Family suppport or sabotage

lexington87

Okay here is my question. Do you find your family/friend/sig-other (read: who ever is with you during this journey) are supportive or your healthier choices or are they sabotaging your efforts? How do you deal with it?

My husband has been great about supporting my food and exercise choices and is now even trying to start doing them himself. It makes me feel a lot less guilty since now I'm not leaving him at home while the dogs and I go jogging or hiking.

The rest of my family is a split mix, we moved in with my parents while we find our dream house and its been going pretty well. They support the exercise I have a standing Monday night gym date. The catch- my parents love to indulge in food and over eat at dinner. I feel like a 5 year old again with them spooning extra food onto my plate after I've served myself "eat thats not enough" or "well we can't have left overs". It drives me nuts I hate waste so leaving food on my plate drives me bonkers but its the only option since they don't seem to get it when we say no and try to explain why.

On the oposite end of the spectrum are my in-laws. Both my mother and sister in law have an EDs and refuse to admit it or get help. Unfortunatly they are very vocal in their views of "perfection" and no one is skinny enough- at my lowest when I first started dating my now hubby I was 115lbs and even then they would tell me I was fat and needed to lose. I think this has sabotaged more because I always second guess how I look with them- bring on the emotional eating (self sabotage at its worst!).

The only solutions I have found are to avoid those who are negative or non-supportive, accept that only you are in control of your decisions and take responsibility. Know that you are doing your best to make a fabulous, fit, new you!

WishComeTru

I understand what you are saying. My husband is pretty supportive as far as my eating and exercise efforts go ~ I cook healthier dinners and he has no complaints and even enjoys taking the leftovers to work. He is not one to work out at all so sometimes I have to "steal" the TV back from him when I want to work out using Kinect or something like that. I wish he took more of an interest in working out with me, but no complaints. Both of my parents are very supportive as they also are working on their health and fitness.

The in-laws on the other hand... or specifically my mother in law. She definitely has body image issues, and she is always interested in talking about who has gained weight and how fabulous people look who have lost weight. She herself has lost a lot of weight since her husband passed a few years ago.... but she eats like a bird and I'm a food lover. My brother-in-law is very fit ~ a workout phanatic and his wife has also become exceptionally thin in recent years (part of it is a thyroid issue, but she does work out and tries to portion well). My BIL & SIL are supportive. My mother in law... I swear she tries to sabotage my efforts recently. Recently she has brought over a super size bag of Dibbs Ice Cream Bites when she was babysitting my daughter and left them there. Then last week at my BIL's birthday, I brought my own healthy dinner and skipped the pizza and cake ~ didn't my MIL sit there and go on and on about how great the mousse cake was! No one else was doing that and my SIL even said she didn't want to force me because she knows how hard it is. I had a bite of my daughter's and the cake wasn't exceptional so you see what I mean. Then last night MIL stops over and brings a bag filled with mini powdered donuts... I gave some to my daughter after dinner, but when my MIL was leaving she turns to me and says "I hope you enjoy the donuts for breakfast!" UGH! :explode: I had mentioned something to my husband last week that I feel like she tries to sabotage my efforts, but he said he doesn't see that.

Well I guess the way I look at it, she has her own personal issues to deal with. I appreciate those in my life who are supportive, and if I have to throw out all of the junk she brings over, I will. I don't mind giving myself a treat, but please don't leave entire boxes of sweets behind because you don't want to eat them yourself. I think I am going to start saying that if she doesn't want to take stuff home, I am throwing it out because I don't like to keep it in the house. Maybe she will get the point.

Sorry for rambling but it's a safe place to vent!

divinebird

My family has been universally supportive--and it made me realize how worried they all were with my weight before now. My parents just told me last night that they'd buy the dress I had listed as my reward for hitting 50lbs lost! My husband is also overweight; he's actually joined me here (he's Proudgamer) and that has made a huge difference to me.

With your parents and their insistence on adding more to your plate--thank them but do not give in. If the problem is leftovers, maybe suggest putting together a plate or container so you can have a delicious meal the next day for lunch? I adore leftovers because it means my lunch will be tasty and hearty, and I won't have to buy or make more food. You might also sit down with them and show them the calorie counts on servings, and how it may SEEM like you're not eating enough, but really you are. Reassure your mom that you do still love her cooking and you don't want her to feel like you're rejecting it.

With your MIL, that's actually less tricky in my mind. You already see how she's trying to tempt you with junk foods. Stand firm, as you already are, and see if she keeps at it. She may be trying to prove to herself that you're never going to stick to a diet. Her obsession with others' weight makes me wonder if SHE has a hard time with it herself, and therefore doesn't want to see anyone else succeed (least of all her DIL). If the behavior continues, I'd privately talk to her. Ask her outright, "why, when you know I am working hard at losing weight, did you bring over ice cream and donuts? Please don't do this again. It's enough of a struggle without feeling pressured to eat junk food. Respect my decision."

The same thing applies if she gets after you for enjoying the occasional slice of cake or whatever, because a diet doesn't mean you have to eliminate fun foods ENTIRELY. It just means you have to be smart about when you eat them.

WishComeTru

thanks divine!