Am I crazy (or crazier than I thought I was?)

IamRoJ

Thought I’d post this out there to see if I am alone on this one….

Was having a conversation with one of my MFPeeps over the weekend about how I look versus how I think* I look. This person, who knows me pretty darn well, thinks that my mental image is causing 85% of my insecurity and that I don’t look like I think* I do. While clearly having a long way to go to be finished, and also recognizing that I have come a long way, I’m really struggling to reconcile this. How can I literally SEE something that’s not there?

So here’s the question…are there any of you out there that see yourself in the mirror, or in a picture, and you think “wow! I’m actually looking almost normal”…and then a matter of hours later, you can see yourself (for me, it’s usually when I am lifting at the gym cuz there are so many mirrors) and think “ugh! How did I think I looked OK????” And if so, how does one get their mental image to catch up with their progress?

Discuss….

VenomousDuck

I don't recognize my reflection in windows as I walk past. I don't see myself like that at all.

I had to put pics up on my blog, side by side to see the difference.

then, in my head, it looks like 2 different people.

so, yes, I am crazy!!!

surlydave

I go through this all the time when I see myself in photos or as you say in the mirror at the gym. I wish I had an answer for you, except to say that I doubt you are giving yourself enough credit for what the mirror shows you today compared to what it did a year ago.

april_beth

i dont understand at all when you say you have a long way to go...

you ARE crazier than you thought you were

Sabine_Stroehm

I remember once saying to a male friend that I was "amazon and stocky". He nearly fell over. Apparently I'm a little taller than average and somewhat slight!

So, yes. I see a hulk in the mirror where others see someone slim for her age.

CoryIda

I am exactly the same way.

Also, I am fairly certain I look better in pictures than in real life. That almost makes me cringe when people compliment pictures, because it's all the lighting and angles. I really don't look that good.

Then again, there are other days where I feel pretty damn confident.

It comes in waves - good image, bad image, good image, bad image.


For what it's worth, though, I think the OP is gorgeous.

BondBomb

I only recently admitted to myself that I sometimes have had some seriously disordered eating. And along with that I stuggle with seeing my body as it actually is. But sometimes I can look at a picture and think ' wow I look great'. And like you said - the same day look in the mirror and think I look HUGE. I can also look at other women that are larger than me and think they look great and healthy and beautiful. But I know I will always feel like I need to lose 10 lbs. Even when I was thin to the point of being told I looked 'sick'. I felt like I could lose 10 lbs.

Qarol

hmm...I think I look good at the gym and in my form videos. I'm constantly checking myself out and thinking, "nice."

And then I get gussied up to go out, try to take a picture, and think I look FAT in every.single.picture.

anima_gemella

I am exactly the same way.

Also, I am fairly certain I look better in pictures than in real life. That almost makes me cringe when people compliment pictures, because it's all the lighting and angles. I really don't look that good.

Then again, there are other days where I feel pretty damn confident.

It comes in waves - good image, bad image, good image, bad image.




For what it's worth, though, I think the OP is gorgeous.

same here x

kennethmgreen

There are plenty of deep, personal, interesting reasons this occurs (body image stuff, psychology, self-esteem, hormones/chemicals, etc.) that I'm barely qualified to guess at, so I'll start with something simple. Ever find someone attractive one day, then not attractive the next? What happens? What about a car you fell in love with, then saw again and thought "not so much"? In both scenarios, the object of attention doesn't change. I think we can see the same thing or person in different contexts, different light, different moods, etc. and come away with different reactions.

If I went to a gym when there were a lot of very fit people working out, I might judge myself (how I look, my physique, my fitness, etc.) very differently than if I walked into a Wal-Mart and looked around. I'm not changing. My surroundings are. And that's just context differences. I think my mental and emotional state can play a role, as can blood sugar/chemical influence.

Also, nearly everything we use to judge ourselves (and others) is subjective and language-dependent. So calling myself fat might sound weird to some people because their idea of fat (mental image or word definition) may differ greatly from mine.

