Self sabotage?

MrsT9217

I have struggled with weight for practically my whole life... since I was 8 I was diagnosed with epilepsy... the mix of how I felt about both made me feel pretty much worthless..

Well now I'm getting older and I'm so ready for things to change. I am trying to find balance with many different aspects of my life right now. I'm working on getting out of a job I hate (literally makes me miserable... and makes me sad because I thought I'd be here forever), losing weight and getting my license for the FIRST time at age 28 (ridic I know!)

Has anyone else had things they have struggled through that they feel like they self-sabotaged themselves??
Did you get over it and how? How do I teach my brain that I can be doing this?! The thought of everything changing at once is SO scary to me, even though I know deep down I'll be happier... am I afraid to be truly happy?

Thanks for listening

SherryGbaby

I've self-sabotaged many time, I think everyone does. The best thing to remember is that you're not alone. We are only human and are bound to give into our wants sometimes. It can be very scary to have everything change so fast, trust me I know the feeling. I've been on and off diets my whole life and always felt sorry for myself. Why can't I eat whatever I want and not lose weight? Why does "she" get to eat that and I can't? Finally, my light bulb went off a few weeks ago and told myself that I have to live with the fact that my body doesn't work like others. I came to the realization that I will always have to watch what I eat, but hey, it doesn't have to be the end of me.

If all of your changes don't go as planned, don't worry about it. Sometimes what you think is the best path for you, may not be. If one door closes than just think of how much better the next one will be.

Hope this helped

impyimpyaj

I don't know you personally, so this might be off-base. But in my experience, when people say they're afraid to be truly happy, that's not actually the case. What you might actually be afraid of is making these changes and still being UNhappy. You don't want to put in the effort to shake up your life only to find that it doesn't change how you feel. And you know what? That's kind of right. You can make these changes in your life to make things easier for yourself, but unless you also work on the inside, you might have trouble shaking the depression and bad feelings that have followed you through the years. Because negative thought patterns become a habit, just like other unhealthy behaviors.

My advice to you would be to make the changes you need to make, but be patient with yourself. Don't expect everything to fall into place all at once. One thing that has helped me immensely in changing my thought patterns was to take some time and write down all the negative thoughts that were plaguing me, the ones that said I wasn't good enough, I'd never be happy, etc. It was a really hard thing to do. And then I took some time to write the positive, TRUE counterparts to those things. "I don't deserve to be happy" became "I deserve happiness." "My body is disgusting and I hate it" became "My body is amazing, and I want to take care of it." The positive side was MUCH harder to write, but I pushed through. And then every time one of those negative thoughts crept into my head, I would tell myself out loud (or mouthing it to myself if others were around) the positive counterpart to it. It's not enough just to try to *think* the positive -- you need to hear it and feel the words in your mouth. Say the positive things, even if you don't believe them at first. It will help you break those negative thought patterns so that when you do get to a place in your life when you have the things you want and need, you can enjoy them.

L00py_T0ucan

:flowerforyou: YOU deserve to be happy! Everybody deserves to be happy.:glasses:

^yes, a little bit 'duh' but we often forget this.

prophetessmom

Great post! I meant the one offering the advice about changing, but being patient with yourself. Duh! Sorry!

MinnieInMaine

Change and the unknown is very scary but usually with big risks come big rewards, the grass is always greener, and all that...

I've definitely self sabotaged, mostly in the form of not caring enough about myself and not being brave enough to make the changes. When I decided to make this change once in for all, I set both of those barriers completely aside - and it sounds like you've done the same thing. You definitely sound ready!

As the others have mentioned, it can take some soul searching... Think about all the excuses you've made in the past and how you can change those behaviors. What you've tried in the past, what's failed and why. And don't force yourself to change everything over night - taking small steps in the right direction will still get you there and will likely bring longer lasting results in the end.

I hope some of that helps and makes sense - I haven't had nearly enough coffee yet. Good luck!

BMcC9

One thing that has helped me immensely in changing my thought patterns was to take some time and write down all the negative thoughts that were plaguing me, the ones that said I wasn't good enough, I'd never be happy, etc. It was a really hard thing to do. And then I took some time to write the positive, TRUE counterparts to those things. "I don't deserve to be happy" became "I deserve happiness." "My body is disgusting and I hate it" became "My body is amazing, and I want to take care of it." The positive side was MUCH harder to write, but I pushed through. And then every time one of those negative thoughts crept into my head, I would tell myself out loud (or mouthing it to myself if others were around) the positive counterpart to it. It's not enough just to try to *think* the positive -- you need to hear it and feel the words in your mouth. Say the positive things, even if you don't believe them at first. It will help you break those negative thought patterns so that when you do get to a place in your life when you have the things you want and need, you can enjoy them.

We truly are what we think we are. Changing your inner tapes and self talk is very important.

So is letting go of that negativity in a REAL (not just metaphysical) sense. I suggest you do the above, for all the very good reasons listed in the original post, but add two more steps between coming up with the list of positives and reacting / replacing negative with positive when one tries to sneak back in.

1) Once you have come up with the counterpoints, write only the negatives on one piece of paper, and only the positives on a separate piece. Take them both to the fireplace (or bbq) and burn the negatives. As you watch the paper curl, catch fire, and the smoke drift away, recite all the positives out loud to yourself.

2) Keep the list of positives in your wallet (or on whatever format makes them quickly and readily available to you - I am old-school, so smart phone type technology doesn't always spring to mind first) That way, when a negative thought occurs to you, you can read as well as say the positive counter. If at all possible, also write/ type / text to yourself at the same time. The more senses you engage together, the stronger the impact on your subconscious. If you can text it, you also get a supportive incoming message right when you need it!

Lastly, recite the positives out loud to your refection in a mirror when you get up (to start your day in a positive frame of mind) and just before bed (to go to sleep KNOWING, however your day went, that there are so many positive that are part of what makes you, you) Say them as if you are talking to and encouraging your best friend. Your ear needs to hear that supportive undertone in your voice.

Consider reading "Always Change a Losing Game" by David Posen. He covers this and much more inter-related stuff more clearly and from a more knowledgeable base than I could.

MrsT9217

thank you everyone for the help!