Suffering from psychological disorders :'(

ashleypage__

I'm up at 2am crying. It's one thing to be battling weight loss, but it's another to be battling a whole host of disorders along with it. I would love some motivation right now, because I am feeling so down.

People have always called me crazy b/c of the things I do and the way I act. Last year I began finding out what was wrong with me, and it seems like something new pops up everyday.

Here's a brief synopsis of what I'm going through:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder & OCD - It is so bad that I cannot function unless I am on an antidepressant. At my worst, I was in the ER every other night thinking I was going to die b/c my heart palpitations were so bad or my whole body felt clammy & cold. I can't even watch TV or go on the Internet when I'm not on pills, yet alone trying to focus on weight loss.

Borderline Personality Disorder & Depression - I have yet to have a successful relationship b/c of my emotional ups & downs. I get so angry and full of rage and say things I don't mean. I don't even have friends b/c of this This is also a major factor in my weight loss. B/c of BPD I get impulses to overeat, and it is extremely hard to control these impulses. They come on strong when something emotional triggers. I know everyone can be a victim of emotional eating, but overeating is a symptom of the disorder. It was so bad I sat in my room eating a cold Red Lobster biscuit that tasted horrible just because. I've also had suicidal thoughts, especially when someone tries to leave me. I've even spent 72hrs in a hospital & lost 5lbs because I was so depressed.

Misophonia - Now, just come to find out today that I have this. It is where I have an extreme dislike to sounds. I'm glad I know what's wrong, but this is just depressing. I can't stand it when people smack, slurp, breath heavily, swallow, gulp, chew gum, say things like um, etc. I get so full of rage I want to like choke them or scream. Come to find out, the sounds are worse when the person is someone you have an emotional connection with. My mom has got the full end of this disorder from me. I cannot stand to even be around her, because I know she will make a sound I hate. The only way for me to get the sound out my head is if I pee (weird, I know) or if I make her say sorry. She always tells me she is going to stop saying sorry, but I tell her I will not go anywhere with her until she does. This has caused us to not even have a relationship, and deep down inside that breaks my heart. I'm gonna show her a video on this disorder tomorrow hopefully, so she can understand.

But now I'm just feeling down & out. How do I battle weight loss, while dealing with all these other disorders? Will I ever find peace & happiness with myself?

Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

loneworg

I can relate to your saying. I have bpd, generalized and social anixity with depression. If you want support feel free to add me.

fraser112

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system.

Dont thing to yourself have a mental disorder , You just need better coping mechanisms to deal with life and you need to find that in your self not by taking the responsability of yourself with drugs.

Find a career you enjoy, get ride of people you dont like, realise you make yourself feel everything you feel, take up mediatation, find a religion or philosophy to deal with the world.

You can get ride of all of these things but only from within your own mind

kdeaux1959

Psychiatric illnesses certainly exacerbate weight loss efforts. It may possibly be that you may have to put the weight loss efforts on the back burner OR let your therapist help you include these efforts in your treatment. The conditions you list are so inter-tangled really it will take your therapist to help you work through these in the right way... the most therapeutic way. I will say, however that exercise has been shown to help in treating depression and anxiety... There is a strong relationship between exercise and the release of neurotransmitters that help lift that fog. I know that when a person deals with these issues, it is really hard to see the world as it really is.. It is as though you are operating in a a dense fog all the time and can see nothing clearly... That is what your therapist is there for... Just remember this one thing... YOU are a person of VALUE! As long as your body has breath, your life can always get better. I really hope you are able to work through these issues and can find the true happiness and fulfillment that you so richly deserve.

batgreen

I can relate. I have anxiety and OCD . My husband doenlt like it when I label it but thats what it is. I worry alot and it makes it hard to function sometimes. It also lowers my motivation but I have to say that when I work out, I ALWAYS feel better. I wish you luck and feel free to add me

kdeaux1959

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system. ...

