Porn!

Trail_Addict

Gotta love when someone drags their significant other's dirty little secrets into a public forum. :laugh:

melissam226

not saying anything is ur fault by any means...so dont take it as such (disclaimer complete)....

send him some pics of u if u dont already. nothing brightens my day like seeing something my wife bought and is now showing me...new bra, panties, 8" heels....whatever. u got to kinda think similiar to him and what "gets" him. sometimes a routine gets boring and then some fantisize about stuff....

see what the pics do...might kick start him...if not, have a talking with him.


....something i told my wife...women want romance, men want sexiness.
she gets flowers, cards, candy....i gets pics...i win.

I have definitely texted him a pic or two before and sometimes he doesn't say ANYTHING and then deletes them and one time he texted me back a pic of him shirtless.

So last night I did take a few very pornstar like pics and put him on his hard drive and told him to look when he gets the chance. We shall see if it just jump starts him to looking at more porn or he comes finds me...

jjscholar

You need to talk to your boyfriend about your needs...

FitBunnyEm

first things first..so see if he minds u watchin loads of porn with men with big huge C@*ks...thats what i would do..

stephyy4632

hmm Something is defently up with him its not you.

I have been married for 7years now and with my hubby for almost 11years and He has never not even once said no when I was in the mood ( he is also 6years older than I am). We do watch porn mostly together but I have seen him watching it and normaly it turns me on seeing him watching so I take advantage of that time (blush). Your guy saying no sends up red flags in my head something is up with him.

ScottyNoHotty

2-3 times a week?? and you're complaining??

screweyduck

there seems to be a lot of emphasis on sex in your relationship, maybe this in itself is having an impact on him and making become somewhat defensive, you should probably have a sit down and see how the other feels, sorry but you both seem to have an unnatural obsession with sex.

neverstray

That Nofap stuff is epic.

If a guy is choosing porn over real intimacy, there's probably a problem. It's a fine line though. Not every guy that watches porn has a problem. But, I think that many do. I've seen before where it wasn't the porn, but the relationship, but the porn was blamed. It's very hard to tell the difference. The bottom line is that there is a problem somewhere. The only way you can resolve this with him is if he is willing to open up and talk to you about it. If not, then there might be deeper underlying issues and you might have to make a decision.

Some good friends of mine struggled with this for years. The ultimate outcome was that he would not put the porn away. They even sought out professional help several times. So, she left him. He chose porn over a real relationship. It's a shame that it controls so many men in that way.

The Nofap rule has been around before the Internet. But, porn wasn't as pervasive as it is now.

ok miss, I am gonna link you to something that will change both of your lives

google:
reddit.com and search under the subreddit NOFAP.

It is an addiction that stems its way into several problems in his mind. I know because I was going through the same thing. The trick is <and this is the really really hard part> is to not *kitten* and to stop looking at porn. It's going to drive him crazy when he starts, but after a few weeks of withdrawls, the brain starts to rewire itself. When it fiinshes rewireing itself then it begins curing itself of the addiction.

Its a two way streak though, you have to support him in his journey (I am sure you will) and communicate with him. Let him know that it is something you want to work out with him and that it would help both of you. Dont attack him and tell him to stop with it, approach him in a helpful way and watch the studies and videos about it found on that subreddit about addiction to porn and how it affects the body. Once he learns about it, he may want to try work it out with you.

You can always message me with any other questions you have, but its best to check out that subreddit first to get an idea of what it is about.

I've been thgrough that road before and it was no fun. I'm still going through it, but there is a huge difference in my life (sorry if that is TMI) but it really is an addiction. Once you're snapped out of it, its completely liberating. (And my girlfriend doesnt mind it either). She was really supportive of me and helped me along through it. We've been together for 6 years, she was always there with me helping me out with this since it became a problem recently.

So to recap:

Go to www.reddit.com
Search subreddit: NOFAP
Check video reports on addiction to porn to get an idea
Talk to boyfriend and talk to him about what you learned, and show him the video. Watch it together, go through it together.
Support him from the porn withdrawls that will follow
Reap benefits after a few weeks of rehabilitation with some crazy bedroom fun.

reminder: you can message me with any questions you have.

good luck!

bwmiller1

He's got a problem. If you're making the effort and he still CHOOSES to look at it, then something's up. Guys don't turn down the pudding like that. You seem very lovely and no offence but your pics are beautiful. Verdict: He's an idiot.

