boyfriends mom

hasiangirl

Ok so here's the deal, my boyfriends mom couldnt afford to live in her house anymore so since she has a 3 bedroom house we moved in and help her out...so now the bills are split 3 different ways, but anyway so we move in and this was about 8months ago, now that she is trying to sell her house we are going to get a place !! :bigsmile: yay i cant wait freedom woohoo...lol but anyway i have been going nuts...because now i clean up after 2 full grown adults (not including myself) :laugh: and 2 children.... i love his mom to death but we just clash lol...so anyway the whole point of this post is, she had gastric bypass done about 10-11months ago and looks awesome, but she gets sick to her stomach all the time...i dont think she's gone all but 2 days feeling good... i try and tell her she needs to drink water...that her body actually loves water even if she doesnt like the taste...or to use something to flavor it.., but i see her drink atleast 5-6cans of diet soda daily.... not one single glass of water...and I try to take over the cooking because she is a butterholic :laugh: :laugh: when cooking about a pound or so of chicken she uses almost a whole stick :noway: :noway: ...soooo the other day she wanted to cook dinner and i think she could tell i was hesitant..and she just asked what was wrong and I asked if she could maybe use EVO instead of butter....lol so i get home with the kids and I look in the pan and the whole bottom of it was full of EVO!!! :noway: I didnt want to say anything sooooo I didnt...I just ate less chicken than i normally do...but then there was corn and see put 2 tbspoons of butter in it and instead of saying anything i just went to make some greenbeans...and she gave me the most evil look...lol i felt very awkward, like maybe i shouldnt do that :laugh: sorry now im rambling anyway ... so i talk to her all i said was, "Do u think all the fat and oils from the butter might make u sick?" because last time she talked to her nutrionist, she said she mentioned cutting back would be a good idea...and boy oh boy i got another evil look...I think i might just stop saying anything, but i just hate seeing her get sick soooo very often and i dont think she's eating the right food that her bodies needs because of the surgery....her diet consists souly of meats and protien bars...and protien shakes...I'm all about protien but even one fruit or veggie a day would be good....

Ok sorry I went on a rant haha but i needed to get a little bit of it out...i'm going nuts, but 1 more month and our place will be ready!!! yay :bigsmile:

chrissyh

I worked with a guy who's wife had the surgery too - and she did fantastic - BUT she followed everything the doctors said to a T - you are in the toughest situation being that she's not your mom - are you able to beat her to the kitchen to cook? If so, that's what I'd try to do.

hasiangirl

I worked with a guy who's wife had the surgery too - and she did fantastic - BUT she followed everything the doctors said to a T - you are in the toughest situation being that she's not your mom - are you able to beat her to the kitchen to cook? If so, that's what I'd try to do.

i have been recently....i dont really even care so much about what i eat though because i can portion it and arrange around the calories and i can handle all the fat and oil....but i just hate how she always feels sick and there's no going back after she gets that feelings :ohwell: i just dont know what to do because i dont want to sound preachy to her....and even tho she isnt my mom i pretty much look at her like she is...she is a great person and so caring towards other

HealthyKt78

My mom had the surgery last april so over a year ago. She still can't really eat chicken. We don't know why but for some reason chicken still bothers her stomach. And you actually can't even eat lettuce for like a year afterwards. Its a really odd diet. You can only eat Jello and protein shakes for like a month afterwards. My mom looks amazing though. She hasn't lost everything but compared to before she looks awesome. The surgery was definitely worth it.

xXmimiXx

Maybe you should tell her you’d like to talk and sit down and let her know that you’re NOT saying any of the things you’re saying in a disrespectful way and it’s because you care about her you want to help her from being sick and maybe her diet is where to start. Say you don’t want to patronise her you just want to help and sorry if you’ve caused any unnecessary offence!

hasiangirl

Maybe you should tell her you’d like to talk and sit down and let her know that you’re saying any of the things you’re saying in a disrespectful way and it’s because you care about her you want to help her from being sick and maybe her diet is where to start. Say you don’t want to patronise her you just want to help and sorry if you’ve caused any unnecessary offence!

