Non supportive friends

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fairbanksmommy
fairbanksmommy Posts: 36 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok, so I have tried this weight loss thing on and off for years now..Those people in my life that I expect the most support from seem to be the ones giving me 'excuses' or tell me I am being to hard on myself. For example, I have heard, 'well honey you have HAD 4 children. Nobody looks thin after having 4 kids.'....'Well Jen, you are under an enormous amount of stress, it's hard to lose weight that way.'.....'C'mon, order a pizza with me!'....'Let's get Chinese!'.....'Oh shush.....you can eat that!'...Does anyone else have these problems? How do you deal with it without causing a tiff between you and those friends??
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  • wolftrax
    wolftrax Posts: 50
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    Dealing with food pushers is something we have to learn when we adopt this lifestyle...We all deal with it differently..I lost 15% of my BW years ago and many "friends" tried to sabotage my program..STICK with your guns...you may find that being firm and laying it on the line about your determination will win the day in the long run..Nobody offers me a dessert at their home any more..I spoiled too many by taking one bite and leaving the rest on the plate...

    Stay strong..
  • BrightEyesx3
    BrightEyesx3 Posts: 335
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    I know how you feel! I keep telling everyone I know I want to lose weight and they always look at me and say "What for? You look fine the way you are", but in reality I don't. I've been really self conscious all my life and when I started working out and ignoring what people said I felt better about myself. If you want to work out then go for it! As hard as it is to listen to them say things like that to you, don't let it get to you. If you are determined to lose the weight, then it will be easy. And for food wise, you can still anything you want, you just have to remember portions are everything! If you go out to a restaurant, when you get your meal immediately split it in half so one half you eat there and the other half you take home for later. Doing that helps a lot. And as for my friends, I have no problem with them because its what I want to do, and eventually they started to support me. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • LAWoman79
    LAWoman79 Posts: 348 Member
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    I've become great at saying no. :)
  • mrsjs140
    mrsjs140 Posts: 15
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    YES! -and I think in order to survive it you just stick to your guns and ignore them. I don't think people realize sometimes what they are actually saying. Just say "no, but thank you."
  • labtracks
    labtracks Posts: 108 Member
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    I think in an odd way they think they are saying the right things to you by providing you some excuses. Are these bigger friends? I hate to ask that, but they are probably comfortable with the relationship you've had with them in the past and if you start to buckle down and get serious about eating healthy and being healthy and leave them in the dust you make them uncomfortable about themselves... that's on them, not you.
    I try to not make a big deal out of it, but stick to my guns knowing what I want for me. I plan ahead or politely make alternate arrangements. Like I go somewhere and they say they have ordered pizzas to watch the game I'll say I'm not in the mood for pizza and order something healthy from someplace else or quick run out to grab a healthy option for me and try not to say any more about it. Not emphasize that I can't eat that or I'm trying to cut back on pizza/fatty food... then they feel like you are judging their choice as bad or unhealthy (which it is), but to maintain the friendship and stop the comments I downplay as much as possible and just do my own thing.
    As sad as it may be, some people may not be so happy when you start to lose weight, they may tell you they are, but you're success emphasizes their insecurities/laziness/unhealthy habits or whatever other struggles they have going on within themselves. If they are real friends they will be genuine and stay your friends. :)
  • Marmitegeoff
    Marmitegeoff Posts: 373 Member
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    YES! -and I think in order to survive it you just stick to your guns and ignore them. I don't think people realize sometimes what they are actually saying. Just say "no, but thank you."

    Thank you for asking it makes me feel good to say NO.
  • Tashia_HH
    Tashia_HH Posts: 99 Member
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    Honestly, I don't tell people I'm losing weight. If people offer my things, I just say, no thanks and I'm good.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Maybe that's the kind of support they would appreciate, and therefore that's how they behave toward you.

    If your friends aren't giving you the kick in the pants that you desire, do it yourself.
  • rmartin72
    rmartin72 Posts: 1,094 Member
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    I've become great at saying no. :)

    I honestly agree, I really need to start today saying no.

    BUMP
  • JustAnotherAmateurVoiceActress
    JustAnotherAmateurVoiceActress Posts: 18
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    I have this issue with friends and family from time to time. It sucks; they make me feel as if I am "obligated" to remain a "thick and beautiful woman", and it makes me kind of upset knowing that they'd rather feel comfortable knowing I'd stay thick and pudgy and have health issues, as opposed to healthier and more fit. Just to note, being a thick woman isn't horrible or bad, but seriously, it's all about health, and according to my doctor, being a thick woman isn't healthy for me.

    Sorry for the rant; do your best to stick to your goals and try to make it clear to them about how you need their support. Wishing you the best! :)
  • Just_Dot
    Just_Dot Posts: 2,289 Member
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    Read this...

