"I'm too old for this" ?!?!

SmexAppeal

So Tuesday night I talked my sister into going to the schools to play tennis for a bit. She borrowed tennis shoes from my mom and we went up there. She hasn't hit a ball in 4 years and was wondering how she would do. Well, she did awesome and we were hitting back and forth in no time.
Then about 15 minutes in, she started complaining about how she was too old for this. I felt like I had to start taking it easy and hitting the ball to her rather than across the court to make her run for it. Granted she has been a smoker for 15 years or so, but seriously?? Too old?
You wanna know how old too old is? Apparently it is 32 years old. I'm going to be 29 in just a couple months and I feel better than ever. I will continue to work my *kitten* off because in three years I will NOT be saying I'm too old for anything.
But the point is, I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to talk to her about getting healthy by eating better and including exercise into her day. But you all don't know my sister... this would cause a HUGE fight. She's not particularly over weight, although she could lose some weight. It's just the smoking and the fact that after running back and forth for only 15 minutes she was complaining. Has anyone run into this situation where you wanted to talk to someone about getting healthy, but didn't know how to? What did you do? Any help would be great. My sister is a worthy opponent if she could actually play longer than 15 minutes!

grubb1019

That is sad. She definitely isn't too old. My mom is a smoker and I have talked to her for years about quitting. Her grandchildren have literally cried, begging her to quit. Not only do we worry about her health, but she stinks, her house stinks, and when we come from there we stink. Not to mention the waste of money, ugh. Anyway, I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm in the same boat. Good luck, I hope you get through to her!

BobbyDaniel

without sounding "preachy" or too prideful I try to explain how far I have come and how much difference making healthy choices has made for me. I'm 41 now and "I'm too old for this" would be an easy excuse if I let it, but I don't. I appreciate the concern you have for your sister and I hope she is willing to listen.

jlohcook

Show her through actions, actions speaks louder than words. I'm doing that to my older sister too. Telling them subtly what I do, share my workouts on social network that they can see, and now, my older sis who's 4 years older than me, and I'm 42, has caught on. All the best in helping your sister.

kristen6022

It's just an excuse, as everyone has one. I'm 33 and the only things I'm too old for are booty shirts, tummy revealing tops and partying past 1am! LOL

Onesnap

As for "too old" I always think about my Dad who is retiring at 65 and starting a new career as a personal trainer.

I think about family members still hiking, riding ATVs, boating, swimming at 70.

Treat your body well and you shall be rewarded.

jlohcook

Show her through actions, actions speaks louder than words. I'm doing that to my older sister too. Telling them subtly what I do, share my workouts on social network that they can see, and now, my older sis who's 4 years older than me, and I'm 42, has caught on. All the best in helping your sister.

DixiedoesMFP

I would say just keep dragging her out there. Or for a walk. Or swim. Or playing golf. Eventually she'll get it - that she's not going to be able to keep up with her little sister if something doesn't change. And no one wants their little sister outdoing them.

cloud2011

She's definitely not too old. I would advise against going the lecture route ("You know you'd feel better/look better/be healthier if you only...")

Instead, just keep inviting her to join you when you'd like to. Be an example but not a scold.

kelsully

So Tuesday night I talked my sister into going to the schools to play tennis for a bit. She borrowed tennis shoes from my mom and we went up there. She hasn't hit a ball in 4 years and was wondering how she would do. Well, she did awesome and we were hitting back and forth in no time.
Then about 15 minutes in, she started complaining about how she was too old for this. I felt like I had to start taking it easy and hitting the ball to her rather than across the court to make her run for it. Granted she has been a smoker for 15 years or so, but seriously?? Too old?
You wanna know how old too old is? Apparently it is 32 years old. I'm going to be 29 in just a couple months and I feel better than ever. I will continue to work my *kitten* off because in three years I will NOT be saying I'm too old for anything.
But the point is, I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to talk to her about getting healthy by eating better and including exercise into her day. But you all don't know my sister... this would cause a HUGE fight. She's not particularly over weight, although she could lose some weight. It's just the smoking and the fact that after running back and forth for only 15 minutes she was complaining. Has anyone run into this situation where you wanted to talk to someone about getting healthy, but didn't know how to? What did you do? Any help would be great. My sister is a worthy opponent if she could actually play longer than 15 minutes!

It is always tricky to approach someone about making changes. I would start with this cute story...then say.."It was really fun playing tennis with you again. I hope we can keep doing it. Leave out the mention of making changes and not being too old. Just ask her to play with you as often as you two can manage. She will either come around or start declining the invitations.

