Self-Esteem

bnewnam

I was doing really good with going to the gym and eating healthy. Lately I have noticed my significant other commenting on pictures on the internet of skinny, in shape woman. This really starting to mess with my self esteem. I have at least 70-100 pounds to lose so it will be awhile before I can even begin to compete with this. If I try to talk to him about it he tells me that I am beautiful and he loves me but at the same time his comments say that they are sexy... I feel like I am going to start losing my motivation and I really need this to not happen. I know that he loves I really don’t care that he looks at other woman cause lets be real all men do but I feel like I am not sexy to him. Does anyone have any advice for me?

jkr12

1. You do NOT "compete with this" in a healthy relationship.

2. My husband never comments on other women, and I never comment on other men. Not all men do that. I don't think I would be ok with it if my husband did, I would talk to him about it.

3. Talk to him about it. Tell him that his actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, and it's bothering you.

4. You deserve this for you. Not for him. Not for nasty pinup models that are airbrushed.

5. Good luck. You are not alone.

fluffymcfluffster

1. You do NOT "compete with this" in a healthy relationship.

2. My husband never comments on other women, and I never comment on other men. Not all men do that. I don't think I would be ok with it if my husband did, I would talk to him about it.

3. Talk to him about it. Tell him that his actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, and it's bothering you.

4. You deserve this for you. Not for him. Not for nasty pinup models that are airbrushed.

5. Good luck. You are not alone.

GabrielleZelda

How are you seeing these comments?

Are they one facebook or something?
I think it's inappropriate for your boyfriend to be saying things like that. It's obviously completely normal for him to find other women attractive, but these types of comments should be kept to himself!

I think there's a fine line between noticing a pretty woman and to outright tell her she is sexy. Some might say that it's harmless because it's online... regardless, it could escalate, and it is just hurtful if it is visible to you.

Don't lose motivation hun You are doing this for your health, for your confidence, for YOU. You are going to have to live with yourself for a very long time, so I think it's important for you to get healthier and love yourself.

Hope this works out for you!

blonde71

Why feel that you have to compete with airbrushed women? Just be yourself and for the record, not all men do that. That's so rude IMO. Supportive, loving words go a long way...

Mercenary1914

I was doing really good with going to the gym and eating healthy. Lately I have noticed my significant other commenting on pictures on the internet of skinny, in shape woman. This really starting to mess with my self esteem. I have at least 70-100 pounds to lose so it will be awhile before I can even begin to compete with this. If I try to talk to him about it he tells me that I am beautiful and he loves me but at the same time his comments say that they are sexy... I feel like I am going to start losing my motivation and I really need this to not happen. I know that he loves I really don’t care that he looks at other woman cause lets be real all men do but I feel like I am not sexy to him. Does anyone have any advice for me?

1) you shouldn't be trying to compete with other women on MFP or women in general...
2) your competition should be with yourself...
3) if he loves you, and treats you like a princess or queen...and adores the hell out of you....then let go your doubts...and continue to kick butt in the gym and eat healthy....

extra) be sure to communicate ...talk about things that you find sexy about each other...and be open minded about doing things or adding things sexier to the relationship

Mercenary1914

. Lately I have noticed my significant other commenting on pictures on the internet of skinny, in shape woman. This really starting to mess with my self esteem.

I am not sure why this would be an issue if he is complementing you at home and expressing love to you...

On MFP people compliment peoples progress and/or success...

Depends if the comments are..."you are hot, I wanna so and so with you"....or is it...."You look fabulous....or Nice body, keep up the work"

Crochetluvr

My b/f does the same thing. You cant let it get to you. If he didnt care about you, he wouldnt be with you. For me, its MORE motivation to get the weight off so he will look at ME more than those pics of sexy women.

TBH, I look at pics of sexy, well built guys. But I dont WANT them....I want my b/f.

Mercenary1914

My b/f does the same thing. You cant let it get to you. If he didnt care about you, he wouldnt be with you. For me, its MORE motivation to get the weight off so he will look at ME more than those pics of sexy women.

TBH, I look at pics of sexy, well built guys. But I dont WANT them....I want my b/f.

:flowerforyou:

Ephena

Back when I had S.O. anything like that was a motivator for me to work harder. It doesn't make the fact that they are being said okay if they bother you it's not. But make sure you've told him that since guys can miss what we women consider neon signs about our emotional state.

Now as a single girl every comment good or bad is my motivation. I love the good ones because they make me feel awesome and I want to keep getting them and the bad ones are good at making me want to work harder even if they hurt.

Good luck!

sarahrbraun

I feel your pain. There is similar stuff going on at my house. I have told hubby that it bothers me when he points out how much better other women look, that it is NOT motivating. The fact that he notices the way they look, but not the 15 pounds that I have busted my *kitten* to lose is demoralizing to me and makes me feel like my effort is being ignored. He says he does not mean to make me feel that way, but it does still happen...

I have about 68 pounds to lose to get to my goal. I am NOT going to let his negativity derail me though. It sounds bad, but my first goal is to lose enough weight that I am lighter than he is--he has gained 54 pounds in the last 17 years without giving birth --and I only have 14 pounds to go. I think I can do it in 6 weeks

Crochetluvr

My b/f does the same thing. You cant let it get to you. If he didnt care about you, he wouldnt be with you. For me, its MORE motivation to get the weight off so he will look at ME more than those pics of sexy women.

TBH, I look at pics of sexy, well built guys. But I dont WANT them....I want my b/f.

:flowerforyou:

Awww....thanks.

sarahrbraun

TBH, I look at pics of sexy, well built guys. But I dont WANT them....I want my b/f.

LOL!!! a good bit of my motivation for going to the Y when I do is a yummy young trainer named Justin. He is totally cute, but nothing will ever happen.

jgray08

My husband and I are both trying to get in shape for each other but most important for ourselves. I haven't experienced this but I can totaly understand how you must be feeling. I agree with some of the others let your husband know how this makes you feel and remember you have to do this for you.

Don't give up, I know how hard it is to try to make changes to your life and I know the Devil is busy so just stay prayerful, keep exercising and stay focused!!

jadesign19

Remember you are getting healthy for yourself.
I always say to myself "I want to be in my 70's and be able to keep up with my grandchildren at Disney world! I don't want to use a scooter or walker.". That puts all my efforts in perspective. I stopped a long time ago getting in shape for others. There will always be someone looking younger and better. But there will never be another mom for my kids. It's your movie...how do you want it to end?