This is why I joined MFP

Victoire2012

I, like many of you I assume, have tried this weight loss thing a number of times. I realize that it is more than food for me. It is a struggle linked to emotions...good or bad. I have been a member for 3 weeks and committed to making it to my goal this time. I have read so many success stories and seen tons of before and afters that prove to me it can be done. I joined for that motivation. But also to listen to you all as you share your journey...hoping to find an answer for me. How do I handle stress, celebrate, deal with anger, frustration, fun times, family gatherings without my former partner FOOD? I know how to make better choices. But those don't quiet my storm when I feel overwhelmed like I do today.

My daughter has a learning disability and has struggled through school since about the 5th grade. She had a really tough time in high school and was disheartened when she did not make into the university she wanted. So she went to a junior college and worked really hard to develop study skills and get acclimated to college life. She ended her 2 years on the Dean's List and was excited to receive an acceptance letter to that university that previously denied her.

Well that should be a good thing...but the story of course doesn't end there. She found out today that because her cumulative GPA wasn't high enough she did not qualify for the in-school grants and even with Stafford Loans she will be short $10,000 next year to cover her expenses.

Here comes the moment where I would turn to food...

I feel guilty and overwhelmed. I am a single mom who never received a nickel in child support...not to tell my whole life story. I have worked hard to give my daughter a good life and she has had the best that I had to offer. But there wasn't enough left over for a college fund. To tell the truth, I believed what everyone said...she would receive a full financial aid package b/c it was just us.

Not true...

There are options of course, like Parent Plus...we will look into that but Jeesh...that's a huge debt. Do I continue to support her in her dreams and go into debt? (Rhetorical question)

The problem for me is how to handle this real life situation without food....I just want to order take out, rent a movie on-demand and go to sleep.

I have only eaten 300 caloriestoday b/c I am afraid that I will lose it if I eat.

If anyone actually read this whole post...you are either extremely bored or a saint. Not expecting any replies...I just had to vent. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

janehen12

I don't have much advice, but I wanted to give you a huge hug and say stay strong, you can do this x

deadbeatsummer

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. It must be really tough.

If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here.

As for your intake - 300 calories a day is very very extremely low. If you, like I used to, suffer from emotional eating , you will find that restricting to such extreme levels will cause you to go mad and binge on more than you would have. You need all the strength you can to lose this weight and deal with your issues. Give yourself the right foods and enough of them.

You can do this.

pinkpolkadots25

((((HUGS))) - you can do this, mama.

Dare2BThin

No Saint and Im not particuarly bored either....But I read the whole thing...it gets better,,,the using food for comfort dwindles...take a long walk clear your head come home and EAT...and if you go over calories SO WHAT!!! Because guess what tomorrow will come and you start over!

MonkeyFlower

ahh try and stay strong - you sound like your doing an amazing job :flowerforyou: can you try and run yourself a bubble bath and watch a movie curled up with a hot drink or something that will make you feel like your comforting yourself without food - so hard to do i know but you can do it!

*edited to add you need to eat something, try and cook so healthy cofort food as being that low on cals is just going to make you feel more down and have no energy - hugs

zacksnana

I read it all and not bored! Parenting is so difficult! There is not one correct answer- everyone has to do what ultimately feels best for themselves and their children.

Best of luck!! I hope for the best for you and your daughter!

KBienn

i'm sorry to hear your struggles. it's such a shame college is so expensive these days! try your best not to turn to comfort food. maybe go outside take a walk, a few deep breaths of fresh air and have a healthy dinner. you can do this!! stay strong!

hoosier_red

Yep, that's one hell of a stressful situation. That being said, you really do need to eat some more right now, because 300 calories ain't enough for this time of day, and I'll bet your blood sugar is low and is having a lousy effect on your mood. Go have whatever you have on hand that's healthy -- an apple, some nuts, tuna, whatever.

Secondly, you might want to take a look at the following websites and see if there are any grants or scholarships that your daughter is eligible for:

http://www.studentgrants.org/
http://www.grants.gov/
http://studentaid.ed.gov/PORTALSWebApp/students/english/index.jsp
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

I'm sure other posters will have other links for you, as well. Good luck to both you and your daughter -- you've both made some remarkable achievements, and you should be proud of yourselves!

DaBossLady24

No Saint and Im not particuarly bored either....But I read the whole thing...it gets better,,,the using food for comfort dwindles...take a long walk clear your head come home and EAT...and if you go over calories SO WHAT!!! Because guess what tomorrow will come and you start over!

