An NSV that I only dreamed about...
becoming_a_new_me
Posts: 1,860 Member
I have been overweight my entire life, and it led to me feeling very inadequate and insecure inside because of the mean things people say. On the outside, people saw a happy, healthy, and well adjusted young girl, but on the inside I was miserable. I hated the person that I saw in the mirror, envied my thin sister who always rubbed her athletic prowess in my face (so I thought), and feared school because of the "mean girls". By the time I was 16 and we moved to a larger town in another state, my only friend was another one of the social rejects and I had never even been danced with at any of the school dances nor kissed.
Life got easier when I moved, and I began to feel a little more confident. I finished off my last two years of high school happy and popular, but I still had self-destructive eating habits that caused me to keep gaining weight. I maintained most of the time up until the end of my senior year. When I went off to college, my depression set in again, and I put on more weight until I met my ex. He convinced me that he was the only person who would ever love me, so I dropped out of college and fell right into his trap of abuse. I did finally get out, but with severe emotional scars.
I regretted leaving school, and a few years later after a second failed marriage, I attempted to go back. At that point in my life, I did not feel confident in myself...mainly because I was pushing 300# and felt out of place as a non-traditional student. I also was not confident in my ability to learn, because I had convinced myself that I was fat and stupid and would never amount to anything...echoing some of the sentiment from past abuse. Again, I dropped out with the "someday" comment practically tattoed on my tongue. When my parents would ask me when I was going back, it was "someday". When recruiters at job fairs would ask me about checking out their school, it was "someday". The thing I learned about "someday" is that it never truly comes to fruition, and you will say "someday" until you die.
Shortly after I dropped out of school, I met my daughter's father and became pregnant. He walked away when he saw those two pink lines, and I joined the ranks of working single moms. I found a great job in the coroporate sector, a large step up from my waitressing gig, but yet a far cry from what I could have done had I finished school. I was miserable and depressed, and although I loved my daughter very much, being a single mom with no help was a huge strain. Between daycare, diapers, formula, etc., my finances were drained and I was tired and miserable. The weight kept piling on and on and on, until I weighed in excess of 450#.
Now, when you gain weight like that, you don't see it happening and you don't really do it intentially. The sadness feeds the food obsession, which leads to guilt, which leads to more sadness, and the cycle is never-ending. It took a large jolt of reality to make me realize that I was committing suicide by food. The day I was told that my health was deteriorating at a such a swift rate that I was going to die and leave my daughter without a mother within five years, I vowed change.
I did make the difficult decision to have gastric bypass surgery in 2003, and the first two years, I went down to 200#, but was very sickly looking, so by 2005, I put some if back on to 250# where I maintained. Another failed marriage to a drug addict had me back up to 300# by the time I divorced.
I lost a little more after the divorce to about 280#, then one day at a job fair at my workplace at the phone company, there was a booth for University of Phoenix. I said "What the heck" and signed up for an information package. At that point, I had become confident enough to believe that I was worth the education, and was smart enough to acheive it. After much internal deliberation, I signed up for my classes. That was 18 months ago...and yesterday, I finally graduated with my Associate of Arts in Foundations of Business with a 3.85 GPA.
Something that I have learned though my education and life-lessons is that my fat girl voice no longer needed to be fed. My smart girl and active girl inside have been keeping me motivated and strong. Last year, my confidence and education path allowed me to move on from unfulfilling jobs and menial tasks to a job that means something helping people use nutrition to get well. I sometimes hear the fat girl inside me crying and asking me to go back to her, but smart girl and active girl are helping me find my skinny girl.
What I am trying to say is that we are all worth this journey and this path we are on. Some of us are just starting, some of us (like myself) are at the middle, and some have finished the journey and are maintaining. Wherever you are, life is worth living, and those moments (like finally walking across the stage to accept my diploma) are worth having. I am now finally down to 260#, and still losing. I ultimately would like to get down to 150#...and along the way to getting to my goal weight I will again graduate...this time with a Bachelors of Science in Business Management with a dual Concentration in Project Management and Human Resources Management. This is something that I will accomplish with honors, because I know that I am worth it. I'll continue to work in the nutrition industry, researching current and new trends and helping to educate others.
