Porn!

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245

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  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    dont you just LOVE first world drama.
  • kevinwk
    kevinwk Posts: 77
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    Ummm, there's definitely a problem here. If you don't turn down his advances and pretty much are open to sex and he still doesn't take you up on it? That's a problem. It's one thing for us guys to have the visual stimuli, but I would never turn down the real thing. You definitely need to have a talk about it, but not immediately after you catch him or after sex. It has to be at a time where defenses don't have to go right up. Pornography should never get in the way of a real relationship.
  • scaredofcoasters
    scaredofcoasters Posts: 90 Member
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    Spiritwarrior: Seriously? 3 months? I've dated for almost 4 years, and while I've done some intimate things with my girlfriend, I haven't had sex. And it was my choice, too. While I do *kitten* from time to time (wow, getting very TMI in this post!), I usually only do it when my body feels it's necessary to do that. Then again, I will admit to being a lot more feminine in my brain, and a lot of times, things like sex and even *kitten* bother me on a physical level. My brain and body don't connect entirely, so there are psychological issues there. But I've seen this all over the place. You have to calm down, get to know each other, and actually have a relationship. 3 months is not enough time to build one.

    As for the OP, it might be an addiction, it might just be a comfort issue. Sometimes people can be self-conscious about sex, whether it's about themselves, or their performance, or especially if their partner is comfortable with them. While you may say you enjoy it, he might not believe it because of his own insecurities, whatever they may be. With either of those options, it requires you two to sit down, even if it requires a sex or relationship therapist, and talk about it. You don't need implants, you don't need to dress sexy or buy anything new, like a toy or lingerie. You have to talk to him about it like an actual person.
  • shady1987dre
    shady1987dre Posts: 186 Member
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Al90C4GhW4
  • shady1987dre
    shady1987dre Posts: 186 Member
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    This one is more funny

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgyiM22aUZw
  • shady1987dre
    shady1987dre Posts: 186 Member
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    Last funny one

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Iu8JbtSLnk&feature=bf_prev&list=ULf0k--hmwGnE
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    All these people were helpful. Take their advice.

    My advice - He needs a swift kick to the balls and a loooooong and very uncomfortable conversation.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    lol to be honest sometimes i watched some just to stimulate my test before working out. It has been proven by science that it does improve performance in exercise but only to watch.

    Some how, thats hot. I'm glad I don't know that guys do that before going to the gym/
  • melissam226
    melissam226 Posts: 59
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    Thank you, everyone!

    I know he has a problem and I HAVE tried to talk about. He either changes the subject or gets so frustrated and silent it's pointless trying to go on. I've sent him links and tried doing it when his defenses are down and we're just hanging out but it doesn't work. He just won't admit it's an issue.

    And to be fair, we started having more sex after the last big talk. We were going a week sometimes two with him not wanting to and now at least it's only a few days in between.

    I am trying not to be the crazy girlfriend but being rejected when you touch a guy and he turns away with an excuse and you're in lingerie, it builds up until you feel crazy--and yes, to the posters who said to spice things up, I spent a ridic amount of money on sexy bustiers and corsets and thigh highs--they worked a few times but not every time. Plus, I don't want to have to do that every time. I work 40 hours a week and study every day--sometimes a girl just wants to hit it and go to sleep!

    I also tried watching porn with him and we did have sex after but I'm PRETTY sure he looked at porn by himself RIGHT AFTER when I went to sleep. So I'm not sure if that worked or not...

    Hearing you guys though is making me feel less crazy so thank you thank you thank you!

    I'll eventually get those boobs and I'll do it with or without him. And when I do feel fab about myself and my body maybe I won't need him to be as hot for me as he should get but until then, I think I'll try and talk to him about it again. Tonight.

    Wish me luck!

    And PS, I need way more motivating friends so y'all feel free to add me!
  • 152dbs
    152dbs Posts: 116 Member
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    not saying anything is ur fault by any means...so dont take it as such (disclaimer complete)....

    send him some pics of u if u dont already. nothing brightens my day like seeing something my wife bought and is now showing me...new bra, panties, 8" heels....whatever. u got to kinda think similiar to him and what "gets" him. sometimes a routine gets boring and then some fantisize about stuff....

    see what the pics do...might kick start him...if not, have a talking with him.


    ....something i told my wife...women want romance, men want sexiness.
    she gets flowers, cards, candy....i gets pics...i win. :)
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,350 Member
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    Gotta love when someone drags their significant other's dirty little secrets into a public forum. :laugh:
  • melissam226
    melissam226 Posts: 59
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    not saying anything is ur fault by any means...so dont take it as such (disclaimer complete)....

    send him some pics of u if u dont already. nothing brightens my day like seeing something my wife bought and is now showing me...new bra, panties, 8" heels....whatever. u got to kinda think similiar to him and what "gets" him. sometimes a routine gets boring and then some fantisize about stuff....

    see what the pics do...might kick start him...if not, have a talking with him.