I'll be the first to admit that medication is way overused and prescribed often by regular MDs who do not really have the expertise to totally recognize and properly treat these conditions. I do feel that some of these disorders are grossly over-diagnosed and inappropriately medicated. I would caution (and I know that you did not say this).. that there ARE cases where the disorders are real... not just an excuse to administer meds and charge exorbitant rates. If one ever goes through one of these inexplicable and confusing times, he will recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to get one's footing back and begin to get their bearings. No, I have never had to be on medications, per se... I have, however, experienced times that were bigger than I was and I have had to sort through and get my bearings... and it was not quite as simple as "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, stop the pity party and get on with your life"... sometimes it does go beyond that.

cravingcollarbone

BPD, Bipolar, Extreme Depression, High Anxiety (especially social, it is so hard for me to leave the house), Binge Eating, Schizoaffective. I am just a whole lot of cray-cray.
I relate to BDD, but I truly am ugly, so I don't think that would be true.

I hate medss, they are so ridiculous. Mine don't work & I want to drop them, but my body can't handle that.
I am on about 5 meds right now. Some are affecting my weight loss because they're making me really achy, sick, etc so I just stopped taking the majority of them. I am also dealing with constant pain which makes working out extremely painful & difficult. >:[

Mental Disorders are a pain in the *kitten*, coping is about the only way.
I really hope you can overcome this.
Stay strong! <33

fraser112

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system. ...

I'll be the first to admit that medication is way overused and prescribed often by regular MDs who do not really have the expertise to totally recognize and properly treat these conditions. I do feel that some of these disorders are grossly over-diagnosed and inappropriately medicated. I would caution (and I know that you did not say this).. that there ARE cases where the disorders are real... not just an excuse to administer meds and charge exorbitant rates. If one ever goes through one of these inexplicable and confusing times, he will recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to get one's footing back and begin to get their bearings. No, I have never had to be on medications, per se... I have, however, experienced times that were bigger than I was and I have had to sort through and get my bearings... and it was not quite as simple as "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, stop the pity party and get on with your life"... sometimes it does go beyond that.

Yeah i agree with you on that, but i feel we go about this the wrong way.

Almost every religion on earth has used some form of natural hallucinogenic from the amazon to russia,
These natural drugs have almost zero side effects, you can not od on them, Hell most even have no long term health implications.
So in a controlled safe office with a psychologist i feel about 95 percent of cases of any Feelings illness could be sorted.
Cold war fear will make sure we suffer as a culture for the next while atleast.

I stand by though im yet to meet anyone with depression who did not hate some aspect of his life or upbringing. Or just had poor coping mechanisms for life.

ashleypage__

Thank you all.

And yes, some people do need medication. I do think disorders are overdiagnosed & medication is given to people with even minor symptoms that can be corrected with therapy. Everyone has some anxiety and some saddness, but there are also full blown disorders like the ones I suffer with. I was reluctant to take meds, but when you can't function what other choice do you have? It bothers me when people make it seem like it's so easy to cure yourself of these lifelong disorders. They get better, but they never fully go away.

luvsunshine1

Psychiatric illnesses certainly exacerbate weight loss efforts. It may possibly be that you may have to put the weight loss efforts on the back burner OR let your therapist help you include these efforts in your treatment. The conditions you list are so inter-tangled really it will take your therapist to help you work through these in the right way... the most therapeutic way. I will say, however that exercise has been shown to help in treating depression and anxiety... There is a strong relationship between exercise and the release of neurotransmitters that help lift that fog. I know that when a person deals with these issues, it is really hard to see the world as it really is.. It is as though you are operating in a a dense fog all the time and can see nothing clearly... That is what your therapist is there for... Just remember this one thing... YOU are a person of VALUE! As long as your body has breath, your life can always get better. I really hope you are able to work through these issues and can find the true happiness and fulfillment that you so richly deserve.

Very compassionate, insightful post. I'd just like to add that in cases like yours, I think you have to find a really good psychiatrist who is willing to try different meds until you find the one or ones that work for you. A lot of times, it takes a combination of meds.
You and those around you do not have to continue to suffer. There is hope. Of course, I think that there is nothing that beats a good relationship with a therapist. Again, keep going until you find someone who you find helpful and are willing to stick with.
Don't give up on yourself and know that you can't always do it alone.

chameleon77

This was actually quite an interesting read. First off, i am truly sorry that you are dealing with all that you are. I, too, deal with bipolar disorder and anxiety/panic attack disorder. When I first went on medication, it took 25 different ones to find what worked best for me. I have finally found the one that helps the best. The negative...I had gained over 40lbs on it. I guess you have to outweigh both the good and the bad. I have started my weight loss program almost 10 weeks ago and although it is a very slow and tedious process, it is a process and I feel much better mentally when i do workout. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to add me if you would like.