thats a really good idea...i'm just really bad at confrontation lol

xXmimiXx

Maybe you should tell her you’d like to talk and sit down and let her know that you’re saying any of the things you’re saying in a disrespectful way and it’s because you care about her you want to help her from being sick and maybe her diet is where to start. Say you don’t want to patronise her you just want to help and sorry if you’ve caused any unnecessary offence!

thats a really good idea...i'm just really bad at confrontation lol

if you make a point of it being a nice caring gesture (which i'm sure it genuinely is) it's not really confrontational

hasiangirl

Maybe you should tell her you’d like to talk and sit down and let her know that you’re saying any of the things you’re saying in a disrespectful way and it’s because you care about her you want to help her from being sick and maybe her diet is where to start. Say you don’t want to patronise her you just want to help and sorry if you’ve caused any unnecessary offence!

thats a really good idea...i'm just really bad at confrontation lol

if you make a point of it being a nice caring gesture (which i'm sure it genuinely is) it's not really confrontational

i know...but i'm not as how can i put it ballsy in real life like i am online...lol i might utter a whole sentence on something that is serious, but thats about it :laugh:... but i have talked to her about it in the past tho...but she wont take any advice anyway...lol she's very headstrong too

Fieldsy

certain people who have the surgery thinks its a magic pill and they call eat whatever they want (like all that butter)

The surgery is just a tool in the beginning to force you to learn how to eat proper.

RecliningFigure

I would just talk to her. It sounds like however, she doesn't listen to even the established expert. So now, while you live with her, let her know that you are trying really hard to lose weight and would like her support. Let her know that it has nothing to do with her, but it's very important that you control what you put into your body; that you're very serious about it. I would also let her know that you appreciate her efforts to help out and cook, and maybe you two can do it together sometime. Just make sure you establish at the beginning what you can eat (i.e. calorie intake for a meal). Maybe you can show her some of the calorie counting sites and if she see's how much she is actually putting into her meals, she'll wake up. But in the meantime, take care of yourself.

So-1. compliment her on her attempt to cook for everyone, and let her you really do appeciate her
and 2. make your request about you (that you need help, and that you really want to diet the way you need to and hope she can support you in your quest).

She's an adult (no matter how she behaves) and she is the one who needs to make the committment. You can't do it for her.

cassandra1220

Personally, I wouldn't say anything to her. It is just going to create tension between you and her AND quite possible you and your man. Don't worry...you are almost free! LOL :bigsmile: :bigsmile: As far as the cooking goes; I live with a man that loves to eat. His Mama is Greek and makes the most amazing food ever. It is hard, and a bit inconvienient, but I actually cook 2 meals for dinner (mine and his). We usually grill out on Sundays and Wendsdays so I just make extra protiens to keep in the fridge for my meals during the week. EXAMPLE- He got to have a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs and I had grilled salmon, stamed spinach, and a sweet potato. I gave him a few dirty looks but after it was said and done, I was full, satisfied, and proud of myself. He understands what I am trying to accomplish so he is very supportive. Sometimes, you can lead by example. By not saying anything, it will force her to watch what your doing. It might even cause a change in her diet without going through the "pissing" contest with her. Good luck and keep focused.

xXmimiXx

Lol hmm tricky one! Maybe have a stiff drink beforehand and get the balls to do it! It’s not like she can give you more evils for being a caring daughter in law lol! Otherwise all I can say is, if she’s already evil eyeing you, there’s nothing to lose in trying to speak to her one more time!

I doubt she’d appreciate you raiding her cupboards when she’s out and replacing everything with low fat substitute though as a last resort hahaha!

xXmimiXx

Personally, I wouldn't say anything to her. It is just going to create tension between you and her AND quite possible you and your man. Don't worry...you are almost free! LOL :bigsmile: :bigsmile: As far as the cooking goes; I live with a man that loves to eat. His Mama is Greek and makes the most amazing food ever. It is hard, and a bit inconvienient, but I actually cook 2 meals for dinner (mine and his). We usually grill out on Sundays and Wendsdays so I just make extra protiens to keep in the fridge for my meals during the week. EXAMPLE- He got to have a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs and I had grilled salmon, stamed spinach, and a sweet potato. I gave him a few dirty looks but after it was said and done, I was full, satisfied, and proud of myself. He understands what I am trying to accomplish so he is very supportive. Sometimes, you can lead by example. By not saying anything, it will force her to watch what your doing. It might even cause a change in her diet without going through the "pissing" contest with her. Good luck and keep focused.

