Life/Work/Kids/DH V exercise

wedjul05

My dilema is: I'd love to be able to work out more, like 6 days a week. But with working mon-friday, up at 6am, 2 small kids, I don't get a whole load of time to exercise.

I generally exercise after the kids go to bed, so hit the gym at 7.45pm. Spend about 1hr30mins exercising, cool down, shower, home by 9.45ish.

My DH minds the kids and alot of the time, he tells me to go. But when we have a row/discussions, he brings up the fact that I exercise alot. I go to the gym say on a monday, spin/gym for a while on a wednesday, run on a friday maybe and then I try to get out for another run over the weekend. When I go out for a run, it's only 1hr.

The gym is some ME time. I get very stresesd over the smallest things, suffer with stomach cramps/bloating as a result and the gym etc destresses me. I feel guilty going, leaving him and the kids. Guilt, guilt, guilt. I know my DH doesn't really mind me going but when he throws it back in my face..........

Oh I don't know. Sorry for the long post, was thinking about this going to bed last night as we had a sit-down adult conversation about our relationship last night. Fertility treatment, 2 kids back to back (our DD was a surprise baby when our DS was 4.5months old), stress of having 2 small kids, life etc.....our marriage has taken some real knocks over the past 5 years.

chowells78

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice but wanted to say hi as we have a lot in common, I have 3 children and like you I to fell pregnant with a surprise baby when my second was only 4 months old so I know how tough it is. I also work mon-fri and struggle to fit the exercise in. I've sent you a friend request hope you don't mind.

denisebme

I think there are some things that you need to do for you, and getting healthy is one of them.
I've been married for a long time, my husband and I raised 6 kids, it doesn't matter if its 2 kids or 10, its a strain when you have have a lot of other things going on.
Both you and your husband need "ME" time, and it should be non-negotiable, and no one should be upset, or using it as a weapon for an argument.
When our kids were young, my husband and I would argue on occasion, especially if there was a lot of other stress in our life. I learned that he was never really upset because I was leaving him with the kids for an hour here or there, even if thats what he said he was upset about. Normally, what he was really upset about was that we weren't spending enough time together doing things as a couple.
It's a tough balancing act for women, but you're doing great.

wedjul05

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice but wanted to say hi as we have a lot in common, I have 3 children and like you I to fell pregnant with a surprise baby when my second was only 4 months old so I know how tough it is. I also work mon-fri and struggle to fit the exercise in. I've sent you a friend request hope you don't mind.

Hey there, no problem. Hope we can support each other!

wedjul05

I learned that he was never really upset because I was leaving him with the kids for an hour here or there, even if thats what he said he was upset about. Normally, what he was really upset about was that we weren't spending enough time together doing things as a couple.
It's a tough balancing act for women, but you're doing great.

This is soooooo true. I know he is just upset over the lack of time we spend together. He goes for a walk with a friend on a tuesday and he might hit the gym on a thursday/friday evening so we both exercise, just me more.

We are taking this coming monday/tuesday off and we are going for lunch somewhere nice and spending some time together. It's hard to balance it all and find a good happy medium.

thanks for the replies.

ATLMel

If evenings aren't working, getting up a couple hours early would. then you have all kinds of quality time after the kiddos go to bed.

Staying fit is extremely important and should take precedence. But I always try to schedule it so it has the least impact possible on my partner and our life.

wedjul05

If evenings aren't working, getting up a couple hours early would. then you have all kinds of quality time after the kiddos go to bed.

Staying fit is extremely important and should take precedence. But I always try to schedule it so it has the least impact possible on my partner and our life.

Getting up a few hrs early means 4am for me. I'm up at 6am for work anyway. No gym here in Ireland opens before 6am and I mostly work out in the gym. I would if I could, trust me!!!

seekingstrengthX2

Agree with another poster. Can u exercise at 5am afew days? I do that so that i have more time with my family.

seekingstrengthX2

Just saw your response to the other poster. How about running outdoors at 5? Or getting some equipment to use at home? Does your gym have childcare?

wedjul05

As I said above, I exercise mostly in the gym. My running is put on hold for a little while as I'm having glute muscle issues so I mostly go to the gym to do low impact cardio and my weights. Spin class also on a wednesday.

