Scared of the New Me

openexpression

I'm fairly new to MFP and I wanted to get some feedback on something...I'll start with a little of my background.

I have been overweight since I was 6 years old. I was pretty much a "fast food baby" as my mom was a single mother and, with work and other obligations, it was just easier to stop and pick up something for dinner rather than cook. In turn, I have carried those same bad habits into adulthood. I am now 29 years old and over 300lbs. I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and arthritis. I have decided that I will no longer live my life like this and want to make changes. I joined the gym, I attend Weight Watchers meetings weekly, I track on MFP and I really want this lifestyle change. The only problem is...I'm scared.

A trainer at the gym asked me what was a weight where I felt "fine" or "beautiful"...and I couldn't answer him. I believe I am a pretty girl, but I have never looked in the mirror and thought I was beautiful. I was always the "fat friend." The one who had to shop in the Misses section for the school dance, the one who had to look like someone's mom at the party, and the one never wore short sleeves ANYWHERE! I am soooo over this weight and I want to experience life and everything that it has to offer. BUT...I'm scared of the day when I look in the mirror and don't know the person looking back. For 23 years, I have had a fat, round face, full lips, big boobs, etc., and I can't imagine anything different. I watch so many weight loss shows where people lose lots of weight (in my case 180+) and they look like TOTALLY different people. I don't know if I'll like that girl...I don't want the dreaded "bobble-head" look, I don't want my apple shape to become even more pronounced, and I don't want to lose the few assets I do have!

I'm sorry for the long post, but I just needed to vent. I wanted to see if other people go through these feelings. I have no plans of stopping my healthy activities, but I can't ignore my feelings. I am totally anticipating the "new me" and I pray that she feels beautiful one day!

Thanks for listening

Rayman79

First of all, WELCOME. If you take the time to get involved in this community, ask lots of questions and follow people through their journeys it will be a wonderful tool for you.

Good on you for making the decision to take your life back, to be healthier more active and happier. It is not all smooth sailing, but don't be scared off by those rediculous weightloss shows either, everyone can acheive without sacrificing their lives to do so.

As for the aprehension, it is completely understandable. I too have always been the big kid, not quite as heavy but NEVER comfortable withmy appearance. There are a lot of us that have always been fat, and wondering what will be underneath is both exciting and scary - I get it, 100%. The best news is that the weightloss will be a relatively slow and gradual process, over time your brain WILL adjust to the changing shape and greater fitness, your tastes in food will probably also change, as well as your energy levels and so many things... but it is not over night.

One foot in front of the other and just get started. Myself and as many people as you would like here on MFP will be here ready and willing to support you any way we can.

You can do this. :flowerforyou:

monkey_la_femme

Fear is natural, I think, especially when you have defined yourself by your physical parameters for so long. Changing that definition of yourself *is* scary. Hopefully, this journey will give you time to discover what defines you inside so when the outside is totally renovated you won't be lost.

Good luck, pretty lady.

jenniejengin

Yes you can do it. We are here to help keep you motivated. Good Luck!

HLeAnn

I don't know you, but I am so moved and proud of what you're doing for yourself. You are definitely a beautiful woman, and I sincerely hope you can overcome your fears and realize that the benefits you are going to reap from your new lifestyle go further than just how your body will look. Good luck to you, girl. :flowerforyou:

sandrahermione

You are a brave brave girl. Be proud. As for the fear I am 5'7" and weigh around 152lbs trying to lose 15 lbs. a tiny amount compared to you but I too am scared! How I will look, who i will be, will a different look change my relationships, people judging me and the fear of looking ridiculous should I gain again. I am taking it one day at a time, adjusting slowly and I am not talking about it unless I am on Mfp, so it takes the pressure off. Good luck to you and feel free to friend me. We can fight the fear together.

openexpression

Thanks for all of the kind words and the feedback guys! I am determined to do this...and I it's good to know that I'm not the only one who has these feelings. :happy: