The Success Within - Whats Your Story?

Agirard25

I'm pretty open about my story on the anonymous interwebs-so here ya go.

I was a healthy weight in high school & college largely because I was a runner. I ran because I enjoyed it and because it cleared my head and kept me calm. While in college, I survived a brutal assault (held captive, tortured & raped). Many weeks after the assault, and needing to clear my head more than ever in my life, I tried to start running again. I was stricken with a series of injuries (like shinsplints-type stuff). While all were simple and recoverable injuries, at the time I barely had the emotional strength to carry on with things that were working. Those that weren't were immediately stricken from the list and running was quickly added to the list of things my attacker "took" from me.

Fast forward almost 20 years and 95 pounds to a day last fall when I was walking one of the dogs. He got a whiff of a particularly offensive squirrel and took off in a dead sprint after the rodent. He is a husky mix, so when he goes-you go. So we sprinted maybe 10 yards (although in ny head it felt like 100 miles). I thought I was going to die and wondered whether the appropriate protocol was to give the coroner a courtesy call before or after I rolled my sweaty carcass into the ditch and out of sight of small children.

After I caught ny breath, I had the ah-ha moment. At that precise second, all of the anger I have had towards my attacker for "taking" so much immediately shifted towards myself for allowing him to keep so much for so long. I missed running, and I wanted it back.

The next day I started a C25K-esque program and have slowly worked my way up to running 20-25 miles a week. At first, the opportunity to metaphorically spear my attacker in the eye with a stiletto heel each time I went for a run was all the motivation I needed to get up and go. But when I ran my first race, I had a tremendous sense of personal accomplishment. I didn't think about the man who tried to kill me at all (as I imagined I would). At that point, I realized I was no longer running to "beat" the man who tried to kill me, I was running for me. "Taking back" running has been the single most impactful thing in my recovery - ever. It's the first time I've "taken back" something just because I wanted to, not because I "had" to. And it's the first time I've started to feel like I'm starting to live my life-the way I want-and not under or around the shadow of the attack.

So for me, the success within is already there. I AM getting my life back, and I'm no struggling to avoid getting sucked into the giant dark pit I've been fighting for nearly 20 years. I no longer feel like I'm running away from that awfulness, but rather I feel like I'm running towards something (not sure what-but it sure beats feeling like I'm trying to escape something all the time). I feel liberated and free and like my own person for the first time in almost two decades. Running is what allowed me to have that feeling. Regardless of how I eat or what I weigh, I refuse to stop running (barring medical conditions) and get sucked back into a life where I allow my attacker to continue to control me.

Wow, I can't even imagine what you went through! Your story was powerful and moving...I am glad that you openly share it. Please tell me that they caught this attacker? I am so impressed that you wont allow him power over you any longer...I am sure you know the quote that goes something about life being 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Don't give him any power over you anymore-you are strong, able and amazing.

LORRIE22

I have been losing weight VERY SLOWLY for the last 2 years. But I am almost 50 pounds down from where I started.
That is such a relief!
I knew for years that if I just counted my calories every day I would be skinny again. It took me forever to decide to lose the weight.
I have more to lose.

But today I finally realized something.
I have been sticking to my calorie counting for 2 years!
IT IS WORKING! I HAVE CHANGED MY LIFESTYLE FOR THE BETTER!

I must log my food for the rest of my life or I will regain the weight.
But is is so comforting to realize I have been able to successfully do this for the past couple of years.

Best of luck to everyone here on losing weight ... and keeping it off.

:flowerforyou: :drinker: :flowerforyou:

prism6

everyone of you is awsome!

Duck_Puddle

I'm pretty open about my story on the anonymous interwebs-so here ya go.

I was a healthy weight in high school & college largely because I was a runner. I ran because I enjoyed it and because it cleared my head and kept me calm. While in college, I survived a brutal assault (held captive, tortured & raped). Many weeks after the assault, and needing to clear my head more than ever in my life, I tried to start running again. I was stricken with a series of injuries (like shinsplints-type stuff). While all were simple and recoverable injuries, at the time I barely had the emotional strength to carry on with things that were working. Those that weren't were immediately stricken from the list and running was quickly added to the list of things my attacker "took" from me.