I think it would clear up the tension rather than intensifying it!

blackmamba886

I'm wondering if maybe she keeps doing it on purpose. Is it her way to make sure she gets some attention?

cassandra1220

It was just my opinion since she has already attempted to talk with her mother-in-law.

hasiangirl

I'm wondering if maybe she keeps doing it on purpose. Is it her way to make sure she gets some attention?

no not at all...she really does have a food addiction and has come a long way....i think thats one of the reasons why im so hesitant to keep forcing the issue because she has cut out so much bad food....i think some of it is just old habits ..

cellorocker

My mom had gastric bypass in 2006.
The soda will definitely be making her sick. My mom can't drink more than 2 sips, and she's like "Okay, I'm going to puke."
Gastric bypass also makes many people lactose intolerant.

My mom uses butter and oils (not to that extent) and she hasn't had any problems with them.

The main problem for my mom is soda, milk, and bread. Bread gets stuck, milk makes her very sick, and the carbonation in soda makes her stomach expand and feel bloated.
Soda also reduces the chance of long-term success because it reverses the effects of the bypass, and stretches out the stomach again.


I hope your boyfriend's mom comes to, or that you can hold out until then.

hasiangirl

My mom had gastric bypass in 2006.
The soda will definitely be making her sick. My mom can't drink more than 2 sips, and she's like "Okay, I'm going to puke."
Gastric bypass also makes many people lactose intolerant.

My mom uses butter and oils (not to that extent) and she hasn't had any problems with them.

The main problem for my mom is soda, milk, and bread. Bread gets stuck, milk makes her very sick, and the carbonation in soda makes her stomach expand and feel bloated.
Soda also reduces the chance of long-term success because it reverses the effects of the bypass, and stretches out the stomach again.


I hope your boyfriend's mom comes to, or that you can hold out until then.

well she stirs all the fizz out of the soda and its always diet because the sugars in it make he sick same as milk also....but yea if she drinks the soda with fizz its all over with...
and xxmimixx i agree with u it cant hurt to try one more time...and i think even if shes mad at me at the time in the long run she'll understand that im doing it with best intentions :-p

HealthyKt78

My mom had gastric bypass in 2006.
The soda will definitely be making her sick. My mom can't drink more than 2 sips, and she's like "Okay, I'm going to puke."
Gastric bypass also makes many people lactose intolerant.

My mom uses butter and oils (not to that extent) and she hasn't had any problems with them.

The main problem for my mom is soda, milk, and bread. Bread gets stuck, milk makes her very sick, and the carbonation in soda makes her stomach expand and feel bloated.
Soda also reduces the chance of long-term success because it reverses the effects of the bypass, and stretches out the stomach again.


I hope your boyfriend's mom comes to, or that you can hold out until then.

Proof that it really does just depend on the person. My mom had it and she doesn't really drink soda but she can like it won't make her sick. Same with milk and bread. My moms problem is chicken and some other lean meats.

Fieldsy

I had it and I can eat how I used to eat. I can eat anything I want and pretty much eat all day if I chose to. The only thing that bothers me a little is too much sugar at one time. I could eat a serving of ice cream and be fine, but a big bowl might force me to lay down for a bit.

The only time I felt like I was limited on eating was in the very beginning. I really forced myself to eat because eating too little is not good for you at all. I never met other people who had the surgery who can eat like me....I guess I stretched mine out from the get go. I am so happy I had the surgery though, because in the beginning it really taught me how to eat right and that the surgery wasn't some magic bullet. People who have the surgery expecting it to do all the work are flat out wrong. You still have to eat right and work out....