Broke up with my Girlfriend of 8 years...help!!!

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  • mindy14456
    mindy14456 Posts: 552 Member
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    I divorced my ex husband after being together for 15 years. It is very difficult, but it sounds like the bad times far outweigh the good. Continue with the counseling, and focus on making the changes in yourself that you think you need to make. You can't rebuild trust if it was never there to begin with. She sounds like she has her own set of issues. Just continue on with the new path you have started, and know that the more you do to improve yourself, the happier you will be in the long run. Don't waste time worrying about what other people think of you, her, or the situation. Spend your time focusing on what you need to be the best you that you can be. Best of luck to you, it will be a tough road, but speaking from experience, it does get better.
  • foot2wood
    foot2wood Posts: 149 Member
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    I can only say that you should go balls to wall in the gym(a new different gym) and try to keep yourself busy. My situation is somewhat similar at the present time, I myself am going through a 14 year relationship break up and i feel i was extremely mistreated and never appreciated. Good luck and i hope it gets better, I hope it does for anyone who's feeling this in their heart.
  • Myslissa
    Myslissa Posts: 760 Member
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    Just be careful to not let it harden your heart to the point of never trying again. Commitment Phobia Sucks!
  • lkcuts
    lkcuts Posts: 224
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    My neighbor is going through a similar situation. It is going to hurt for awhile- but eventually you will feel better. You aren't going to wake up and not love her anymore. You were not in a good relationship. Take this time to find yourself and exactly what you want. She sounds like she was controlling and to be honest- you may have been emotionally abused. Stick with the counseling. In every relationship both people should have equal voice. Not the one telling the other what they can or can not do. Good luck. It will be a long road- but in a year you will look back and thank you lucky stars you are out of this kind of relationship. I would also suggest you break all communications with her. You can not move on if you still are in contact with her.

    I agree controlling and mental abuse in cluded. time heals I have been there.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    c1iFJ.jpg



    You know...in case you have stretch marks from weight loss

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
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    just remember an ex is an ex for a reason..and sometimes nothing can change that...you tried and its not your fault..I know it'll take time to be able to move on but please dont move backwards...you've tried to go back to the past with her before right?? I know its hard...I agree to keep up with the counseling!!!
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    I went through something similar........ I also was engaged and lived with her. It was like a 6-7 year relationship. When it ended it was HARD for me to let go....................hard as hell.
    But time heals..........and many bottles of whisky!! hahahahah

    In hindsight it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me! The experiences, good times and the people I have met after ending that relationshipare priceless....................

    look at it as a new BEGINNING.....a new journey! a new worl! a new you!!!!!!!

    I can show you the world
    Shining, shimmering, splendid
    Tell me, princess, now when did
    You last let your heart decide?

    I can open your eyes
    Take you wonder by wonder
    Over, sideways and under
    On a magic carpet ride

    A whole new world
    A new fantastic point of view
    No one to tell us no
    Or where to go
    Or say we're only dreaming
  • Jazzyjules71
    Jazzyjules71 Posts: 150 Member
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    I feel for you...it's a difficult situation. It sounds like, as wonderful as she may be, she has significant trust issues and insecurities. And that is an issue completely independent of you. It is likely something ingrained in her from previous life experiences, not something related to your relationship. and no matter how much you do right to support her and show her you care, you may not be able to change this. She needs to change herself. Unfortunately, it sounds like she isn't that aware that her behavior towards you and this relationship is a problem. You sound like a very caring guy, that really loves her and wants to make it work. But it takes 2 to tango...... And she doesn't seem to see it like that.

    It also seems like a significant one way street..... You doing everything to make it work, and she's not responding well. You are trying everything on your end, and she is resisting. That shows me she doesn't care enough about you and your relationship....you deserve someone that will fight the battles so to speak, as a team. Come together to figure it out .

    I think you have done everything you can, and I applaud you for that. But I wouldn't continue to try to fix something that only she can fix. It's probably time to move on. You deserve a relationship that she cares abut you and your feelings, is willing to work on the problems, together, and willing to work in herself independently if needed.

    And ps...In case you need confirmation, .you're not crazy, your concerns are valid, and the relationship you described is not healthy. You did the right thing by moving out .

