I'll look great in 3 months, but what about in the meantime?
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I look at it this way: "Will I regret not going?". If I am going to regret it, then I know that I should go because I can never "make up" that experience. If I let my weight hold me back I would have never have gone to visit my friend when she moved across the country. I definitely do not regretted going, but I would have missed out on that experience if I hadn't gone.
The same with my most recent work event. I did not want to go because I am the largest sized person. Everyone else was buying new skinny dresses and high heels, etc. Everyone all dressed to the nines quite literally. I was not able to purchase fancy dress up shoes and ended up wearing work pants to the event along with a dressy shirt. I felt under dressed and awkward about being the biggest one, but I still went and had fun.
I don't want to miss out on things, to miss out on life itself, because of my current size. I am keeping in mind that the next time that I will go such and such place or go do such and such that I will be healthier/more able/a smaller size, etc. It's motivation to go and keep on going both out and on with my journey.0 -
Took me 2 years to lose my 31kg & I used to fake before I made it! I would pretend I was close to goal weight... Really visualize it! It worked a treat haha
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To be honest if you hate how you look now losing 15lb won't change your looks. It's truly a number. If you're letting your 'overweight feelings' then I would encourage you to talk to someone. These feelings aren't going to go away because the scale number changes.0
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The in-between time is the hardest as your clothes start hanging on you and not looking that great but you don't want to buy all new clothes to grow too thin for them again in a few months.
What I do is go op shopping and buy temporary clothes just to get me through this period. I think if you find some clothes that fit your new size better you will actually like what you see in the mirror and give you the confidence to go out with your friends.
They will also notice your weight loss and give you compliments which then helps motivate you to lose the rest of the weight.
And by op shopping you are not wasting a lot of money
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To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
What an awful, rude, hateful thing to post.
OP, we've all been there and you're not self-centered and petty or whatever other crap is implied above. You're normal.0 -
I know how you feel! My weight peaked about 6 years ago and I've been cutting back on social engagements ever since. I hated buying clothes at my high weight (cause most stores didn't even carry my size) and didn't feel confident when I went out.
It was getting a little ridiculous, actually. I finally told myself that I had to go out and buy a couple of cute outfits that I felt good in, no matter my weight, and leave the freakin' house.
You can't wait 3 months to live your life - go find something you feel comfortable in.
Also, exercise, especially strength work, makes me feel much better about my body while I'm losing weight. I'm still a long way from goal, but I feel much more confident because I feel better about myself after a good strength training. Even though my muscles are under a layer of fat, there are subtle changes in my shape.
Don't beat yourself up - we're constantly bombarded with images of perfect, tiny bodies. Exercise, have at least a couple of outfits you feel good in no matter what you weight - and get out there and live life. It's too short to do anything else.0 -
Oh I really feel for you! This is the very thing I hate the most about having problems with weight and food - On a bad day I am the same.
I guess what works for me (and it is great to have the chance to write it here so I can remember it to) is to think that I am already here, see, I cannot put myself on hold until I get to a certain wait. Whatever I do I am here and my commitment to myself today i to be present in my life no matter what size.
I bet you are the same as me, I can feel really big when I am smaller and not too bother when I have been bigger. I believe for me it is all about how I am feeling emotionally, the weight is just something I use to bit myself up when I am down.
Finally, I know logically that a few kilos do not make a great deal of a difference in how people look to me. When my friends put on weight they look the same, just a bit bigger, but in essence the same. I am sure others will think the same about me :-)
Hope your day gets better hon and thanks everyone for their posts!
Good day :-)0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
What an awful, rude, hateful thing to post.
OP, we've all been there and you're not self-centered and petty or whatever other crap is implied above. You're normal.
I don't think this is rude, hateful, awful thing to say at all - certainly no more than your reply to it was!
A bit insensitive maybe - along the lines of "Pull yoursefl together" as if it's that simple. However there is some good well-meaning advice there0 -
.hree, you can always meet your friends in a setting that DOESN'T involve dressing up with an expectation of looking especially nice, unlike going out for a night on the town does. Go for a hike, or play tenpin bowling or go roller skating or something. That way you're burning calories, seeing your friends AND in a situation where you're not expected to look hot. Plus you can still work that feature you like - there must be something.
I love this idea!
