Self esteem

linlee61
linlee61 Posts: 14
in Chit-Chat
My friend is so stressed out she don't know what to do I have tried to help her but she don't want to listen to me..so I told her I would get on here and ask a question..her boyfriend is not good to her she cries all the time and is so stressed out when they go into the store he will walk behind or in front of her never beside her or even hold her hand..he don't hold her at night time in the bed either. she is over weight some but he don't want to touch her...she don't know what to do she loves him...he only goes outside with her when other people are around them so what do you all think..she really needs help..so told her what you all would do...

Replies

  • debbiestine
    debbiestine Posts: 265 Member
    pray with/for her and then help her to find a counselor to talk to.
  • utahgirl247
    utahgirl247 Posts: 370 Member
    hmmm. . .if he doesn't love her #1 for who she is. . . then perhaps she needs to rethink her relationship with him. he can be concerned for her health and be there to support and encourage her but if he can't love the entire package then i am not sure it is a healthy relationship to start.
  • fitpilatesqueen
    fitpilatesqueen Posts: 337
    This just screams at me....he doesn´t love her, he is ashamed of her and not touching her at night when they are alone, he isn´t into her. I would personally would dump him.
  • txlissa62
    txlissa62 Posts: 128
    I would never stay with anyone who treated me with so little respect. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. Life is too short to stay with someone so cruel.

    You teach people how they can treat you. By staying with him, she is saying that it's okay to treat her this way.

    She says she loves him, but she needs to work on loving herself first. If she loved herself, she wouldn't put up with his crap.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    I have no doubt my partner would find me more attractive if I were slimmer, but he definitely isn't ashamed of me and hed never act like that. This behaviour goes beyond that, it seems abusive to me to be honest. Every girl deserves better than that. My partner took me out in the car in my leopard nightie and dressing gown after my recent surgery, he didn't care! If you love someone you'd never behave like that. My ex 'loved" me in a bad way, he acted like that, that was the tip of the ice burg, he was abusive... This screams red flag to me to be honest! X
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    I think it's time for her to take advantage of some time being alone and developing her own independence. I understand the need for companionship, but she isn't getting it from him. I would take some time to find myself, maybe a few months of just being me, and then get back in the game. There is someone out there who can love her for who she is, and it obviously isn't this guy.
  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,226 Member
    I've been there, and my friends talked to me until they were blue in the face, but until she is ready to move on and dump his butt there isn't much you can do. You can be there as a friend, a shoulder but she is the one that has to take the step to move on. You sound like a great friend to be so worried :smile:
  • gatecityradio
    gatecityradio Posts: 401
    she needs to dump him.
  • gatecityradio
    gatecityradio Posts: 401
    I think it's time for her to take advantage of some time being alone and developing her own independence. I understand the need for companionship, but she isn't getting it from him. I would take some time to find myself, maybe a few months of just being me, and then get back in the game. There is someone out there who can love her for who she is, and it obviously isn't this guy.

    ^this!
  • boldtsmith
    boldtsmith Posts: 120 Member
    First, she needs far more help than she will ever get from a message board; she needs a professional.
    Second, she needs to discuss with this professional what motivates her to "love" any person who can treat another person that way.
    Finally, as her friend, teach her what a loving relationship feels like by being a good and loving friend. Remind her often that any relationship that falls short of what the two of you share is not a loving relationship.
  • kristinamariemc
    kristinamariemc Posts: 19
    she loves him

    She needs to speak to a counselor or therapist to figure out why she "loves" someone who treats her so badly and is so destructive to her.

    If my experience is any indicator, it usually goes back to having a highly critical/unemotionally unavailable parent who also took pleasure in putting you down as a child. Therapy (and God's grace) are the only thing that can heal this and it all starts with wanting to live a better life.

    Good luck to your friend and God Bless.
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
    Dump the jerk! No one deserves to be treated like that!
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
    If it's her self esteem you're concerned with, then from what you've said about him, she shouldn't be around him because it obviously isn't going to help her feel better about herself. You know her better then us, so just try and help her see that he's not good for her and that she's better off with no boyfriend then to be with someone who seems to be acting so negatively towards her. Try and get her involved in something that she enjoys doing? Good luck :flowerforyou:

Categories