Fast forward almost 20 years and 95 pounds to a day last fall when I was walking one of the dogs. He got a whiff of a particularly offensive squirrel and took off in a dead sprint after the rodent. He is a husky mix, so when he goes-you go. So we sprinted maybe 10 yards (although in ny head it felt like 100 miles). I thought I was going to die and wondered whether the appropriate protocol was to give the coroner a courtesy call before or after I rolled my sweaty carcass into the ditch and out of sight of small children.

After I caught ny breath, I had the ah-ha moment. At that precise second, all of the anger I have had towards my attacker for "taking" so much immediately shifted towards myself for allowing him to keep so much for so long. I missed running, and I wanted it back.

The next day I started a C25K-esque program and have slowly worked my way up to running 20-25 miles a week. At first, the opportunity to metaphorically spear my attacker in the eye with a stiletto heel each time I went for a run was all the motivation I needed to get up and go. But when I ran my first race, I had a tremendous sense of personal accomplishment. I didn't think about the man who tried to kill me at all (as I imagined I would). At that point, I realized I was no longer running to "beat" the man who tried to kill me, I was running for me. "Taking back" running has been the single most impactful thing in my recovery - ever. It's the first time I've "taken back" something just because I wanted to, not because I "had" to. And it's the first time I've started to feel like I'm starting to live my life-the way I want-and not under or around the shadow of the attack.

So for me, the success within is already there. I AM getting my life back, and I'm no struggling to avoid getting sucked into the giant dark pit I've been fighting for nearly 20 years. I no longer feel like I'm running away from that awfulness, but rather I feel like I'm running towards something (not sure what-but it sure beats feeling like I'm trying to escape something all the time). I feel liberated and free and like my own person for the first time in almost two decades. Running is what allowed me to have that feeling. Regardless of how I eat or what I weigh, I refuse to stop running (barring medical conditions) and get sucked back into a life where I allow my attacker to continue to control me.

Wow, I can't even imagine what you went through! Your story was powerful and moving...I am glad that you openly share it. Please tell me that they caught this attacker? I am so impressed that you wont allow him power over you any longer...I am sure you know the quote that goes something about life being 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Don't give him any power over you anymore-you are strong, able and amazing.

Thank you-that's very kind. No-my attacker was not caught. I think it was the moment while walking the dog that made me really realize just how much power & control he had over me-through the choices I have made, the way I accepted living my life and all the ways I accommodated that. I am finally starting to be actually feel the things I know to be true-and can reconcile some things in my head with my gut. There's a kind of peace that is coming with all of that.

And I share openly on the anonymous Internet. No one here is my employee (or boss) or friend (irl friend) or if they are-neither of us knows it. It's not something I share openly irl-not because I am ashamed-but because it changes the way people view me. It becomes the first (and sometimes only) thing people think about-almost like a novelty. I am much more than this one experience-and I'd like the first (or only) thing people think about me to be one of my 1000 awesome qualities. A couple of very, very good friends know some teeny bits of what happened-but nowhere near the whole story (nobody needs to hear that). But here on the Internet-shrouded in anonymity-I can tell my story and not have my employee thinking about my experience during his/her performance review.

Anyway-thank you. It's been a very long road for me.

esphixiet

The number of friends and family members who have lost weight and then told me they felt MORE self conscious as a thin person is astounding. Even with my moderate losses I have found the same. The feeling of being judged is often more harsh than the reality.

esphixiet

I truly believe you accomplish more out of love - for yourself and others, than hate. I used to diet out of HATE. Now I am trying to live a healthy lifestyle out of LOVE. Self acceptance can sometimes lead to a change that no amount of self-loathing can manufacture.

This is perfection. Thank you for sharing your story.

RobinvdM

VitaminD your story is tragic and impressive, and awe inspiring. I love that you have converted your routine to running towards something rather than away from such a horrid rancid memory of someone so unworth all the time you have invested running from. I am so, so proud of you. Congrats on getting your running legs back

RobinvdM

Khelser-

GOOD FOR YOU!

How awesome that you have decided to take control of the things you can, and stop stressing over the things you can't. I admire your determination to keep everyone in your family on the same food track as you are. Certainly makes it much easier for you, and sets them up for a successful adult life. You are awesome! Great job!

RobinvdM

SweetSammie:

You have such great insight. I loved the statement you made, "Self acceptance can sometimes lead to a change that no amount of self-loathing can manufacture. " That rule of thumb so totally rings true for me and the path I am on now.I am so pleased that you have such an awesome, supportive hubby who obviously loves every nuance about you. Enjoy the road towards pregnancy, you will get there!