Being called chubby :(

illuminatusObservor
illuminatusObservor Posts: 104
in Motivation and Support
I get some crazy mixed signals from the people around me. My mom says I am perfect, my brother called me chubby the other day, and my dad is constantly on me about my weight. I used to be big into gymnastics before a bad shoulder injury. My dad is constantly asking me about diet, training routine etc. He says I am too stocky for certain clothes and gets on me about some things. Then I have obese aunts/uncles/cousins that accuse me of being anorexic.

I wish people would just leave me alone about my weight all the time. I tell them that it hurts me, but apparently its still okay. What to do?

Replies

  • s1lence
    s1lence Posts: 493
    Sounds like your mom is trying to be positive and keep your moral and self-esteem up. Your dad may be trying to keep you in the mind that you were in when you did gymnastics and in his own way trying to keep you healthy. Your brother sounds like he's just being blunt (siblings can be really good at that). My suggestion is keep in mind what YOU want to weigh, how you want to look, and what YOU think about yourself. Your extended family may have their reasons for telling you they think you are anorexic that could range from concern to jealousy and even though they are your family wouldn't give them much thought.

    If you telling people that they opinions are harmful aren't helping then you can do several things; start ignoring comments completely, come back with something witty, or just thank them for their concern and move on. None of these options are easy by any means I know.

    I wish you luck in all your goals and hope that your family will leave you alone when it comes to YOUR decision on weight.
  • illuminatusObservor
    illuminatusObservor Posts: 104
    Thank you for the reply!

    You are certainly right about siblings being blunt. I am the same way :laugh:
    I guess at 120 pounds I think that I am acceptable. I would like to look a little more fit. But being called stocky, chubby, and such just has really been mentally wearing on me lately. Eating alone in my room so no one sees me because i just feel better then. Crazy thing is... im just home to visit for a while! I don't even live here. Glad I am going back to uni in a few weeks.

    Body dismorphia is just coming at me I am afraid >.<
  • Leiki
    Leiki Posts: 526 Member
    You look great in your photos. You look healthy and slim.
  • kalynn06
    kalynn06 Posts: 368 Member
    From your picture I think you look great. I think people sometimes form an idea of what you are supposed to look like and measure you against that rather than normal standards. To your dad and brother, you are supposed to look like a tiny gymnast, so your slender 120 lb self looks bigger than that to them wheras they would see another young woman at the same size and shape and think she was slender.
  • Anaconda62
    Anaconda62 Posts: 181
    It looks like your pics are recent and you have a lovely figure--not stocky at all. I find amazing that people --even those close to us -- can be so hurtful about the comments they make. I'm fifty and still remember the things my Dad used to say to me when I was a teenager regarding my weight. And he was a fine one to talk as he wasn't exactly slim himself. Do not let him define YOU. Work hard to develop your own view of yourself now while you're young.
  • lenema
    lenema Posts: 58 Member
    Good night! You are NOT chubby!
  • illuminatusObservor
    illuminatusObservor Posts: 104
    From your picture I think you look great. I think people sometimes form an idea of what you are supposed to look like and measure you against that rather than normal standards. To your dad and brother, you are supposed to look like a tiny gymnast, so your slender 120 lb self looks bigger than that to them wheras they would see another young woman at the same size and shape and think she was slender.

    I was wondering if that is what it was. I have actually put on about 5 or so pounds because of shoulder injury and just being inactive because of pain and stress. Many people paint a picture of what a gymnast looks like and I just am not as tiny as them (not really complaining about that either).

    My dad was a wrestler his entire life. Constant weigh ins, diets, and such to stay incredibly lean. No i'm some how dragged into it -.-


    Thank you so much everyone. Really love the support from this website :flowerforyou:
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    You look great in your photos. You look healthy and slim.
    Good night! You are NOT chubby!
    ^^this.
    120 sounds awesome. I haven't been 120 since the 4th grade. I was 125 when I was 18 (at 5' 5") and it was impossible for me to maintain. Push too far and you'll end up screwing up you metabolism.

    But take if from an old broad who has had to fight the good fight my whole life.
    I've wasted entirely too much of my life worrying about being perfect.

    Eat for your health.. Be strong and energetic and capable!
    Sounds trite at 20, but at 50 I've got to say your health is everything.

    Your body is a vehicle to get you thru this life, no trade ins.
    Be the subject of your own life. Live, Love, Do, Be, Run, Play, Swim, Dance.
    Don't objectify yourself (or let anyone else do that either)
    You are not a trinket to adorn and amuse others.

    I know BMI isn't a perfect measure, but it's a good guide for most.
    ( For me, I've shave 10 lbs off of the top and off of the bottom... Off the top, because If I get injured and can't be as active as I'd like I have a little wiggle room before I'm *unhealthy* 10 lbs off of the bottom, because if I get sick I want resources to draw upon)
    I've been both places and don't care to return to either.

