Advice needed: Dealing with negativity from family

Dimpszz

So I've just got back home from college for the summer and the negativity that I receive from my family regarding my healthy lifestyle has not only become annoying to deal with but just plain frustrating. I really don't get why it bothers them so much to see the life I've adapted while I was away at school. Health is not a priority at all to them so for this reason I never try to pressure them to eat better or make them feel guilty for their ways but for some reason they still ALWAYS have a negative comment to say. Trying to ignore them is getting pretty hard because I see them everyday.

So my question is have any of you ever had to deal with negativity from loved ones and if so how did you deal with it?

DaveneGfit

You can do it! It sounds like to me that they are a little jealous and also feeling guilty about the daily choices that they make. Keep your head up! You can't change what they choose to do, but you can change the environment. Stick with what you are doing and they may come around. Also find people to keep you accountable as you adjust to being around others who don't eat the way you do. Other than that have you expressed to them how it makes you feel? I hope that helps a bit

KevDaniel

I have! It is frustrating, because they don't get it. When I say no thank you to the slice of pie they almost seemed offended. I don't know why, maybe they envy the change but don't want to make it themselves. c'est la vie

jsapninz

Yes. Negativity from alot of people (especially at work for me). I think it really opens your eyes about who is truely happy that you are working on being healthier and who is selfish and jealous and wants to bring you down. :brokenheart:

I have heard alot of people say that when it comes up you should reply with "my weight/eating choices are not up for discusion." and walk away.

Unfortunately when it's family it becomes really difficult because at least for me when I'm around them I'm around them constantly and there are ALOT of them so if everyone says one thing, it just adds up and makes me CRAZY. lol.

So what I would do in my case (fortunately my family supports me in my weight loss but in other things this has come up) is bring momma in on it. Privately have a quiet discussion with her. My mom is the definite matriarch of the family, and so I would say "you know mom, I am having such a hard time lately wanting to hang around the family because I feel like I get attacked over this. The little comments may not seem like much to everyone, but they really hurt me. What do you think I should do?" And then momma bear calms you down and says she will take care of it and has a private discussion with everyone to knock it off and if the situation comes up again she will be the first to shut the commenter down. You can also, obviously, have this convo with everyone privately, but I have found this mom-route quicker for me (plus then you have an ally) and by individual you have to feel it out and determine if they are going to take you seriously or not.

However you deal with it, you HAVE to be willing to enforce the consquences. If people are treating you like crap and it is derailing you, tell them that you aren't going to be able to hang with them as much if they keep it up. And if they DON'T take heed, DON'T spend as much time with them. Noone needs rotten people in their life, and noone should make empty promises. Do what you have to do to stick up for yourself!

Good luck, hang in there! It is a bumpy road with alot of detractors, but it is worth it and we are here for you!! :flowerforyou:

tania2287

With me and my live choices I was never guilty about it. They did always make a remark to me like l do not have enough meat on my bone and need to eat a really good meal. But in the end l was right in eating healthy due to them getting sick and they are the ones who have had cancer and one has pasted away due to unhealthily diet. So l just keep thinking l am doing the right thing, I will be living longer.

So if l was you hold your head up high and just think that you are very healthily and will be able to live longer.

gatecityradio

I deal with negativity from co-workers, friends, and even family at times. I just keep on trucking because at the end of the day I can only answer for myself. I want to be healthy, others do not. In the long run it will be their loss.

jsapninz

They did always make a remark to me like l do not have enough meat on my bone and need to eat a really good meal.

This comment ALWAYS makes me laugh. I retort: "It's not the MEAT I'm worried about, it's the FAT!!!" :laugh:

emma9797

Hi!
Well....actually my whole life is made up of negativity from the family....and since, but maybe i found it like this because i have an eating disorder. In any case, i think you should talk it over with them so maybe they could understand better what you really want and how important that is for you. But in any case, i suggest not to argue, just try to make them understand this step by step, or maybe listen to them too, sometimes they can give good suggestions too even if they are a bit disagreeing. Anyway, keep up the work, and''never surrender''

BibiFit03

I agree with MusicGal. Your family knows deep down that what you're doing (ie. being healthy) is the right thing and seeing you is a daily reminder to them that they're not. Especially if you're declining a second helping of dinner while they're all digging in. My guess is that they see you making different choices than they do and they're afraid you will grow further and further away from them. That's scary for families. They might even tell themselves that you think you're better than them, or some silliness like that.

Is it easy for you to talk to your family about things that really matter to you? Have you told them WHY you've made these changes and how positively it's affected your life? Have you tried asking for their support? If you sit down and have an honest, authentic conversation with them, they might surprise you by understanding more than you expect. Worst case, they keep at it and you just have to continue along your path regardless of their nasty comments.

I hope you work this out.

ONE03

I blow up at them. Then we do the passive aggressive silence for a couple days or weeks and are right back to being chummy again. :laugh:

But I still want to save up some money and extend our home with another door with locks and soundproof walls.

Dimpszz

Thanks everyone for the encouragement it has helped me tremendously to stay motivated!!!

Dimpszz

@musicgal86 and BibiFit03 : you both are definitely right, they could just be a little offended. I'm going to try to communicate to them my feelings towards it, hopefully it goes well and they realize that this tension is only going to create distance between us if they don't quit.

BibiFit03

I'm glad you're going to talk to them about it! Let me know how it goes