    ....something i told my wife...women want romance, men want sexiness.
    she gets flowers, cards, candy....i gets pics...i win. :)

    I have definitely texted him a pic or two before and sometimes he doesn't say ANYTHING and then deletes them and one time he texted me back a pic of him shirtless.

    So last night I did take a few very pornstar like pics and put him on his hard drive and told him to look when he gets the chance. We shall see if it just jump starts him to looking at more porn or he comes finds me...
  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
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    You need to talk to your boyfriend about your needs...
  • FitBunnyEm
    FitBunnyEm Posts: 320
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    first things first..so see if he minds u watchin loads of porn with men with big huge C@*ks...thats what i would do..
  • stephyy4632
    stephyy4632 Posts: 947 Member
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    hmm Something is defently up with him its not you.

    I have been married for 7years now and with my hubby for almost 11years and He has never not even once said no when I was in the mood ( he is also 6years older than I am). We do watch porn mostly together but I have seen him watching it and normaly it turns me on seeing him watching so I take advantage of that time (blush). Your guy saying no sends up red flags in my head something is up with him.
  • ScottyNoHotty
    ScottyNoHotty Posts: 1,955 Member
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    2-3 times a week?? and you're complaining??
  • screweyduck
    screweyduck Posts: 6 Member
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    there seems to be a lot of emphasis on sex in your relationship, maybe this in itself is having an impact on him and making become somewhat defensive, you should probably have a sit down and see how the other feels, sorry but you both seem to have an unnatural obsession with sex.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    That Nofap stuff is epic.

    If a guy is choosing porn over real intimacy, there's probably a problem. It's a fine line though. Not every guy that watches porn has a problem. But, I think that many do. I've seen before where it wasn't the porn, but the relationship, but the porn was blamed. It's very hard to tell the difference. The bottom line is that there is a problem somewhere. The only way you can resolve this with him is if he is willing to open up and talk to you about it. If not, then there might be deeper underlying issues and you might have to make a decision.

    Some good friends of mine struggled with this for years. The ultimate outcome was that he would not put the porn away. They even sought out professional help several times. So, she left him. He chose porn over a real relationship. It's a shame that it controls so many men in that way.

    The Nofap rule has been around before the Internet. But, porn wasn't as pervasive as it is now.
    ok miss, I am gonna link you to something that will change both of your lives

    google:
    reddit.com and search under the subreddit NOFAP.

    It is an addiction that stems its way into several problems in his mind. I know because I was going through the same thing. The trick is <and this is the really really hard part> is to not *kitten* and to stop looking at porn. It's going to drive him crazy when he starts, but after a few weeks of withdrawls, the brain starts to rewire itself. When it fiinshes rewireing itself then it begins curing itself of the addiction.

    Its a two way streak though, you have to support him in his journey (I am sure you will) and communicate with him. Let him know that it is something you want to work out with him and that it would help both of you. Dont attack him and tell him to stop with it, approach him in a helpful way and watch the studies and videos about it found on that subreddit about addiction to porn and how it affects the body. Once he learns about it, he may want to try work it out with you.

    You can always message me with any other questions you have, but its best to check out that subreddit first to get an idea of what it is about.

    I've been thgrough that road before and it was no fun. I'm still going through it, but there is a huge difference in my life (sorry if that is TMI) but it really is an addiction. Once you're snapped out of it, its completely liberating. (And my girlfriend doesnt mind it either). She was really supportive of me and helped me along through it. We've been together for 6 years, she was always there with me helping me out with this since it became a problem recently.

    So to recap:

    Go to www.reddit.com
    Search subreddit: NOFAP
    Check video reports on addiction to porn to get an idea
    Talk to boyfriend and talk to him about what you learned, and show him the video. Watch it together, go through it together.
    Support him from the porn withdrawls that will follow
    Reap benefits after a few weeks of rehabilitation with some crazy bedroom fun.

    reminder: you can message me with any questions you have.

    good luck!
  • bwmiller1
    bwmiller1 Posts: 98
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    He's got a problem. If you're making the effort and he still CHOOSES to look at it, then something's up. Guys don't turn down the pudding like that. You seem very lovely and no offence but your pics are beautiful. Verdict: He's an idiot.
  • OnlyICanDoIt
    OnlyICanDoIt Posts: 31 Member
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    Maybe your not giving him what he needs? What sort of porn is he looking at? Talk with him some more and say if he's not gonna give you it , then you'll find it else where lol. That might sort the problem.

    I was thinking along the lines of this. Maybe his 'kinks' are different than yours and he's found a way to seek them out. I would look to see if the porn has a theme behind them.

    I would definitely tell him that you love him, but you are feeling hurt and WHY DON'T WE HAVE SEX ANYMORE! Give him an ultimatum.

    AND please don't mess with your body, you will regret it!

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