Social Networking: Don't Overshare

ronadams52

Social Networking: Don't Overshare
The reasons why we don't worry about Facebook privacy--and spill the nitty-gritty details of our lives
By Fernanda Moore, Photography By Jorge Colombo

If you've been on Facebook for more than three years, you might remember the good old days when you logged on simply to see if your roommate did something cool over the weekend. Back when status updates simply kept everyone, you know, up to date. "At first, updates were a more efficient way of sharing the normal stuff you'd talk about with friends—and really, only your friends were reading them," says media expert Steven Johnson, author of the best seller Everything Bad Is Good for You: How Today's Popular Culture Is Actually Making Us Smarter.

But then our "friend" networks mushroomed, and suddenly our news feeds were logjammed with the banal hourly banter of people we hardly knew—and they weren't just posting for their friends, but for an audience. "Paradoxically, as people's social networks have grown, they have become less cautious and more brazen," says Johnson, adding, "I think it's the shy crowd that is finding the most gleeful freedom posting on Facebook. They can say anything, stuff they've never dared talk about before! It's quite a thrill."

Behold: the birth of the Facebook overshare.
Danah Boyd, Ph.D., a social media researcher at Microsoft Research and fellow at Harvard's Berkman Center for Internet & Society, takes Johnson's theory a step further. In her mind, updates don't just broadcast information—they project your identity. "This is the digital street, where the goal is to see and be seen," she says. "People want to be noticed, even among their friends. Getting noticed is hard. So they use different tactics, most of which are well known to middle schoolers. There's the gross-out approach, the slut approach, the I'm-cooler- than-thou approach, and the help-me approach."

And that's not all. Read on as we quote actual status updates, with experts' views on what motivates these outrageous, embarrassing, and just plain perplexing TMI offerings.

The Oh, Shut Up-date

Megan* loves it when her paragraphs sing.
Jonathan is THRILLED by Time Out's favorable review of his club gig! (link)
Susan My kid just gets cuter...and cuter...and cuter every day!

Posting exciting news is one thing. You finished grad school? Got engaged? Won the Super Bowl? Good for you. Posting in a way that makes people want to throttle you is another.

Clearly, these folks take the "status" part of updating too seriously. Parents are often the worst—crowing incessantly about their unremarkable offspring and posting photo after photo. "Face-to-face, people tend to be more humble," Johnson says. "But Facebook validates indiscriminate boasting. You never see people rolling their eyes or recoiling from you in horror, and sometimes they even write 'Congratulations!' So there's a feedback loop effectively encouraging everyone to unleash their inner braggart."


The Ewwwdate

Anna My rash is better, but still oozing.
Josie Flu, day 3: Vomiting gone, but have the runs instead. And now Jack is throwing up.

Maybe these people think they're witty. (Potty humor never goes out of style, right?) Says Johnson: "One of my sons, when he was an infant, was a projectile pooper." (Thanks for sharing!) "If Facebook had existed back then, I would have rushed to post about it. Sometimes you just need to vent." Still, updates about bodily functions are TMI. You want to look away, but it's too late.

Actually, Ewwwpdaters may simply be upping their own antes. If no one comments on posts about your garden, then go for the gross-out! "The urge for attention turns ordinary folks into shock jocks," says Julie Albright, Ph.D., a sociologist at the University of Southern California. "The more revolting your updates, the more people will notice you."


The Schutupdate

Jacqueline is putty in the hands of a man who brings her coffee in bed.
Melissa just loves morning sex.

Oh, she does, does she? Well, goody for her. Some people aren't getting any, and they really don't want to hear about other people's awesome rolls in the hay! And if it's, say, a coworker's post, we really don't want the image stuck in our heads. "Way back when, you'd have this intimate conversation with your closest friend...maybe," Johnson says. "But bragging about your sex life to hundreds of people shows that people's boundaries have become ridiculously eroded." Albright thinks it's simpler than that. "Look, sex sells," she says. "It's the most basic attention-seeking device there is. Describing their sexual antics online makes people feel twice as desirable—live, in front of a virtual audience!"


The Don't Save the (Up)Date

Alexandra Hey, girlfriend! Want to share a room?
Charlie I land on Friday— will be great to catch up! Can't wait to see you!

Now this is what Facebook is for—networking between friends! Except...Alexandra's friend wasn't invited to J's wedding, and Charlie just pissed off everyone he hasn't made plans to visit while he's in town. "This is an unfortunate side effect of communicating in a public forum," Johnson says. "It used to be harder to find out you were being snubbed."

Facebook is supposed to be an inclusive environment, but this kind of oversharing—which, really, is a violation of common etiquette—makes people feel excluded. If you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, remember that even in cyberspace, it's important to mind your manners.


The Just Suck It Up-Date

Candice 'Tis a sad, sad day when one realizes she doesn't mean a thing to anyone.
Joe Wish I could just disappear. Just the fact I exist has always hurt people.

"Rather than burdening a friend, some people leave a note out there hoping that someone somewhere will help them," Boyd says. OK, so maybe post a "Hey, cheer up!"-date. But if you're the sad updater and you're not really desperate, tone it down. "I know this great guy whose posts always say things like 'I'm completely incompetent and a bloody idiot,' " Johnson says. "The more he insists he's pathetic, the more I believe it." So unless you want your status updates to actually lower your status, stop whining.

The I Screwed Up-Date

Sara I'm so sorry. I have excuses. Weepy sleeplessness = complete penance.
Bill Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me. I can't believe I said what I said. Forgive me?

To err is human. To apologize in public, when no one else has the faintest idea what you're talking about, is bizarre. Why the showy display of emotion? "There used to be the occasional guy who proposed to his girlfriend on the JumboTron at a baseball game," Johnson says. "He needed thousands of strangers to witness his intimate moment, to legitimize it. Those people used to make up a very small segment of the population. But now? It seems like they're half the world."


The I Chewed Up-Date

Christine is eating toast.
Christine just made ramen.
Christine has linguine with clam sauce—yum!

What's with the people who constantly post about food? The rest of us ate toast today too, but we fought the urge to shout it from the rooftops. Let's call them DCPs—digestive-compulsive posters—and leave it at that. "If you think about it," muses Albright, "dining is a social activity. The social significance of eating together goes back to our earliest roots, right?

"So if someone is at home alone, eating ramen she made for herself," Albright says, "posting on Facebook lets her break bread, virtually, with a community she apparently lacks." Says Johnson: "Aw, it's harmless. Just think, some people are still excited about this use of Facebook—saying 'Finally! I can tell everyone what kind of cereal I had...in real time!'"


The Re-Up-Date

Samantha is on the plane!
Samantha is landing!
Samantha Here comes my suitcase!

Overposters—those whose constant stream of drivel sends sensible people lunging for the "hide" button on their news feed—compulsively chronicle their every move and alter their profile pictures, relationship status, and so on. Sheesh. It makes you wonder what they did all day before Facebook existed. Don't these people have friends?

*Names have been changed.


Read more at Women's Health: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/facebook-status?page=3#ixzz1xDX3NZN1