    I would get some own personal counseling about this breakup, and move on. It may be good to cut all ties if you can. Look forward, not backwards
  • officereric
    officereric Posts: 9
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    c1iFJ.jpg



    You know...in case you have stretch marks from weight loss

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    OK - now this is very funny!! Thanks..
  • creech6317
    creech6317 Posts: 869 Member
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    I went through a breakup in Feb and the main thing that has helped me get through it is this site. Finding a new way to get rid of my excess energy. Working out until my mind stops thinking about all the what if's. Finding new friends and doing something to help me feel better about me that isn't dependant on the old relationship.
    It is amazing how great it feels to know you are getting better physically because it helps get better mentally.
    There is also the bonus of running into the ex and looking FANTASTIC!
    Personally I think that is one of the best forms of revenge.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
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    I went through something similar but my ex was an abusive alcoholic . It sounds like you two had a toxic co-dependent relationship. That is where mine and my ex ended up but we still stayed together far too long. Off and on again, living together then not then getting back together and repeating the process over and over. In reading your story it could have been ours. Except you don’t talk about abuse but a lot of what she did to you could be considered abuse in how she tried to control you and your life.
    I would suggest to cut all contact with her, if you keep any you will never be able to move forward and will not be able to ever be you again.
    I know how bad it hurts when the other person seems to move on so effortlessly but just know that the issues you two had will continue for her and the 'new guy'.
    I'd suggest some time for yourself to get over what shouldn’t have been, and to find yourself. Make some new friends, reconnect with some old ones and just live life for a while.
    If you are willing get yourself some counseling, it should help to speed up the process and help you to not repeat the past. I was in mine for 11+ years, we both had kids (not together) and it wasn’t easy but I can honestly say I have started my own life again and its wonderful in the sunshine!!
    Also know you arent alone, and dont beat yourself up..
  • fawndam
    fawndam Posts: 595 Member
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    you can do this!! stay on here and keep doing what you know you need to do for YOU!! Your identity is not in another person...Become who you want to be brother!!!!
  • Finally22
    Finally22 Posts: 305 Member
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    The first thing that comes to mind - is hugging you.... ok now that we got that over -

    I think you should thank your lucky stars you're on the way out of this relationship. I think you would have had to give up to much to be with her and I also think you know the answer to that already. Continue moving forward - don't look back and find someone who will appreciate you and your feelings and you can grow. Take it from me - I was in a horrible marriage for over 15 years - Run as fast as you can dude!
  • AnnMarie518
    AnnMarie518 Posts: 93
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    Its very tough at first. VERY tough.
    You think you will never get over this and all you keep asking yourself is Why.....why...why.

    You will never forget, but please, trust those of us who have been there...you WILL get thru it.

    You will go thru roller coaster emotions. Up and down. One minute you will be crying, hurt, and thinking that you cant get thru this...
    The next you will be angry, and frustrated, and the next you will think...."I can do this".

    Its all normal. You have to let yourself go thru this. Tell yourself that its ok to have these ups and downs. Its called the grieving process.

    Then, as time goes on, you will finally...finally....get to the point where you say to yourself. "WOW, I can be myself now, I wonder why I put up with all that drama for as long as i did. What was I thinking???


    Its at that point, that you know that you have survived and even gotten stronger for it. It will come. Trust in that. It will come.

    Keep up with the counsling. It can do nothing but help YOU. And its time you focus on you for a change!
    Best of luck!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    It sounds like it was a very toxic relationship. Think of it as there being no right or wrong... but 2 people not meant for each other and MOVE ON! She has. Stop thinking about the 'what ifs' and 'maybe I should have done that' and allow yourself to let it go and heal. I would definitely proceed with counseling for yourself with an emphasis on moving on with YOUR new life. Find new friends, rediscover old friends, take up a hobby, get a pet, take a class, challenge yourself physically, spend lot's of time with loved ones. Don't dwell on the past but look to the future...it's a new life and life is beautiful :flowerforyou:

    Oh and from personal experience.... DO NOT text, call, email or contact your X. It just let's her know that you have not moved on and you still want to play bad relationship games.
  • officereric
    officereric Posts: 9
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    Thank you everyone for your support - each one of you have something nice to say. I've really been wallowing in pity and wondering what I could have done differently - and realize now that the closure I have to this relationship will not come from anywhere but within. I sincerely thank you for your friendship - and know that I will make it. For now, I'm aware of the fact that I will feel bad and there's not much I can do beyond what's in my control. If she has moved on into another relationship, and by all accounts she has - I truly didn't mean much and she's just trying to find attachment which also will be doomed with similar issues undoubtedly. I've had difficulty sleeping and this has impacted me beyond belief. I know there are two sides to every story, but I'm hurt and your kind words have helped. Thank you.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    Sounds very toxic! Good for you for realizing that you deserve better than that. It will suck for a while, but it does get better. I know how you feel, if she has moved on so quickly to a new relationship - it's just so unfair when they don't seem to be feeling the same pain. Some people just can't stand to be alone though - it's no reflection on you. Sounds like she just didn't realize what a catch she had in you.

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