Need Dating Advice

imsleepdeprived

I'm going to be 34 in a month - and i have yet to date anyone for longer than 4 months. Granted i used to be super shy - an didn't start dating until i was 23. I end up attracting the wrong guys - really old guys 45+ or really young guys (18-23). My personal trainer made a move on me (after he was my trainer)..which was surprising - since he really takes care of his body...and I try to but wine + potato chips are my downfall (and i still have a ways to go to get to where i want to be). I'm getting frustrated. I'm social - always planning events/parties. I play on sports teams at leat 3 x a week. I'm not sure what I can /should change. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

cmriverside

Wellllll. First off, don't eliminate guys that are 11 years older or 11 years younger. Look for someone who is kind and has a job, and doesn't live with his mom, and has a car, and.......oh, wait. That's my list.

It's not easy. You'll find someone - or maybe you won't, but just keep yourself busy doing things you love, and at least you'll be enjoying your life.

tialeanne

Don't worry about dating. Find guy friends that you really really enjoy hanging out with and the rest will fall into place. 34 is a tough age for dating, not a lot of divorced guys or never married guys in that age range. I see no problem dating a younger guy, if he's legal and fun. Why not? I never liked dating older guys, they always want to father figure you and I already have a dad. But go for what you like, who makes you laugh, and who you can spend an hour in silence with comfortably.

Il_DaniD_lI

I'm going to be 34 in a month - and i have yet to date anyone for longer than 4 months. Granted i used to be super shy - an didn't start dating until i was 23. I end up attracting the wrong guys - really old guys 45+ or really young guys (18-23). My personal trainer made a move on me (after he was my trainer)..which was surprising - since he really takes care of his body...and I try to but wine + potato chips are my downfall (and i still have a ways to go to get to where i want to be). I'm getting frustrated. I'm social - always planning events/parties. I play on sports teams at leat 3 x a week. I'm not sure what I can /should change. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

The fact that you were surprised your trainer hit on you tells me you lack self confidence so maybe work on that?

keddabee

I'm interested in what people have to say to this as I'm finding dating a struggle and I'm 27. Have dated all ages but seem to get on better with older men as they seem to be on the same wave length as me.

I know I lack self confidence, self esteem and everything that has to do with me. I'm a great actor because when I'm around anyone I have all the confidence in the world but I'm full of self doubt and its all a show but luckily no one sees this. I'm also quite social, but know my weakness is being able to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger unless I'm incredibly drunk!

Good luck with the tips!!!

EvilPink

... the wrong guys - really old guys 45+ or really young guys (18-23)...

Seriously, don't discount old/young guys. Sure, there are stereotypes that go along with May/December romances but they can be very good relationships. They're not always the "wrong" guy simply because they're older or younger. My DH is 20 years older than I. I can't even begin to describe what an amazing relationship/marriage we have. I have never dated someone that much older than me before and I certainly didn't mean for it to happen either - I didn't go looking for older guys. We met one day and things just kind of took their own course and here we are. I've taken a lot of gruff from people over the years and listened to way more rude remarks than I can count (the most common one, "so did you marry him for his money or does he have a huge ____?" Yeah, real original) but, I just ignore them because my family loves him, my in-laws love me, and I get to sit back and laugh when those same people with their stereotyping get to sit around and complain about how their husband doesn't do this or that or they're going through a divorce or they see my husband opening car doors, pulling out chairs, etc for me and then they're like OMG, you have the best husband ever - he treats you like a queen. Yep, he sure does! And that's one reason I married him. The fact that we have so much in common and immediately became good friends in addition to dating is another bonus.

My sister is at the opposite end of the spectrum; her DH is 10 years younger than she. She went through a bad time with boyfriends, abusive relationships, etc. When he came along, she was thinking he's too young but, like me and my DH, they had a lot in common and quickly became friends and things just rolled from there.

So, don't put labels on things or think you have to have a guy a certain age, a certain height, a certain body type, hair color or whatever (my cousin actually has height/weight/hair/eye/income requirements for a BF and she wonders why she's nearly 30 and not married, lol). Just open yourself up and you'll probably find that the least likely person you'd ever think about dating will end up being the one that sticks.

neverstray

Hard to tell online. You don't have a pic up. But, sounds like low self-esteem. Again, I don't know, just going off what you wrote.

Also, don't get hung up on dating or meeting someone. Just relax and live your life. Do things you do, and you will eventually meet someone. But, in doing this, you have to be careful not to shut people out. Be open and friendly to strangers. When someone approaches you tot alk to you, don't try to quickly escape. Try to relax and chat with them. The best thing is to meet people doing what you do, at the gym, at work, running partners, hiking, whatever it is you do. This way, you have a common starting point.