Our 2 kids can wake at 6am and I feel gulty then leaving my DH to look after them at the weekend morning also. See.....more guilt??!!!!!!:laugh:

wedjul05

Just saw your response to the other poster. How about running outdoors at 5? Or getting some equipment to use at home? Does your gym have childcare?

Oh sorry, our posts overlapped.

We are renting a house and tbh, houses in Ireland don't have a basement like other countries and rooms are small hence 0 space for equipment. DIfferent story if I won the euromillions however!! THen I would have a mega gym at home.

No my gym doesn't have childcare, not many in Ireland do.

Oh ye and my gym doesn't open til 8.30am at the weekends and we usually spend sat morning food shopping etc. I think I should ditch sleep altogether.Gyms should be open 24-7 like some supermarkets here. Life would be wayyyyyyyy more productive IMO!

nauticaboo

I am a single Mom, with no ex in the picture, so I have my DD 24/7. Plus, she was also a product of fertility treatments, so I didn't want to be one of those Moms who worked all day, did my own thing afterwards, and not have time to do anything with DD. I found that by rushing to go get her every day, it left me cranky, short of patience, burnt out, and irritable. I HAD to strike a balance. What I do now is, leave her at Daycare almost until closing time on MWF, so that I can get about 45 min - 1 hour of gym time in before picking her up. Then on the other days when I pick her up right after work, I do something short at home, like 30 Day Shred, or dance games on the XBox/Wii to get some cardio in, and then we can have some quality time. Plus, my DD is still young enough (just turned 3), that I can put her in the jogging stroller, and go for a walk/run. That way, I kill two birds with one stone (quality time and exercise time).

Could you do something similar? Maybe leave the kids where they are a little bit later, and then get your exercise out of the way? That way you could have evenings at home, without having to worry about going back out at night. Goo dluck, and I hope you find some balance!

wedjul05

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Could you do something similar? Maybe leave the kids where they are a little bit later, and then get your exercise out of the way? That way you could have evenings at home, without having to worry about going back out at night. Goo dluck, and I hope you find some balance!

I wish I could. I collect the kids from the creche at 4.30pm as my DH isn't home til 6.30pm and the kids aren't on any sleeps anymore so are wrecked from their day so they have to be in bed at 7.15ish.

I know it sounds like I am making one excuse after the other but I've thought about everything.

I love working out and keeping fit...LOVE IT!!! I just wish I could fit more in. ONe day I will be a lady of leisure and then I can exercise every day without having to watch the clock.

lynnmarie60

My husband and I have six kids and we both have scheduled exercise. He does hockey certain days and times during the week (we have a big calendar that marks everything down for all to see) and I do Zumba twice a week on certain days and times and in between we take 45-60 mins at home to exercise in our workout room (basement filled with equipment) while the other takes the kids over for that time,; if we can fit it in, we take it day by day. Most of the time, we switch at home, one night I give the kids baths while he exercises and by time they are all finished with baths he can help dress them and then the next bath night he gives the bath while I exercise downstairs and then I help get them ready for bed. This works out wonderful for us.

We use to be at each other throats to and I use to feel guility as well but with the scheduled times that is decided upon by BOTH of us, it really eases ALL that guilt and stress and the other doesn't feel overwhelmed with the kids because they know they have their time to.

If your husband doesn't exercise or is physically involved in sports, maybe he would like to do something else while you watch the kids a couple days a week, compromise and work together so your both happy because if your not happy then the kids aren't happy.

TinkrBelz

And this is why I did not exercise for a few years. We were having kids (we now have 6) and with all of their activities and such, I felt guilty leaving at night to work out....so I did not.