Life is worth living, goals are worth persuing, and others worth embracing. Stop listening to your negative voices, and start listening to the ones that will help you be the person you were meant to be. You only get one life, so you may as well make it one worth living.
Life got easier when I moved, and I began to feel a little more confident. I finished off my last two years of high school happy and popular, but I still had self-destructive eating habits that caused me to keep gaining weight. I maintained most of the time up until the end of my senior year. When I went off to college, my depression set in again, and I put on more weight until I met my ex. He convinced me that he was the only person who would ever love me, so I dropped out of college and fell right into his trap of abuse. I did finally get out, but with severe emotional scars.
I regretted leaving school, and a few years later after a second failed marriage, I attempted to go back. At that point in my life, I did not feel confident in myself...mainly because I was pushing 300# and felt out of place as a non-traditional student. I also was not confident in my ability to learn, because I had convinced myself that I was fat and stupid and would never amount to anything...echoing some of the sentiment from past abuse. Again, I dropped out with the "someday" comment practically tattoed on my tongue. When my parents would ask me when I was going back, it was "someday". When recruiters at job fairs would ask me about checking out their school, it was "someday". The thing I learned about "someday" is that it never truly comes to fruition, and you will say "someday" until you die.
Shortly after I dropped out of school, I met my daughter's father and became pregnant. He walked away when he saw those two pink lines, and I joined the ranks of working single moms. I found a great job in the coroporate sector, a large step up from my waitressing gig, but yet a far cry from what I could have done had I finished school. I was miserable and depressed, and although I loved my daughter very much, being a single mom with no help was a huge strain. Between daycare, diapers, formula, etc., my finances were drained and I was tired and miserable. The weight kept piling on and on and on, until I weighed in excess of 450#.
Now, when you gain weight like that, you don't see it happening and you don't really do it intentially. The sadness feeds the food obsession, which leads to guilt, which leads to more sadness, and the cycle is never-ending. It took a large jolt of reality to make me realize that I was committing suicide by food. The day I was told that my health was deteriorating at a such a swift rate that I was going to die and leave my daughter without a mother within five years, I vowed change.
I did make the difficult decision to have gastric bypass surgery in 2003, and the first two years, I went down to 200#, but was very sickly looking, so by 2005, I put some if back on to 250# where I maintained. Another failed marriage to a drug addict had me back up to 300# by the time I divorced.
I lost a little more after the divorce to about 280#, then one day at a job fair at my workplace at the phone company, there was a booth for University of Phoenix. I said "What the heck" and signed up for an information package. At that point, I had become confident enough to believe that I was worth the education, and was smart enough to acheive it. After much internal deliberation, I signed up for my classes. That was 18 months ago...and yesterday, I finally graduated with my Associate of Arts in Foundations of Business with a 3.85 GPA.
Something that I have learned though my education and life-lessons is that my fat girl voice no longer needed to be fed. My smart girl and active girl inside have been keeping me motivated and strong. Last year, my confidence and education path allowed me to move on from unfulfilling jobs and menial tasks to a job that means something helping people use nutrition to get well. I sometimes hear the fat girl inside me crying and asking me to go back to her, but smart girl and active girl are helping me find my skinny girl.
What I am trying to say is that we are all worth this journey and this path we are on. Some of us are just starting, some of us (like myself) are at the middle, and some have finished the journey and are maintaining. Wherever you are, life is worth living, and those moments (like finally walking across the stage to accept my diploma) are worth having. I am now finally down to 260#, and still losing. I ultimately would like to get down to 150#...and along the way to getting to my goal weight I will again graduate...this time with a Bachelors of Science in Business Management with a dual Concentration in Project Management and Human Resources Management. This is something that I will accomplish with honors, because I know that I am worth it. I'll continue to work in the nutrition industry, researching current and new trends and helping to educate others.