TurnLeftNow

I can relate to most of what you said about the sound thing. I don't think I am an extreme case though.

Sorry that you have to go through all of this. I always feel like it is best to get all your mental things under control before you try and focus on the weight loss thing. Doing everything all at once makes things super stressful.

One bit of advice I do have is try not to let these disorders define you and who you are. You can still accomplish many things and you will have great success with whatever you put your mind to.

meerkat70

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system. ...

I'll be the first to admit that medication is way overused and prescribed often by regular MDs who do not really have the expertise to totally recognize and properly treat these conditions. I do feel that some of these disorders are grossly over-diagnosed and inappropriately medicated. I would caution (and I know that you did not say this).. that there ARE cases where the disorders are real... not just an excuse to administer meds and charge exorbitant rates. If one ever goes through one of these inexplicable and confusing times, he will recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to get one's footing back and begin to get their bearings. No, I have never had to be on medications, per se... I have, however, experienced times that were bigger than I was and I have had to sort through and get my bearings... and it was not quite as simple as "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, stop the pity party and get on with your life"... sometimes it does go beyond that.

Yeah i agree with you on that, but i feel we go about this the wrong way.

Almost every religion on earth has used some form of natural hallucinogenic from the amazon to russia,
These natural drugs have almost zero side effects, you can not od on them, Hell most even have no long term health implications.
So in a controlled safe office with a psychologist i feel about 95 percent of cases of any Feelings illness could be sorted.
Cold war fear will make sure we suffer as a culture for the next while atleast.

I stand by though im yet to meet anyone with depression who did not hate some aspect of his life or upbringing. Or just had poor coping mechanisms for life.

The OP didn't say she was depressed. Your formulation here is more than a little naive. I'm extremely critical of mainstream psychological and psychiatric practice. But 'think your way to mental health' doesn't work either, in these kinds of circumstances. You can't just dismiss serious psychological distress in the way that you are. That you are attempting to do so suggests to me that you have perhaps have no real experience of people with significant mental health issues. You can't just think yourself straight when you're dealing with personality issues, psychosis, etc.

The OP is asking for help and support with a range of complex and difficult problems. Your post is not, I'd suggest, at all helpful.

To the OP, I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. It sounds like you've really been through the mill. What sort of support do you currently have? Are your mental health team aware that you're trying to lose weight, and is there any support they can offer?

fraser112

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system. ...

I'll be the first to admit that medication is way overused and prescribed often by regular MDs who do not really have the expertise to totally recognize and properly treat these conditions. I do feel that some of these disorders are grossly over-diagnosed and inappropriately medicated. I would caution (and I know that you did not say this).. that there ARE cases where the disorders are real... not just an excuse to administer meds and charge exorbitant rates. If one ever goes through one of these inexplicable and confusing times, he will recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to get one's footing back and begin to get their bearings. No, I have never had to be on medications, per se... I have, however, experienced times that were bigger than I was and I have had to sort through and get my bearings... and it was not quite as simple as "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, stop the pity party and get on with your life"... sometimes it does go beyond that.

Yeah i agree with you on that, but i feel we go about this the wrong way.

Almost every religion on earth has used some form of natural hallucinogenic from the amazon to russia,
These natural drugs have almost zero side effects, you can not od on them, Hell most even have no long term health implications.
So in a controlled safe office with a psychologist i feel about 95 percent of cases of any Feelings illness could be sorted.
Cold war fear will make sure we suffer as a culture for the next while atleast.

I stand by though im yet to meet anyone with depression who did not hate some aspect of his life or upbringing. Or just had poor coping mechanisms for life.

The OP didn't say she was depressed. Your formulation here is more than a little naive. I'm extremely critical of mainstream psychological and psychiatric practice. But 'think your way to mental health' doesn't work either, in these kinds of circumstances. You can't just dismiss serious psychological distress in the way that you are. That you are attempting to do so suggests to me that you have perhaps have no real experience of people with significant mental health issues. You can't just think yourself straight when you're dealing with personality issues, psychosis, etc.