Had 6th child at 39 and could really tell that my body had changed and I was losing muscle tone. So, I talked to DH (who works out 6 days a week and always has) that I needed to join a gym. Now at times, I feel badly when I am leaving everyone (I am now the Zumba teacher at the gym and I have some classes at 9pm) but, I give my family 23 hours a day, so it is OK for me to have 1 hour to take care of myself.

Maybe you cul cut your workout down to one hour and shower at home. That way you are only gone for 1 hour 15-30 minutes instead of 2 hours. Sure, if you shower at home you are not "with him" but for him, you are home...and that might be good enough.

It is difficult to balance everything, I do hope that you two can figure out what works best for both of you.

Glovesave3373

I understand completely about being to busy my wife and I were just talking about that last night as well. I play hockey 2 nights a week and bowl 1 night a week during the fall/winter and spring. Meanwhile she only gets to play soccer once a week and maybe get out for a run or zumba class one other night a week. We too have two little ones, 2 and 6 months and we both use our sports and working out to relax and as a stress release.
Now here is the tricky part... my wife is not fat like me, but she is great in that she has joined MFP with me to help catalogue her eating habits because she too has a stomach issue. At the same time she supports me on MFP in my goal to lose weight and I support her in eating the foods her stomach can tolerat. Together we make food that is good healthy meals and try to keep going.

My suggestion to you is try to get your DH to join MFP and maybe he will understand a little more about why you need to go to the gym. My thoughts yesterday were, at what point does going to the gym become selfish to your family, but because you go to the gym you are becoming healthier for your family and setting a good example especially for the little ones who watch and learn from everything you do.

Keep on keeping on and you will be fine... and if you can't get to the gym, maybe you could get your DH to help and do some partner assisted exercises like sit-ups or push-ups or maybe grab the Wii and play some Wii games after the kids go to bed. Make it fun and maybe your DH will want to share in your MFP and fitness journy.

REMIND YOUR DH... WORKING OUT KEEPS YOU FIT AND AROUND LONGER TO SPEND WITH HIM/HER AND THE KIDS!!!!

reaolliemama

Sure, if you shower at home you are not "with him" but for him, you are home...and that might be good enough.

Hey that might be part your answer...do shower with him!!!

wedjul05

True LOL. We are in a rental house at the min and the shower is mankey and small. One day I will have that double shower to die for! I love my showers anyway

sarahcuddle

I have two children and finding time to exercise is really difficult sometimes. Can you do some active things together as a family eg country walks/jogs (pushing a buggy if need be) , swimming when you can alternate looking after the kids with a few laps. Things like zumba or wii fit with the kids at home. I know all these things are a compromise and not a proper workout but they would take some of the pressure off your other half. Even my 4 year old can go on quite long hikes now in the countryside and I've always taken them from being babies. You just need the right equipment like a carrying rucksack for a toddler etc.

Hope this helps

Sarah

twinmum1982

Hi i have that problem too as i like to exercise out of the house 3 times a week , i work 4 nights so my husband spends alot of the time with the 5 kids, so we make sure he gets some him time too (he likes the pub lol not so keen on exercising) does your dh get any him time? I also make sure we get couple time as well when kids r in bed as i feel this is important to, so you get the communication and no one feels left out or like a single parent, you just need to find what suits both of you and fits into your life sometimes easier said than done i know lol.

impyimpyaj

I post this on the forums a lot, because it's awesome. The concept is that if you have a minute here, a minute there (enough time to play Angry Birds, in other words), you have time to work out.

http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/03/10/angry-birds-workout-plan/

ladylemoncurd

He's not babysitting some kids you know - they're his too! I know all about the guilt though and next time he chucks it back in your face I'd tell him to jog on. Seriously. All that passive aggressive nonsense has no place in a healthy marriage but I do understand how you forget who you are when you have kids. Confidence goes along with your figure sometimes. It's important though that you are healthy and the more you do it, the more used to it he will get and the more able you will be to ignore any silly comments from him.

