Question for everyone who just settles.

Chocoholic72

For me it was a combination of being lazy, lack of motivation and probably throw some depression in there from my 4 miscarriages. I gained weight from being pregnant and then a few more pounds each time from the sadness that I endured (aka my comfort food). So a few pounds here and there, I am now 30 lbs over. Now we have decided to no longer try for another child and I am focusing on myself, because I know that my self esteem is not going to get any better unless I DO something about it. If I don't take control now, then this whole scenario will continue to spiral out of control. I have lost about 4-5 lbs so far. It is a start.

SueD66

This is so weird as i just had this talk with myself, no no not out loud;)- and thought what the heck am i doing? why am i not giving it the best that i can. I am so worth it and what do i have to lose right? Right! with that said i have been there thinking i have such a long way to go, i'm to old for things to change and be/look better. Screw that, sorry for the language, but really? I know that if i get off my butt and do something for me i will be better for those other that i care about or for the ones i have not met yet.
Yep great question thanks for asking!
Now get off your butts and do something are you with me????

gemiwing

Because what looks like settling to you might not feel like settling to me.

Some people want to spend time with their kids more than their trainer. Some people want to improve their golf game rather than their macro levels. Some people want to run a marathon instead of eat mac and cheese. None of these are invalid.

redcat17

Yeah, I don't know. I guess it depends on personalities and priorities. Me, I'm kind of an over-achiever. I don't mean that I work out like a fiend every day, because I don't. But I do like the challenge of seeing how strong and fit I can be. Of course, I want to be healthier which at my age should be the priority, but that isn't as fun as lifting heavier or getting my interval speeds higher.

UpEarly

How do you define settling?

I'm at a healthy weight. (5'9" - 140 lbs) I can hike fifteen miles of rough, steep mountain terrain without stopping. I feel strong and fit and energetic. I have a good, balanced training schedule. I eat a widely varied diet of mostly healthy but also indulgent foods.

However, I could start trail running instead of hiking - it's more intense. I could choose to strive for longer distances, maybe 25 miles a day - it would improve my endurance. I could work really hard on my diet and training regime so I could have six-pack abs and totally ripped arms/legs.

I choose NOT to strive for these things because achieving them would take away from my quality of life. I don't want to spend more time in the gym or working out. I don't feel the need to be any stronger, faster, leaner. I don't like the way six packs and ripped muscles look on women. I don't want to start down the path of forbidden foods or force myself to eat more protein/fewer carbs. I like what I'm eating now, and enjoying my food is important to me.

Essentially, I'm already good enough the way I am. Maintenance is really all I strive for these days.

12by311

Because what looks like settling to you might not feel like settling to me.

Some people want to spend time with their kids more than their trainer. Some people want to improve their golf game rather than their macro levels. Some people want to run a marathon instead of eat mac and cheese. None of these are invalid.

That's the way I feel. I am a full time mom, teacher, coach; I am getting my master's, we are building a house, and getting ready to try for baby number two.

I am fit. I am healthy. I run, play sports, and lift.

But I do not have the perfect body. I do not eat perfectly all the time. I do not get to fit in a hardcore workout every single day.

When I stopped beating myself up ALL the time about not being perfect or trying every second to be perfect, I became much happier.

And I think that's why I've been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle for so many years.

mfpcopine

I have wondered the same thing. I have a very dear friend who is very overweight, probably by 100 lbs. She knows she's very overweight. She thinks it's funny. She went to the doctor for a routine checkup and the doctor told her she should lose weight before it starts affecting her health. Her exact words as she was recounting the story were "As long as it's not affecting my health, I don't give a ****. I like food, and I don't like exercise. When it starts to cause me health problems, then I'll try to lose the weight, and I'll do what it takes. Until then, I don't give a **** what the scale says."

It hurts my heart when she talks like that. She knows that someday, her obesity is going to cause health problems. But she doesn't care to take action before her life is in danger. I don't understand.

Your friend is a prime example of why a degree of government intervention is necessary. Even when informed, people don't do the right thing. Unnecessary health costs related to obesity should be avoided.

rosiecotton24

For me, it was just being lazy and unmotivated- for years. I always said "I want to lose weight", "I want to be fit". But I never did anything about it. I knew what I needed to do - as I had done it before. But I just didn't.
I have finally gotten serious about it. I'm really tired of being like this. I want to be healthy. No more excuses.

mfpcopine

I started logging on this site to keep track of calories during my recovery from an injury. I have to admit that all the delusion and excuse-making are making me consider trying to get back somewhere nearer to my college weight 88 to 94. It will be hard because I'm older and while vain and health-conscious, I'm not an exercise and diet fanatic. But I am curious.

Certainly no one within a healthy range is settling.