I think it's normal to observe yourself differently at different times and in different contexts (serious body image issues aside). I think it's like the scale and weighing ourselves - over a period of time, if I am generally more pleased with how I feel and how I look, then I making progress. Just like there are going to be days where I've "OMG!! suddenly gained seven pounds!!" there are going to be days where I feel crappy and feel like I look terrible.

Hopefully those days are minimal and getting less frequent.

IamRoJ

I am exactly the same way.

Also, I am fairly certain I look better in pictures than in real life. That almost makes me cringe when people compliment pictures, because it's all the lighting and angles. I really don't look that good.

Then again, there are other days where I feel pretty damn confident.

It comes in waves - good image, bad image, good image, bad image.


For what it's worth, though, I think the OP is gorgeous.

supermom2002

No you're not crazier than you thought.
We are always our worst critics and see what others don't.

I don't own any mirrors in my place except for the one above the sink in the bathroom--which only shows from the chest up. Every now and then i catch a glimpse of my reflection in a glass door or window-YUCK. I try not to look.
And don't ever look at your shadow when you're running outside. Good lord I look like that?!! Good thing nobody knows me...

I'm at a "healthy" weight and fat% and still see all the imperfections and in my head they are magnified x1000.

I recently dated a guy who is/was picture taking crazy. He said one day "you never look happy in our pics" because i HATE getting my picture taken. I'll go through 50 pics to find maybe 1 that's worthy of posting online (here or FB).

So when does it stop? When does our mind catch up? Who knows? Not me.

IamRoJ

:

hmm...I think I look good at the gym and in my form videos. I'm constantly checking myself out and thinking, "nice."

And then I get gussied up to go out, try to take a picture, and think I look FAT in every.single.picture.

You DO look amazing when you're lifting. And when you're gussied. And even un-gussied. wink:

annabellj

take pictures for sure, i hate the way i look in the mirror, pictures, not so bad. everyone says i look good, i dont think so.

IamRoJ

@ Kenneth...do you ever have a post that DOESN'T sound thoughtful, wise and perfectly worded? Thank you for being amazing.

@annabell, you do!

RuthRW

When I see my reflection in store windows or the grocery aisle I am always surprised and happy. I can see the positive changes and remember how I used to cringe when I caught sight of my reflection in the freezer doors buying orange juice.

At home in front of my own mirror my eyes go directly to my trouble spots. I can't see the forest for the trees, all I see is the bad. I'm working on changing that by deliberating focusing my attention on areas that I know look good - like my shoulders and arms. If I spend a few minutes concentrating on areas that have improved and then look at myself as a whole, somehow the bad parts seem smaller. It's as if they take up less space mentally and visually because the good is crowding them out. Or maybe I'm crazy too:)

Yanicka1

I still feel fat and disgusting. Or when I feel good about myself then see a beautiful woman end then I feel ugly and huge like an elephant.

CoryIda

I still feel fat and disgusting. Or when I feel good about myself then see a beautiful woman end then I feel ugly and huge like an elephant.

When I see you, Yanicka, I get lady wood.

SomeMorr

I am the opposite, I don't see my progress really as much as other people do. I still see my big round face in the mirror, not the actual jawline that I am starting to develop.

bluiz13

you are not crazy....

we all go thru this, especially those who have come from very high weights or large bodies......i was 263lbs at my heaviest and the pictures of me then are absolutely unrecognizable to those who see me now...BUT with that being said there are days i feel heavier than i really am....i too have more work to do including lbs and inches but for the most part i am getting happy with my body...our mind plays tricks on us when it interprets what our eyes show it....for me the only way to truly see my progress is side by side pictures....i swear by them....cause even with angles and better lighting and all that stuff, for me pictures are concrete proof of the amazing things i have done to and with my body....

unfortunately, i dont think anyone is ever 100% in love with their body all the time...there is always going to be something we want to fix or change or tighten or whatever...even people at their goal weights or people who have never had wt issues....it's out human nature to want to be better than we are....

just stay the course and know and remind yourself Ro that every day you do something to improve yourself is a day you are getting more healthy for the long run.....keep doing what you are doing sista....

