hateful words

lucy0326

Recently I had family visit from my home town one of them being my aunt/godmother who has always been really supportive of me no matter what in the past, telling me that my weight didnt matter and then this week she said some really hurtful things and I really just need to get it off my chest. I just graduated last month and received my A.A in criminal justice I asked her to coe to the ceremony and everything went great this week when I saw her she actually said " did you know you were the fattest girl in the ceremony that day? They say black is suppose to slim you down but that black cap & gown only made you look bigger!" The whole time she was smiling while she kept on to say "sometimes I feel like my weight is out of control but then I look at you and I see that I'm not that bad!" I've lost about 15lbs since I started but this just makes me feel like ****. when she heard me telling my uncle I was working out she asked me why I even bothered if I was never going to be a size two I don't want to be a size two but I don't want to be size 28 either I've been trying not to let it get to me but its just so messed up to have the one person who always encouraged me to say those things. I tell myself that its doesn't matter but then I wonder if I'll ever really be able to lose more than 20lbs, is she right? I know she's not but add the fact that I haven't lost a single pound in Weeks really gets to me I don't know what to do anymore.

Claire594

I obviously don't know u or ur aunt but its strange that someone who was so supportive of u previously has suddenly turned. All i can think of is that she cud be jealous that u are losing weight and is trying to sabotage you. She may not even realise she is doing it. I would talk to her and say how hurtful she has been and ask for her support again. It sounds like she is not happy with her weight either so maybe losing weight is something you could do together.

Be proud of all your achievements and hang in there. Stress can hinder weightloss which may be why the scales haven't moved. If u need some supportive friends feel free to add me.

dizzydi1968

"sometimes I feel like my weight is out of control but then I look at you and I see that I'm not that bad!"

This is the most important part of your post. This lady was 'supportive' when you were larger because it made her feel better about her issues.

You are now doing something about it and this scares her, she may have to actually face the fact that she has a problem.

I have encountered a lot of this along the way, now I am close to my goal I get lots of 'dont be going too far' and 'dont get too skinny' when what they actually mean is 'DONT GET SKINNIER THAN ME'.

Stick to your calorie allowance and exercise often, this will work and you will feel better.

Incidently I also have a degree in criminal justice. I work as a probation officer and I absolutely love it. What do you plan to do with yours?

lornaheron

It sounds like she could be envious of you. Your doing things with your life, doing well towards your career. Now your taking control of your weight. Don't let anyone's nasty comments stay with you, it's those people that have issues. Some people get a kick out of hurtful remarks, for a while it makes them feel good. Your doing amazing, and don't let any one tell you anything less.
You can lots of support on here. Feel free to add me.

GymAnJuice

ah babe thats awful, i wander in some twisted way she may feel she's encouraging you? some people feel insecure when you lose weight/change, it questions their place with you (if that makes sense). Hon your a beautiful lady, you can totally do this, the weight will come off, i always think the slower it comes off the more chance i have of keeping it off - that always helps me. we'r here for you, hopefully you don't live near that lady and won't have to see her for some time and when your ready you may feel like approaching her and telling her those words were really hurtful. best of luck with this journey :flowerforyou:

abencase

Oh Lucy I am so sorry =( We all have those people in our lives at some point or another. I know it adds an extra sting that 1. Its someone you deeply care for and 2. Has usually been so supportive. What you can't do (easier said than done I know) is let it get to you. What you have to do is keep pushing forward. You can do this Lucy. Just remind yourself why you want a lifestyle change and that you want to be healthier. You have hundreds of people on this site just like you who want to support you and who believe in you! Prove her wrong!!! She is not right!! It does matter!! You matter!! You are so strong in just taking the first few steps. They are the hardest. You can and will achieve your goals. Don't let anyone get in the way of that! Stay strong!!

Qskim

I am so sorry... I can't begin to imagine where your aunts head is at.

Use this to motivate u....I hav a family member who ignored my first weight loss effort n never commented when ev one else did so I knew it was noticeable...had a baby... N started again n one of my goals was to get to a point that she could no longer ignore it n I had that bfore Christmas n it was so satisfying. These family members r the type of people who think one pound over is fat and she called ME skinny!!! I'm not but big diff to how I was.

So do the same... N wen u finally have your aunts attention cos u lost weight, give her a big hug n say "thank you.. U r one of the reason y I got to this point" n remind her of wat she said.

Don't give up...use everything to stoke that fire in your belly so u can keep going. Don't hang on to it but turn it around.

AbzRocks

Wow, it sounds like she is getting dementia!!!!!

peles_fire

First off, you need someone to give you a hug! Consider yourself bear-hugged sweetie!

And now for the rest...

You are in a similar situation as me. We both have a ways to go before we will get there. But you are 20 pounds down and well on your way. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You need to talk to your aunt and tell her how much her comments hurt you. You need to communicate to her that if she cannot say something supportive to you, she needs to keep her mouth shut and her hurtful, negative comments to herself. Be sure to tell her that you have always counted on her for support and encouragement in the past and that it is particularly hurtful that she is being so outspoken, negative and critical now.

