Skinny partners. Frustrating or encouraging?

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  • WhitneyAnnabelle
    WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
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    Give them all 10-15 years. 85% of them will have it catch up to them. Metabolism is a *****. Plus, even though they're thin, they're not necessarily healthy. To me, that's so much more important.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    There are three sides to every story. Yours, his and the truth. I am not there so I can only go off of what you say. Do you constantly gripe about your weight and come off insecure? If so, than I can understand him making those comments. For myself, personally, I would then indulge once in a while when he is not around, LOL. As far as making the time to go to the gym or work out, it's all about your priorities and how you delegate your time. My husband is out the door before me in the morning, and comes home later. I work full time M-F and we have a toddler that goes to day care. I also tend to the house. My husband does the manly things to fix the place up, while I do the womanly tasks like keeping it clean. I am up M-F by 5:15am, out the door by 5:30, get home from the gym by 6:45-7am, shower/hair/makeup and generally COOK breakfast for the family, get dressed/toddler dressed and out the door by 8:15am to drop off my son and get to work by 8:45am. It's a little stressful at times in the morning, but if you are motivated, you can do it. I also 1-2x a week do the laundry in the morning while breakfast is cooking. If you don't have time to go to the gym, you can always YOUTUBE some JM videos to watch and do from home. Or walk/jog/run around the neighborhood. Just stay moving!
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 910 Member
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    Sounds like he was a bit harsh. Perhaps hes tired of hearing abt it? My ole man wont gain weight if he ate 24/7 every bad food under the sun. No they dont understand what it is like. But yes, they can get tired of hearing us talk abt it (myself included).. Mine always tells me i harp on it too much. That HE thinks i look good and i need to accept myself a little more and love myself how i am, even if i am working to make changes. That being said hes pretty good at encouraging me abt my goals and helping me get there... Also I have tried to not talk to him abt it so much and its made things smoother for us.
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 910 Member
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    oh yea and also there some special reason that you have to do all the work?
    that screams "not equal" to me and you are setting yourself up for a lot worse in the future if thats how things roll.
  • kathrynangelabaird
    kathrynangelabaird Posts: 53
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    My husband's eating junk and never gaining weight turned around in his 50s, when he had a work-related accident and knee surgery. He's now 30+ pounds overweight and finally starting to recognize that he needs to stop drinking the sodas and pay attention to what and how much he is eating.

    Cause-and-effect is strict and eventually it does catch up with someone.

    My partner had 2 knee operations and he stayed thin eating the same rubbish he did then!
  • kathrynangelabaird
    kathrynangelabaird Posts: 53
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    you are not him. From what you say, he must be using his calories. Sure, you said he is stick thin, but how tall is he? What do you mean by 'digging trails' ? To me, that means taking a shovel and leveling some ground, and that isn't pansy work. Also, just what does he do for a living? Sure, standing could mean he is a cashier, a waiter, or a freaking lumberjack. What does he eat at lunch? Sure the Chinese might be a double meal, but what was his lunch?
    Then again, maybe he likes you larger, and wants to discourage you from losing weight.

    He works as a rapid injection moulder and shifts about machines and metal all day long.
    he tends to go subway or Maccys for lunch as he only has half an hour lunch, every so often he'll get sarnies and crisps etc for lunch.
  • carolinenorthrup
    carolinenorthrup Posts: 34 Member
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    My husband is also naturally stick skinny. It was definitely frustrating at first because he would try to give me advice but I felt the same way as you: how can I take advice from someone who doesn't know what they're talking about? So I set him straight. I told him: When I'm working out and eating healthy, tell me I'm doing a good job. But when I'm not exercising or chose to eat junk food, you don't need to remind me of what I'm doing - I ALREADY KNOW.

    It wasn't an overnight solution. We've had the conversation several times, but I think it worked. He's much better now. He has adjusted our meals (he cooks) based on my caloric budget, and doesn't say anything when I indulge. He'll even try a new workout with me or go for a run with me sometimes, but he doesn't particularly enjoy it so I don't expect him to keep up with it.

    Communication and compromise have been the key.
  • BecomingElle
    BecomingElle Posts: 112 Member
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    Skinny and healthy/fit are not always the same thing! I think he needs a wake-up call. For me, I could never have a romantic partner talk to me like that.

    Talk to him how this is about a new way of life, and he is part of your life. Maybe it would be easier if you started eating more of the same meals? Maybe he could become healthier too? :)
  • kathrynangelabaird
    kathrynangelabaird Posts: 53
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    He's just a hard person to talk to. He's like a wall when it comes to feelings (few past problems) and I guess it's my life to put into my hands but I need to him support me and not shout at me.

    In a minute I'm going to draw up a daily/weekly chart and seperate into who does what (feel like a kid sorting out the chores!!)
  • imoquenn
    imoquenn Posts: 22 Member
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    Those kind of statements like, "You'll never lose weight if..." are not encouraging. There's a difference between providing encouragement and saying things that are dismissive and hurtful. That kind of behaviour, I would argue, makes you MORE inclined to binge eat, because it triggers an emotional response. You get hurt, defensive, and find you care less.

    It's really, really easy to punish yourself for every slip-up you make. That's how people in general come to view weight loss, it seems. Remember to reward every victory, too. Every time you exercise, every cookie you refuse, that's a tiny victory and that should be celebrated. And if your partner isn't going to, you should. Maybe make yourself a little chart of tiny victories. If you stick with it, you will be amazed at how much it grows and how quickly - how many times a day you have to face a little obstacle towards health and overcome it.

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