My fiancé INSISTS that he needs to lose 30 pounds..?

niightwind

My fiance is a 5'4, 110 pound male. For some reason he is insisting that he needs/ wants to lose 30 pounds, which would put him at only about 80 pounds. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong but that doesn't seem healthy at all to me.
I don't know what to do or tell him. I told him I don't think that's healthy at all but he got upset with me and continuously said "that's what I want, don't question it."
Help, please. I'm so confused.

quixoteQ

Yeah . . . 80lbs? I feel like that's the sort of thing you should question.

niightwind

Yeah . . . 80lbs? I feel like that's the sort of thing you should question.

Yeah I'm not sure where he gets the idea that that's good or healthy or anything... He's had an issue with me losing weight (even though I *am* overweight), and I feel like this is his way of threatening me to stop.
I don't know what to do.

ironanimal

He wants to be 80lbs? I'm only 5'9" and I doubt I'll ever see a figure below 200lbs on the scale. What you need to do is give him a very stern talking to and explain that 80lbs is an unhealthy weight for all but the very shortest of women, let alone a guy.

matmismel

Show him a BMI chart and let him know that 80 lbs is not a healthy weight for a grown man of his height. Or, find out why. Maybe he just wants to be more fit, and for him that might mean building muscle, not losing fat that doesn't exist.

YoukilledJosh

Does he have any good reasoning for it?

onedayillbeamilf

There is no response to this that I can think of the wouldn't get me a warning. So i will respectfully bow out.

GrAlVt

Use fat2fitradio's calculators and figure out what would be a good weight for him. Show him the numbers you come up with and explain why you think his goal is unhealthy. If he continues to insist and doesn't present any room for discussion on the topic, then tell him he can lose the 30 lbs without you.

D446

Wow. He must already be very small, I don't know why he would want to lose anymore, although it sounds very unhealthy. Does he typically watch his weight or he is naturally that thin? It is possible that he could have some sort of disorder?

michellematteson

He's had an issue with me losing weight (even though I *am* overweight), and I feel like this is his way of threatening me to stop.
I don't know what to do.

So basically this is like a toddler holding his breath so that you will break down and do what he wants instead of acting like an adult... really cool.

You have a couple of choices. 1) Ignore him, and continue what you are doing. If he is being passive aggressive, trying to talk to him about it won't help. If this is the case, his plan on losing 30 pounds will fizzle out once he realizes that you are not doing what he wants. 2) Invite him to join you. Plan out meals together, go exercise together. Don't force food on him, but make sure he doesn't sabotage you at the same time. If he truly wants to be healthy maybe he will see that the 30 pounds lost is not a healthy goal and enjoy his time with you. 3) If it's an eating disorder try to get a loved one involved. Parents, friends, someone who is on the outside of the situation and can help you keep an eye on him. If it looks like he is getting ill they can help you convince him to see a doctor, or help you find help when its needed.

Good luck.

glovepuppet

He's had an issue with me losing weight (even though I *am* overweight), and I feel like this is his way of threatening me to stop.

this makes me think that he's deliberately picking an anorexic goal as an attention seeker's method of getting his own way. it seems utterly childish, manipulative and unpleasant.
i vote you completely ignore this behaviour and get on with your goal.

niightwind

He's like this naturally. Weight has never been an issue for him, he's always been very small. People still mistake him as a teenager or child.

It could be that he wants to get more fit but even though he doesn't do a ton of exercise he's usually active throughout the day (compared to me, at least).

I'll try showing him a BMI chart. Hopefully that will help.

niightwind

So basically this is like a toddler holding his breath so that you will break down and do what he wants instead of acting like an adult... really cool.

You have a couple of choices. 1) Ignore him, and continue what you are doing. If he is being passive aggressive, trying to talk to him about it won't help. If this is the case, his plan on losing 30 pounds will fizzle out once he realizes that you are not doing what he wants. 2) Invite him to join you. Plan out meals together, go exercise together. Don't force food on him, but make sure he doesn't sabotage you at the same time. If he truly wants to be healthy maybe he will see that the 30 pounds lost is not a healthy goal and enjoy his time with you. 3) If it's an eating disorder try to get a loved one involved. Parents, friends, someone who is on the outside of the situation and can help you keep an eye on him. If it looks like he is getting ill they can help you convince him to see a doctor, or help you find help when its needed.

Good luck.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll give ignoring it a try for now but if he continues insisting (or actually starts trying to lose this weight), I'll give one of your other suggestions a try.

bradthemedic

He apparently has an eating disorder. I'd advise you treat this very seriously and not look for us for advice. I recommend a doctor or other medical professional.

grannygethealthy1111

Show him this:

http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site1363/mainpageS1363P0.html

How old is this young man?

torie079

Guessing he has an eating disorder, and he's pressuring you to loose weight... Suggest seeking help.

meshashesha2012

men can have eating disorders too

Sublog

My fiance is a 5'4, 110 pound male. For some reason he is insisting that he needs/ wants to lose 30 pounds, which would put him at only about 80 pounds. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong but that doesn't seem healthy at all to me.
I don't know what to do or tell him. I told him I don't think that's healthy at all but he got upset with me and continuously said "that's what I want, don't question it."
Help, please. I'm so confused.

He needs to see someone about an ED.

WillPowerYes

Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

victoria4321

He apparently has an eating disorder. I'd advise you treat this very seriously and not look for us for advice. I recommend a doctor or other medical professional.

This. Men can having eating disorders just as easily as women can.

Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

This too.

albinogorilla

you sure he is not a 12 year old boy?. . . . . . becuase then that might be an acceptable weight...............

Elf_Princess1210

Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

This, but also try to see if he's being manipulative or if he has a true eating disorder.

suziecue66

He apparently has an eating disorder. I'd advise you treat this very seriously and not look for us for advice. I recommend a doctor or other medical professional.

This. Men can having eating disorders just as easily as women can.

Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

This too.

Agree with both of these.

hanahlai

80 lbs? 110 lbs is itty bitty on a male already....

BlessedandBeautifulBrown

hmmm maybe he needs to lift some wieghts or something no lose any more weight

NocturnalGirl

I'm the same height as him and my goal weight is 8 pounds more and I'm a girl... it seems too little for a guy.

dansls1

110 pounds is already below any 'normal' weight chart I can find for a 5'4" male. Wanting to lose weight from there is a problem.

Tristis

Listen - don't let anyone stop you from your goals. That is childish and ridiculous if he is trying to pull this just so you don't lose anymore weight!

jsapninz

Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

^THIS

vade43113

Does he mean lose fat weight, and add muscle weight, cause he is in the healthy range now....

HelloSweetie4

I would reccomend to him that he talk with his doctor first. That is certainly not a healthy weight for an adult male. When I first started dating my husband he was 5'5", 19 years old, and weighed 98lbs. He thought he was healthy, but he sees now that he wasn't. Your guy may not be educated enough about healthy weight, like mine, a doctor will help put him on track.