Vi0l33t

The same could be said about anything in life though. As lil_pulp said, it's about priorities.

For example, look at the number of people who are unhappy with their jobs, their education, their relationships, etc. People just have so much time and energy to put into things that for them, certain things aren't a priority. It's a lot of work, a lot of time and sometimes a lot of money to put into something that's difficult and doesn't guarantee long-lasting results.

I'm sure most people who are overweight have tried at some point to lose the weight and have found it difficult so they've jjust given up altogether. It's difficult to do and because results are sometimes slow it's hard to stay motivated.

And this is the truth of it. It's why myself for many years just gave up trying. Some of us simply aren't in the right place in our lives to be able to devote so much effort to either improving our lives or to be able to financial support healthier habits, and or simply don't have the mental state to be able to care about such things when we deem so many other things as more important to our happiness than getting on a treadmill for hours a week when we could be enjoying our lives in other ways. Every person's situation is different. You can't always see what they are on the inside, or what they really go through daily. Motivation is hard to find when you've been kicked around by life sometimes, and sometimes there are greater obstacles to overcome in your life than fitting into a smaller pant size.

mfpcopine

I thought about quoting your post and inserting any other thing in the places where you mention exercise, health etc. but it seemed overboard.
Why don't people educate themselves more (education)
Why don't people explore the world more (travel)
Why don't people meditate more (meditation)
Why don't people give more (compassion)

In the end, it is about what we value most- and we are all different, have different priorities and ideas about health. There are only so many hours in the day.

I agree that it does come down to values, although for education and travel money helps a great deal. I just don't understand why more people don't value feeling healthy, and why it is isn't a bigger deal to them while they're gaining, as well as when they're losing. I once gained a lot of weight (for me) because of a medication. I felt awful, as if unable to control my own body.

victoria4321

How do you define settling?

I'm at a healthy weight. (5'9" - 140 lbs) I can hike fifteen miles of rough, steep mountain terrain without stopping. I feel strong and fit and energetic. I have a good, balanced training schedule. I eat a widely varied diet of mostly healthy but also indulgent foods.

However, I could start trail running instead of hiking - it's more intense. I could choose to strive for longer distances, maybe 25 miles a day - it would improve my endurance. I could work really hard on my diet and training regime so I could have six-pack abs and totally ripped arms/legs.

I choose NOT to strive for these things because achieving them would take away from my quality of life. I don't want to spend more time in the gym or working out. I don't feel the need to be any stronger, faster, leaner. I don't like the way six packs and ripped muscles look on women. I don't want to start down the path of forbidden foods or force myself to eat more protein/fewer carbs. I like what I'm eating now, and enjoying my food is important to me.

Essentially, I'm already good enough the way I am. Maintenance is really all I strive for these days.

By what you say here I wouldn't consider that settling. You've found a pretty good balance in everything and you're pretty happy it seems.

I would consider someone who knows they can be better and doesn't like where they currently are but choose to do nothing about it to be settling. The same people who are like "I look good at a size 12 and 5'2!" but a few minutes later they're uncomfortable in a bikini or in their own skin. I see someone who doesn't try to do better but isn't as happy as they can be where they are to be settling.

CharisSunny

I agree with the others - priorities.

A lot of people ask me why I don't try and lose more weight. I am at the high end of for ideal weight for my height. My answer? I'm happy here. I wanted to get that weight off to insure that I didn't follow on the same health path as my family members. After losing the weight, I've had medical tests done and they've determined that I am in excellent health. That my heart (a big issue in my family) is in excellent condition and does not show any of the early warning signs for the diseases and ailments that plague my family.

Now, I want to live life. I don't want to spend all my time at the gym. I do not want to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth. I do not want to have to evaluate every single calorie that I may consume.

Perhaps to some people it may appear that I am lazy or settling, but I do not feel that way. I am happy and content where I am and whether or not it pleases someone else is irrelevant to me. Could I be thinner? Sure. Could I be stronger? Of course. Could I be this or that? Probably, but those things aren't important or a priority to me.

We all have our own goals, wishes and desires.. If you achieve yours or are happy with yourself, is it really settling simply because someone else thinks you should be thinner, stronger, etc?

I don't think so.

Precisely.
Just because we aren't obsessing does not mean we are settling.

teeley

It's because they are lazy, and I'm not saying that to be mean. My hubby finally broke down and told me that is why he hasn't jumped onto my fitness train yet. It's also a personal choice I think. Not going to lie, I thought about stopping right now where I am. I have already achieved more than I thought I could, but I too want to see where I can go.

Lazy might be your excuse, however I love to run, I try to run 5-10km 3-4 times a week as well as strength training 3x week, my hurdles that I am trying to get over are my eatting habits. As I said in my other post, the past 6 months I thought I was done, but turns out I am not going to just settle, so I have recommited myself.