Now, you need to listen up 'cause this is the important part: If you want it (you do) and you are willing to do the work to get there (you are), you will get there. It's not about the size on your dress tag. It is about being the healthiest YOU that you can be. Regardless of what anyone else says, you must believe in yourself. You must believe that you will reach your goals. If you can graduate with an AA (congrats by the way) and you can lose 20 pounds, then you can do it. There are going to be times when no matter what you do, that damned scale is not going to budge. Sometimes we can't see the changes that are taking place in our bodies. Those times when your metabolism is changing, when your muscles are building, when it just isn't that obvious or changing in the way you want it to. They are difficult and they can be frustrating but you need to take a deep breath, remind yourself of why you started this journey in the first place, and persevere!

If you have reached a plateau, then so some thread searching here for tips on how to break it. Check your food intake, are you eating too much or not enough? If you haven't recalculated your calorie needs based on your current loss, then do so. If you need to change your workout regime a little to jump start the weight loss maybe now is the time to try that exercise that you have been thinking about. If you are not exercising and have lost the weight just with calorie control, then it's time to kick it up a notch. There are steps you can take, and once you take them, you just have to be patient and give it time. I know it is hard - we live in a society that really values instant gratification. You won't get there overnight, but honey you will get there.

Keep your chin up! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
If your aunt can't support you, talk to someone who can, and will, encourage and support you. And feel free to add me as a friend - I'll be glad to cheer you on!

onedayillbeamilf

What a sh*tty thing for her to say!

gastankerdriver

So sorry to hear that. Maybe she has an alterior motive. Maybe she was jealous. Maybe, in some sick, twisted way, she was trying to motivate you. It angers me to hear the way she treated you. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. The bottom line is that we all need to be around good, positive and supportive people. Tearing someone down doesn't accomplish anything except resentment and bad feelings as your OP indicates. I think you should be proud of your accomplishment, your education and how much weight you have lost. Hang in there. You are doing just fine. Keep up the good work and try to avoid negative people. Life is to precious and short.

LozzieWebb

Recently I had family visit from my home town one of them being my aunt/godmother who has always been really supportive of me no matter what in the past, telling me that my weight didnt matter and then this week she said some really hurtful things and I really just need to get it off my chest. I just graduated last month and received my A.A in criminal justice I asked her to coe to the ceremony and everything went great this week when I saw her she actually said " did you know you were the fattest girl in the ceremony that day? They say black is suppose to slim you down but that black cap & gown only made you look bigger!" The whole time she was smiling while she kept on to say "sometimes I feel like my weight is out of control but then I look at you and I see that I'm not that bad!" I've lost about 15lbs since I started but this just makes me feel like ****. when she heard me telling my uncle I was working out she asked me why I even bothered if I was never going to be a size two I don't want to be a size two but I don't want to be size 28 either I've been trying not to let it get to me but its just so messed up to have the one person who always encouraged me to say those things. I tell myself that its doesn't matter but then I wonder if I'll ever really be able to lose more than 20lbs, is she right? I know she's not but add the fact that I haven't lost a single pound in Weeks really gets to me I don't know what to do anymore.

Hi Lucy

I'm making a few assumptions here - so please forgive me if I'm a bit far off the mark...

It sounds to me like your Aunt's insecurities are surfacing. Perhaps she felt comfortable with the fact that you were as big (bigger?) as she was/is? If she's seen that in the past you haven't made any headway into shedding your pounds/keeping them off, then she would be happy that she wouldn't be the 'biggest' in the family.

However, if she hadn't seen you for a while, at this family get together she would have noticed that 15lbs had disappeared from you - which would have been a shock! She would realise that you have finally got your head into gear and are serious about getting fit and healthy - particularly as you are also working out! Her world will have changed - the constant, that was you, is changing and she will either have to stand still and be the 'biggest' or try and lose weight herself, which if her head isn't in the right place will be a non-starter.

All you need to worry about is you. You CAN lose more than 20 lbs - you can lose as much weight as you need to, or want to. You've done a fantastic job so far! Don't let this little hiccup put you of. It's your goal, no-one else's. Prepare to live your dream!

Good Luck and big hugs are being sent your way x x x x

Sunlight2011

Hope I'm not talking out of turn but possibly jealous as you're making progress. I think ther's so much to each individual and what makes us unique and one if those things is our weight and how it makes others perceive us. If this starts to change I think some people become a little insecure and become worried about how your relationship will change. If yours is based on her support of you and you lose weight (which you are and will continue to do) she may be worried you won't need her as much. She wasn't giving constructive criticism but just being cruel. Just a thought.

lucy0326

Hi dizzydi1968

I actually want to work as a probation officer in the future. I want to start working within the criminal justice field but since I dont have much experience other than fast food, its pretty hard for me to find something right now. Any words of advice?

lucy0326

Thank you to everyone who gave me such great support through this hard time.

Ready2Rock206

Sounds like maybe your aunt has some issues of her own going on. Either her own insecurities or I'd vote for dementia as someone else mentioned! How awful. Great job on your loss and getting your degree! I have a bachelors in law & justice - basically criminal justice w/some law stuff thrown in. Good luck getting a probation officer job! I always thought that sounded like a really interesting job.

FearTheFool

Sweetheart, even if you manage to loose "only" 20lbs (Way to go on the 15 by the way!) you are STILL 20lbs lighter then you were at the start. That's why I failed last time, I was down to my lowest weight I can remember at 200lbs; about 20lbs down. For me it still wasn't low enough so I gave up and went back to the sweets and cakes and nasty stuff that wasn't any good for me. I regained and more and now I feel even worse then I did. This time round it's about a full change, and about not giving up if the going gets hard, and remembering that ANYTHING down from where I was will feel better.