I was literally about to say something extremely similar to this. This is your time to show yourself that food doesn't deserve the power that you give to it. I'm so sorry for all that you are going through and I definitely hope that some form of a miracle happens soon for both you and your daughter.

If you need someone to vent to or just need ideas for food, you can add me as a friend. I have ears (I guess eyes because I'm reading... beyond the point though) and recipes that will always be offered to anyone seeking them.

Stay strong. :flowerforyou:

angelicarubi

You can do this:D EAT if you go over your calories today so what??!?!?! everyone has those days but what you do tomorrow is what counts! I am sure you will get back on the wagon tomorrow and if you are anything like me eating whatever you want for one day will make you sick and you wont want to do it again.

hanniejong

I am neither bored or a saint. I am sorry that you are going through all this stress, but like the others I think your 300 calories is too low. What has MFP set for your daily food intake? I think you need to eat more and eat healthy, like lots of vegetables and fruit, no soda's they are full of sugar. I love my homemade soups they are full of nutrition and fill me up.
As for your stress well venting helps and I am here if you want someone to vent to, exercise is good for stress, especially if the weather is good long walks and beneficial to your weightloss too.

HannahDiaz25

Stay strong. I'm sure your daughter knows how much you love her and how much you have sacrificed for her. Dont feel bad. My parents were not able to help me with college either, but I worked my way through it and it taught me life skills about time management, determination and money management... I never once doubted that if my parents HAD the money they would have helped me out. They were there for me emotionally and they were always so proud and so supportive... which is way more important then the money

angimac

I read it. I am not bored, and I will never EVER be accused of sainthood...

Your feelings are very real, and very valid. You already have an advantage over your past "turning to food"... you realize it, and you came here to vent. Just know that your body does need to eat. I screwed up my metabolism in a major way by not eating when I was stressed.

It isn't easy to break those habits, but it is possible.

Congratulations to your daughter for doing so well, in spite of the challenges and odds.
Congratulations to YOU for raising her to do her best, to work her butt off, and to go for what she wants!

I know it hurts to be unable to provide EVERYTHING for your child (trust me, been there... heck, I'm still there)

Please look at all the things you HAVE provided, and don't define yourself by this one thing that due to circumstances outside your control that you can't...

marsellient

You must be oh-so-proud of your daughter for what she has achieved. I have a daughter with a similar story, and I know from experience that you have been there every step of the way with her in her struggles. So many kids in a similar situation give up. So, be proud. I'm sorry that she's not qualifying for the financial assistance, and I hope she will find a way to reach her goals. Don't give up on yours either. Hugs to both of you!

Mummyadams

Not bored, nor a saint. What a great mother you are caring so much for your daughter! Well done you!
First, 300 cals is not enough, try to make healthy food choices but eat more!
From NZ so unsure about what options you have available to you in regards to support, hopefully some locals can help you with that.
Keep up the exercise, it will help clear your head and keep you energised.
Good luck - I truly hope it all works out for you xxx

bimpski

eat something healthy. that may help you stay in control.

MelHoneyRocks

There is nothing that cannot be done if you put your mind to it. Everyone has debt, big deal...if it betters her life then its worth it.
Now eat something, eat well, take a walk and know that you are not alone and YOU CAN DO THIS.
Cheering you on! :drinker:

kmjenkins

Encourage your daughter to apply for scholarships externally (www.fastweb.com), or even through www.nelnet.com, you'd be surprised just how many people want to give away free money to someone struggling to go to college. Also inquire if the school offers a Federal Perkins loan option or Federal Work Study which would allow her to work on campus and receive a paycheck that will help with school related costs.

It's always hard to deal with the curveballs life throws your way when you have no choice in what's being handed to you--but the choice you do have is how you deal with them/react to them. Try to use this time to conquer your food monster and you be the one in control. Hang in there and good luck with the school stuff.

Take care,

smwifey

I just graduated at 36 so I understand the stress of paying for college. Please understand that you are not alone, in financial worries or weight worries. I read your whole post and one thing I kept thinking........you will still have to find a way to deal with this problem whether you pig out or not. But if you do (and I understand because I am emotional eater as well) you will feel bad for it later. The problem will still be there either way. My advice...take a walk, calm down, and then figure out what you are going to do. There are many grants and loans. I would spend some time in the financial aid office before I just planned to take out loans or pay. They can be a lot of help. You CAN do this!!!!!!!!!