Lesley2901

If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?

I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?

Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.

***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.

Love this as it sums up how I feel about my 'journey' right now. My original goal weight was 124lbs and I am now aiming for 119lbs which is the weight I was in my 20s/30s. As my fitness and stamina improve I want to see what else I am capable of so I keep setting new goals to achieve.

_Bob_

I thought about quoting your post and inserting any other thing in the places where you mention exercise, health etc. but it seemed overboard.
Why don't people educate themselves more (education)
Why don't people explore the world more (travel)
Why don't people meditate more (meditation)
Why don't people give more (compassion)

In the end, it is about what we value most- and we are all different, have different priorities and ideas about health. There are only so many hours in the day.

I like this. life is about so many things and changing your physical health is just one part of it. I'm thinking about a lot of the teachers that I work with that are brilliant and could be very successful bu they choose to teach because that is what they love. some people are happy at different levels. I know people that will never step foot in a gym. they have an active lifestyle and are not in bad shape, but they are happy just being the way they are with no interest in the next level of fitness or running.

I'm going the other way and pushing myself so that I can enjoy a nice relaxing stroll though the tough mudder or warrior dash. I used to love that kind of stuff.

and I know that if I quit drinking I would be fit much faster, but I'm not going to because even though that would be the best way I would rather be happy and do it slow and steady and know that I can go out and enjoy myself and be fit at the same time.

did I confuse anyone as much as I confuse myself?

EMagineBeingEMazing

I am a person generally content with mediocracy. I have been reflecting on this during this journey and changing this about myself. It is, of course, how I managed to become "okay" with the weight I have gained over the last 10 years. I found, at least for myself, it is (as much as I don't like to admit it, because I am perfect, you know! lol) a defense mechanism. If I don't try, I can't fail. I can tell myself that I'm comfortable, I've done enough, I don't have any desire to "insert random activity/accomplishment" here, but if I see/hear of someone else doing it, and I get a twinge of jealousy, then deep down I really do want that, don't I? And this is true (for me) in pretty much every aspect of my life. I'm a "get by" girl. Doing just enough to be at least average. And for me, I've decided that's NOT ENOUGH!

I see many of the comments taking the defensive about the original post, but she's not saying "why don't you do what other people think you can". She's saying "why don't you do what REALLY makes you feel SUCCESSFUL, instead of JUST ENOUGH to feel better?"

EMagineBeingEMazing

I like this. life is about so many things and changing your physical health is just one part of it. I'm thinking about a lot of the teachers that I work with that are brilliant and could be very successful bu they choose to teach because that is what they love. some people are happy at different levels. I know people that will never step foot in a gym. they have an active lifestyle and are not in bad shape, but they are happy just being the way they are with no interest in the next level of fitness or running.

I'm going the other way and pushing myself so that I can enjoy a nice relaxing stroll though the tough mudder or warrior dash. I used to love that kind of stuff.

and I know that if I quit drinking I would be fit much faster, but I'm not going to because even though that would be the best way I would rather be happy and do it slow and steady and know that I can go out and enjoy myself and be fit at the same time.

did I confuse anyone as much as I confuse myself?
[/quote]


I see what you're saying. You're not giving it up for good, so you have to train your body to get better while still taking it in, otherwise, you'll just go back up. Makes sense to me!!

pamelak5

I agree that what you said could apply to anything. It's all about priorities. Sometimes, what it takes to go the extra mile would make you give up a lot from other parts of your life.

For example - I am married, have a kid, work full-time (I am an attorney), and exercise 5-6 times a week for an hour at a time. I cook 95% of my meals at home, from scratch, I spend a lot of time with my kid. I had to give up something pretty major - a "dream job" that I had for three years, that a lot of lawyers would give their left arm to have. I stepped away because I didn't have time to cook, exercise, work, etc. Someone else with different priorities might think, "I can't believe she gave up that job, why is she so lazy? If she had this opportunity to have this dream job, why didn't she just work harder and keep it?" I know for a fact that a lot of people think that, and some of them say it to my face. My response? It wasn't worth everything else i had to give up. I had to decide. I couldn't do all the things that I mentioned above. If I wanted to work out a lot, I couldn't cook or spend time with friends. When I started running, I had to stop going out with friends on weekends, because I had to work. So at the end of the day, I gave up the dream job and moved to a position where I work only 40 hours a week.

I think there is a huge difference between someone who is overweight and won't do anything to improve her health, versus
someone who is working out but refuses to hate herself because she can't lose an extra five pounds. You don't have to give up much to walk for 30 minutes a day, but you do have to give up a lot to have a chiseled, perfect body, and you can't possibly criticize someone for not prioritizing that over all else.

mfp_junkie

7 billion ways to live your life....