Tell her this story. I just posted about my mom's friend and her trip to the chiropractor....tell me your sister about this 91 year old
. A cute note about my hot chiropractor and my super amazing mother who went zip lining for her 63rd birthday, my mom has a friend that is 91 years old. Her friend is very very active, she golfs three times a week and bowls once a week in the summer and 3 days a week when it is too cold to golf. The 91 year old friend hurt her back so my mom contacted Dr. Matt. He xrayed Lorraine and treated her. Lorraine said she would drive herself to her next appointment on her way to bowling etc...so cute..she asked if she could still bowl and golf and Dr. Matt old this 91 year old woman "I will tell you what I tell all athletes, you know your body, give it a try if you feel up to it but stop if it hurts." This guy rocks! Who tells a 91 year old woman that she is an athlete and he will get her golfing as soon as possible? Oh and this 91 year old woman only takes one medication. She takes it because her Raynauds is so bad she drops her bowling ball sometimes when she loses feeling in her fingers....don't we all want to be Lorraine when we are 91?

pgp90xer

Age is a state of mind! You are only as old as you feel. I have had some of the same issue you have with my wife. She sees my transformation and is doing her best to exercise and lose some weight but keeps getting frustrated. I keep telling her that the changes are not going to happen over night, that it takes time. Like your sister I would just tell her the benefits of being healthy, both exercises and eating right. Get her to try out this site, talk to other people, ask questions. As I say to my wife you have to want to change, make yourself better... once you have that it;s like a light bulb turning on in your mind!

Good luck!

neverstray

People trip me out.

I look pretty young for my age. This has happened several times in my life, but I was telling this guy about how I was training for a half marathon, and he said, "yeah, we'll that's great, but when your my age, your body just doesn't allow that kind of thing". He didn't look old so, I asked his age. He says, 38. I'm like, "dude, I'm 47". All I could think of is, 'what a dumbass'. I'll never understand why people do that to themselves. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

littlepinkhearts

I think you did awesome getting her to the court to begin with and she did get exercise. I'd say don't push her to much or she'll just not go again. Be patient, hopefully she'll "get it". But nice for you to try anyways

BrownEyedSister

I understand your frustration and wish I had an answer for you. I'm in the same situation with my mother. She is not in the best of health, has developed Type 2 diabetes and is probably 150 pounds overweight. My sisters and I have spoken with her, encouraged her, pleaded with her, and basically nagged at her to no avail.

She has an aunt that on her 90th birthday bowled a perfect game. My mother on the other hand would exhaust herself bending over to tie bowling shoes. It's so sad and so very frustrating.

LorinaLynn

I don't really believe I'm too old for anything, but I do use that phrase jokingly when I know I'm in over my head.

Although I do think I might be too old to take up skateboarding. Falling down hurts. :laugh:

Drastiic

Show her through actions, actions speaks louder than words. I'm doing that to my older sister too. Telling them subtly what I do, share my workouts on social network that they can see, and now, my older sis who's 4 years older than me, and I'm 42, has caught on. All the best in helping your sister.

^^That.

I do something similar. Although I don't have much weight to lose, people still see a difference. They see a difference in how I act, what I'm involved in, not involved in, the sacrifices I make, the successes that I enjoy. I try to get my friends and family involved by inviting them for walks, sports outdoors, even sports I'm not good at (tennis) but that they might enjoy in order to entice them out. I don't preach to them about eating right or exercising. You can't change anyone, but you can change yourself. If they want to change, just be there for them and offer support.

Witteney

I'm 51, almost 52 and smoked for 20 years. I really really regret it now and your sister will too. I told myself I could keep smoking and quit when I was ready. Well I had to quit because if I didn't I would be on oxygen right now. As it is, I have smoking-induced asthma and my lungs are not what they should be, that's for sure. I hope they get better, that's what I'm told anyway. I've quit now for about 7 years. I try to run/walk at least a mile every day and it's tough, but I feel better now than I did when I was in my 30s and 40s, smoking. Weak lungs run on the maternal side of my family, (have two aunts who were smokers and died from lung cancer, and my grandmother had emphysema and died from heart disease related to smoking) so some people can smoke and not be where I am now, But geez, you are just committing slow suicide, that's what you are doing when you smoke, I see that now! Killing yourself. That's worth fighting about I think.

TrainingWithTonya

Well, I'm pretty blunt and don't worry about pissing off my family members when I tell them to shut their pie hole and workout. LOL But for people I'm not related to, I try to be a little less blunt. :laugh: I do still tell it straight, though. Generally, I tell them about a woman I worked with in Atlanta. She came into the gym for the first time at 72 years old. She asked me to train her for a new sport she saw on television. Basically, she said she was bored since her husband died and thought that preparing for and competing in sports would help her be less bored. My thought at the time was that she wanted to try shuffleboard or something gentle on older bodies. Nope, she wanted to be a body builder. Yes, I said Body Builder! By 78 years old, she won her first competition. So, I tell my potential clients who complain of being too old that there is no such thing as too old until you're dead.

leslisa

Tell you can't play tennis alone, get her a racket from the thrift store and guilt her into going. What the heck, why not? It's cardio for you, too. And if she says she's too old for it tell her good, that means you'll get to win more (if you 2 are competitive). :laugh:

blonde71

If 32 is old, then I MUST be ancient at 40!

Seriously, if I thought I was too old, I wouldn't haven't gotten off my out-of-shape butt and starting lifting weights at the ripe old age of 39.