Dayna154

I cant tell you what to do either, but am a single parent who received little child support.
An answer will come to you and your daughter.
I would be scared in your shoes as well..
From one single mom to another.. <<hugs>>

Mummyadams

Becuase I got sick of asking my husband if I looked fat and knowing the answer anyway.

Mummyadams

oops sorry - wrong forum

maria120608

Wow you are an awesome person not to mention MOM. I don't really have anything to say that would be of any help but I just wanted you to know that someone cares and supports you. Go eat something healthy then take a walk, turn up music and dance and think of positive things. As a single Mom you have faced hard choices before and conquered them as you will this and more. Apply to every scholarship that you see you may not get them all but one or two may come through.

GasMasterFlash

It's hard when a child does things to sabotage a parent's weight loss. Sometimes, the child is jealous.

focus4fitness

I read it and I totally know how you feel. Its tough raising kids and can be really stressful and really does help in making us make lazy choices when it comes to food. Who wants to cook chicken breast when you could have take out and veg lol But at the same time, you need to remember while its hard to maintain a healthy life style it is also HARD to be fat. Being fat sucks for me and is far more stressful than having to cook a healthy meal.

My oldest graduates tomorrow and we know the woes of college funding as well. On the bright side, while 10,000 sounds huge, you might actually be able to pull it off without going into debt if she works part time during the school year and saves over the summer.

Nelliebird1430

Stay strong and believe miracles can happen, because they really can! I will keep you in my prayers that this all works out! Until then, please don't limit yourself to only 300 calories, your body will enter starvation mode, and can cause your body real damage. Feel free to add me if you'd like a buddy to talk to! :flowerforyou:

momof4ts

Im so sorry that your day went this way! Eat veggies and drink lots of water! It will fill you up and not ruin your progress! Blessings to you!

TheBigBoots

Yep, that's one hell of a stressful situation. That being said, you really do need to eat some more right now, because 300 calories ain't enough for this time of day, and I'll bet your blood sugar is low and is having a lousy effect on your mood. Go have whatever you have on hand that's healthy -- an apple, some nuts, tuna, whatever.

Secondly, you might want to take a look at the following websites and see if there are any grants or scholarships that your daughter is eligible for:

http://www.studentgrants.org/
http://www.grants.gov/
http://studentaid.ed.gov/PORTALSWebApp/students/english/index.jsp
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

I'm sure other posters will have other links for you, as well. Good luck to both you and your daughter -- you've both made some remarkable achievements, and you should be proud of yourselves!

It looks like there are also some resources out there that specifically give scholarships to children of single parents.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/226665-scholarships-for-children-of-single-parents/

This is big, difficult life stuff and I so appreciate the stress you're under. You've already blown past the biggest hurdle which is to fight it and to seek out support instead of food. I don't know about everyone else, but for me, before I started MFP, extreme stress always went hand-in-hand with this sense of extreme entitlement to eat whatever I wanted. And yet, I can honestly say, I never found any meaningful answers in food. You can totally do this. There's an answer to this problem out there somewhere.

Simone_King

I know it may be a little late but look up Dave Ramsy. It's worth a try if he can help you, and thus, help yourself save.

While he isn't going to give out money he will show you more ways to save money. It's worth a try isn't it?

Anyway, don't turn to food. It will lead to you're downfall.

Jezebel9

Sometimes a parent can feel guilty for the circumstances of life and take on a larger burden of care than is necessary. I have felt very guilty about not being able to have another child, and my son is lonely- we live in the desert, and it can be a lonely place... as a result of my guilt, go to extremes to make sure my boy is entertained.
But if I didn't try to make up for it, and I just behaved normally, I think my son would adapt and learn to be ok- alone. He goes to school, so he gets lots of time with peers.
My parents dropped me off in a college town with a Chevy Chevette and my first month's rent when I was 18... and that was all.
I did not have the opportunities that other children had. I was poor, we all were.
My life could have been very different, had my parents paved the way for me financially.
But I like how I turned out as a result of this version. 8)
I guess what I want to say to you is:
Is it possible that you are trying to make up for something out of guilt?
If your daughter does not get to go to the college she most desires, won't it be ok?

When life is trying to tell me something and I stubbornly insist that my way is the only way, I usually lose... and then come to the conclusion that I should have let go of my way a long time ago and spared myself the misery.
You are a good mom. Every life has it's trials, burdens, losses. It will be ok.
Go for a walk, take a bath, listen to music, journal about your feelings. Find the core or root of the problem, stalk it like a cat stalks a bird, and take it out.
Show your daughter how incredibly strong and resilient a woman can be.

I wish you the best.