The OP is asking for help and support with a range of complex and difficult problems. Your post is not, I'd suggest, at all helpful.

To the OP, I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. It sounds like you've really been through the mill. What sort of support do you currently have? Are your mental health team aware that you're trying to lose weight, and is there any support they can offer?

Im not talking about real physical mental problems, Im talking about the general lets label every spoilt child as having a condition.
Im sick of every second person i meet having a mental disorder, the op could stop most of this stuff by changing habits

Generalized Anxiety Disorder & OCD Ive been diagnosed with this by my doctor
The death thing, obsessive thoughts invasive thoughts the whole shabang

Managed to stop it completly by changing my attitude and meditiating and looking at what causes it with me.



Borderline Personality Disorder & Depression ,Misophonia

Now these two i have no idea why they are medical conditions, just a combination of poor social skills , poor mental disciplin.


All these condtions people forget are just bad patterns people have developed.
im not saying the suffering the op has gone through is any less because of it
but as i said most of these pretend illnesses as just bad behaviour patterns and repressed feelings.
No drug on the planet can fix that or doctor or shrink. Only the sufferer because they do it to themselfs.

So my point was the op is just reenforcing the blame the condition for my actions way of thinking,
As i found out this is the root of the problem.

monkey_la_femme

I'm not going to quote and re-quote every foolish, judgmental and uninformed thing that has been said so far; you all know who you are.

The OP asked for help and support and instead you gave her nothing but grief - unhelpful, unasked for and totally unfair.

Mental illness can be situational, it can be behavioral or it can in fact stem from a chemical imbalance within the brain. In any of these scenarios, a combined regime of medication, counseling and therapy is recommended by any *qualified* healthcare professional.

The physiological aspect of mental illness, be it depression, anxiety, compulsive behavior, phobia, schizophrenia or anywhere else on the spectrum from sadness to psychosis does in fact require pharmaceutical intervention in most cases. It cannot generally be thought away or wished away any more than can cancer or Income tax.

OP, please don't allow any of these negative comments to impact how you view your treatment - accept that you must do whatever is necessary make your life livable and to repair the relationships with your friends and family.

A healthy diet and gentle exercise will assist in your physical recovery and help to restore a balance to your mind and body and you will find a number of helpful resources on this website that will aid you on that journey. To recover emotionally, continue to seek the services of a mental health professional, or more than one if required.

Finally: Don't give up. Wikipedia's article on International Suicide Prevention will supply you with a contact number of a local Lifeline service - write it down and keep it to hand for when you need a friendly voice. Good luck, OP.

mfpcopine

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system. ...

I'll be the first to admit that medication is way overused and prescribed often by regular MDs who do not really have the expertise to totally recognize and properly treat these conditions. I do feel that some of these disorders are grossly over-diagnosed and inappropriately medicated. I would caution (and I know that you did not say this).. that there ARE cases where the disorders are real... not just an excuse to administer meds and charge exorbitant rates. If one ever goes through one of these inexplicable and confusing times, he will recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to get one's footing back and begin to get their bearings. No, I have never had to be on medications, per se... I have, however, experienced times that were bigger than I was and I have had to sort through and get my bearings... and it was not quite as simple as "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, stop the pity party and get on with your life"... sometimes it does go beyond that.

This. I hope the OP is getting professional care. There is no shame in needing help with a psychiatric problem. Furthermore, properly administered and monitored drugs do help many people.

meerkat70

Borderline Personality Disorder & Depression ,Misophonia

Now these two i have no idea why they are medical conditions, just a combination of poor social skills , poor mental disciplin.


All these condtions people forget are just bad patterns people have developed.
im not saying the suffering the op has gone through is any less because of it
but as i said most of these pretend illnesses as just bad behaviour patterns and repressed feelings.
No drug on the planet can fix that or doctor or shrink. Only the sufferer because they do it to themselfs.

So my point was the op is just reenforcing the blame the condition for my actions way of thinking,
As i found out this is the root of the problem.

I take it that, given your youth, you've not had the opportunity to meet many people who experience the kinds of difficulties associated with BPD? And I assume you're not very clear on the kinds of histories that tend to be associated with BPD? Because that's the only way I can begin to understand such inexcusable, bigoted ignorance. (And please let me stress that, as a reasonably well informed person, I have concerns about BPD as a construct - but that doesn't mean it's sensible to minimise or trivialise the distress associated with the experience of it.)

