the memory of running

whitehandlady

my post title....is the title of a book i read 2 yrs ago....about a man who grew into an obese, sad, apathetic person through a series of depressing life events....



then woke up to it all.........



that's me....minus a gender difference........



i've been purposely numbing and self medicating my pain with food....and other excess.......sex in my younger years.....then alcohol.............now food....well really..........always food



the last time i remember being honestly, physically fit...is in middle school......i remembered today...as i listened to the rushing river next to me....in stark contrast to the still sounds of the wooded trail i walked......what it felt like when i was just a girl.....

running and playing with gleeful abandon

i never knew....or cared....just how strong and healthy my body was then

it was of no consequence

now, as a woman on the verge of 35....as a woman battling (often spirit crushing) health issues....and as a survivor of abuse for many years of my life.....sexual, physical, and emotional.............

i want my body back

i want to own it

and delight in it's every sensation......pleasure and pain

i want to understand my body and re-connect with it

it isn't my body's fault...nor my fault.....what someone else did to us



i want to feel strong, fast, and free........i want to love my body for the same reason i loved it as a child

because of what it can DO.....not because of what anyone else thinks or feels about it



i decided to try jogging/sort-of-running today at intervals

and it felt great....just knowing if i push hard enough that i will be strong enough to run again

the river.... the memory of running..........and a spark (of love for myself)

that's my fuel....the components needed to start this fire inside me



i want to be trailblazing before my 35th birthday

here i come december

wingednotes

This post brought tears to my eyes.
I can completely relate. I just completed my 5k after doing the couch potato to 5k program, and am now training for 10k. I'm two weeks binge free, and feeling like i own my own body again.
Thank you for the beautiful written post.

whitehandlady

This post brought tears to my eyes.
I can completely relate. I just completed my 5k after doing the couch potato to 5k program, and am now training for 10k. I'm two weeks binge free, and feeling like i own my own body again.
Thank you for the beautiful written post.

that is so awesome....i hope to follow the same path............thank you for reading and responding......

Simone_King

Then take back you're life and realize that the years of mis treatment can be changed. This road isn't going to be easy. There will be tears.

You will mess up.

But at the end, the light at the end, you will find yourself again. We're here for you. Also, I wish you luck.

whitehandlady

Then take back you're life and realize that the years of mis treatment can be changed. This road isn't going to be easy. There will be tears.

You will mess up.

But at the end, the light at the end, you will find yourself again. We're here for you. Also, I wish you luck.

thank you

theartichoke

This is absolutely beautiful. I understand everything you wrote and am in awe of how eloquently you were able to express it. You will succeed in your journey. You're healing, inside and out. *hugs*

hahandel

The body is an amazing machine. After 3 decades of abusing my body, I can now run a 5k, lift weights 2-3 times per week and do various group exercise classes. I feel strong and my body feels strong! I think my body has forgiven me for what I did to it. It's never too late!

I also did couch to 5k and will run my first race in a couple of weeks.

Good luck to you!

Simone_King

Then take back you're life and realize that the years of mis treatment can be changed. This road isn't going to be easy. There will be tears.

You will mess up.

But at the end, the light at the end, you will find yourself again. We're here for you. Also, I wish you luck.

thank you

You're welcome. ^^

whitehandlady

This is absolutely beautiful. I understand everything you wrote and am in awe of how eloquently you were able to express it. You will succeed in your journey. You're healing, inside and out. *hugs*

*hugs back*...thank you

whitehandlady

The body is an amazing machine. After 3 decades of abusing my body, I can now run a 5k, lift weights 2-3 times per week and do various group exercise classes. I feel strong and my body feels strong! I think my body has forgiven me for what I did to it. It's never too late!

I also did couch to 5k and will run my first race in a couple of weeks.

Good luck to you!

awesome for you.....best of luck to you as well

nyvickie

You told my story. I feel the same way I don't want to go into 50 with the same mess. This is the beginning of the rest of my life. Just keep what you are doing and you will succeed.

whitehandlady

You told my story. I feel the same way I don't want to go into 50 with the same mess. This is the beginning of the rest of my life. Just keep what you are doing and you will succeed.

*hugs* WE will succeed:flowerforyou:

wbgolden

take that memory of running as the younger you. feel it. then go do it. THAT'S how you'll run effortlessly.

whitehandlady

take that memory of running as the younger you. feel it. then go do it. THAT'S how you'll run effortlessly.

:drinker: thanks............i totally will

reese66

Very honest, raw and inspiring. Your post hit home on so many levels. Thank you for posting and giving me a little more courage to work towards my goals

You can do this and you will love the freedom that you feel when you run and the content you feel when your done.

whitehandlady

Very honest, raw and inspiring. Your post hit home on so many levels. Thank you for posting and giving me a little more courage to work towards my goals

You can do this and you will love the freedom that you feel when you run and the content you feel when your done.

thank you:flowerforyou: ..........best wishes on reaching your goals!

Sabine_Stroehm

Own it.

Donnacoach

Almost like a re-write of my life. You will do it. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders and you know what you want. Go get it.

Drenched_N_Motivation

When I run my nipples chafe.

nermal6873

Beautiful post. You can do this!

whitehandlady

When I run my nipples chafe.

:laugh: ohhhhhhhh i know....i don't look foward to that part

Jezebel9

Thank you for this.
Yes, I remember, too. I was wild once.

reese66

Very honest, raw and inspiring. Your post hit home on so many levels. Thank you for posting and giving me a little more courage to work towards my goals

You can do this and you will love the freedom that you feel when you run and the content you feel when your done.

thank you:flowerforyou: ..........best wishes on reaching your goals!

Your welcome and you too!

whitehandlady

Thank you for this.
Yes, I remember, too. I was wild once.

we're gonna be wild again

PhenomeNae

i love you. have i told you that lately? you're an amazing, funny, witty, intelligent, sexy, brash, bold, amazing woman. and i love every inch of you. i'm so glad you're my friend.

*big hug*

whitehandlady

i love you. have i told you that lately? you're an amazing, funny, witty, intelligent, sexy, brash, bold, amazing woman. and i love every inch of you. i'm so glad you're my friend.

*big hug*

now say that aloud to yourself in a southern carolina accent.......and you'll hear me telling you what i think of YOU nae *hugs back*

Duck_Puddle

Running is the first thing that I have taken back just for myself-and only because I love it-not because I "had" to. The moment I made to decision to start running again is the moment my entire life changed. After too many years, I am finally beginning to live the life that I want to live in the way that I want to live it. I am no longer running from something atrocious, I am now running towards something beautiful. You can do this and I wish you all the best.

enavarro523

I believe many of us here can totally relate to your post. One of my favorites memories for me is when I lived in a small town in Mexico I was so carefree just spending my time playing with my cousins, climbing mountains, trees or running in the fields. Then we moved and I started taking care of everyone else ... Mother's health, nieces, nephews, responsabilities came and went and I forgot about me. I have always known that I need to be healthy and happy as I was when I was that child; I really need to love myself and give to me a little bit of the care, time, affection and treat food as something to sustain live.... Not use it as a way to block-out feelings. Three weeks ago I started to seriously watch what I eat, logging everything I eat and as I was in a car accident and broke both right leg bones 10 months ago, along with being obese I started swimming I am down 16lbs I still have along way to go to be at a healthy weight but posts like yours truly inspire me. Thanks for sharing we will do this together.