    Tell Dad to put the brakes on his comments or you'll get an eating disorder. (Sometimes, a little melodrama was the only way I could get through to my Dad.)
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    BTW, how tall are you?

    I noticed on your profile page that your goal is to lose 15 lbs subtracting that from your current 120 lbs puts you at 105 and
    you've got to be under 5' 3" for that to be anywhere near healthy.

    (that's at the VERY bottom of the healthy range, leading into the underweight which has it's own set of severe health problems -- you just hear about overweight health issue more because more people are overweight)

    I've found that using the BMI scale as reference helpful not just in setting my goals, but in shutting other people up.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    Sweetheart....if you are chubby, then there's just no hope for the rest of us :flowerforyou:

    You have a gorgeous, slim body. Tell your dad and brother where they can stick it. :wink:
  • raystark
    raystark Posts: 403 Member
    I get some crazy mixed signals from the people around me. My mom says I am perfect, my brother called me chubby the other day, and my dad is constantly on me about my weight. I used to be big into gymnastics before a bad shoulder injury. My dad is constantly asking me about diet, training routine etc. He says I am too stocky for certain clothes and gets on me about some things. Then I have obese aunts/uncles/cousins that accuse me of being anorexic.

    I wish people would just leave me alone about my weight all the time. I tell them that it hurts me, but apparently its still okay. What to do?

    I just viewed your pics. If those are recent, then calling you stocky is just nuts.
  • illuminatusObservor
    illuminatusObservor Posts: 104
    BTW, how tall are you?

    I noticed on your profile page that your goal is to lose 15 lbs subtracting that from your current 120 lbs puts you at 105 and
    you've got to be under 5' 3" for that to be anywhere near healthy.

    (that's at the VERY bottom of the healthy range, leading into the underweight which has it's own set of severe health problems -- you just hear about overweight health issue more because more people are overweight)

    I've found that using the BMI scale as reference helpful not just in setting my goals, but in shutting other people up.

    I am about 5 foot 2 inches maybe a hair over, so kind of short xD I know my goal is getting close to that underweight line, but still in the healthy range. I was thinking about starting a topic about that actually too :embarassed:

    I think in the back of my head i still want to be apart of gymnastics, meaning I have to be lean. Not really sure of my goals at the moment. But trying to lose a little fat to make my dad happy, and be more comfortable around the other girls that are involved in gymnastics.

    Bah >.<
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    BTW, how tall are you?

    I noticed on your profile page that your goal is to lose 15 lbs subtracting that from your current 120 lbs puts you at 105 and
    you've got to be under 5' 3" for that to be anywhere near healthy.

    (that's at the VERY bottom of the healthy range, leading into the underweight which has it's own set of severe health problems -- you just hear about overweight health issue more because more people are overweight)

    I've found that using the BMI scale as reference helpful not just in setting my goals, but in shutting other people up.

    I am about 5 foot 2 inches maybe a hair over, so kind of short xD I know my goal is getting close to that underweight line, but still in the healthy range. I was thinking about starting a topic about that actually too :embarassed:

    I think in the back of my head i still want to be apart of gymnastics, meaning I have to be lean. Not really sure of my goals at the moment. But trying to lose a little fat to make my dad happy, and be more comfortable around the other girls that are involved in gymnastics.

    Bah >.<

    How recent are your pics? Because they don't look like there's really any excess fat on you.

    If you want to build your strength back up to compete in gymnastics, go for it! But *do not* do it because your dad and brother have put this ridiculous idea into your head that you are somehow "chubby". Losing weight to please someone else is only going to result in heartache for you, and you don't need that stress in your life.
  • illuminatusObservor
    illuminatusObservor Posts: 104
    From yesterday actually trying on clothes so very recent :]


    I love gymnastics and have been into it since i was very little, so I hope I can eventually heal up and such :C I would like to say it is 1005 for me and me only, but I guess my dad has always been apart of this with me too.

    Hmm looks like I have a lot more to think about then I thought! Ahhh >.<
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    From yesterday actually trying on clothes so very recent :]


    I love gymnastics and have been into it since i was very little, so I hope I can eventually heal up and such :C I would like to say it is 1005 for me and me only, but I guess my dad has always been apart of this with me too.

    Hmm looks like I have a lot more to think about then I thought! Ahhh >.<

    I understand that. I *completely* get the dad thing...and honestly, that's natural, wanting to please you dad. Maybe get him to go to the doctor with you, so the doctor can explain to both of you how completely not overweight at all you are. Honestly...you're like right in the middle of a healthy BMI. And hopefully a doctor will be able to make your dad see how destructive his comments are.

