New to the forum! I could use a little support!

tevexs

Hi! First of all, i'd like to say that i've never really had an eating problem to the point where it's become something like anorexia or bulimia, i've just been mentally struggling with my weight for years. Since this is my first post, and I feel like I have so much to say, I apologize right now if I type up a long winded essay here or lose track of where I am! Also, i'm sorry if I sound whiny, but sharing this information with a friend or family member would result in them shrugging it off because they all truly believe that I'm fine the way I am, but regardless I'm not where I envision myself to be. I'm a 20 year old guy, weighing in at 135lbs, standing at 5'8''. All of 4 years ago i was around 220, and I would really place a lot of the confidence issues i have now on how unattractive I felt and looked, and I can't recall all the times i was made fun of, even by my friends (regardless of whether they were jokes or not). After losing weight, I'm ecstatic to the fact that I can wear small sized clothing and that people even say i'm "too skinny". All the compliments and finally managing to get my first girlfriend a couple years ago has given me this horrible fear of ever going back to the way things are... Anyway, i digress that my problem is something that really has only been occurring for the past half year.

My goal has, and has always been to reduce my fat down to the point where i'm not embarrassed to be seen without a shirt, and the stubborn bits of body fat have been my source of grief. At the beginning of the year I realized that I've been closer than ever to my goal of being happy with my body composition and I decided to monitor my calorie and food quality intake more than ever. After learning so much about nutrition over the years I feel like I have the most potential control over how I eat than I ever have. Trying to get to that perfect body fat %, i've been exercising almost every day for 30-60 mins, and I kept my calorie count below 1800 as often as I could, staying to a strict diet, where I have nearly every day but one (eat-out day with the girlfriend) planned out. With all that control over food, I really have been obsessed with the concept of the food that goes in me and my exercise regiment.

I'm constantly thinking about food, mostly because I know how my body's internal hunger works and its scheduled times to feel hungry. I hate how I feel like my day is geared towards just waiting for that next meal only to be satisfied long enough to get to the next day just to repeat the cycle of eat, exercise, eat again, and sleep. And since school's been out It's really hit me that my life is unbearably monotonous. The crappy thing is that I know i'm in one of the best times of my life regarding my health, but I know to maintain the great feeling associated with being healthy I have to keep up this daily eat and exercise mind-set that drives me nuts. I'm really not an exercise nut in any way and In the past i've always had the concept to do occasional exercise and diet to gradually lose my weight, but food and calories were never the first thing i thought of. I always had some other hobby to occupy my mind, and it sucks going to a party and the first thing I look forward to is feeding myself rather than actual interaction with people.

I know that a lot of my happiness comes from being in as good of shape as i'm in now, and on top of that I want to be in even better shape! The problem is that the lifestyle to get to that goal is what's really giving me this overwhelming unhappiness. Over the summer I don't have as many options to get variety in my workouts and every day is just looking forward to meal after meal. Sometimes I even avoid hanging out with my friends and family members my age because I know that they wouldn't be eating something healthy to be in my diet range, or that if i spent that day with them that i'd be missing the timing for a meal or exercise opportunity. I'm at the point where I don't have any significant hobby to occupy my mind off of the thought of what to eat or how that food will affect my body in the long run.

*Once again, i'm sorry for such a long winded and repetitive post, but if you read any of this I just want to ask if there's anyone else out that that's tired of the dominating mind-set that it takes to strive to get that target weight and body fat down to where YOU want it to be. It feels like there's this void in my life that I've never had, and any direction I take is one that'll lead to be being unhappy.

leslisa

One, maybe check out one of my other posts on what I do to replace the food I love.

Two, I eat 6 meals a day, not 3. I'm diabetic, 3 doesn't work for me.

Three. You can only do this if you want to do this. I'm having a hard time deciding if you want to do this or no from your post.

Take care.