OnlyICanDoIt

Maybe your not giving him what he needs? What sort of porn is he looking at? Talk with him some more and say if he's not gonna give you it , then you'll find it else where lol. That might sort the problem.

I was thinking along the lines of this. Maybe his 'kinks' are different than yours and he's found a way to seek them out. I would look to see if the porn has a theme behind them.

I would definitely tell him that you love him, but you are feeling hurt and WHY DON'T WE HAVE SEX ANYMORE! Give him an ultimatum.

AND please don't mess with your body, you will regret it!

dhill95

Hey there
I am an MFT intern and work with individuals and couples who struggle with this issue all the time. Porn is an issue that continues to grow. It is getting to be more of a problem all the time. I work with people who struggle with this. It is not about you or sex; it is about intimacy though. This is not something that breast implants or losing weight will improve.
Check out http://lifestarnetwork.com/ to see if there are groups near you.
Good luck.
David
www.roubicekandthacker.com
www.lifestarcentralvalley.com
www.mypersonal-transformation.com

grinch031

It requires less work on his part.

bm99

Sex is a lot of work. It only takes a couple minutes to rub one out. Unless he's taking his sweet time with the porno, I think he's just lazy and probably not addicted. Try being less maintenance sexually if you know what I mean, get on top, skip foreplay, get off quicker (or with less work on his part).

HephaestusInTraining

With so many similar conclusions placing blame on your guy in a manner that seems scornful, can't help but post a few alternative ideas. Please excuse me if I missed anything in your original post or in the thread itself.

1) Are you certain that all he looks at is girls with big boobs? Is he into something kinkier and uncomfortable sharing with you? Hey, even guys can be shy. I don't buy into the notion that guys will just jump for sex at any moment. Maybe when the relationship is new, but guys are ultimately no different than girls – arouse the brain!

2) Is he suffering from performance anxiety triggered by stress? It doesn't need to be major, it can just be be routine annoyances from even small things – depends on the person. Or perhaps he's out of shape, which makes him less able to perform, but also very aware that his performance is sub-par to the bar he's set for himself.

3) Have you been having other problems lately that may unintentionally cause him to be stressed (and therefor not interested) when he's with you. What about foreplay in the bed, did things go poorly many times which lead to him seeking pleasures elsewhere (and led to point #4)

4) Do you think it's possible that he's just in a routine (both in cycle and action) and not really aware of the consequences on you; rather than the dreaded “addiction” (it could be, but I think labeling it that will make him defensive and probably sends a panic feeling when it's heard).

5) Maybe the talks aren't as useful to him and they are to you, or perhaps the conversations downplay your need and his part in it. We should all be open to communication (a lot!) but sometimes we can just be all talk and good intentions with no action behind it, which leads me to....!

6) Preemptive strike his butt! Try to shake it up and be spontaneous. When he's in the room while you are showering and freshened up a bit, leave the water on and sneak out to his room so he doesn't know you've left. When you see him, kiss him near the ear and then without a word – go down on him. Try waking him up in the mornings with a special kiss – if you catch my drift. The point is to try and strengthen the connection of pleasure to you and use that. Don't just let him finish off, make it a tempting game, etc. etc. Obviously, don't make it too one-sided.

Not ruling out the other commentators ideas, but I wanted to give the guy a fighting chance in case he's not the sexual scallywag this thread is making him sound like. Best of luck!

P.S. And for what it's worth, I don't think you need to alter your appearance to "fix" things. Beautiful look about you.

neverstray

Sex is a lot of work. It only takes a couple minutes to rub one out.

I agree with this statement. Sometimes, it's very simple.

kayemme

It's getting to the point where it's affecting my self-esteem and I'm thinking about getting breast implants in addition to losing weight to maybe make him want me a little more instead of porn all the time.

It sounds like maybe your self-esteem is already compromised. There's nothing you can do to "make him want you". But that doesn't mean that he doesn't want you, you know?

Just talk with him sincerely about your feelings.

nas24

Someone said porn, so i showed up. Look, i dont have a problem with it. My only thing is, if im home, i can help you out with "that" , and you wont need porn. Hell the fact that he doesn't hide it from you, is a good thing. At least he is honest. My hubby is honest about how much he watches, and we watch it together, most of the time by my request. But my only rule is, if im home, and you "need" something. I'm here, lets do this. lol

Skeels

I think if i was in this situation id get my video camera out n make my own porn movie with him

This

GasMasterFlash

Check his text messages.

glowbuggy

suggest to watch it with him...

leomom72

i dont have this problem with my hubby, luckily, but i am interested in reading the comments..bump for later..good luck tho:flowerforyou:

GasMasterFlash

Is that the perv, in your profile pics?

