join me in his own time and when he is ready for the change.

mine won't even eat everything i prepare.. and there is always a sugar soda, chips or icecream in his hand.. mine said that if i lost 20 pounds he would join me... i did, he didn't .. then he changed it to if i lost 30 pounds he would join me.. i did.. he didn't.. i have just given up on him.. i just want to focus on makeing sure my kids eat healthy..

JeepBaja

I have a very supportive better half... it just sucks because she can eat whatever she wants and it is *I* who appears to gain the weight!

Lonewolf1507

I hope to inspire him to make healthy changes.

I think you'll find this sentence might be behind it, he might feel that you will stop him doing or eating what he wants.

Us male types are as funny as you female types when it comes to be edged into a direction we don't want to go or haven't chosen to go :-)

Andy

JanetLM73

My husband was supportive at first, but now that I've stuck to it he is not supportive anymore because men look at me (his words). So I ignored him and carried on. I'm doing this for me and my children not for anyone else.

Salasel

Both my fiance and I are on here and try to keep eachother motivated. Since we both are working towards a healthy life style we can approch it as a team.

coopersmom2006

Mine is also super supportive. I've inspired him to get healthier and he tells everyone that. Not sure what that comment your's made was all about. Have you asked? Have you told him it bothered you?

arnoswife

I have been on my weightloss journey for almost a year. It will be a year on June 6th. I started MFP in July 2011. Anyways I have lost a total of 103 lbs. I received my one and only compliment from my husband on Christmas Eve. Other than that he just says I take too much time when I go work out at the gym. When I told him I can't wear my wedding ring anymore cuz its so big, and that I need to get it fitted again; His exact words were "you probably shouldn't cuz WHEN you gain weight again it won't fit again"


on the positive side our love life has dramatically gotten better!!:happy: :blushing:

LiddyBit

We're headed to the gym together in about 20 minutes/

dlrcpa

Maybe he feels you are taking time away from being with him? If that's not the case, then just ignore the comments. I got most of my support from my (female) friend who dieted and exercised with me a couple of years ago. Use your MFP friends for support.

I tell my DH his main benefit from me exercising is that I do a ***LOT*** of yard & house work (as exercise and because I can do more - as a result of other exercise). So he doesn't have to do the yard work, or wash windows, or sweep the deck, etc, etc, Who could argue with that?

He was mainly unhappy because I quit baking cookies/cake/bread and buying ice cream. He learned he had to go buy those things himself and to please buy a flavor that was lower down on my favorites list and hide them on the top shelf of the pantry or the back of the freezer. Really, that's not too much to ask.

danam82

My hubby is very supportive of me and he always encourages me to work out. And he always notices and compliments me when I've made a noticeable change. However, he's more concerned with keeping me happy than keeping me on track. I've asked him to keep me accountable as far as the food I eat when I'm around him. But he'd rather see me happily munching away on cookies than tell me I shouldn't eat them and see the guilt/disappointment on my face. LOL. It's a weird problem.

BriskisGrl

My husband is supportive just as I am with him.

zellagrrl

Mine's largely supportive-- I do get the "you're working out again" comment, but when I asked, it turns out he was worried I was overtraining (I'm not). You might just have to bluntly ask.

i_miss_donuts

It sounds like many on here have spouses who are insecure about their relationships and worry that they will be left behind if he/she succeeds. That stinks and must be really hard to live with.

My husband loves that I workout, but is really unsupportive when it comes to eating healthy. He is 6'5" and naturally thin. He works out - but not as hard or as often as I do. He gives me a hard time about weighing my food, often refuses to eat healthy stuff I prepare (so I wind up eating differently than he and the kids) and he literally ignores me out if I start talking to him about weight issues! I don't get any feedback positive or negative to indicate that he notices results of my work at the gym. grrrr.

Thank goodness we have people on MFP that get it and are supportive!

dontstopmenow87

My boy-friend is supportive off and on...when I was super excited about losing the first ten pound he said "It's just water weight so it's the easiest to lose." But he is very supportive as far as eating healthy as long as I make enough that he can have tons and not have to control his portions. He barely weighs 130 and eats whatever he wants (lucky him right?)....He has been supportive of me wanting to doing the Insanity program and even said he would do some with me. I even bought a HRM so I would know how many calories I was burning. I am feeling kind of discouraged this week because I didn't get to start it and haven't been able to work out much due to being sick. Went to the doctor today and apparently I have whooping cough...Hoping to start next week and hoping he will be supportive.

misskerouac

My husband is supportive in a way of not really saying anything, nothing negative but nothing positive...to me.

He tells his mom that I work out and all that, but says nothing to me except "wouldn't it just be easier to stop eating all togther" or "you should start smoking".

2 of my favourites have been when he asked me how much I wanted to lose and I said 35 and he asked "why not 50?" and when he asked why all his friends back home have wives that have had kids and they are super skinny.

:huh:

Mind you, this is coming from someone who if he wants to drop 5 lbs just doesn't drink beer that weekend.