Hubby Isn't Supportive

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dawnlinski
dawnlinski Posts: 22
in Motivation and Support
My DH isn't as supportive as I'd like him to be. He's very blunt and feels that he needs to be frank at any cost (even if it upsets me). So when I told him I was joining MFP he wasn't supportive and when I brought this up he said "I've been supportive for every other diet you've been on" so I get that, I've tried SW and WW and gone off track. He goes from one extreme to the other, he's either giving me a hard time for eating a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar, or being uninterested when I tell him when I've had a good day. I need some support at home and I'm contemplating not talking to him about using MFP and just rely on support from friends..
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Replies

  • snipermedic
    snipermedic Posts: 53
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    Ill support you. Youre gorgeous. Dont let ANYONE discourage you. Prove him wrong.
  • heathrlynn
    heathrlynn Posts: 13
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    I'm in the same boat. He knows nothing about this site. I figure it's not like I'm cheating on him or anything lol
  • moepwr
    moepwr Posts: 349 Member
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    Sorry your husband isn't being supportive. I would try it for a while keeping it to yourself, then as he sees you being successful he may become more supportive? And remember to do it for yourself and no one else! Good luck!
  • Jessie1227
    Jessie1227 Posts: 71 Member
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    Same here!! No need for negativity, YOU DO YOU!! :) Adding you, ma'am! :D
  • norabeth
    norabeth Posts: 176 Member
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    Add me and we can help each other
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
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    Tell him this is not a "Diet" it is a way of life. He needs to know that you have made up your mind to change your life, forever. Good luck with with him and your journey.
  • wookiemouse
    wookiemouse Posts: 290 Member
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    You can't force someone to be who you need when you need them. It doesn't work that way. Since it sounds like he's always been like this, stop expecting him to change and find other means of support. Your hubby isn't your be-all, end-all. There are TONS of people on here whose sole purpose is to give encouragement and have your back. Hang around here some more, we won't let you down!
  • jennnnn2u
    jennnnn2u Posts: 133
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    I'm sorry your hubby isn't supportive. That can make it really difficult but just remember that you are doing this for YOU! We will be here to support you. Feel free to add me and if you are having one of those moments and you need someone to talk you down, I'll be here...we all will be.
  • lelstar
    lelstar Posts: 374 Member
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    Yeah stick with us :-)
  • JusticeKaitlyn
    JusticeKaitlyn Posts: 6
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    I think it's important to have a solid support system, it makes for a large chunk of your journey. I would suggest sitting down with him and explaining the seriousness of this and important it is to you. If you explain to him how you'd wish he would be more supportive it might click something in his brain. Before, I didn't think my mother was supportive at all but it turns out she's not that mushy kind of person that's always involved and she didn't realize it came across as her not caring. It turns out she was supporting me the whole time; just in her own way, she just needed a friendly reminder.

    You can always turn to other people for support as well.
  • sherbear2678
    sherbear2678 Posts: 60 Member
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    do it for yourself... I'm halfway to my goal and hubby could care less... family is far away but they try and be there for me when he's not... he has 50+lbs to lose himself and I think he hopes I will just give up and stay the same so he doesn't have to put in any effort to lose weight... but I'm doing me! I've put on 30+lbs in the last 4 or so years and I wanted to lose 20 on top of that - can't wait to reach my goal - add me if you like!
  • fae14
    fae14 Posts: 54 Member
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    I agree with the others. Do this MFP thing and when the weight starts coming off and you gain confidence, and you WILL gain confidence, he'll take notice. Then you can tell him what you've been doing. Chances are too, he'll ask why you've been cooking differently before he'll notice any weight loss in you.

    There are TONS of supportive people on this site. Make it a habit to use it daily, even when you don't want to track what you've eaten when you've gone astray, and you will learn so much about yourself and making better choices. I've taken nutrition courses and still learned a lot about food, myself, and my relationship with food.
  • BackTatJIM
    BackTatJIM Posts: 1,140 Member
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    HATERS = MOTIVATION!!!
  • DrJackson6
    DrJackson6 Posts: 156 Member
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    There are a lot of people out to be non-supportive and/or sabotage success. I have found that it is better for me to keep it to myself and I advise the same. We, your MFP family, can be your support and when he sees you making progress, maybe he will get on board. If not, oh well, do it for you and we will support you.
  • dawnlinski
    dawnlinski Posts: 22
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    Thanks everybody for all your advice. I might have painted a bad picture of my husband, he's a great person really but he's not overweight at all, he's actually underweight so I feel that he doesn't understand my eating habits, his take on it is "if it's bad for you, just don't eat it" which sounds fair but not as easy to put it into practice and keep it going. Possible yes, but not easy at all. Thank you for your advice and support it really does mean a lot. x
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    Stick with it. He doesn't need to hear every detail if his reaction will only make you upset. There is a lot of support here, even when you get off track.
  • dvisser1
    dvisser1 Posts: 788 Member
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    My DH isn't as supportive as I'd like him to be. He's very blunt and feels that he needs to be frank at any cost (even if it upsets me). So when I told him I was joining MFP he wasn't supportive and when I brought this up he said "I've been supportive for every other diet you've been on" so I get that, I've tried SW and WW and gone off track. He goes from one extreme to the other, he's either giving me a hard time for eating a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar, or being uninterested when I tell him when I've had a good day. I need some support at home and I'm contemplating not talking to him about using MFP and just rely on support from friends..

    First off, diets are temporary and that is why there is always a new fad diet you hear about. MFP is not a diet, it's a tool and a support community designed to help you learn what a healthy lifestyle is for you. Next time he says something about supporting you through all the other diets, swat him upside the head and remind him it's not a diet and explain (re-explain, again and again) how MFP works. Bottom line is you are doing this for you, not for him. You are working to be healthy for yourself so you can fully enjoy the rest of your life.

    To have him behind you in this change to a healthier lifestyle, maybe try to get him on here too. That way you work together to keep each other on track, motivated and honest about what you're doing. Your household adopts a this healthy lifestyle, not just you doing it.

    Just saw your further reply where you said he is underweight. MFP works for that too if he wants to put on some muscle.
  • istril
    istril Posts: 11
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    It sounds like there are two sides to this; on one hand he gives you a hard time for your slip-ups, and on the other hand he doesn't reinforce your successes.

    For the first, he has no right to be your body-police. When he cuts you down, politely but firmly tell him not to concern himself with it.

    For the second, I guess you have to be consistent and realize that he may not really be able to comment on your successes either. Try not to focus on his approval, make your motivation more internal and do it for you. If you make the change and are successful, trust me, in the long run he will notice.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    I say get all the support you can get here and when he will see that you are doing this for real he will probably turn around
  • Rennae9
    Rennae9 Posts: 61 Member
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    Add me if you need encouragement. I know that I am not on a "diet" I am eating healthy to be healthy and losing weight is just a by-product of being healthy. I am not trying to be "skinny" so I can look good. I want to be "healthy"

    So...I think you will find many people on here that will encourage you on your new journey!

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