Its your time, to be you. Don't let anyone spoil that.

chowells78

How old are the children? would you be able to get them into exercise too? things you can do as a family like walking, hiking, swimming, tennis etc.

Cleo200

Hey,

I'm in the same boat as you except my OH thinks I do "nothing" all day (We have a 14 year old, 3 year Old and 16 month old)

I only go to the gym where he is left with the kids (they are already settled and in bed by 7) one eve a week, the other 2 days I tend to leave the kids in the gym creche for an hour, or take the buggy with the youngest for a 8-10k walk during his nap time,and he still complains!

I think men quite simply are much less complex than us females, give them an extra bit of attention and love and they wont feel that youre abandoning them for your "obsession" with the gym. (well its supposedly an "obsession" for me anyway!)

Ive sent you a friend request, mainly as I see you're a fellow Paddy but also because we both have busy family lives and likely have the same daily stresses and we can hopefully offer each other support on our journey to health!!

Take care

Cliodhna

Teresava77

Hi,

I'm a single mum of 4 and have also been through the blackmail from my ex over babysitting when we were together. If you can involve him and the kids a bit more you might have a bit more wriggle room to not need to go out on the nights when it's hard to leave them. I'm not saying don't go out - far from it! It's good for you to have time alone, it makes you calmer and happier which is good for him and your children. Don't forget he benefits from you looking good and being healthy too. A few ideas that work for me:

Cycle as a family, not sure how old your kids are - if they are little get bike seats. Make it a day out with a picnic on a sunday. Quality family time and you get your exercise.

Hire a badminton or tennis court as a family. Even my 4 yr old loves this and has done for a couple of years. Spend some time teaching the kids and then sit them on the edge with a drink or snack and play with your partner or go with a friend and their kids. My leisure centre does cheap courts for families one night a week and during school hols.which is fab.

Swimming. Go as a family and play together but give each other an agreed amount of time (depending on age and stamina of kids) to go and do lengths. you both get the same treatment and its family fun kids of all ages love.

Dance with the kids at home all the time, fab workout and happy kids.

Roller or ice skate with the kids. Most ice rinks have skates and push alongs for kids from about 2.

Long walks in the countryside.

Find a big indoor play centre and get in there with the kids.

SEX!!!!!

Errr - trampoline if you have the space? Now thats a big workout opportunity.

Hope that gives you a couple of starting ideas - adapt them to suit your life and interests. If your partner isn't interested team up with another mum.

Teresa

Teresava77

Oh one more thought - do you get a lunch break you could use?

NoAdditives

An hour and a half of exercising is probably too much. You don't need to spend that much time at the gym. It's likely that you're over-training.

fitpilatesqueen

As I said above, I exercise mostly in the gym. My running is put on hold for a little while as I'm having glute muscle issues so I mostly go to the gym to do low impact cardio and my weights. Spin class also on a wednesday.

Our 2 kids can wake at 6am and I feel gulty then leaving my DH to look after them at the weekend morning also. See.....more guilt??!!!!!!:laugh:

Sorry to hear what you are going through.
What about getting a babysitter and you and your husband go to the gym together? That way you would do something together it could strangthen your relationship....just an idea.
Good luck, I hope you two can work things through.

77tes

It doesn't sound like you are making excuses. You are ticking off the reasons why a suggestion won't work. I certainly didn't figure it out. I did ZERO exercise when my kids were little and still felt torn in a zillion directions. My daughter does a little running at home. She doesn't have a treadmill or anything; she just puts on her sneakers and jogs in front of a favorite DVD for 20 min, and she lives in a small apartment. Good luck figuring it out! Good for you for making this a priority!

wedjul05

How old are the children? would you be able to get them into exercise too? things you can do as a family like walking, hiking, swimming, tennis etc.

The kids are 2+half and 3+half. We most certainly could get them more involved in sports, there is heaps more to do in our current neighbourhood than our old one. Another good reason why we had to move.

wedjul05

Oh one more thought - do you get a lunch break you could use?

No, 30mins is it. Shame as I know alot of people workout during their lunch.