    And, as hard as it is, try not to compare yourself to the other girls in gymnastics. 1) I'm pretty sure you not really any heavier than they are. I can't imagine them being much thinner and 2) The important thing is how you feel when you perform. I've been fat (not chubby, not 5 extra pounds to lose, downright FAT) my entire life and I was one of the best dancers at my school. Weight has little to do with ability. Concentrate on getting stronger, better, faster....not necessarily thinner. :smile:
  • Natty0506
    Natty0506 Posts: 103 Member
    I also totally understand the daddy thing. My dad once told me that I should stay around 135 to be healthy, and he was right. I have a LOT to lose (and he's since passed on), but that will always stick with me.

    But quite honestly honey, you are perfect. You are slim and toned and no one in their right mind should ever call you stocky or chubby.
  • lovecrescendo
    lovecrescendo Posts: 31 Member
    The only opinion of yourself that matters is YOURS :) people will always want to give you their opinion on yourself, many times to make themselves feel better, but in the end, your view of yourself is what matters.
  • surfteam1689
    surfteam1689 Posts: 73 Member
    Take a look at your BMI and then tell them exactly what it says. It's purely scientific. Then, tell them to shut up and stop being rude. :-) Being thin is not necessarily health. There are a lot of skinny people that are pure fat. You need to have muscle in order to be healthy. My BMI says I am obese, but I carry a lot of muscle, and I am just plain fat in the belly. My doctor said I was borderline obese, but have the health of a 28 year old (I'm 44). This is why we are all here - we are trying to have better balance. You have great tools on this website to help you reach your goal, and if all the charts say that you are chubby, but you are healthy, then great! :-)
  • 1nsanity
    1nsanity Posts: 95 Member
    I get some crazy mixed signals from the people around me. My mom says I am perfect, my brother called me chubby the other day, and my dad is constantly on me about my weight. I used to be big into gymnastics before a bad shoulder injury. My dad is constantly asking me about diet, training routine etc. He says I am too stocky for certain clothes and gets on me about some things. Then I have obese aunts/uncles/cousins that accuse me of being anorexic.

    I wish people would just leave me alone about my weight all the time. I tell them that it hurts me, but apparently its still okay. What to do?

    tell your dad to stop being a *kitten* and let you handle things on your own. if he doesnt respect you and your own pride and effort, then he needs to take a long hard look at his own life and how he handles things.
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    BTW, how tall are you?

    I noticed on your profile page that your goal is to lose 15 lbs subtracting that from your current 120 lbs puts you at 105 and
    you've got to be under 5' 3" for that to be anywhere near healthy.

    (that's at the VERY bottom of the healthy range, leading into the underweight which has it's own set of severe health problems -- you just hear about overweight health issue more because more people are overweight)

    I've found that using the BMI scale as reference helpful not just in setting my goals, but in shutting other people up.

    I am about 5 foot 2 inches maybe a hair over, so kind of short xD I know my goal is getting close to that underweight line, but still in the healthy range. I was thinking about starting a topic about that actually too :embarassed:

    I think in the back of my head i still want to be apart of gymnastics, meaning I have to be lean. Not really sure of my goals at the moment. But trying to lose a little fat to make my dad happy, and be more comfortable around the other girls that are involved in gymnastics.

    Bah >.<

    You got to do this for you not for anyone else... personally, i think your dad is off base on this one, I only know I wasted too much of my life trying to be perfect... when could have spent that energy having fun.
  • lizziejsmith
    lizziejsmith Posts: 2
    I'm also 5ft2 and aiming for around 110 lbs, so around the same as you. That is nicely in the healthy range for our height.
    I am 127lbs at the moment but am carrying 15lbs of baby weight and do feel quite chubby. However I am not at all toned, you are. I hope I look as good as you 7lbs down the line but I can't see that happening!
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    I get some crazy mixed signals from the people around me. My mom says I am perfect, my brother called me chubby the other day, and my dad is constantly on me about my weight. I used to be big into gymnastics before a bad shoulder injury. My dad is constantly asking me about diet, training routine etc. He says I am too stocky for certain clothes and gets on me about some things. Then I have obese aunts/uncles/cousins that accuse me of being anorexic.

    I wish people would just leave me alone about my weight all the time. I tell them that it hurts me, but apparently its still okay. What to do?

    If you are chubby, I quit.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    Parents can be bad because they've seen you at your skinniest and have watched you gain the weight, even if it wasn't excessive. My dad is always getting on my case about losing weight, even though I've never been overweight. And siblings can just be dumb.
  • MalissaDC
    MalissaDC Posts: 123
    Thank you for the reply!

    You are certainly right about siblings being blunt. I am the same way :laugh:
    I guess at 120 pounds I think that I am acceptable. I would like to look a little more fit. But being called stocky, chubby, and such just has really been mentally wearing on me lately. Eating alone in my room so no one sees me because i just feel better then. Crazy thing is... im just home to visit for a while! I don't even live here. Glad I am going back to uni in a few weeks.

    Body dismorphia is just coming at me I am afraid >.<

    So you weigh 120 lbs and people in your family are calling you chubby? Oh honey! They haven't seen chubby if that's what their definition is!

    You be healthy for you and put the truth in your heart that you are not chubby!

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