Depression & loss of motivation after loss of loved one

Amy_B

After my mom died in 2005 from a massive heart attack, I made the decision that I needed to lose weight. I ended up losing 110 pounds from December 2005 to January or so 2010 (with two pregnancies in there). I knew I could do it and kept pushing through.

I was then stuck at about that weight for 1.5 years. I kind of lost some motivation in there (since the scale stopped moving and probably other things?) and gained back about 20 pounds.

Fast forward to March 2012. My dad died of a heart attack related to severe type II diabetes and other things. I thought I would be re-motivated to get this weight back off, but I think it's done the opposite. I think I have a mild form of depression, and they only thing that's even somewhat making me care about my health right now is that my clothes don't really fit.

I am not sure really the reason for posting this, but I guess I just needed to get it out. I don't have time/money to go to counseling, but I know I need to do something, especially about my weight.

Why was I so motivated after my mom died, but now I am not really motivated at all?



(BTW, I do plan on going to the doctor this week to get a full check up and see if there are any other health issues that could be affecting my weight.)

wftiger

Good that you are going to the Doctor. Maybe take some Vitamin D to help you out.

Hard to know why one motivated and one didn't. I know when my mom died after having gastric that for some reason did not motivate me at all. I don't know why but I just got heavier and heavier. But then I came face to face with my own mortality and that scared the s**t out of me. After a call to 9 1 1 because I couldn't breath and my arm was numb I realized that I was eating myself to death. 7 months later I am 95 lbs lighter.

I can't tell you how to get that motivation back but maybe thinking about everything that you have to do this for will help.

leslisa

You are grieving and there is no right or wrong way to do it. You lost your mom, you had a specific relationship with her. Maybe weight loss gave you control over the situation (just guessing because I don't know you), maybe you felt like you didn't want what happened to her to happen to you.

You lost your dad. You had a different relationship with him than you did with your mom, it's going to effect you differently but also, maybe you are feeling like the control you gained through your weight loss after your mom passed was a bunch of crap because it didn't help you control your dad's death. Or maybe you had a different relationship with him completely and it doesn't have anything to do with control. Or maybe you don't feel like you deserve to be healthy with him gone? Maybe you just realized death is inevitable (It was a big, depressing freak out moment for me). Or maybe it's just down in the gutters depression and it doesn't have a d*mn thing to do with any of the above.

I have seen a lot of death in my life, both young (my son's best friend was killed by a drunk driver at 8yo and old (so many I've known from 31 yo - 90 yo) and I can tell you, you will probably feel better if you find someone to listen, a friend or a significant other, anyone who can act as a sounding board, who will listen without judging, who will guide you around your feelings a little and help you find your own honest answers within yourself.

Who's the baby? Is that your son. Cute as a button. Do you want him to have you around to support him? Think about how all this is effecting him too.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, my father died when I was 35 and my mother and I don't get on. My condolences on your loss. My heart goes out to you. This *kitten* just sucks, doesn't it. (No, I have no tact). If you need a friend, you can send me an email. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG GIANT HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Amy_B

Thanks for the understanding. That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

The baby is my oldest.

Lizlicious2187

I understand where you're coming from. My mom passed away about a month and a half ago after a long battle with Huntington's disease. I started my weight loss in January because I was just not happy with how I looked. While I was with her the last couple of weeks of her life I wasn't concentrated on working out at all and was eating a lot of comfort food but still logging it in and somehow I didn't gain weight but I still felt awful. It took me a good month to get back into the full swing of working out but I started out slow with just one or two days a week and realized how much better it made me feel. But i still have though days where I really don't want to do anything and all I can think about is her. I try to just take things one day at a time and try not to get too discouraged if I have a bad day. My condolences go out to you and your family.

msphyl46

First I want to say to you I'm sorry for your loss. I truly understand I loss my mother last July however she passed from old age at the age of 83. I loss my father 6 days before my 18th birthday however that was 27 years apart from one another. You on the other hand loss you mom in 2005 had to children in between that somehow kept your mind occupied and you probably never went through the greiving process of your mother because you were busy with the children. Now 7 years later which wasn't long since losing you mom now you lost your father. Well I believe the grieve from your mom and now your dad is re-surfacing all at once. I know we are accustomed to going to the doctor to get something to numb us but if you allow time to heal your pain I believe that the Most High will give your the strength to get through your grieve. If you got to cry,then cry if you must scream then scream healing is gonna take place from the inside. Believe me my father has been gone for almost 29 years and I still miss his presence in my life. I will keep you in my prayers and if you need a shoulder or an ear feel free to drop me an email.

Amy_B

Thank you, lovely ladies, for your condolences and advice. It really means a lot. I am sorry we have all had our losses.

I am actually doing better now that I am out of school for summer break (HS teacher here). I hope the scale will show it soon too.