Yeah you know what, that's some of the best advice that I've seen on here! Hiking and tenpin bowling are great examples where you dress for practicality, and not with the only aim to look good. It's difficult when a lot of things that women (and to an extent) guys, like all seem to involve you looking your best (which I guess is some of the appeal) Theatre, dancing, nice restaurant - as was said 'night on the town'0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
You're sorta rude. It isn't self centered to have extreme confidence issues. It's actually really horrible.0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
You're sorta rude. It isn't self centered to have extreme confidence issues. It's actually really horrible.
I agree. W T actual F, who says things like that?! o_O0 -
To be honest if you hate how you look now losing 15lb won't change your looks. It's truly a number. If you're letting your 'overweight feelings' then I would encourage you to talk to someone. These feelings aren't going to go away because the scale number changes.
I disagree. I have only lost 16 pounds, 9 of them in the last month, and there is a VERY big difference in the way I look and the way my clothes fit. I still have 65 pounds to lose, but I am on my way...pictures don't lie!0 -
Like many of you here my weight does have a HUGE impact on the way I feel about myself. But on my good days I can focus on my good points and forget the bad.
It's just dealing with the bad days needs some more work.0 -
To be honest if you hate how you look now losing 15lb won't change your looks. It's truly a number. If you're letting your 'overweight feelings' then I would encourage you to talk to someone. These feelings aren't going to go away because the scale number changes.
I disagree. I have only lost 16 pounds, 9 of them in the last month, and there is a VERY big difference in the way I look and the way my clothes fit. I still have 65 pounds to lose, but I am on my way...pictures don't lie!
I have to agree - not me personally but my wife - on here as Chelliemitchell. She ranges from 144 at her heaviest to 130 lbs (usually winter to summer) and the difference to her is astonishing! (mentally not physically) At 14lbs heavier than she wants to be, she won't shop for any new clothes, feels sluggish and fat (although she looks great). She says she HATES her clothes feeling tight on her - it's a real big deal for her.
I say get to your target weight, then if you still don't feel good about yourself you can address it then0 -
Hey there! ^_^
Yikes! It's really scary for me to think that someones esteem could be so low that they wouldn't go outside! Dx I live in a country where everyone is naturally skinny, but I'm not, so it's really hard for me (thus I'm trying to lose weight
) But, what I do when I'm feeling ugly (besides wallowing in self-pity!) is I remind myself of what's important.
"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (Psalm 45:11)
I don't know if you believe in God or not (or what God you might believe in) But I am a Christian and this verse spoke to me! See, you might be an atheist, Muslim, or something else, but just know that there is a God out there (Yes, a God, meaning the God who created you, the Ruler of the Universe!!) and He took the time to make you beautiful! He is AMAZED at your beauty because you are beautiful to Him and that is what matters. Also, here is another verse:
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."-Proverbs 31:30
I would love to be beautiful to others on the outside, but in the end it's what is inside that counts. (I know, very dramatic, but so true!!) So, just remember that God loves you a lot and thinks that you are the prettiest thing out there!!
With much love,
Jessie
P.S. Because God thinks you are beautiful, I too believe that you are the most beautiful thing ever! God bless! *hug*
You blessed me so much, with tears in my eyes I read what you wrote if no one else believes what you are saying I did loud and clear and it was what I needed to hear today. I sent you a friend invite.0 -
I'm dedicated to losing 15lbs. I know it's a slow process and I accept that. I'm willing to do it the right way. I know my confidence will grow the more comfortable I get with my appearance but what about in the meantime? This weekend just been I cancelled plans to go out with some friends because I just hated the way I looked in all my clothes! I know that's crazy but can't seem to change my way of thinking of it. I just wanna go in hiding til the weight's gone! Lol.. guess this is why so many people go for the quick fix fad diets. Any advice on how you deal with not feeling sociable is much appreciated!
I understand and I feel the same way. I am down a lb today but does that make me happy? No it should have been 3 lbs according to MFP the way I have it set on my goals. oh well feeling discouraged because I did not lose the 3 Ibs I canceled a friend coming over before I read your post. i doubt men understand the way us women think, I doubt men struggle with self esteem the way many of us women struggle. Oh yes I have thought the same thing, if only I could speed up time. Take comfort and know your not the only woman that feels this way and has nothing to do with selfishness and self esteem is something I struggle with also. Only another person who struggles with finding self esteem will understand.0 -
Hey there! ^_^
Yikes! It's really scary for me to think that someones esteem could be so low that they wouldn't go outside! Dx I live in a country where everyone is naturally skinny, but I'm not, so it's really hard for me (thus I'm trying to lose weight ) But, what I do when I'm feeling ugly (besides wallowing in self-pity!) is I remind myself of what's important.
