Broke up with my Girlfriend of 8 years...help!!!

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Replies

  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    I went through something similar but my ex was an abusive alcoholic . It sounds like you two had a toxic co-dependent relationship. That is where mine and my ex ended up but we still stayed together far too long. Off and on again, living together then not then getting back together and repeating the process over and over. In reading your story it could have been ours. Except you don’t talk about abuse but a lot of what she did to you could be considered abuse in how she tried to control you and your life.
    I would suggest to cut all contact with her, if you keep any you will never be able to move forward and will not be able to ever be you again.
    I know how bad it hurts when the other person seems to move on so effortlessly but just know that the issues you two had will continue for her and the 'new guy'.
    I'd suggest some time for yourself to get over what shouldn’t have been, and to find yourself. Make some new friends, reconnect with some old ones and just live life for a while.
    If you are willing get yourself some counseling, it should help to speed up the process and help you to not repeat the past. I was in mine for 11+ years, we both had kids (not together) and it wasn’t easy but I can honestly say I have started my own life again and its wonderful in the sunshine!!
    Also know you arent alone, and dont beat yourself up..
  • fawndam
    fawndam Posts: 595 Member
    you can do this!! stay on here and keep doing what you know you need to do for YOU!! Your identity is not in another person...Become who you want to be brother!!!!
  • Finally22
    Finally22 Posts: 305 Member
    The first thing that comes to mind - is hugging you.... ok now that we got that over -

    I think you should thank your lucky stars you're on the way out of this relationship. I think you would have had to give up to much to be with her and I also think you know the answer to that already. Continue moving forward - don't look back and find someone who will appreciate you and your feelings and you can grow. Take it from me - I was in a horrible marriage for over 15 years - Run as fast as you can dude!
  • AnnMarie518
    AnnMarie518 Posts: 93
    Its very tough at first. VERY tough.
    You think you will never get over this and all you keep asking yourself is Why.....why...why.

    You will never forget, but please, trust those of us who have been there...you WILL get thru it.

    You will go thru roller coaster emotions. Up and down. One minute you will be crying, hurt, and thinking that you cant get thru this...
    The next you will be angry, and frustrated, and the next you will think...."I can do this".

    Its all normal. You have to let yourself go thru this. Tell yourself that its ok to have these ups and downs. Its called the grieving process.

    Then, as time goes on, you will finally...finally....get to the point where you say to yourself. "WOW, I can be myself now, I wonder why I put up with all that drama for as long as i did. What was I thinking???


    Its at that point, that you know that you have survived and even gotten stronger for it. It will come. Trust in that. It will come.

    Keep up with the counsling. It can do nothing but help YOU. And its time you focus on you for a change!
    Best of luck!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It sounds like it was a very toxic relationship. Think of it as there being no right or wrong... but 2 people not meant for each other and MOVE ON! She has. Stop thinking about the 'what ifs' and 'maybe I should have done that' and allow yourself to let it go and heal. I would definitely proceed with counseling for yourself with an emphasis on moving on with YOUR new life. Find new friends, rediscover old friends, take up a hobby, get a pet, take a class, challenge yourself physically, spend lot's of time with loved ones. Don't dwell on the past but look to the future...it's a new life and life is beautiful :flowerforyou:

    Oh and from personal experience.... DO NOT text, call, email or contact your X. It just let's her know that you have not moved on and you still want to play bad relationship games.
  • officereric
    officereric Posts: 9
    Thank you everyone for your support - each one of you have something nice to say. I've really been wallowing in pity and wondering what I could have done differently - and realize now that the closure I have to this relationship will not come from anywhere but within. I sincerely thank you for your friendship - and know that I will make it. For now, I'm aware of the fact that I will feel bad and there's not much I can do beyond what's in my control. If she has moved on into another relationship, and by all accounts she has - I truly didn't mean much and she's just trying to find attachment which also will be doomed with similar issues undoubtedly. I've had difficulty sleeping and this has impacted me beyond belief. I know there are two sides to every story, but I'm hurt and your kind words have helped. Thank you.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Sounds very toxic! Good for you for realizing that you deserve better than that. It will suck for a while, but it does get better. I know how you feel, if she has moved on so quickly to a new relationship - it's just so unfair when they don't seem to be feeling the same pain. Some people just can't stand to be alone though - it's no reflection on you. Sounds like she just didn't realize what a catch she had in you.

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