:~) denise

imogenjade

on a night out il get ready and think "hmm i look ok", i go out and feel self consious and fat. thinking how big i look, how my hair is, how my nose looks etc. then il see a mirror in loo. see a fat goblin looking back. il drink vodka like theres no tomorrow, get confidence, then see a mirror or pretty girl...feel ugly..then confident, then ugly....

on a typical day, i wake up ugly, do make up, fink i look ok, then next time i see myself in a mirror il feel ugly pretty much all day

all i see is fat round face, chubby cheeks, **** eyes, big bulbous nose, chunky arms, fat belly, thunders thighs and wobbly legs.. no one can tell me i look good without me taking insult

jilliew

I am the opposite, I don't see my progress really as much as other people do. I still see my big round face in the mirror, not the actual jawline that I am starting to develop.

This is me, as well. It's actually really hard for me to take compliments on my WL because I dont' see the results in the mirror at all. I've only lost 11 lbs, but I've dropped a dress size and a bit (according to my pants). The logical part of my brain recognizes that I'm doing great (slow, but great), but the emotional part still sees a fat chick. I'm also finding it REALLY hard to visualize what I'm going to look like when this is all over, probably because I've never not been overweight.

DakotaKeogh

Personally, I think this can be used as a positive.

There was a point along the way when I was still losing weight that I stood behind a guy at the grocery check out. My height. Nicely proportioned. I thought, "That's what I want. I'd be happy that way." Then I glanced at the Levi's tag and realized, my waist was a full two inch size smaller then his. And it's now three inches smaller then it was that day. But, I still think of him as fit and me as fat. And then there was the marathon runner at work who's training for an Iron Man. He said to me one day, "You have the body I'd love as a runner. Long, lean, light." I was like, "You're kidding." Turns out he's really close to my height also and has a full 22 pounds on me. And he's a marathon runner. I think of him as fit and me as fat.

Back when we were slipping our way to obesity we didn't see it. I mean, we knew it somewhere in our heads. But we had a way of not quite seeing it in the mirror. We were big, but still felt like that fit kid. Then there was the waking up moment, whatever it was. We saw the fat person and chose to change. Now we're stuck in the opposite frame of mind. We can't see the smaller person. I know, somewhere in my head, that I'm thin. In fact, I'm downright skinny. But, emotionally, I'm still obese.

But, I can capture that and use it to my advantage. As long as I have that feeling it'll energize me to keep going, keep the work up, keep eating right. If I ever get settled into my skin and get comfortable, I could very well slip right back into a problem. If you can find that delicate balance point where you still have that insecurity, but your intellect knows you're actually better off, it can only serve to protect you from yourself.

You're beautiful Ro. I wouldn't lie to you about that.

jenniejengin

bump

Hickyvikki69

im crazy. i look at myself n get all proud i am down this size then the next minute im like god i still look horrible..

michellekicks

While I do relate to what you're saying... I remember those moments - when I was at my goal weight - of catching my reflection and thinking, "Wow! Do I look like that?!" But at the same time, when I'm heavy I think I don't notice it as much as I should! It was after I lost about 15-18 lbs I realized I was starting to look like how I already felt.

Yes, basically my self esteem was too good ... it failed to notify me that I was beginning to get very fat.

Emv79

I think I'm crazy

When I look in the mirror, I now like what I see, but find I still have ways to go.
Last week, my trainer asked me if I had before and after pics I'd be willing for him to share with some of his other female clients as he thought the progress I made would help them (this was a great compliment, but I could not really understand why as I consider myself to still be "a work in progress"). So this weekend, I took "current" pics and I was shocked: I looked way better than what I'm seeing when I look in the mirror.

I think always having been overweight (even as a child) has taken it's toll on my body image and I have to get my brain to see what I look like now, which is a healthy thin strong woman. I'll call getting my brain to adapt "a work in progress". lol