Ladies, why are we having this big vs. skinny war?

osualex

Lately on MFP I can't stop seeing posts like "I'd never want to be below a size 12, below that looks sick" or "I'd never want to be above 110 pounds, above that is fat" or posts about what men like better. Why?

We are all very different and one size does not fit all when it comes to weight loss! I never see posts from men like, oh thats too skinny/too muscular, it looks terrible! They are nothing but supportive with each other when it comes to their goals. Why are we doing this on a site that is supposed to be for support?

I'm 5'4 with big hips and broad shoulders, I could probably get down to about an 8 before I'd have to shave off some bone tissue. However, my 5'0, A-cup, slim-hipped roommate could easily be a 0 because that is reasonable for HER, because she is built completely differently! Why can't we just support each other and our different body goals? Nobody is better or better looking than someone else because they happen to be skinnier or curvier than that person. And as for what men like, they all like DIFFERENT things because, like women, they have different preferences too!

We should not be basing our feelings about ourselves or cutting down others due to body size and shape at all. We are more than our bodies.

leslisa

People lose sight of why they are losing/gaining. I just say I want to be healthy. To be healthy, I have to be below a certain weight, eat certain foods, and do certain things. That's it in a nutshell.

Don't let grouchy folks upset you. They are a part of life but they don't have to be a part of your life.

:flowerforyou:

MicaelaFW

It is true... I am not sure how it happens, but even looking at my daughters, (age 5 and 9) they always want what the other has... Two very opposite children- one is tan, curvy, curly hair and the other is light skinned, string bean, straight hair... You try to teach them that they are who they are for a reason and they can love themselves as equally as another, but we all are attracted to certain things in life and thus want them... I agree with you, everyone is different. I have been plateaued at my weight for a while now, and trying to come to grips with the fact i will never be "not curvy" and never be 120 lbs (or Id look sickly) everyone is built differently! Men don't do it... My sons never say anything like that to each other... Guess, there is no rhyme or reason, but people need to be more aware when they are doing it so it doesn't happen so often!

stephanie1133

I agree with you totally.

I think it stems from insecurities. Something like -- if even ONE person finds something attractive that I don't have it makes *me* feel insecure therefore *I* must lash out and/or get validation from others that my body type is the best. The thing is, though, insecurities don't go away with validation from others, or by putting other people down, so it's pretty pointless.

Sure, it's GREAT to get validation, but I really try to just focus on myself and what my goals are. What other people's goals are definitely doesn't make my goals any better or worse just because they're different. I'm not exactly sure where people think those statements will go, there's no way to prove you are right are wrong, because no one is really right or wrong. It's all individualized, and it's all about perception.

kkzmom11

unfortunately, my focus is still the # on the scale and what famous women my age (who have personal trainers and cooks) look like. i DO know that the magazines are photoshopped and they don't REALLY look like that. but i guess since they have personal trainers and cooks, they can afford to have someone else say "in order for you to be skinny, this is what you will eat" and they prepare it for them or tell them how to exercise to look skinny. i can't be my own personal trainer or cook, and neither can my husband.