Age is just a number - nothing more, nothing less.

fionarama

don't lecture her. Its frustrating but what she really means (and she is probably well aware of this ) is I don't feel like doing this. Which is her perogative. she dosn't have to if she doesnt want to.
its would be good if she did want to though.

fionarama

don't lecture her. Its frustrating but what she really means (and she is probably well aware of this ) is I don't feel like doing this. Which is her perogative. she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.
its would be good if she did want to though.

YepLilly

If she's been smoking for that long, I would say that feeling "too old" is not really related to her age, but to her decreased lung capacity.

10acity

Show her through actions, actions speaks louder than words. I'm doing that to my older sister too. Telling them subtly what I do, share my workouts on social network that they can see, and now, my older sis who's 4 years older than me, and I'm 42, has caught on. All the best in helping your sister.

I agree with this. I would also continue to ask her to do active things with you, even if she does complain (I used to be the complainer and can tell you it's more about feelings of inadequacy and disappointment in oneself than it is about not wanting to do it). When you're playing tennis (or whatever), say things to her like "I really enjoy doing this with you, and I hope we can continue to enjoy it for years to come" etc., driving home the point that you really just love her and want her around for a long time.

SmexAppeal

Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice! My sister used to play 5 sports in high school and was def a jock! She always says she wants to quit smoking, but just doesn't. I used to smoke, maybe it was only for a couple years but I was like, wtf am I doing?? I want to help her in any way I can.

Thank you so much for this 10acity!! Above all else, its not about playing tennis with her, its about the fact that I love her and want her to be around to hang with me for years to come

I agree with this. I would also continue to ask her to do active things with you, even if she does complain (I used to be the complainer and can tell you it's more about feelings of inadequacy and disappointment in oneself than it is about not wanting to do it). When you're playing tennis (or whatever), say things to her like "I really enjoy doing this with you, and I hope we can continue to enjoy it for years to come" etc., driving home the point that you really just love her and want her around for a long time.

MissMormie

My father is 66 and in chemo therapy after multiple surgeries in the last half year. He's now practicing for his first 10 mile race, after running for the last time while drafted in the military almost 50 years ago. 32 is not too old.

If you really want to talk to your sister about it I'd try and ask what her real reason is. I'm sure she doesn't think she's too old, but that excuse feels better than the real reason. I'm guessing she knows perfectly well that she doesn't exercise enough, and that smoking is bad for her. So no reason to preach about that.

Perhaps instead of talking to her you can continue inviting her to activities. To play tennis together, go for a hike, do cycle tour, go to spinning class or Zumba. Rather than trying to convince her with words you can hopefully make her feel better by getting active.

penrbrown

I have always been taught and I have always believed that the BEST way to show people a better way to be is simply to BE that way. Do not preach to her. Do not dictate to her. Just continue your healthy journey and share it with her in mild doses (don't PUSH it on her but every now and then share a success with her or just talk about your jog or whatever!).

I'm sure, with time, she'll look at you and say; If she can do it so can I! It'll just take her some time to process!

DavPul

I'm going to play devil's advocate and say that your sister is correct. Well, sort of. While she's not "too old", she's probably really saying that she is too out of shape. If she hasn't played in years and doesn't exercise regularly, picking up up a racket and going full bore playing a movement sport like tennis is going to be hard. She's putting herself at risk for a myriad of strains, pulls, and more serious soft tissue injuries, plus her lungs aren't working at anything close to full capacity.

Perhaps instead of having a downer conversation about how out of shape she is, maybe encourage her to come out an play with you on a regular basis. Tell her she just needs to get acclimated to the sport again and how fun it'll be to spend time with her. And yeah, do NOT make her chase balls all across the court just starting out. Do some drills, hit the ball at her, let her build up some confidence, and gradually make the matches more competitive. Once she's back into it, I bet convincing her to add some cardio or strength workouts (under the guise of making her a better tennis player) will be easy.

Think about it from her perspective. If she played 5 sports in school, she probably has a competitive nature. You're her LITTLE sister, who's *kitten* she probably fondly remembers kicking back in the day. Now you're both older, but you workout regularly and she hasn't. A person in that spot might quit your tennis match out of pure pride. Nobody wants to be humiliated by their younger sibling. Ease her back into it.

charanne52

In September I will be celebrating my 5th anniversary of being smoke-free after more than 35 years of allowing my life to literally "go up in smoke". It was tough to do but I did it and I give a lot of credit to QuitNow.com where I met wonderful and supportive people (much like here). Smoking is a horrible addiction and the thing is you must be ready to quit and sadly, many smokers just never are. I did it for my family but most of all I did it for myself. Now I am here at MFP to reclaim my "lost body" that disappeared after I quit smoking. I was constantly rewarding myself for getting rid of that horrible addiction by pretty much eating anything I could get my hands on and now I gaze in horror at this stranger I see in the mirror. But, at least I don't smoke and I am approaching this weight loss journey in much the same manner as I did when I conquered the nicotine demon.

I'm sad your sister has such a defeatist attitude - I would dearly love to reclaim those wasted years but since I can't I am determined to be fit and healthy for the remainder of my life.