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Just_Dot?month=201111
  • VenomousDuck
    VenomousDuck Posts: 206
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    Well, as for the kids thing, trophywifesass has had 5 kids. yeah. so, don't buy that line.

    You have to say no. set a goal for yourself, then work to meet it. I signed up for a triathlon in august. I have to lose for that. that is my target. Makes saying no much easier.
  • harleygaljojo
    harleygaljojo Posts: 111 Member
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    We eat out almost everyday, on the way to the restuarant I pull up mfp on my iphone and look at that restuarant to see what they
    have that I can eat. Or if we decide where we are going before we leave home I just look it up before we leave. If all else fails you
    can always order salad with no cheese and no crouton and light dressing on the side and either a small steak or grilled chicken breast. That way you are eating out with them and still staying legal. I go to chinese all the time, I love crab angles I order these off the appitizer and can eat the whole serving, you will be surprised how few calories they have. I always leave the most calories for
    the evening that way I can enjoy dinner with my family without any hassle. Good luck with the sabatoges and stay strong. We have
    an old saying in the South. Don't let the turkeys bring you down. Best of luck with your journey
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    If I want it, I eat it. But, in much smaller portions. If pizza is involved, I try to fill up on salad before having a slice.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    First I gave birth to 6 kids and you can see what I look like in my avatar

    Second, stick up for yourself. Remember you are the one changing, they are not.They do not understand and they don't have to.
  • tracyjoys
    tracyjoys Posts: 69 Member
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    I believe that your desire to lose weight puts "them" out of their comfort zone, and keeping things the same just makes them more comfortable. Change is hard, especially when you have no control over it - lol!

    People here have given great suggestions; figure out which feels best for you and go with it!

    I generally keep my mouth zipped when I'm in weight-loss mode; only my closest, trusted friends know. The easiest thing for me to do when going out is to make the suggestion about where we're going - I always pick a place I know that has something I am willing to eat. That way everyone can select what they want, and I know I'm "safe" as well.

    Or invite your friends over for a healthy meal at your house, if you're comfortable with that. Then you have 100% control and have a chance to put your new lifestyle into action and entertain at the same time!

    I also like inviting my friends to go for a walk or hike with me - some fun outdoor activity instead of centering our social time around food.

    "No thank you, I'm good" followed by a smile is definitely a powerful response.

    Best of luck to you!
  • MacInCali
    MacInCali Posts: 1,044 Member
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    No one can sabotage you, but you.
    If you really want it bad enough, the only support you need is your own desire to change.
    While it's definitely a harder road to travel solo, I'm proof it can be done.
    When you're truly ready to commit, the lack of support will be a welcome challenge, not an obstacle. :flowerforyou:
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    My grandmother used to say that no one will tell you to wash your face so you look better than they do.
  • RadioactivePirate
    RadioactivePirate Posts: 212
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    We're ALL soaking in diet culture, even those of us who aren't dieting or trying to lose weight. Everything in the media says we're supposed to feel guilt if we indulge, and your friends are probably reacting to that guilt. I would say that their efforts to get you to eat unhealthy things aren't about trying to hurt you or sabotage your efforts, but they're a form of self-defense. They want to eat something and not feel guilty about it, which is understandable, and having somebody in front of them saying essentially "oh no that's so unhealthy I can't even eat a little of it!" is probably making them feel guilty for wanting it themselves.

    If this is the case, I'd say the best way to deal with it is to avoid the situation as much as possible. Don't mention the healthiness of whatever it is or say you can't eat it, but go with other tactics as much as possible. Suggest other options without bringing up the relative healthiness of the food, like "omg I've been craving (insert restaurant with healthy options here) for days, can we do that?" Just say "no thanks, I'm good" without further explanation if you don't want to eat something. Or simply hang out with them in more non-food-related ways.

    It's not like your friends are being deliberately mean (and if they are, why are they your friends??) so a little care on your part may go a long way in preserving the friendships. Keep in mind that this is a new thing for you, so they are maybe a little unsure about the changes in your behavior and attitude and how that will translate into your relationship with them. Some people DO start eating healthy and losing weight and then start subtly criticizing or judging the people around them for not doing the same, and that's probably what they're afraid of. After you go for a while and they realize that though you may be losing weight, you're still not judging them and their choices, the problem likely will go away.
  • fairbanksmommy
    fairbanksmommy Posts: 36 Member
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    Yes, they are 'bigger' friends. So that makes perfect sense actually. I have tried to get them to join me and get healthier, but i get excuses. And my boyfriend isn't really active either. I have tried to get him to join me in taking the kids out on activities instead of sitting in the house, but that seems to be all he wants to do. Sit in the house and play video games or computer games. It drives me nuts!! I feel like they are all holding me back in some form or another. And I NEED the support and motivation!

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