Wal Mart
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icandoit
Posts: 4,163 Member
WAL Mart APPLICATION
This is an actual job
application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
They hired him because
he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old *kitten*)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better
suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I
be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO
50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell
me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since
sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes,
absolutely.
***Old People Rock!
This is an actual job
application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
They hired him because
he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old *kitten*)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better
suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I
be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO
50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell
me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since
sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes,
absolutely.
***Old People Rock!
0
Replies
-
WAL Mart APPLICATION
This is an actual job
application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
They hired him because
he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old *kitten*)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better
suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I
be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO
50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell
me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since
sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes,
absolutely.
***Old People Rock!0 -
Oh that is so funny!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
-
Ok, that is truly funny! Now the HR person in me is going... umm, I don't think it's legal for them to ask some of those questions and that guy is a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. :laugh:0
-
It's too bad y'all couldn't see the picture he attached to his application. He made himself a pair of shorts and suspenders from Wal-Mart sacks. Only in Arkansas! :laugh: And yes, it's okay for me to poke fun of Arkansas since that's where I live.0
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