And, just so you know, even if you are not where you want to be, it is very sexy when someone is taking care of their body and working out. So, you may see yourself one way, but a guy, like your trainer is seeing something else that you don't see. So, just enjoy it.

imsleepdeprived

I'm going to be 34 in a month - and i have yet to date anyone for longer than 4 months. Granted i used to be super shy - an didn't start dating until i was 23. I end up attracting the wrong guys - really old guys 45+ or really young guys (18-23). My personal trainer made a move on me (after he was my trainer)..which was surprising - since he really takes care of his body...and I try to but wine + potato chips are my downfall (and i still have a ways to go to get to where i want to be). I'm getting frustrated. I'm social - always planning events/parties. I play on sports teams at leat 3 x a week. I'm not sure what I can /should change. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

The fact that you were surprised your trainer hit on you tells me you lack self confidence so maybe work on that?

I hear what you are saying - i think what shocked me the most was ...here is this guy who is 23 ....spends 3 hours/day training - and then there is me - struggling to lose weight. It surprised me - i was open to it (took it as an ego boost!) - however since he was on the rebound he completely freaked out - and at that stage i'm not chasing him. The funny thing is....he is training me again.

imsleepdeprived

Hard to tell online. You don't have a pic up. But, sounds like low self-esteem. Again, I don't know, just going off what you wrote.

Also, don't get hung up on dating or meeting someone. Just relax and live your life. Do things you do, and you will eventually meet someone. But, in doing this, you have to be careful not to shut people out. Be open and friendly to strangers. When someone approaches you tot alk to you, don't try to quickly escape. Try to relax and chat with them. The best thing is to meet people doing what you do, at the gym, at work, running partners, hiking, whatever it is you do. This way, you have a common starting point.

And, just so you know, even if you are not where you want to be, it is very sexy when someone is taking care of their body and working out. So, you may see yourself one way, but a guy, like your trainer is seeing something else that you don't see. So, just enjoy it.

I'm very open - people laugh at me - b/c i know so many people . I captain 2 teams - volunteer lots and apparently love to talk!

imsleepdeprived

Wellllll. First off, don't eliminate guys that are 11 years older or 11 years younger. Look for someone who is kind and has a job, and doesn't live with his mom, and has a car, and.......oh, wait. That's my list.

It's not easy. You'll find someone - or maybe you won't, but just keep yourself busy doing things you love, and at least you'll be enjoying your life.

kind + job + living on his own - is a good list!!!

I do keep myself busy!!! And I'm very happy with my life 70-80% of the time - but then I have my down moments. A lot of my friends did not realize that I actually would like to meet someone - since I don't really talk about it!

MB_Positif

I have always found that when I am absolutely not looking is when I meet someone great! I met my husband exactly 7 years ago today. He was living in California. I was living in Pennsylvania. He was on a trip for work and was taking a little time after it was over to do a mini east coast road trip. He needed a room for the night. Saw a billboard on the highway for a hotel. The next billboard was the Microbrewery where I was bartending that night. He though, "sweet, a room and a microbrewery at the next exit." The funny part of the whole thing is that I tried to get like 5 different people to close for me that night and no one could so I got "stuck" staying. Then the doors were supposed to be locked but I was too busy to do it so he slipped in. Haha

imsleepdeprived

I have always found that when I am absolutely not looking is when I meet someone great! I met my husband exactly 7 years ago today. He was living in California. I was living in Pennsylvania. He was on a trip for work and was taking a little time after it was over to do a mini east coast road trip. He needed a room for the night. Saw a billboard on the highway for a hotel. The next billboard was the Microbrewery where I was bartending that night. He though, "sweet, a room and a microbrewery at the next exit." The funny part of the whole thing is that I tried to get like 5 different people to close for me that night and no one could so I got "stuck" staying. Then the doors were supposed to be locked but I was too busy to do it so he slipped in. Haha

Awesome - I stopped actively looking about 4 yrs ago - and in the past 4 yrs I've dated 1 guy for 4 mos. And a handful of dates.....I am self conscious of my lazy eye - so making eye contact is difficult....haha.

hesn92

Try online dating. It worked for me.

imsleepdeprived

Try online dating. It worked for me.

Thanks for the suggestion.

I've tried - for about 8 years - now i'm not willing to spend time on the site - instead i spend my on here!!