Capt_Apollo

I bet yelling at him and snooping around his computer helps though. keep doing that.

saxmaniac

Porn is like booze, it's only a problem when it becomes a problem. Some people can handle it, and some can't. (Some women think occasional use is "cheating", which is stupid as calling a person who has one glass of wine a month an alcoholic.)

However, if you are feeling deprived, and he is turning to it more than you, then to me that indicates it is becoming a problem. It does you no good to blame each other - you both need to own up to your own contributions to it.

If you're a couple you should rarely, if ever, turn each other down - if you want a relationship to last. I've been going on 20 years and we still go daily.

lizzybethclaire

I think if i was in this situation id get my video camera out n make my own porn movie with him

This

Wow, really? why do so many guys say this? If you make a porn tape and it falls into the wrong hands what happens then? What about naughty pics? same issue there too. Making porn yourself isn't really going to help if he is already saying no to sex.

infamousmk

Have you tried doing things to spice up your intimate times? Role playing, dirty talk, dressing up, keeping the lights on (or turning them off!), sexting, cooking in the nude...


I know I get bored with the same thing over and over and over. I need variety or I need some internet porn.

chamilton911

Whatever you do... do NOT change yourself for him. It ISN'T you because addictions to porn is just like an addiction to anything else. Thats why they have AA type classes for PORN.... you are beautiful and PERFECT the way you are. You start changing yourself for him, you will be MISERABLE! It won't make him want you more. He is addicted to porn..... he will continue to be addicted to porn unless he gets help. Talk to him, lay it all down for him... tell him you don't appreciate it and its making you feel like crap.. and if he doesn't get the help he needs and start putting you above porn, then you will have to start making your own decisions..... YOU always come first girl... don't put up with that!

Annette_rose

My ex had an addiction, and he is still working on getting help for it. It ruined our relationship, to put things in a nutshell.

What you need to know is that porn has nothing to do with sex. It is addicting. It can be used to stimulate oneself of course, but it is not sex, nor ever will be. Feeding the addiction has nothing to do with whether or not you are attractive, beautiful or sexy. It is just like someone wanting another cigarette.

You do not need bigger boobs. Perhaps you should read some of the studies done on men who look at porn a lot. They actually lose their sex drive over time and it takes more to get them going. They eventually cannot be with a real woman at all because the fantasy and stimulant becomes as necessary as food to feel normal.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/07/7-warning-signs-you-might-have-a-porn-problem/

http://sydney.edu.au/news/84.html?newsstoryid=9176

https://www.facebook.com/PornHarms

I am with her ^^^ on this. My ex was addicted to porn too. He had gotten counseling for it and said he had gone as far as he could go in it. It was a big problem in his previous marriage also. His was more what he called the "soft porn", Playboy magazine and looking up nude or half clothed women on the internet. Not sure what advice to ever give on this because some men are overly attracted to it, some lightly, and some not at all. And, it is not just a man thing as more women are getting hooked on it too. I mean, if it works for the couple, that is great but it is hard when one wants to look all the time and the other feels kind of rejected.

xiala

He needs to stop. If he doesn't stop, he needs to go.

WifeNMama

My ex had an addiction, and he is still working on getting help for it. It ruined our relationship, to put things in a nutshell.

What you need to know is that porn has nothing to do with sex. It is addicting. It can be used to stimulate oneself of course, but it is not sex, nor ever will be. Feeding the addiction has nothing to do with whether or not you are attractive, beautiful or sexy. It is just like someone wanting another cigarette.

You do not need bigger boobs. Perhaps you should read some of the studies done on men who look at porn a lot. They actually lose their sex drive over time and it takes more to get them going. They eventually cannot be with a real woman at all because the fantasy and stimulant becomes as necessary as food to feel normal.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/07/7-warning-signs-you-might-have-a-porn-problem/

http://sydney.edu.au/news/84.html?newsstoryid=9176

https://www.facebook.com/PornHarms

Pretty much this. I don't want you to answer more online than you're comfortable with, so just answer this to yourself, does he have problems during sex with you? Premature ejaculation, trouble getting and maintaining an erection, even inability or difficulty with reaching climax are all signs that he may need some professional counselling and basically retrain his body to respond to an actual physical encounter with a woman's body, rather than fantasy and self stimulation. Unfortunately, it can only work if that is the problem, he admits there is a problem, and is willing to seek help, which he could find pretty humiliating.