Your posts are quite incredible.

To the OP, please don't feel that the majority of people share such ludicrous, stigmatising and ill informed opinions. I'm sorry that your thread asking for help has drawn out such unwarranted nonsense.

graelwyn

I can relate to you, to a degree op. I have been diagnosed with Bpd also(albeit quite some years ago and it never affected me quite so badly I don't think), clinical depression, Anxiety disorder, social anxiety and OCD, and am suspected of having mild Aspergers, which would explain some of the issues they decided to put down to bpd. I guess I have had enough time to analyse and research and study it all that I have been able to sustain two relationships, and I have only bothered to get involved with 3 people in my life anyway as I don't tend to approach people much or do things that would bring me into contact with males.

I must admit, there were times I would sit there and read the material and support forums for those living with someone with bpd, and cry as I could not relate to it at all, and even people on those forums asked me if I was sure I was bpd as I did not come across as such. There is a huge stigma attached to the label of bpd, and I, personally think if it must have a label, it should be given another PTSD label as that is essentially what it is...another form of ptsd.

I hate labels really, and my current bf also has no time for labels and has never even looked into my diagnoses. He doesn't care about that, which is a blessing in some ways.

fraser112

Borderline Personality Disorder & Depression ,Misophonia

Now these two i have no idea why they are medical conditions, just a combination of poor social skills , poor mental disciplin.


All these condtions people forget are just bad patterns people have developed.
im not saying the suffering the op has gone through is any less because of it
but as i said most of these pretend illnesses as just bad behaviour patterns and repressed feelings.
No drug on the planet can fix that or doctor or shrink. Only the sufferer because they do it to themselfs.

So my point was the op is just reenforcing the blame the condition for my actions way of thinking,
As i found out this is the root of the problem.

I take it that, given your youth, you've not had the opportunity to meet many people who experience the kinds of difficulties associated with BPD? And I assume you're not very clear on the kinds of histories that tend to be associated with BPD? Because that's the only way I can begin to understand such inexcusable, bigoted ignorance. (And please let me stress that, as a reasonably well informed person, I have concerns about BPD as a construct - but that doesn't mean it's sensible to minimise or trivialise the distress associated with the experience of it.)

Your posts are quite incredible.

To the OP, please don't feel that the majority of people share such ludicrous, stigmatising and ill informed opinions. I'm sorry that your thread asking for help has drawn out such unwarranted nonsense.

My parents fosterd all through my youth so ive had 21 years of living with the self obsesses people who peddle these disorders.

But please explain to me which part of my post is not accurate? Im just trying to tell the op that by labeling herself with an illness as apossed to Just bad habit is a cop out. She needs to accept she is causing these feelings to herself.

jennkain97

Psychiatric illnesses certainly exacerbate weight loss efforts. It may possibly be that you may have to put the weight loss efforts on the back burner OR let your therapist help you include these efforts in your treatment. The conditions you list are so inter-tangled really it will take your therapist to help you work through these in the right way... the most therapeutic way. I will say, however that exercise has been shown to help in treating depression and anxiety... There is a strong relationship between exercise and the release of neurotransmitters that help lift that fog. I know that when a person deals with these issues, it is really hard to see the world as it really is.. It is as though you are operating in a a dense fog all the time and can see nothing clearly... That is what your therapist is there for... Just remember this one thing... YOU are a person of VALUE! As long as your body has breath, your life can always get better. I really hope you are able to work through these issues and can find the true happiness and fulfillment that you so richly deserve.

THIS. 100%.

exercise is sooo amazing for both weight loss and mood control, and it's something you can do everyday, even when you're not w/ the therapist. also, you're on MFP asking for support, and that's what we're all here for. feel free to add me. i'm on every day, and always willing to listen/lend support. you can unload, and i will not take any verbal abuse personally. plus, you can't hear any annoying noises i (or other mfp'ers) make

SPNLuver83

Not trying to scare you, but have you had a cat scan or mri done? My mother had similar symptoms and it turned out it was caused by a brain tumor. But by the time they found it it was too late. She was in her late 40s at this point and it had been there evidently for at least 20 years.... If you haven't, perhaps you should look into it?