"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (Psalm 45:11)
I don't know if you believe in God or not (or what God you might believe in) But I am a Christian and this verse spoke to me! See, you might be an atheist, Muslim, or something else, but just know that there is a God out there (Yes, a God, meaning the God who created you, the Ruler of the Universe!!) and He took the time to make you beautiful! He is AMAZED at your beauty because you are beautiful to Him and that is what matters. Also, here is another verse:
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."-Proverbs 31:30
I would love to be beautiful to others on the outside, but in the end it's what is inside that counts. (I know, very dramatic, but so true!!) So, just remember that God loves you a lot and thinks that you are the prettiest thing out there!!
With much love,
Jessie
P.S. Because God thinks you are beautiful, I too believe that you are the most beautiful thing ever! God bless! *hug*
This ^^^^^^^
Please do not let others make you feel ashamed of the words you wrote because you wanted to comfort a stranger. The words you wrote and the scripture encouraged many people. Your words are written eloquently and show the compassion you have for other humans.Your words written are a reflection of your love and kindness for others and it shows your personality. When others do not understand,or take offense at your words, ignore them, That is their choice. I am impressed with your self esteem and the Bible verse you quoted is so true. The truth is eventually everyone alive ages,changes, and no one is guaranteed to remain young,beautiful,or handsome or keep their perfect health. There are many factors in life and the reality is sickness, aging will happen to everyone if they live long enough. A car accident, or a fire can change someone's idea of Vanity and beauty very quickly. In death our body weighs the same...it is called a skeleton!0 -
It's not crazy, I'm exactly the same way, except I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm in recovery for anorexia and I have gotten to my goal weight now, I should be really happy but I'm not, if anything I feel worse than I did at my lower weights. I used to only go out if I hadn't had anything to eat or drink, I felt miserable and hated my body but I felt more confident than I do now. When I'm not at work, all I wear are hoodies, I have never hated my body as much as I do now. Whenever I go out, I look at other girls and wish I looked like them, stupid I know! If life had a fast forward button I'd definitely be pressing it but it doesn't sadly:(I'm dedicated to losing 15lbs. I know it's a slow process and I accept that. I'm willing to do it the right way. I know my confidence will grow the more comfortable I get with my appearance but what about in the meantime? This weekend just been I cancelled plans to go out with some friends because I just hated the way I looked in all my clothes! I know that's crazy but can't seem to change my way of thinking of it. I just wanna go in hiding til the weight's gone! Lol.. guess this is why so many people go for the quick fix fad diets. Any advice on how you deal with not feeling sociable is much appreciated!
What helps me sometimes is focusing on the things I like about myself, try that? It's a long road but if you are more confident than you used to be, then it's all the more reason to keep going. Take care xxx0 -
When I started my journey to a healthy lifestyle, I had about 18-20lbs to lose to get back to where I once was. And on a 5'0" frame, or at least mine, that's "a lot". It's the difference of about 4 jean sizes. It's the difference between a flat stomach and a stomach that came out to my size 32 D/DD boobs. It was the difference between a flat back and back fat, between an almost double chin and a defined jaw line. Between having love handles and not. So anyone that says 15lbs is not enough to be upset over doesn't get it. For someone 6in taller than it me it may not be 4 jean sizes, or any of the other differences I noted, but it is all relative to your body and your frame. People carry their weight differently. And all those differences lead to a much more self-conscious me.
As for the OP's question:
I felt very uncomfortable going out. Few things and fit, and what did obviously looked like it was too small or didn't fit right. I wore a lot of baggy tee shirts (definitely not my style) and always kept my jacket/coat on indoors if it wasn't too warm. When I decided to start my journey, I said to myself, "You know, I may not be where I'm at not, but I will be one day. And that 'one day' isn't very far off." So I decided to go ahead and go out and not constantly worry about how my shirt was hugging me and the batwings under my bra band and how my stomach came out to my boobs. I knew that I was working towards my goal and soon enough I won't have to worry about those things. So why worry now? I started to look forward to how I was going to look because I was determined to look fit a hell of a lot longer than my "fat" self. And that's what got me through the rough patches. Now I'm 10lbs down and even though I'm not at the finish line yet, I feel sooooo much better! Many things in my closet look good on me again. There's still definitely some stuff that doesn't, so I don't wear it being that now I have better options. But when I felt nothing looked good on me, I just focused on the future and it helps substantially.
Hope this helps you!
PS--I also think going out and doing things such as bowling, hiking, etc would be great ideas.0
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