Life is worth living, goals are worth persuing, and others worth embracing. Stop listening to your negative voices, and start listening to the ones that will help you be the person you were meant to be. You only get one life, so you may as well make it one worth living.
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Replies
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Congratulations on all of the hard work -- physically and mentally. You are an inspiration.0
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You've got this - it's an amazing story and an amazing NSV, you should be SO proud of yourself!! Well done, you're inspirational
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wow that was an awesome testimony ... keep it up you are worth it and I am happy to have gotten to know you even if only in MFP you still have made and impact on me ... thanks again0
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Something that I have learned though my education and life-lessons is that my fat girl voice no longer needed to be fed.
I love that. I think that when we all decide that, that's when we know it's time to do it. Congrats on your education AND amazing weight loss! Keep up the amazing work 0 -
Congratulations and wow. that had to have been difficult to put all that out there. way to overcome those fears... keep going. you have come a long way. keep it up. you're an inspiration and have the ability to show your daughter that she has the ability to do anything she wants with her life.0
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Wonderful, wonderful post - thank you. You are a strong women who has every right to feel accomplished and proud. And anytime that 'inner fat girl' starts whispering in your ear - remember how strong you have to have been to get to where you are.0
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You are so freaking amazing!!!! Keep kicking *kitten*!!!! So glad I can call you a friend!!!!0
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Wow! Great story. You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your story :flowerforyou:0
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You are incredible. Truly incredible and superbly inspirational. I'm so proud of you for being a strong-willed woman. We need more women like you around 0
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I relate to your story on so many levels. Proud to say I overcame the abuse and got my PhD and now work a meaningful job in the non-profit sector. I no longer think I am stupid, lazy, never going to amount to anything and not worth loving. I see myself as smart and engaged to the world, I might even be interesting to some people. I still struggle with my confidence on this weight loss journey, but I am taking it on the way I did school and hoping for similar results.
Thank you for sharing with us.0 -
You are an amazing woman, thanks for sharing your testimony!0
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Thank you for the kind comments...it did take a lot to get this out there, but I felt that it was worth sharing. If there is one thing I have learned, it is sometimes all it that takes to get out and do something is to see that someone else did it too.0
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WHAT a story...congratulations on your achievements!!!
You are much stronger than any of us will ever know!! CONGRATS!0 -
Not my best work but I hope you realize how much you've helped everybody around you and how proud we are of you!
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Not my best work but I hope you realize how much you've helped everybody around you and how proud we are of you!
Lol!! I love it! You are an awesome friend!!0 -
Thank u for the inspiration. Congratulations on your degree0
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It has been an honour for me getting to know you sweet Mary Anne. You deserve this and all the happiness that comes with it!! You have worked sooo hard!! Please don't let another man derail all the amazing work that you have done!!. You have come so far!!! What are the plans now?? The whole world is your oyster!!!0
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Thanks for posting this. I really needed to hear this.0
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WOW! Thanks so much for sharing!0
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"An investment in knowledge pays the best interest"~ Benjamin Franklin
Looking very swish in your mortarboard!
Congratulations. Knowledge is a prize that no one can take away for you. I know you will treasure it.0 -
just saw this...i am so proud to call you my friend and sister . Im always so encouraged at your perseverance and your courage to keep going even when people try to put you down.
im a huge fan of you, always will be!
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Such a beautiful story!!! Congrats to you!! Amazing!!!0
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I cry happy tears for you.0
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Amazing story! Congrats! X0
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You are an inspiration and I wish you continued success.0
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Well, you totally made me tear up! Congratulations to you, you are a true inspiration!0
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I don't know you but I am very proud of you :flowerforyou:0
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Proud of you girl. Wishing you continued success, keep fighting the good fight. I too have had a similar journey. Graduating from college gave me confidence I had never had. I hope karma get those who were not there for you.
Do a happy dance!! Congrats you.0 -
WOW!!!!! You are inspiring!!!!0
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Awesome story!0
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